Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2008

All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 2008 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull =
All on set think Lucas and Ford enjoyed making this.

2nd - Andrew Brehaut with:
General Hospital =
Real healing spot.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Madonna's 'Sticky & Sweet' Tour =
Tarty woman nods, "Suck it & see!"

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
(Grumpy patron): "Waitress! Is this coffee or tea? It tastes like turpentine!" =
(Trim young waitress): "It's tea, then. Our coffee tastes like paint-stripper."

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
William Shakespeare's "Tragedy of Antony and Cleopatra" =
Asp kills Egyptian lady Roman hero defeats at ocean war

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
George Bush's presidency disapproval rating hits all-time high =
Poll said seventy percent gag at his horrible, rigid mishaps. Ugh!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
WHO? WHY? WHERE?

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600 employees and which has the following statistics?

29 have been accused of spouse abuse.

7 have been arrested for fraud.

19 have been accused of writing bad cheques.

116 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least two businesses.

3 have done time for assault.

71 cannot get a credit card due to a bad credit rating.

4 have been arrested on drugs-related charges.

8 have been arrested for shoplifting.

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits.

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year.

So, which of our organizations is this, exactly?

Well ...

It is the 635 members of our House of Commons - that same group, remember, who crank out hundreds of new laws each year to keep the rest of us commoners in line!

Hmm ...

=

THE EASIEST TEST EVER?
(Try this to test your degree of savvy!)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) Which animal gives us catgut?

4) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel-hair brush made from?

6) The Canary Islands are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What colour is a purple finch?

9) Where do Chinese Gooseberries originate from?

10) What colour is the black box in an airplane?

Done?

Perfect!

But you need four correct answers to pass the test, so ... check beneath:

1) 116 years

2) Ecuador

3) Sheep and Horses

4) November

5) Squirrel fur

6) Dogs

7) Albert

8) Crimson

9) New Zealand

10) Orange

Did you succeed and get four?

No?

Feel bad?

Never mind.

Send it to five best friends to make them feel bad and you feel fine!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Three sexy blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

Roy, the officer conducting the interview, looked at the three and said, "Well, so you all really want to be cops, eh?"

The blondes announced, "Really!"

Roy got up from his chair, strolled across the room, opened a file drawer and pulled out a manila folder.

Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars and so on."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.

"Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

He shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It is just a side profile of his face! You're dismissed!" The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

He then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds.

~

He pulled it back and said, "And you? Detect something different about this man?"

"He only has one ear!"

He put his head in his hands and said, "Didn't you hear what I just told her? This is a side profile. Of course you can only see one ear! You're out of it, too!" The second seductive one left.

Pessimistic, he turned to the third sexy blonde and said: "This is probably a waste of time, but..."

He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything different about this man?"

The vivacious blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The pompous officer frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

Outguessed, he looked up at the blonde with a baffled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His database bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

"Well, Helloooo!" the condescending blonde rolled her eyes and scoffed, "Cut the disguise, detective! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
I hear that after Picasso came home to find someone in the process of rifling his big new chateau, he drew a few lines... and the sinner's portrait. =
On the basis of Picasso's drawing, the police then arrested a mother superior, the Minister of Finance, a washing machine and the Eiffel Tower.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Strangers in the Night

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Elephant / The Donkey

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
THE POPE AND THE RABBI

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a great outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal.

He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that his adversary was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.

"Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.

"I pulled out the wine and water to show that God absolves us from all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.

"He bested me at every move and I could not continue."

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.

"I haven't a clue," the rabbi said. "First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.

"Then he told me that all the country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said the rabbi. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."

=

THE POPE AND FRANK PERDUE

Frank Perdue went to meet the Pope for an audience, and while having the papal blessing bestowed upon him, he whispered, "Oh, Your Eminence, just between we two, do I have a whoopee deal for you! If you just change the words to The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread...' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...' we'll donate five hundred thousand dollars to the Church! Phenomenal, eh?"

The Pope replied, "That is indeed generous, but impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and that may not be changed. The matter is not negotiable".

"Ok then," rejoined Frank, "We do appreciate the position, so we are prepared to donate a mammoth one million dollars to the Church if you change the words to The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread...' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...'"

Again the Pope admitted, "That is most benevolent. However, The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and must not be changed".

"Ooh, but Your Eminence! Just between us - I bet it's a temptation!" heehawed Frank, jabbing the air. "Ok - how about a billion! Admit it, that is a good bid! It's the highest we can go."

The Pope smiled as he stated, "Just between us, I have to repeat that the matter is not negotiable. Oh, I heed not the heathen money. Keep it! The Faith shall withstand the highest temptation."

Frank's jaw dropped, and he appealed to the Pope, "Oh, no, we are not heathens! To prove it, we will donate a phenomenal five billion dollars if you will change the words to the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread...' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...' That is as high as we go. I'll await the papal decision." With that, he bowed and withdrew from the chamber.

The next day the Pope met with the College of Cardinals. "I have some good news, and I have some bad news," he told them. "The good news is that the Church has just been donated five billion dollars ..."

There was a heated babbling from the Cardinals. "Then, what is the bad news?" one of them entreated.

The bad news," replied the Pope, "is that we are losing The Wonderbread Account"

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Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2008

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY