Anagrammy Placegetters for June 2008

All the highly-placed anagrams from the June 2008 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
The Democrats and Republicans in America =
Obama and McCain rule this President race.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Guantanamo prisoner =
Heaping tortures on a man.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Senator McCain offers "right change" =
Rich ones among staff can get richer.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Italian navigator Christopher Columbus =
I launch big ships, travel out to North America

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Senator Hillary Clinton =
Ran, then lost, ironically.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The fashion designer Yves Saint Laurent =
End of the stylish genius, ever an artisan.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Playstation Three =
Parents? They loathe it!

Eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Einstein's General Theory Of Relativity ~
isolates energy travel, here to infinity!

Eq2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Indian Rhinoceros =
It had one nice horn, sir.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
'God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.' =
God gave us beer so we might use it, have some mirth, and score more.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December =
God gave us the wisdom to achieve our greatness. So remember Him.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December. =
God gave us: G.W.Bush; so He committed a massive, one-time error here!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Philanderer Derek popped into the barbers for a haircut and while waiting for the barber to sharpen his razor, Derek was having a manicure from the very shapely blonde female assistant, and so he grabbed the chance to chat her up.

"What time will you finish here?" leered Derek out of the side of his mouth.

"About five o'clock," she said.

"Well, how about coming out for a drink and dinner with me?"

"But I'm married," she said.

"So what?" winked Derek.

"Well, what would I tell my husband?" asked the blonde.

"Tell your husband straight. Tell him you're going out tonight," said Derek.

"You tell him," she said. "That's him sharpening the razor."

=

A man went into a hairdresser's shop and asked him, "How long will you be?"

"Up to half an hour, sir," said the barber.

"Ok, I'll pop back later," said the man, then left.

He didn't return until the following day. "How long'll you be?" he asked.

The barber had four customers waiting. "Hmm - about an hour, sir," he said.

"Right, I'll come back."

The man did this every day that week and never returned, so the hairdresser became a bit rattled and asked his apprentice to follow him. "Tell me where he goes," he said. "Hurry!"

The apprentice whizzed off, but was back in five minutes. "Ok, I followed him!" he said.

"Right! ... Where did he go?"

"Straight round to your house!"

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ever wonder what happens if a greeting card prose writer has a bad day?

***

I heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be...

Don't fret about her--
Yes, she's moved in with me.

***

Looking back over the years we've been together,
I can't help wondering...

"Shit, what was I thinking?"

***

Congratulations on your Wedding Day...

Too bad everyone hates your husband.

***

How could two people as beautiful as you...

Have so ugly a baby?

***

I'd always wanted someone to hold, kiss and love.
Since I met you...

I've changed my mind.

***

You brought Religion and Prayer into my life.
You see...

I never believed in Hell 'til I met you.

***

As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...

You're not here to ruin it for me.

***

Congratulations on your Promotion!
First, before you move up...

Just take this sharp knife from my back--
You'll probably need it again.

~

Have a Happy Father's Day, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky and West Virginia)

***

Wishing you a Happy Birthday!
You look unbelievably good for your age...

almost lifelike.

***

When we embraced in love,
You said you'd die for me...

Now that we've broken up,
I think it's high time you kept your promise.

***

We have been best friends for a very long time...

Now can we stop?

***

Oh my God, I'm so miserable without you...

It almost seems like you're here with me.

***

Congratulations on your cute babbling bundle of joy...

Did you ever find out who the baby's father was?

***

Uncle, your friends and I want to do something special on your birthday tomorrow...

We're having you put to sleep.

***

So, your daughter's a hooker,
Don't let that ruin your Father's Day...

The bright economic side:
A senator evening is great pay.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WHAT are these:

They do what they want, when they want.
They never listen to you; clearly expect to be the real ruler.
They even seem immoral in love.
They're so vocal (a peculiar mewling noise), if they're not happy.
If you want to play around, they are too busy.

=

When you want to be left alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every single, little whim.
They are perpetually moody.
They leave their hairs everywhere.
They drive you bananas when you are on the phone.

CATS: small women in fur coats.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A Soldier

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE DANGLING CONVERSATION

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower 6:40 a.m., just as his wife finishes up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The pretty wife wraps her body in a tatty towel and goes downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, the guy says, "I'll give you eight hundred dollars to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops away her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, the guy hands her eight hundred dollars, tells her goodbye and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the tatty towel and goes upstairs to the bedroom. Getting there, her husband asks, "Who was that, Honey?"

"The neighbour Bob."

"Great!" the husband says, "Did my buddy say anything to you about the eight hundred dollars he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A priest offered a nun a lift. Getting into the car, she crossed her legs, forcing her baggy gown to flaunt a taut leg. The priest nearly had an accident! After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, try to remember Psalm 129." The priest moved his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up the taut leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, try to remember that Psalm." The priest apologized, "Sorry Sister, but you know the flesh is weak." Arriving at the ivy-covered convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

When he got back to the church, the priest looked up and found Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you do not stay well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:
A sales rep, administration clerk, and the manager, walking to lunch, find a tiny oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Yay! Me first! Me first!" shouts the sales rep. "I want to be in the Bahamas driving in a little speedboat, then catching a few zz's, without a care in the world." Puff! He's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" shouts the admin clerk. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing at a beach with my male masseuse, endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life. Utopia!" Puff! She's gone.

~

"OK, you're up," The genie informs the manager. The manager hoots, "I want those two back in the office after lunch by 12:29!"

Moral of the story is:
A winner always lets his boss have first say.

Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a nice sassafras tree resting passively, doing nothing. A small rabbit assessed the eagle and asked him, "I wonder, can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered, "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat passive on the ground below the sassafras and rested like a maharajah. All of a sudden, 9 or 10 minutes later, in a whirr, a fox appeared, jumped on the hapless rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story is:
To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull in a grassy orchard. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but haven't got enough energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with corn and nutrients!" he explains.

So the turkey sniffed, appraised a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to raise himself to the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after another picnic of dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night in the grassy yard, the turkey was proudly perched in the treetop.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, an expert marksman. The farmer raised his gun and shot him from the tree.

Moral of the story is:
Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and whirled to the ground in a large field. While he was lying there in crisis, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there still in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to exclaim, "Ahhhh!" and sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and the assassin promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story is:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is an enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is a friend.
3. And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
She was a great lay =
A real sweaty shag.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The cleavage in T-shirts =
That is chest-revealing!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Gay couples rush to get married in California =
Clear-cut rear-humping fairies long to say "I do"!