Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2007
All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 2007 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Widescreen plasma televisions =
View in detail seems no less crap.
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Solar experts ~
explore stars.
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
What is the capital of Samoa? =
Fetch atlas to show I am Apia.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
Eq. 1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End =
The noble epic of bandits was rated "Arr!" ;)
Eq. 1st - Scott Gardner with:
Puff the magic dragon lived by the sea =
Inhaled pot drug may have big effects!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's famous paintings of Water Lilies =
Images of a flower in actual sunlit pond, it seems.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
1. Britney Spears
2. Lindsay Lohan
3. Paris Hilton
=
1. Lady in rehab
2. Lass in therapy
3. Lost in prison
2nd - sundogg99 with:
Al Gore's rambling wail =
Global warming is real!
3rd - David Bourke with:
PM Tony Blair's resignation speech =
Phenomenal ego-trip by narcissist.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Kate Moss, a supermodel =
So, most meals are puked?
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Thomas Edward Lawrence =
War-decorated Welshman.
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Lafayette Ronald Hubbard =
Bar that dreadful baloney.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
"Come to Marlboro Country" =
Cancer, tumor or lobotomy?
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory =
The tale of candy-o-holic character.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Mount Everest in the Himalayas =
Heaven's a reality on the summit!
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
It is better to say nothing and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. =
Proved by Tony Blair (at the long, monotonous "Adieu!" monologue) that that's the bona-fide truth!
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Mary Poppins had a grand plan. She retired in San Diego U.S.A., became a classy fortuneteller specializing in toxic breath. ~
She penned an ad in a magazine, plus placed a sign by the terrace door, blaring: "Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis."
3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
It is better to say nothing and be thought stupid than to open one's mouth and to remove all lingering doubt =
Too bad no-one told tough top man President Bush. Then the absolutely genuine idiot might not start raving.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Ellie Dent with:
"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know." (US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld)
=
Hindsight is wonderful.
And know what? No one knew then, when we went, whether any WMD's were found there or not. Talks soon got tense. US knew. Others knew not. Were we wrong when keen, to ask UK to act: take on terror, undertake wars with Bush, and attack? No.
Nonsense, frankly.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know. (US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld)"
=
"What-ho, Blair! Ok?"
"Who's there?"
"War-Winner!"
"George! Ok!"
"Found any lawless nukes yet?"
"We went downtown at the weekend - found nowt."
"No nuke deterrents?"
"No."
"Underground rockets? Networks?"
"No."
"Frankenstein's monster?"
"Te he!"
"Wanna kick ass then?"
"What ... war? Wow! When?"
"The tenth?"
"Ok!"
"Thanks."
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know." (US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld)
=
Most Westerners now know that his unenlightened guesswork back then was utter twaddle. Therefore we intend not to kowtow to the headstrong old sheriff, and we announce: "There are known hawks, yet no unknown hawks; there are known wankers, yet no unknown wankers."
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
An Englishman, Reg, was out walking with a Frenchman and Welshman, when he found a lantern. He rubbed it, and out popped a genie!
"I'll give you each one wish," said the genie.
Dai said, "I'm a farmer and I want the land to be fertile in Wales."
With a blink of the genie's eye, 'BOOM'! - the Welsh land was forever made fertile.
Pierre said, "I want a wall round France so that no one can come into our precious country. With a blink of the genie's eye, 'BOOM' ! - a huge wall appeared round France.
Reg asked, "I'm very curious, tell me more about this wall."
The genie explained, "It is about two hundred metres high, forty metres thick and nothing can get in or out."
The Englishman said, "Okay. Fill it up with water".
=
Vladimir Putin, George Bush and Tony Blair were strolling along the beach together after a Heads of Power meeting, when they came across a green bottle washed up on the sand. The men picked it up and opened it, and out flew a genie!
"I am free! I am free!" cried the genie, "And, in return, I shall grant each of you a wish."
Putin sniffed, "A wish? Well, I have one main wish; I would like you to drop a giant nuclear bomb on infernal America."
"Warfare! Oh man, wild!" exclaimed Bush. "In that case, I want the same. I would like you to drop a giant nuclear bomb on infernal Russia."
"And what would you like, Tony?" asked the genie.
"What? Oh ...I'm still thinking," he answered. "Serve the other two gentlemen first."
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Below are a few favored entries from the Washington Post's Style Invitational archives, in which readers were asked to alter words by a single letter, redefining them as a result:
Fuhrenheit: The temperature in Hell.
Eruditz: A philosophy professor who can't figure out how to work the copying machine.
Fearcical: Ludicrous yet vaguely alarming. "There's a fearcical rumor we're going to invade Venezuela."
Emacidate: Go out with a fashion model.
Demoticon: A little symbol signifying bad news on an e-mail from the boss.
Unergy: A condition that strikes people on the way to work, mostly on Mondays.
Entrophy: The consequence of resting on one's laurels.
Enguish: What elocution teachers feel when they hear the president on the radio.
Fatulence: That squishing noise of thighs rubbing together.
Foresking: The best mohel in town.
Forget-me-note: A Dear John letter.
=
Let me try the unique concept, by anagramming literature:
"A Net Perp": The Boy Who Would Not Grow Up goes too far when chatting with teens online.
"Thelma": The prince of Denmark struggles with serious gender issues.
"On A Hive": Sir Walter Scott's hero proves to be no match to a ferocious swarm of annoyed bees.
"Row, Mateys!": Mark Twain's tale of one young rogue and his friend Huck Finn who lead a fierce mutiny on a hobo-slave ship.
"The Hog Farted": Mario Puzo's novel, where one pig's flatulence sets off the legendary fight between cruel mobs in the N.Y. Zoo.
"1849": The eerie story imagining Ireland as a totalitarian society, in which the famished folk are not allowed to eat the potatoes.
"Cheery In The Cart": J.D. Salinger's Holden forgets his troubled melancholy for one gleeful ride in his little wagon.
"Vitriol Stew": The Dickensian urchin regrets the request: "May I have another?"
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Clinton was the guest of an African leader who suggested that the former American president play their national game of "African Roulette."
When his sociable host mentioned that it was related to "Russian Roulette," the cocky Clinton meanly asked, "Oh, okay, but isn't this patriotic idiocy dangerous?"
"Ho-ho-ho! Believe me, I..." Before his host could finish his reply, an aide rang a bell and six very haute (and almost nude) women came out. ~
"You can pick any one of these fashionable svelte women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.
This immediately gained Clinton's attention. "What? I am to snatch any beautiful pussy?!"
He was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "But how on earth is this fellatio related to damn Russian Roulette?" the irascible former president asked.
And the gregarious African leader responded, "Alright, one of them is a cannibal."
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Desiderata
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A sonnet by Alfred Lord Tennyson
3rd - David Bourke with:
Tony Blair was visiting a primary school, when they were in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings. The teacher asked the Prime Minister if he would like to lead the discussion on the meaning of the word "tragedy".
So the illustrious Labour leader asked the class to give him an example of tragedy. One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend who lives on a farmyard is playing in the field and some tractor runs him over and kills him then that would be a tragedy".
"Actually, no," said Blair, "...that would just be an accident."
One little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff killing everybody inside would that be a tragedy, then?"
"No, I'm afraid not," explained the Prime Minister, "that's just what we would call a great loss. The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Tony searched the room.
"Look, is there not someone here who can give me an example of tragedy?"
Finally, at the back of the classroom, a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "Please sir...if the airplane carrying you and Mrs Blair was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown completely to smithereens that would be a tragedy".
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Tony Blair. "That's absolutely right. And can you please tell me why that would be a tragedy, young man?"
"Well," says the boy, "...it has to be a tragedy, because it wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either!"
=
One day Tony Blair, who was out jogging along the side of a river, accidentally fell backwards from the bank, and, alas, crashed headfirst downwards into the cold waters.
Three schoolboys playing by the river saw the accident. Without a second thought, the boys waded into the water and pulled the careless Prime Minister out of the river, soaking wet. After drying himself off and cleaning himself up, an ashamed and rather embarrassed Blair breathlessly
exclaimed to the schoolmates: "Well done, boys! Today, you saved the life of the elected Right Honourable Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland...a heroic, unselfish achievement! It's extremely important that you all get a reward...you each deserved it. You name it, and
I shall give it to you!"
"Well, I'd like some new trainers...some Nike Air Turbos," the first boy said.
"Of course. I shall go and buy them myself. In fact, allow me to present them to you in my Downing Street headquarters!" gabbled the grateful Blair.
The second boy said, excitedly, "Please Tony, I'd very much like a ticket to go on vacation in Disneyland Florida!"
"Fantastic! I shall personally hand it to you," said Mr. Blair, beaming.
"I want a wheelchair" said the third boy.
"Certainly! No problems, I shall personally get one, and...like, just a minute...you're not handicapped!", Blair exclaimed, aghast.
"Well, no...but I will be when my dad finds out that I saved you from drowning, you useless little bastard!"
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
Impotence treatment =
Men attempt erection.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A penis in shit area ~
is a pain in the arse.
3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Finding the clitoris =
Fingers toil in ditch.
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