Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2009

All the highly-placed anagrams from the March 2009 Anagrammy Awards.

[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Smoking can damage your health =
A toke on a cig has harmed my lung!

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery =
To mimic is not effrontery, as it is heart-felt.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
House cat =
Ah, so cute!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The remains of Auschwitz Birkenau in Poland =
Here is the sad ruin of a known Nazi-built camp.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
International Space Station =
It's a pertinent NASA location.

3rd - Chris Chatfield with:
Mighty action ~
in Gotham City.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Life begins on the other side of despair"--Jean-Paul Sartre =
Is a depression just a period felt before nearing health?

eq2nd - Larry Brash with:
The keepers of the sacred words: 'Ni', 'Peng', and 'Neee-wom!" =
Decree: "We're knights who demand fee or none pass, pet!"

eq2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Burmese pythons released in the Everglades threaten Florida Keys =
Ah, enormous snakes eat everything: birds, pets, the elderly... Flee, dear!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
What is 'quantitative easing', if not a license for our banks to print money =
It's a provision, but it ranks equal of an action of Germany in the Twenties.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
What is 'quantitative easing', if not a license for our banks to print money? =
G. Brown: "One fine Utopia!"
Kate Moss: "A thinner fit?"
A Ventriloquist: "I can't say."

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
What is 'quantitative easing', if not a license for our banks to print money? =
It is a notion so fantastic, that I prefer to answer by invoking Manuel: "Que?"

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A tourist called in at an antiques shop whilst on holiday in Avignon, France.

"I want something a bit different to take home with me," he said.

The owner produced a skull.

"But that's only a skull," the customer protested.

"Oh no, monsieur," replied the owner. "That is the skull of Napoleon!"

The impressed customer bought it and left.

The following year the man returned to France and visited the shop again, searching for another rarity. He again requested something 'different'.

The owner produced a skull, claiming it to be that of Napoleon.

The customer protested, "But you sold me Napoleon's skull last year!"

The owner replied, "Ah yes, monsieur, but this one is when he was still a boy!"

=

A doctor telephoned a nearby plumber to complain that his toilet's cistern had developed a fault. "Are you serious?" answered the sulky plumber, "It's three o'clock in the morning! I was asleep!"

"So? Tough luck!" huffed the doctor, in a no-nonsense manner. "In my work, I often get called out to see referrals at all sorts of unusual hours, whether asleep or not. Equally, I now have a problem that I consider needs assessing quickly, so what has the time of day or night got to do with anything?"

Ten minutes later, the plumber turned up and was taken to the bathroom. He lifted the lid of the toilet, threw in two aspirins and flushed it.

"If it's no better in the morning, phone me again," he said.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
One Sunday, as a church pastor totaled the standard weekly offerings, he pondered a large pink envelope containing $1,000 in the collection plate. A similar envelope was offered the next week. The following Sunday, he regarded an old woman with arthritic hands as she painstakingly placed an obviously full pink envelope in the dish. The pastor noted every week was the same story.

Curiosity got the best of him and he addressed her, "I couldn't help but notice that you always donate $1,000."

=

"Why yes," the lady acknowledged, "Each week my kind son presents me with $10,000 and I tithe the full 10 percent.

The pastor was taken aback, exclaiming, "That's very generous! Nowadays, lots of people donate $0 to church upkeep. What does your son do for a living?"

"He's a veterinarian," the little old lady noted.

"That's a fulfilling profession...and profitable too!" He added, "But, enlighten me - where's his practice?"

The lady proudly replied, "It's in Nevada. He owns one cat house in Las Vegas, and another in Reno.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
THE PROOF THAT MEN HAVE IDEAL FRIENDS

Friendship among Women

A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her cuddlesome husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends; and not a single one of these intimate friends knew anything about her sleep over.
~
Friendship among Men

A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his kind wife that he had to go sleep over at a friend's house. So the woman called her husband's 10 best friends, too. What a smart idea! Funny but these nine confirmed he had slept over, and one snot even affirmed he was still there sleeping.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:

The solution

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Written In March

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A husband and wife are travelling by motorcar from Brisbane to Melbourne.

After almost 10 hours on the road, they're far too tired to continue and decide to stop for a rest.

They park outside a nice-looking hotel and book a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours or so and then get back on the road.

When they wake up and check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $450.

The man explodes and demands to know why the price is so high. He tells the clerk that, although it is a nice hotel, the price is outrageous. And, whilst admitting that the rooms are nice too, they're certainly not worth this ridiculous amount.

When the clerk tells him $450 is their standard rate, the man is insistent on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, then explains that the hotel boasts a proper Olympic-sized pool and big conference centre that were available for the husband and wife to use. 'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.

'Well, they were here, and you could've done,' explains the Manager. He goes on to explain that they could have taken in one of their shows, for which the hotel was famous. 'The finest entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,' the Manager says.

'But we didn't go to any of those shows,' complains the man again.

'Well, we have them, and you could've done,' the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity is mentioned, the man replies, 'But we didn't use it!' The officious Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a cheque and gives it to him.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. 'I think you've slipped up sir,' he says, 'this cheque's only made out for $50.00.'

'No slip - that figure is correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400 for sleeping with my wife.'

'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.

'Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could've done!'

=

Last Tuesday, we took some friends for a meal at a homely new restaurant called 'Mamma Mia's', and noticed that the waiter who took our order had a spoon in his shirt pocket, which seemed a tad strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had a spoon in their pocket. When the waiter came back, I decided to challenge him. 'Hello! Why the spoon?' I said.

'Ah, well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Hallam Consultants to revamp all our procedures. And, after several months of analysis, they concluded that the one most frequently dropped utensil was the common spoon. It represents an average drop frequency of 4.00 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are more ably prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 14.50 man-hours every shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he immediately exchanged it for his spare. 'I'll get another one next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get one now,' he smiled cheerfully.

I also noticed that there seemed to be string hanging from his fly.

Gazing around, I saw that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I challenged him again. 'Can you please tell me why you have string ... there?'

'Ha ha; certainly,' he smiled. Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone's so observant! You see, the same consulting firm also learned that we can save time in the men's room. By tying the string to the end of our 'thingy', we can haul it out without touching it and remove the need to manually wash our hands, thus shortening the time spent in the men's room by 50.45%.

I asked quietly, 'Excuse me, but, after you get it out, how do you, ahem ... put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'

[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]

Home	\| The Anagrammy Awards \| Enter the Forum \| Facebook \| The Team
Information	\| Awards Rules \| Forum FAQ \| Anagrams FAQ \| History \| Articles
Resources	\| Anagram Artist Software \| Generators \| On-line \| Books \| Websites
Archive	\| Winners \| Nominations \| Hall of Fame \| Anagrammasia \| Literary
Competition	\| Vote \| Current Nominations \| Leader Board \| Latest Results \| Old Results \| Rankings
Miscellaneous	\| Tribute Page \| Records \| Sitemap \| Search \| Anagram Checker \| Email Us \| Donate
Anagrammy Awards	© 1998-2024 Last updated 10th May, 2016

Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2009

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY