Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2007

All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2007 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Leonardo da Vinci's masterpiece, 'Mona Lisa' =
I am a smiler posed on canvas, created in oil.

Eq2nd - Ellie Dent with:
William Shakespeare, the Bard of Stratford. =
A writer has rare old poems that baffle kids.

Eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Luciano Pavarotti's 'Nessun Dorma' =
A rotund Latin man's voice soars up

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The late Princess Diana's Memorial Service =
Camilla's secret pain - "She is revered. I am not."

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Burmese protesters =
Street-mob pressure

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Army kills unarmed protesters in Rangoon, Burma =
A brutal reality - murders sparing no men or monks

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
The Disney Corporation =
Deep in cartoon history.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Marathon, Greece =
Oh, great men race.

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus =
Mysterious cultures I catch in "clean" hospitals.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Customer: "Waiter, waiter, what is this fly doing in my soup?" =
Waiter's tip: "Ahem, I would fancy he's trying to swim out sir."

2nd - David Bourke with:
The late Lady Diana Frances Spencer (The Princess of Wales) =
Farewell! Pay this enchantress final respects, a decade on.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Two jumper cables walk into a bar. The freaked out bar tender says, "You two, don't start anything." =
Two fonts enter a bar and Barack the old wraith barman says, "Get out! We just don't like your type."

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, The United Kingdom and The United States of America =
A Group of Eight can care: send Africa aid, and meet many humanitarian needs; and yet... it's just talk.

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
France, Canada, Russia, Italy, Germany, Japan, The United Kingdom, and The United States of America =
Our Mission Statement: Peacemaking acts.
And reality?: Creating an undue affray, Jihad and death.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, The United Kingdom and The United States of America =
A Daily Agenda: Apathetic, unfair madmen and fat jackasses gather to undermine tiny countries.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

=

WHEN IS A WOMAN WRONG?
Man has often been critical of the fairer sex, yet seldom brave enough to point out a perceived failure, preferring to make remarks to other men.
Areas of particular contention:

1 driving
2 her parking
3 nagging a lot
4 her dear mother
5 A phone bill that totals over £155
6 at least 254 pairs of shoes
7 mascara/eye makeup
8 post-coital conversations
9 size of my nob
10 having to bear a grudge
11 soap operas
12 tutting at sport
13 channel-hopping
14 PMT
15 commitment
16 furnishing
17 her friends
18 handbags
19 chocolate
20 fellatio
21 pot-pourri
22 flatulence
23 not lifting the toilet seat
24 vegetables
25 anal sex
26 barbecue
27 mice
28 sexy underwear
29 rock music
30 DIY
31 her desire to procreate
32 musicals
33 eating
34 poetry
35 heavy metal
36 surgery
37 diets
38 road rage
39 a fat belly
40 eye-wateringly hot food
41 sobriety
42 attraction to a tart
43 daytime TV people
44 depravity
45 my mates
46 silent treatment
47 pollution
48 a total veto
49 all to pot age 35
50 pay

WHEN IS A MAN WRONG?
A woman is less circumspect and soon lets a man know she can't tolerate elements of his behaviour.
And those 'things' are...
1. EVERYTHING he says.
2. EVERYTHING he does.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Dear Miriam,

The other day I set off for work leaving my husband Cliff alone watching TV as usual.

I'd only travelled about two-hundred -and- twenty metres when the engine spluttered and the car chugged to a stop. I scuttled back to get my husband's help, but when I got home I found Cliff posing in front of the bedroom mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heeled shoes, and wearing my make up.

After I confronted Cliff, he said he'd put on my lingerie because he couldn't find any of his own underwear. But when I asked about the make up he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for ages. I told him it has to stop, or I will leave him.

He lost his job recently and says he's been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love Cliff very much, but since the ultimatum he's become distant and I can't get through to him any more.

Please can you help?

Mrs B, Essex

=

Miriam says ...

Dear Mrs B, Essex

Sudden stalling of cars after being driven short distances can be caused by a variety of faults in the engine. Start by checking that there's no muddy sediment showing in the fuel line. If you don't find any showing, check that the jubilee clips which hold the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold are tight.

If none of these approaches highlights the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is somehow faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.

As an added rule, Mrs B, do remember to keep an eye on the fuel gauge daily, as, when the level gets low, unhealthy muck in the bottom of the tank can be disturbed and rehashed and there's a likelihood your engine may get mudded up.

I recommend: 'www.twohundredmotordriving-hintsforwomen.com' as a handy web address. (And download: 'Friendly Engine Info For Women').

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Geneva Convention: Article Five

Should any doubt arise as to whether persons, having committed a belligerent act and having fallen into the hands of the enemy, belong to any of the categories enumerated in Article Four, such persons shall enjoy the protection of the present Convention until such time as their status has been determined by a competent tribunal.
=
Unless of course these persons have been subjectively convicted of 'potential suspicion' by the demented hothead Bush or his malevolent US government henchmen as part of their incompetent 'War on Terror'. In this case, the 'atheist felons' may be indefinitely confined on Guantanamo Bay and interrogated at length in that unethical 'court', never to get a legal trial.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
From a translation of Dante's Divine Comedy

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
As Time Goes By

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Tiger by Hilaire Belloc