Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2007

All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2007 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Pavarotti the Legend =
That gent lived opera.

2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley, and Hermione Granger =
Her grand story earned Rowling real monetary heap.

3rd - View with:
'Treasure Island' by Robert Louis Stevenson =
Unrest, troubles, banditry on overseas isle.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
October the thirty-first: Halloween Night =
Horrible witches threaten to fly tonight!

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Doris Lessing has won the Nobel Prize for Literature =
Top writer of best-sellers realized a shining honour.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
George W. Bush Administration =
Tedious war-mongering habits.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The late Diana, Princess of Wales and Dodi Al-Fayed =
Lady and a fellow's end; fated to die in a Paris chase.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
American General Dwight D. Eisenhower =
One leader charged the Germans in WWII.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The Italian physicist Galileo Galilei =
His telescope agility -- I'll hail it again!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
The U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom =
I see one God in one soul. No matter if Christian or Muslim.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Tim, a precocious child, once asked, "Hi there, Papa! Why are all wedding dresses white?" ~
His daddy was the great wisecracker, replied, "Household appliances come in white!"

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals =
A totally free charity - they monitor violence on pets for us.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Council tax evaluators want to charge us more if we live in a nice area. That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.

We have a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs.

Her car isn't taxed or insured, and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police do nothing.

Her bad tempered old man is famous for upsetting foreigners with his racist comments.

A local shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proved yet.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army, but are always seen out in nightclubs.

The family's odd antics are always in the papers. They are out of control.

Honestly, who'd live near Windsor Castle?

=

One hot August day, Prince Charles visited Carshalton Beeches - a suburb of London - to open an organic-sausage factory. On arrival, he looked very suave rigged out in full summer naval uniform, except ... he also wore an enormous, comical fur hat!

During a supervised tour of the site, he struggled manfully in the hot confines to both converse with and offer encouragement to the employees.

Later, the factory owner thanked him for attending. Then, with a perplexed expression, he observed, "I hope you won't mind me asking Sir, but it's very warm with our generators blasting out heat, and you are wearing ... a fur hat?"

"Well, it's by royal command!" retorted the Prince. "I phoned Mummy last night and she asked what I was doing today. When I told her I was going to visit a business premises in Carshalton Beeches, she said, "Carshalton Beeches? Wear the fox hat?"

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
"In nineteen seventy two, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.

These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.

Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune.

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team."

=

Seven years ago, a redneck republican movement was sent to Capitol Hill after a vote they didn't win fairly.

These madmen then commenced a clumsy programme of devious myth and international conflict.

Today, mocked by many, these veteran idiots can exist only to further their fortunes.

If you need a war begun or if you're momentously stupid, perhaps you can commission "The B-Team".

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Osama's Inter-Cave Memo
From: Bin Laden, Osama
Sent: Monday
To: Cavemates
Subject: The Cave

Hi guys. We've all been putting in really long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is outrageously hilarious. However, while we are fighting a very difficult jihad, we cannot forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few big concerns with that.

First of all, while it's necessary to be extremely concerned about the US Pigs murderous cruise missile, we should be even more wary about the terribly scary scorpions in the cave. Yeah, you really don't want to be stung by one of those and neither do I so we need to sweep the cave daily.

I've posted a duty sign up poster near the main cave opening.

Second, it's not often I make a damn television address but when I do,

=

I'm trying to scare the most powerful, mean and evil country on earth? That means that whenever we're busy taping a scene in the cave, please cease riding your scooters in the cave's background. Just while we're taping.

Thirdly, and it's a very touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our lovely beards. But, in essence, I need everyone to just think about hygiene, especially after cabbage soup at meals. Everyone's in this together.

Fourth item: food. I bought a bag of Cheese Twisties recently with a label "Osama" on the front, and I placed it on the top shelf of the annexe. Now, my Cheese Twisties are gone.

Shivers! Consideration. That's all I'm suggesting.
Lastly, we've vaguely heard that there may be an American envoy in disguise trying to infiltrate our cave. We want to set up cave patrols to look for them. First on will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Abbah, and Richard.

A vow of death to US infidels

Osama

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 12

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Sittin' in the mornin' sun

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.

A gorgeous, petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The girl notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?Ó

The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new. Let me explain. We have a rule here that if you get an erection; it implies you called for me."

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a big towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the camp's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts.

Within minutes, a huge, very-hairy man lumbers out of the steam room towards him, "Did you call for me?" says the man.

"No, what do you mean?" replies the newcomer.

You must be new," says the man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge, very-hairy man spins him round, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. "How may I help?" she says.

The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the five-hundred-pounds membership payment."

But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You've not had a proper chance to view all our facilities."

The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm seventy-two years old. I only get an erection once every month. But I fart thirteen times a day!"

=

Two old men, Mitch and Humphrey, have been friends all their lives. When it becomes clear that Humphrey is dying, Mitch visits the sick man's house every day.

One afternoon Mitch says, "Humphrey, we have each been keen soccer fans all our lives, and we played in the same team for many years. Please do me one favour; when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there is soccer there."

Humphrey looks up from his death-bed. "Mitch, you've been a dear friend for many, many years; if it is possible, I shall do that for you." Shortly after, Humphrey passes away.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mitch is awakened from a deep sleep by a flash of ethereal light and an eerie voice calling out to him, "Mitch ... Mitch."

"Who is it?" he asks, sitting up suddenly.

"Me ... Humphrey."

"Oh no it isn't! You're an imitation - Humphrey just died."

"I am telling you, I'm no imitation; it is me, Humphrey!" insists the lone voice."

"Humphrey! Oh, man! It IS you! Where are you?"

"I am in heaven!" replies Humphrey. "And I have some really good news to announce ... also some bad news."

"Okay, tell me the good news first," says Mitch.

"The good news," announces Humphrey, "is that there is soccer in heaven. Better yet, all of our friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we are all young men again. Better still, it's always springtime and it doesn't rain or snow. And best of all, we can play soccer all the time because we never get tired."

"Hooray! That's excellent!" exclaims Mitch; "Beyond my wildest dreams! So, what is the bad news?"

"You're playing next Tuesday."

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Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2007

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY