Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2009
All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 2009 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Cold lager =
Clear gold.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Satisfaction =
Cat in its sofa.
3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Ill-gotten gains =
Silent gloating.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Susan Boyle, "Britain's Got Talent" show =
Best singer on it but, alas, lost anyhow.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Maurice Sendak's "Where the Wild Things Are" =
His tale which amused wee kindergartners.
3rd - Dean Mayer with:
The singer Susan Boyle =
She's one ugly-arse bint
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Katie Price and Peter Andre have now split up. =
It's OK - we prepared the pre-nuptial in advance!
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The global economic crisis =
Resist becoming alcoholic!
Eq3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Memorial Day celebration in the US =
All you remember is death in action.
Eq3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Obama presidency =
Both peace and misery?
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The US author William Sydney Porter ~
used to write triumphally as O Henry.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Impressionist Pierre-Auguste Renoir =
I sure see some inspiring portraiture!
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Superstar Beyonce =
Pure-ebony actress.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
A Pentium central processing unit =
Set in place, it's running a computer.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Webster's Dictionary =
Basic word entry site.
Eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Virgin Atlantic Flying Without Fear Courses =
In one visit, we can at last cure your flight fright!
Eq3rd - View with:
The Penguin Dictionary of Proverbs =
Content: providing you brief phrase.
Eq3rd - Paul Laskoski with:
Colonel Sander's Kentucky Grilled Chicken =
Still only cock knuckle drenched in grease.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Miss California's breast implants funded by pageant=
And it seems super big tits and small brain can pay off.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland =
The former big-hearted land turned into a drinking nation.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Sandro Botticelli's famous painting 'The Birth of Venus'. =
A prim, so-cute virgin stands in the buff (in a shell, to boot!)
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Money, get away
Get a good job with more pay and you're ok.
Money it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team.=
A poem by Obama
Oh, there once was that kindly Obama
Who was stuck in a debt-braving drama:
"I had yearned so for majesty,
Now I get a calamity!
George, you ghastly lad, thanks for THAT trauma!"
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Money, get away
Get a good job with more pay and you're ok.
Money it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team.
=
Money, money, money,
Must be funny, in
A rich mans world.* Great,
As thickhead MPs
Cheat or grab, just *take*
A salary today,
That is bad. I have to go
To work all day to get
A fair wage... Ah, how mad.
*Abba
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Money, get away
Get a good job with more pay and you're ok.
Money it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team.
=
They took away my daydream
Via a money-grabbing scheme,
Fast as a handbag switcheroo;
'Airtight' bank guarantee, too!
Made me just want to holler:
"That's why a pyramid on back of a US dollar!"
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A SHORT LOVE STORY.
A man and woman who'd never met before, and who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Although decidedly uneasy over having to share the compartment, they were both rather tired and dropped off to sleep quickly...
He was in the upper bunk and she was in the lower bunk.
Shortly after midnight, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman, whispering, "Sorry to bother you, but would you mind reaching into the bedside closet to get me a second blanket? I'm feeling rather cold."
"Oh, but I have a much better idea," she purred. "Just for this one night, let us pretend that we're married to each other."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he replied delightedly.
"Right," she said. "Find your own f***ing blanket."
After a brief silence, he farted.
THE END
=
A BEDTIME TEASER.
After twenty years of marriage, a couple were lying in bed one night, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in a way he hadn't for some time.
He started to caress her hair and neck, then began to move down. He stroked her shoulders, then smoothly worked his way down over her breasts, stopping just by the lower abdomen area. He then placed a hand on her left arm, moved it titillatingly alongside her breast again, working down over her buttock, leg, calf and feet to the toes. Then, he proceeded to trail it up her inner leg, stopping at the top. He continued in a similar manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled back and started to watch the TV.
Having become quite aroused, the wife murmured amorously, 'Oh man, that was wonderful! But why did you stop?'
He replied, 'I found the remote'.
?
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The American Dream
An American business consultant on vacation was lolling on the pier of a coastal Mexican village, when a small boat with a solo fisherman docked. Inside the boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the lucky Mexican man loudly on the size and quality of his tuna fish.
