Anagrammy Placegetters for April 2008
All the highly-placed anagrams from the April 2008 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Rick Rothstein with:
A doctoral thesis =
It's read at school.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich =
Dad wants to eat a nice combo at lunch.
3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Christian chorus =
It soars in church.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet, "Impression, Sunrise" =
Painted Seine in summer's colours
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Monty Python's motion picture "Life of Brian" =
Untimely birth of son of no importance. Pity.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Famous paintings of Water Lilies =
A Monet is uplifting, as is a flower.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Charlton Heston is dead =
The old actor ends in ash.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Pope to address the church's paedophilia crisis =
So a cheap parish priest seduced this poor child?
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The Olympic Games Sacred Flame Protection Unit =
Chinese Communist Party police team after gold?
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
L'artiste Degas =
Listed as Great.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
R Mugabe =
Umbrage.
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer =
Hey, superb family TV fare!
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - View with:
The United States Government =
Don't trust these negative men.
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Chinese Government =
Vehement censoring.
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
British Government =
Voters bring them in.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
bush (noun):
A single low plant with many branches that arise from or near the ground. =
Bush (person):
A snooty, lethal, incoherent, inhuman, wrathful, warmongering bastard.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"Do you know the alphabet, young Bush?"
"Yes."
"What comes after G?"
"Whizz." =
"Uh huh. What comes after whizz?"
"Bang."
"Good boy."
(SWOT UP YANKEE STYLE)
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind." Albert Einstein =
Whether I call it Omniscient Being or biological nuclei issue, destinies intertwine.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
[A complete set of Scrabble tiles]
AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG HH IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO PP Q RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z [C] [T]
=
Late one night over a board
I use one last vowel - reward
I'm banking 'zygotic'
exhale, quite erotic
and jump up, a fifty is scored
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
[A complete set of Scrabble tiles]
AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG HH IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO PP Q RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z [B] [D]
=
A juicily curvy girl teen
In most proud Esquire Magazine
Exposed a toe
Shook off a bow
And did bare all that virgin between
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
[A complete set of Scrabble tiles]
AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG HH IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO PP Q RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z [N] [R]
=
I often quote popular bards,
Limericks with love I regard;
An anagram view
Is a funny one too,
But, O Jeez! It's exceedingly hard!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A 52-year-old woman had a heart attack and was taken to hospital.
Whilst on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked 'Well? Is my time up?'
God said, 'No, you've got another 43 years, 2 months, 8 days and 18 hours to live.'
Upon recovering, the woman chose to stay in the hospital's clinic and have a face-lift, liposuction, two breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even got someone to come in to change the colour of her hair and to whiten her teeth! Since she'd so much more time left to live, she figured she might just as well make the most of it.
After her final operation, she was released from the hospital, but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance racing to an accident.
Arriving in front of God, she said, 'Well? I thought you told me I had another 43 years left? Why didn't you pull me back from the path of that ambulance?'
...God replied: 'I didn't bloody recognize you.'
=
An 84-year-old man and his 83-year-old spouse are having trouble remembering things. To help address the problem, the doctor suggests they start noting them down.
That night, the old guy gets up from his chair in front of the TV. "Do you need anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Ooh yes! May I have a bowl of vanilla ice cream, please?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write that down then?"
"Nah, I'll remember it."
"Oh, and I'd love a hint of chocolate sauce on top. Write it down."
"Hell, no! It's fixed in my head," he says. "You want a bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce."
"And I'd also like some whipped cream. I am sure you'll forget that. Make a note."
"Jeez! Don't get so paranoid! I got it, for goodness sake! 1: Vanilla ice cream; 2: chocolate sauce; 3: the whipped cream. Right?"
He toddles off to the kitchen. About 45 minutes later he returns and hands his wife a plate of bacon and 2 eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment ..."Where's my toast?"
2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Good mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband Paddy two years back?"
She replied, "Aye, that you did, Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee little tyke Donovans?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said, "Well, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye."
She replied, "Oh, thank you, Father."
Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"
She replied, "Very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And have ye any wee tykes Donovans yet?"
She replied, "Yes, Father! Five sets of triplets and six singles - four that be little boys!"
The Father said, "Wonderful! How is yer husband Paddy doin'?"
She replied, "He's going to Rome to blow out your bloody candle."
=
Into a Derry pub foyer comes poor Paddy O'Feeny, looking like he's been remodelled by a lorry. Both his arms are in a sling, his front teeth are broken, the side of his head is cut red and he's walking with a limp.
"What on earth happened to ye?" asks Sean..
"The foul crook Steely Donovan and me had a wee row," glowers Paddy forlornly.
"That rotten ferret, Donovan," frowns Sean, "Yet he couldn't do that to ye, he must have had something here in his hand."
"That, the low, rotten ferret did," retorts Paddy wryly, "an extremely hefty axe were what he had, and a terrible greetin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "ye should've defended yeself, didn't ye have something in ye hand to defend yeself with?"
"Aye, that I did," reveals Paddy frankly. "Mrs Steely Donovan's roselike naked left breast, and a wee trophy of natural beauty it was, but wholly useless in a fight."
3rd - David Bourke with:
1. Meyran Kraus
2. Tony Crafter
3. Andrew Brehaut
4. David Bourke
5. Ellie Dent
6. Rick Rothstein
7. Rosie Perera
8. Scott Gardner
9. Richard Grantham
10. Adie Pena
11. Larry Brash
12. Christopher Sturdy
13. View
14. Neil Ramsay
15. Toby Gottfried
16. Paul Pan
17. Mike Keith
18. Adrian Hickford
19. Jesse Frankovich
20. Zoran Radisavlevic
=
1. Jew respects
2. Wit of a banker
3. Chunderer
4. Rochester retard
5. A dignified dear
6. Barmitzvah boy
7. The lady vicar
8. Ordinary
9. Antipode
10. Rotund Filipino
11. Shrink
12. Pustastic!
13. Another Israeli
14. Husband? Och aye!
15. Virtual introvert
16. Greek firecracker
17. Math yank
18. Alpha merrymaker
19. Gross nerd
20. Dark Slav
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
SHOWER PROTOCOL - How To Shower Like a Woman:
Take off clothes and place them methodically in laundry basket, separating lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, modestly cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make a mental note to do still more sit-ups/leg-lifts/weight-watching.
Get into the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once, using usual jojoba-and-orange-flower shampoo with twenty-eight added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's thoroughly clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit-and-mint-with-a-hint-of-lime-zest conditioner.
Wash your face with crushed-apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with Manuka honey-and-Kikuyu beeswax aromatherapy body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Sponge off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner and wipe down.
Get out of shower.
Dry body with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super-absorbent fluffy towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown with towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
=
SHOWER PROTOCOL - How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the corner of the bed and leave them lying in random pile.
Swagger naked across the landing to the bathroom.
If you catch sight of wife along the way, shake willy at her doing the 'woo-woo' sound.
Appraise your exceptional, manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch bum.
Get into the shower.
Wash your face and neck.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water-jets flush the contents off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding areas.
Wash your bum, leaving numerous coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a trendy Shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partly dry yourself off.
Fail to notice excess water on floor caused by curtain hanging outside bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror and scratch bum again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat lying on floor, and light and fan still on.
Exit, dripping, and swagger back to bedroom with towel wrapped around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and do the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Carelessly throw wet towel onto bed.
I KNOW YOU'RE ALL GIGGLING, CHAPS, BECAUSE IT'S MOSTLY TRUE!!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Composed Upon Westminster Bridge
3rd - Adie Pena with:
American Tune
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Andrew Brehaut with:
Childhood sweetheart =
We did her at the school.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
A morning erection =
No romance igniter.
3rd - View with:
The 'Miss Wet T-shirt' competitions =
Tits, men, tits! Which tits pose more?
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