Anagrammy Placegetters for February 2009

All the highly-placed anagrams from the February 2009 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Richard Napier with:
Slumdog Millionaire =
Regional Muslim idol

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Jan Vermeer's: The Girl with a Pearl Earring =
Prime virgin lets hang a rather rare jewel.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Vermeer's "The Lacemaker", MusŽe du Louvre, Paris =
Her demure reverie, a true calm, speaks volumes

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
Fatal bushfires in the state of Victoria, Australia =
The rural fires. It is at a cost of lives, fauna, & habitat.

2nd - Richard Grantham with:
The global financial crisis =
Brilliant, I face losing cash.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Selma Hayek filmed breastfeeding in public =
Ideal femme cheekily lifts up bra and begins!

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
President Obama =
Man to be praised.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Professor Stephen William Hawking =
Know-all, whispering phrases of time.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

eq1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life =
Tome an English biologist has penned to argue for evolution is offence to rural vicars: it offers near-perfect heresy.

eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
Deaths rise in the bushfire conflagrations in Victoria, Australia. =
That evil arsonist has caused horrific burn fatalities in a region.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson =
It doesn't matter if you're too isolated, not found in 'Who's Who'. Awaken! And once awake, dance joyfully!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Voltaire: Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination =
Love is:
Bette Midler: "A rose."
Branson: "A Virgin."
Hefner: "A bunny."
Cad: "A duty I avoid, ami!"

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Voltaire: Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination =
Love is a Sunday Morning in bed; Radio Five. A bacon butty, tea and her smile arrive.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Voltaire: Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination =
Love is a brave, devoted husband, maintaining our family and career in sobriety.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Terry checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely. He thought of the girls he'd seen advertised in telephone booths when he'd phoned for cabs in the past.

He zipped into a phone booth near the hotel and spotted an ad for a kittenish girl who called herself Demelza; a quite beautiful temptress, bending over in the photo. Demelza had all the right curves in the right places, beautiful long, dark wavy hair; gorgeous, endless legs... well, you get the picture! He noted the number and hurried back to the hotel.

When back in the room Terry figured, 'what the hell, let's give her a call!'

'Hello,' the woman said. God, she sounded sexy!

'Hi, I hear you give great massages and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one... No, wait; let me be totally straight with you. I am in town alone and what I really desire is sex. I want it hard, and I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, kinky toys, leather straps, rubber cucumbers, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll get hot and steamy; tie me up, smear me with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Be crazy all night. Whatever you want! How does that sound to you?'

She said, 'It sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line '

=

As the No.9 bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, Yvonne soon became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up onto the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she apologised and shyly reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, hoping this would give her enough slack to lift her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she could not. No way.

So, even more embarrassed, she once again reached behind to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.

Once again, to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg high enough. With an apologetic smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more but again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan guy who was standing behind her lifted her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

Yvonne went ballistic! She turned to the would-be Samaritan, yelling, 'How dare you touch my body? I don't even know you!'

The Texan smiled convivially and drawled, 'Well ma'am, I hear you, and normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Last week I took my eighty-four-year-old dad to a mall to buy some new shoes, and we stopped to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The young man had spiked hair in all different colors: green and blue, orange and red.

My dad just kept on staring at him.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked:

"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

=

Knowing my Leo father's temperament, I hurriedly ate and swallowed my food to avoid gagging or choking later, since he was guaranteed to unleash a totally spontaneous comeback right then and there.

In his own admittedly hardheaded style, he straightened himself up at the table and didn't bat an eye before retorting:

"Got drunk at a hotel one time and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you're my son."

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
My Favorite Things (from The Sound of Music)

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

eq1st - Adie Pena with:

The solution

eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet LIV

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
She married and had thirteen children. Her husband died.

She married again and had seven more children. Again, the husband died.

Then she remarried and this time had five more children. The husband died.

She finally died after having twenty-five children.

Standing by her coffin, the preacher prayed for her soul. He thanked the good Lord for this very loving woman and said, 'Lord, they are finally together.'

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, 'Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?'

The friend replied, 'I think he means her legs.'

****
A little boy was overheard praying: 'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am.'

****
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Tommy cried all the way home in the car.

Tommy's mother asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the lad sobbed, 'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!'

****
A Sunday school teacher asked the children as they were on the way to a church service, 'So, why is it necessary for us to be quiet in church?'

One little girl replied, 'Because people are sleeping.'

****
A mother was preparing pancakes for her two young sons, Matt and Tommy.

The boys began to argue over who should get the first pancake. The mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have that first pancake, I can wait.'

Matt turned to his younger brother and said, 'Tommy, you be Jesus!'
****

=

The vicar asked if anyone in the congregation would like to offer thanks for prayers that had been answered.

A lady rose from the end bench and walked briskly to the church podium.

"Yes, me." she said, "I have a huge 'Thanks'. Three months ago, my dear husband, Harry, had a horrific bike crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The injuries were horrendous and the doctors didn't know if they'd be able to help him."

Everyone heard a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the horrible pain that Harry must have suffered.

"Harry was in agony, and unable to hug me or the children, as every move caused him terrible pain," she went on. "His disability was heartbreaking. We all prayed fervently as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the remains of Harry's barbarised scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Harry.

"Now," she finished, her voice quavering, Òmy husband is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his crushed scrotum should recover completely. I thank the Lord!"

All the men sighed with relief. The vicar rose and hesitantly asked if anybody else had anything they wished to say.

A man rose and hobbled gingerly to the podium. "Hi," he said, "I'm Harry."

The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."