Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2007

All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 2007 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Paul Pan with:
Hard disc ~
did crash...

2nd - View with:
Free online dating service =
Easier love-finding centre

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
British Telecom Company's customer service line. =
Mercy! Victim's ear is sore but no client help comes!

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
The Spice Girls reunion =
This "reopening" is cruel.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Welcome to the Disneyland Paris Resort! =
Its Old Policy: The men wear rodent's ears.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Nigella Lucy Lawson - 'The Domestic Goddess' =
English woman's dŽcolletage; it's so ... cuddly!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Neil Ramsay with:
The Bush Administration's foreign policy ~
is an upsetting, horrific myth based on oil.

2nd - David Bourke with:
St Pancras International =
Trans-continental a Paris!

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
International UFO Bureau =
Furore about an alien unit.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Britney Spears lost her virginity at fourteen years old =
Noisy stereotype trailer-trash duly given a first boner!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
World Day for the Prevention of Child Abuse =
Afford power that children obviously need.

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
World Day for the Prevention of Child Abuse =
For the hundreds we force to play bad violin.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
World Day for the Prevention of Child Abuse =
Heard often: don't club or whip five-year-olds!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The attractive woman was sitting alone in the bar when a young man approached her. "May I buy you a drink?" he asked.

"What, go to a hotel?" she screamed.

"No, no," protested the young man. "You misunderstood me. I just asked if you wanted a drink."

"What? You're asking me if I will go to a hotel?" she screamed, even louder.

Thoroughly bewildered, the man sloped off back to his table in the corner, while everybody glared at him indignantly.

After fifteen minutes or so, the girl came over to explain. "Hey, I'm sorry to have created such a scene back there," she said. "I'm a student of psychology, studying human behavior in unexpected situations."

The young man looked right back at her and shouted, "What? Two hundred dollars?"

=

Like most travel writers, Adam made for the hotel bar before checking into a room.

During his second drink, Adam caught the eye of a curvaceous blonde drinking alone. Not a man to miss an opportunity, he bought her a drink and commenced his usual chat-up routine. After their third whisky, he suggested they go up to his room. "I haven't registered my arrival yet," said Adam, "so why don't I say you are my wife?"

The blonde saw the logic in it, and they enjoyed a night of steamy love.

Next morning when Adam came down to check out, he was handed a bill for a thousand pounds. "What? That's absolutely outrageous! I've only stayed one night!" he protested.

"Yes," explained the clerk, "but your wife has been here all week! "

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Two prostitutes were riding around with a sign on their car which said: "Two Prostitutes: $69.69."

Seeing the blatant and shameless sign, a cop stopped them and told them to remove it or they would be arrested.

Soon thereafter, another car passed with a "JESUS SAVES" sign.

One of the ladies asked, "How come you don't stop them?"

"Well, that's kinda different," the officer flashed a smile. "Their sign is not on sex but about religion."
~
So the two shattered, sorriest bimbos just took it down without resistance and drove off.

Next day, the same officer of biased mind spotted the two foolish prostitutes driving again around the metropolis with a poster on their car.

Sensing he had an easy arrest, he caught up with the troublesome mademoiselles and he noticed the dauntless pair's latest sign which now read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter: $69.69."

3rd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Our BBC values:

Trust is the foundation of the BBC: we are independent, impartial and honest.

Audiences are at the heart of everything we do.

We take pride in delivering quality and value for money.

Creativity is the lifeblood of our organisation.

We respect each other and celebrate our diversity so that everyone can give their best.

We are one BBC: great things happen when we work together.

=

Their real values

They want to:

Encourage residents viewing any tired Australian whoopee like Neighbours and Home and Away

Create a quota of other British claptrap that no-one ever watches

Ensure everyone pays the dicky BBC one huge price for their ineptitude

Delegate new lords to serve within the BBC board

Rave about the intended benefits of converting from freeview to digital

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The End Of The World

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A lady goes on a safari, taking her aged poodle, Timmy, along for company.

One day Timmy is chasing butterflies and soon discovers he's lost. Roaming around, he sees a lion heading quickly in his direction, looking for lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Hell! I am in deep poo!" Then, noticing some bones on the ground, he begins to chew them with his back to the lion. Just as the cat is about to leap, Timmy says, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder if there are any more around?"

Hearing this, the cat halts in mid-strike and slinks away into the trees saying, "Phew! "That was close! That old dog nearly had me to eat!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had seen everything, figures he can put his knowledge to use and trade it for protection. He heads off after the lion, but the poodle sees him and figures something must be up. The monkey catches up with the lion, tells all and strikes a deal.

The lion is furious at being fooled and replies, "Hop on my back, and just see what happens to that darn poodle!"

Timmy sees the lion coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What'll I do now?" But instead of leaving, he sits with his back to them, pretending he hasn't seen them, and just when they are close enough to hear, he says.

"Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!"

=

Leo the lion was drinking from a stream with his bottom in the air, just as Coco, a baboon, was passing by. From the monkey's viewpoint, the lion looked like Leonora (a lioness who had acquired a certain reputation for having loose morals) so the cheeky monkey crept up noiselessly from behind, intent on a bit of slap and tickle.

On feeling the monkey's sudden touch, the startled lion let out an almighty roar, and the monkey, now realising his mistake, took off like greased lightning, running goggle-eyed, through the jungle with the lion in hot pursuit.

The lion was gaining on Coco by the minute, and the monkey was just resigning himself to the possibility of a gruesome fate at the paws of his assassin, when he suddenly came across a hunter's camp.

Without further ado, the monkey dashed into the camp, donned a safari suit, whipped on a pith helmet, then nimbly threw himself into a chair, grabbed a copy of The Times and hid behind it as though he was reading.

The lion bounded into the clearing and screeched to a halt. As soon as the dust had settled, he asked, "Hey man, have you seen a monkey come dashing past here?"

"What monkey is this?" said Coco, "not the one that goosed the lion down by the stream?"

"Oh hell," said the lion, "don't tell me it's in the newspapers already."