"How long did it take you to catch them?" the American queried.
"Only a little while," the Mexican man replied.
"Golly, why don't you stay out longer then and catch more fish?" the curious man asked.
"I have enough now to support my own family's needs," the lowly Mexican answered.
The American man asked, "What do you do with all the rest of your time?"
The lowly fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, stroll into the village each evening, where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, se–or."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you with a sound solution. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat. Then with the proceeds from the large boat you could buy several bigger boats. Finally, you would have a whole fleet of fishing boats."
~
"To emphasize my overview, instead of selling off your catch to a middleman, you would sell it direct to the consumers, eventually opening your own commercial tuna factory. You would control the hand labor done, mechanical processing, and distribution. You'd leave this small coastal fishing village and head off to Mexico City, the Bahamas, then LA, and finally off to a NYC home, where your famed expanding enterprise would be based."
The meek fisherman asked, "Whew, se–or, how long will this all take?"
The American said, "Oh, maybe twenty years."
"What then?" the Mexican questioned.
The American laughed, "Ha, ha, ha! That's the best part. When the time is right you will announce an IPO (Initial Public Offering) and sell your company stock to the public, becoming very rich. You would amass millions!"
"Millions, se–or? Then what?" the Mexican asked.
The American hemmed and hawed and said quite slowly, "Then (ahem) you would retire... head off to a small coastal fishing village... where you would sleep late...fish a little... play with your grandbabies...take a siesta...stroll to the village in the evening with your faithful wife...have some wine...and maybe play a guitar with your amigos..."
3rd - Adie Pena with:
During a recent visit to a mental asylum, I asked the Director, "How do you determine whether or not one should be locked up in this institution?"
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a huge bathtub then we offer a teaspoon, a small teacup and a large bucket to a patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
=
"Oh, isn't that remarkable theoretically?" I admitted. "A normal one, anytime, would use the bucket because it's bigger; and the battiest, flakiest person, the minute spoon or the teacup."
"No, thickhead!" the authoritative Director huffed. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near this window?"
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
AUSSIE RECRUIT'S LETTER HOME.
This is a text of a letter from an excited young army-recruit from Eromanga, to Mum and Dad. (For those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )
Dear Mum and Dad,
I'm very well. Hope youse are very well too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settlin in at first, because ya don't have to get outta bed until six in the mornin. But I like sleeping in now, coz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and polish ya boots and clean off ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin! Ya haz ta have a shower though, but I've decided it's not too bad, coz there's loadsa hot water and even a light so's ya can see what ya's doing!
At brekky ya get the choices of cereals, fruits and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like Mum makes. Ya don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the pansy city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - but, jeez it's only like strollin to the old windmill in the back paddock!
Oh, yeah - this one'll kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep gettin bloody medals for shootin - I dunno why.
~
They reckon I'm good as any top marksman! But the bullseye's as big as a possum's bum and it don't move away and it don't fire back like the Wallmans did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year!
All ya gotta do is just make yourself comfy, aim and hit the target. It's a piece of piss! Ya don't even load your cartridges, they come in little boxes, and ya don't have ta steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shootin' truck when ya reload!
Sometimes you gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fightin with Doug and Phil and Monkey and Joe and Kenny and Wozza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer neither. Looks like I am the best we got in our platoon at the moment, and I've only been beat once, by some bloke from the Engineers squad - he's six-foot-four tall and weighs nineteen stone and he's three pick handles across the shoulders. As ya know I'm only five-foot-five, and seven stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off, still punchin, to the boozer.
I can't complain about the Army - tell the lads ta get in the queue quick before word gets around how bloody good it all is.
Well, gotta go now, Mum and Dad.
From your loving daughter,
Sheila
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Right Said Fred
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Where the Sidewalk Ends
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
Practised fellatio =
Delicate art of lips.
2nd - View with:
Bare-chested =
Cedes the bra.
3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
Howling "No.... There!" =
In the wrong hole.
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