Anagrammy Placegetters for April 2009

All the highly-placed anagrams from the April 2009 Anagrammy Awards.

[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Rembrandt - 'The Anatomy Lesson of Dr Nicolaes Tulp'. =
A lot of men sit enthralled by a rotund man's corpse!

2nd - View with:
'Ivanhoe' by Sir Walter Scott =
The basic violent war story.

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The amateur vocalist Susan Boyle =
A matchless star alive on "Youtube".

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Craigslist killer =
I strike call-girls.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
First Lady Michelle Obama meets Queen Elizabeth II =
My little familiar squeeze habit becomes headline.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
England's home to ~
the London Games.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Bronte sisters: Charlotte, Emily and Anne =
Eternal tales by the stoic Northern maidens.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Scottish amateur singer Susan Boyle =
Britain's Got Talent: You see she charms us!

3rd - Linus Thoren with:
President George Walker Bush =
He gets power, dark rule begins.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

eq1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Houses of Parliament =
That's one heap of misrule

eq1st - Scott Gardner with:
The East African lion =
A feline (in short, a cat).

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The Portuguese Water Dog Club of America =
Top Obama wish: Cute four-legged creature.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Whose accents are these?

1. "Burn da ganja, mon!"
2. "I ain't curin' HIS ass!"
3. "Oh, sod it! That's a smashing crumpet!"
4. "Nau I vill ruin zee movie!" =
1. Sting's 'Jamaican'
2. An Americanized Hugh Laurie in the TV show "House"
3. Madonna's 'British'
4. Steve Martin's Inspector Clouseau

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Roger Daltrey, John Entwistle, Keith Moon, Pete Townshend =
Older men, jointly known as The Who, presented it together.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A weird twit who sent ten different puns to alum pals unfortunately had high hopes ~
that at least a few of the fresh wry puns would inspire them to laugh. No pun in ten did.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a few minutes, he calls to the waiter, "Hey man, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The room immediately goes silent.

In a very deep and husky voice, the young woman next to him says, "Because you are blind, I think it is only fair that you should know these five things before you commence that joke, cowboy:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

The bouncer is a muscular blonde.

I am a six-foot tall, hundred and ninety-nine-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

The lady sitting next to me here is a blonde and is a title-winning professional weightlifter.

The woman standing there to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

"Now, think about this seriously, cowboy; do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

=

A cowboy went into a Starbucks and ordered a coffee.

As he sat stirring his drink, a blonde sat on the stool next to him.

A bit later, she turned to him and asked, 'Are you really a cowboy?'

'Well,' he replied affably, 'all my working life I've been breakin' colts, herdin' steers, goin' off to hoss rodeos, fixin' fences, rearin' calves, doctorin' calves, balin' hay, fixin' flats, doin' jobs on tractors, shootin' the odd rabbit, feedin' my dogs, and battlin' the elements so, yes, I guess I'm really a cowboy.'

The blonde replied, 'I am a lesbian. I spend all day thinking about women. Soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think of women when I eat. Hell, it seems just about anything makes me think of women.'

After that, they both sat drinking in silence.

Later a young man sat on a stool next to the pair and said, 'Hey buddy, are you really a cowboy?'

'Hell, I'd always thought I was, 'he retorted, 'but I just found out I'm really a lesbian.'

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Don't walk behind, for I may not lead. Don't walk ahead, for I may not follow. Don't walk beside me either. Please leave me the hell alone!

Its always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspapers, that's when its time to go and do it.

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Before you take the opportunity to criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if you criticise them, you're a good mile away and you have their shoes.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for one day. Teach him how to fish, and he'll go sit in a boat and drink beer all day long.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tyre.

Everyone seems pretty normal until you get to know them.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a handful of car payments.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you're not able to be replaced, you'll never get promoted.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

=

If at first you do not succeed, aerial skydiving is probably not really for you.

If you lend someone (a low feeble jerk) any money and you never see the effete moron again, it was definitely one bloody wise investment.

If you always tell the truth, you do not have to remember a thing.

Some days you are the poor wee bug; any other days you are the windshield.

Probably the quickest way to double your money is to merely fold it in half and immediately just slip it in your back pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Duct tape is somewhat like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the whole Universe together.

There are just two undeniably fine male theories about arguing with anyone female (like the wife at home). Look, neither one will work.

Broadly speaking, you are not learning a lot when your lips are moving. Preferably, also, do not miss a chance to shut up.

Remember, do not, for any reason, take a sleeping tablet and a laxative on the same night.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Two native Alaskans crouching within a boat were cold, so they started a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly, the boat immediately sank...
~
with them, in a fireball. It's a new twist on a classic problem. Right, friends (granted, it's no secret): you can't have your kayak and heat it too!

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 86

2nd - Adie Pena with:

The solution

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A Catholic priest, an Indian doctor, a wealthy Chinese businessman and an Australian man were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them.

The Aussie fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must've been waiting twenty minutes at least.'

The Indian doctor added, 'Hmm... I don't know, but I've never seen such incompetent play!'

The Chinese businessman shouted out 'Move on, you men! Time's money!'

The Catholic priest said, 'Oh; here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'

'George?' asked the Catholic priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're somewhat slow, aren't they?'

The greens keeper responded, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their eyesight saving our clubhouse from an inferno last year, so we let them play for nothing whenever they want to.'

The group fell silent for some moments.

Then the Catholic priest commented, 'That's just so very sad. I think I may have to say an extra-special prayer for those people tonight.'

The Indian doctor nodded and said, 'Yes, that's a very good idea. I intend to contact my ophthalmology colleagues and see if there's anything they can do for them.'

The Chinese businessman added, 'I think I'll donate twenty-thousand dollars to the fire-fighters union, just to honour these unusually brave souls.'

The Aussie said, 'Why can't they f*cking play at night?'

=

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they arrive there, St. Peter says, 'We have just one official rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are millions of fluffy ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Sorry, but your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this horribly ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another, uglier, oaf of a man. He chains them together with the same admonition as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all of this and, not wishing to be chained for eternity to an ugly man, is religiously careful where she steps.

She manages to go for months without stepping on a duck. One day St. Peter comes to her with the finest man she has ever laid eyes on ... tall, muscular, handsome, green eyes, shiny fair hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

'Alleluia!' giggles the joyful woman. 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.