Anagrammy Placegetters for December 2008

All the highly-placed anagrams from the December 2008 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Leonardo Da Vinci's 'The Adoration of the Magi' =
A Visitation. Three men on a road. A child of God.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Claude Monet's "Houses of Parliament" =
Thames and famous steeple, in colour.

3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
"All I want for Christmas is you" =
Woman has flirtatious lyrics.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
'It was the best of times, it was the worst of times ... it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity...' =
'A Tale of Two Cities' - This commences with these pithy, if bitter-sweet, words of wit about the phases of life.

2nd - David Bourke with:
The outgoing President of the United States of America, George Walker Bush =
Guess *I'd* like to throw a shoe at the stupid bugger. An offence? Interrogate me!

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Al-Baghdadia television correspondent Muntadar al-Zeidi =
I did grab and hurl a size ten at a moron, hence it's all videotaped.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

eq1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
What gift from Santa would you like to see under the tree on Christmas? =
The uncut trees out in the yard with dreamlike gossamer of snow aloft.

eq1st - Scott Gardner with:
"What gift from Santa would you like to see under the tree on Christmas?" =
I want transfer of the U.S. White House term to a skilled young Democrat.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
What gift from Santa would you like to see under the tree on Christmas? =
It's the treasured stuff we cut I seek: "Harmony on earth, goodwill to man."

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A married man left work early one Friday, but instead of going straight home, went off partying with the boys all weekend.

When the man finally reappeared at his home on the Sunday night, his wife Connie was apoplectic with rage.

After a few of hours of stamping and screaming, she asked, 'And how would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?'...

The husband could not believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and promptly said, 'Terrific! That would suit me just fine!'

Monday went by, and the man did not see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her.

Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

=

A man and his wife were midweek-shopping in Tesco, when the husband saw some tins of lager and idly loaded them into the trolley

'Oi! What do you think you're doing?' demanded his wife.

'Well, they're on offer, only ten pounds for twenty-four tins,' he blubbered.

'Put them back, we can't afford beer!' hissed his wife. He sulkily did as she said and they continued shopping...

A few aisles later the woman saw a jar of Divine Face Cream costing twenty-pounds and duly put it in the trolley.

'Oi! What the hell are you doing?' demanded the guy, we can't afford that!'

'It's my face cream. It makes me look young and beautiful,' she said.

The man replied, 'Well, so does twenty-four tins of lager, and it's half the price!'

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Three men suddenly died on Christmas Eve and were warmly met by the kindly and soft-spoken Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'In honor of this special holy season,' Saint Peter declared, 'Each one of you should possess an object that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a white cigarette lighter. He flicked it on and said, "Ah this represents a candle.'

'You may now pass through the Pearly Gates,' Saint Peter said.
~
The second inventive man reached into his pocket, pulled out a set of keys and shook them.

"I signify bells’ rings."

Saint Peter said, 'Yes, they do. You may pass through the Pearly Gates.'

The third man started searching desperately through his clothes and finally pulled out the nicest pair of panties.

A sceptic St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow.

'Madness! And just what does that woman’s one personal thing symbolize?'

The cornered man bluffed, 'These are Carol’s.'

3rd - David Bourke with:
Donald Rumsfeld, United States Secretary of Defense, is giving President
George W. Bush his daily White House war briefing. He speaks for twenty
minutes, and he concludes by saying: "I regret to have to break this very
unfortunate news to you...I have just received a message that yesterday
three Brazilian support personnel deployed in Helmand, southern Afghanistan,
were attacked and killed in action, following ferocious fighting and an explosion
at an American forces checkpoint. They stood no chance at all."

"What the heck? Oh, hell no!" President Bush gasped, horrified. "Oh god,
how awful! How wicked! That's absolutely terrible! Why, ahm appalled...
truly devastated! Poor guys!"

The President's people just sit in the corners and watch helplessly, shocked at
his uncharacteristic display of emotion. The choked President sits practically
motionless, with his head buried in his hands, as though deep in thought.
However, after about fifteen minutes of this, a tearful President Bush finally looks
back up, and he says to the Secretary of Defense, "Yo, Don! So, smart Alec!
Tell me...how many actually IS a brazillion?"

=

The United States Vice-President, Richard B. Cheney, gets
an urgent telephone call from the president, George W. Bush.

"Yo, Dick, y'all!" says Bush, "...ahm afraid ah've got me a little
bit of a problem, can ya'll come around now?"

"Why, sir? What's up, sir?" replies Cheney.

"Well, ya know ya'll told me that ah should keep mahself nice
and busy when in the Oval Office?"

"Yessir...now that I sure did, sir!"

"...so ah did like ya'll said, and ah went and got me this little jigsaw
puzzle, but for the life of me now, ah can't fit none of the pieces
together, and neither can ah find any of the dang edges at all."

"And could I ask what it's supposed to be a picture of, sir?" says Cheney.

"It's supposed to be a big old rooster" replies the American president.

"Alright, sir..." sighs Cheney, wearily. "...I'll come around to you right
now and have a look at it for you, sir!". He then leaves his office and
rushes over to the Oval, where President Bush is sat, pointing at the desk,
with a frustrated expression on his face. Cheney glances at the hundreds
of pieces on the desk, and turns to President Bush and says, "For crying
out loud, sir! Why don't you just put all them Cornflakes back into the packet?"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:

The Solution

2nd - Larry Brash with:
The International Council of Man Laws.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry, ONLY under these circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog died to save its master.
(b) When you realize that Angelina Jolie is about to button her blouse.
(c) Just after wrecking your boss's prize car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: A man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by friends.

4: If you have known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you marry her.

5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However complain if the temperature is unsuitable.

6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. Even remembering your mate's birthday is optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

7: In the mini-bus, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the cover for the purpose of flatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially your girlfriend.

10: It's permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you are sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

12: The girl who replied to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox 360.

=

13: If a man's fly is down, frankly that's his problem. You didn't see a damn thing.

14: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate it truthfully by quite a similar knowledge of the game and, further, by the ability to drink as many beers as other sports watchers.

15: It's recommended that a man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight hard.

16: Never pause to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not BOTH. Remember, that's plain greedy, rude, unfunny and a crime.

17: If you compliment a man on his six-pack, you'd better likely be talking about his choice of beer, and not his tummy.

18: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a former friend of yours. However, you may if she's unreasonably and stubbornly withholding sex pending your response.

19: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you're on the same footing (both urinating or both waiting in line). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is likely all the conversation you will need.

20: Never allow a phone conversation with a woman to run longer than you're able to have intercourse with her. Further, keep a stopwatch by the phone. By the way, hang up if necessary.

21: The morning after you and a married woman, who was formerly 'just a friend' have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling quite weird and guilty isn't a reason for you not to nail her again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

22: It is assumed acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

23: You shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime, green, orange or sky blue.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The Night Before Christmas

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Anagrammy Placegetters for December 2008

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY