Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2009
All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2009 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
First base
Second base
Third base
A home run =
Smooch
Rate breasts
Hand in briefs
Use a bed.
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
The airbrushing of models and celebrities =
Get rid of acne or this undesirable blemish.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Environmentally damaged =
Man violated my green land!
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Fourth "Indiana Jones" movie by Steven Spielberg =
I have a big problem, just one: Ford is seventy-nine!
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The Lord of the Rings musical =
Hear Frodo & little chums sing.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Disney cartoon version of 'The Little Mermaid'. =
Movie title for one animated children's story.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Rosie Perera with:
Back-to-school sales =
A class book, clothes,...
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Anniversary of September Eleventh Two-thousand-one =
To an eyewitness of them, the planes burn over and over.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Tiny dinosaur fossil is unearthed =
Identifies oldish Tyrannosaurus.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Rene Descartes, French philosopher/mathematician =
Men chant the classic phrase: "I ponder, therefore I am".
2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Serena Williams ~
is mean. I'll swear.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The singer and musician Dolly Parton =
Country idol has endearing implants.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Prostate Specific Antigen =
Test if cancer is eating Pop.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Royal Philharmonic Orchestra =
A short Chopin or a lyric Mahler?
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The Mount Wilson Observatory, Pasadena =
Pay to view moon and solar bursts. Neat, eh?
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Actors who won trophies at this year's Emmys:
- Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"
- Toni Collette, "United States of Tara"
- Glenn Close, "Damages" =
Top contenders from the "Least Tact" contest:
- Serena Williams
- Congress Guy Who Called Obama A Liar
Host: Kayne "Idiot" West
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"I don't look like Halle Berry, but one day she sure as hell will look like me." (Whoopi Goldberg) =
Well, I like her! I like Goldberg's outlook - to keep humble and ballsy. So rare in Hollywood, eh?
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The best does not come alone. It comes with the company of the all." -- Rabindranath Tagore, "Stray Birds" =
There is both a good and bad in the worst acts. They are all teachable moments for my introspection.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night." - Hal Borland
=
A life now mute
amid a hush:
on valley mud,
where old leaves blush;
in wave's cold stare,
now dim and rough;
down in my heart,
that had enough.
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night." - Hal Borland =
In a word, why human souls must avoid melancholy; value the 'here and now.' Though leaves might wither, fall and die, new dreams do abound.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
"Summer ends, and Autumn comes, and he who would have it otherwise would have high tide always and a full moon every night." - Hal Borland =
Humid, humdrum months have gone away;
How we survived the sun heat midday.
Now ahead an orange-hued Fall.
Soon it'll be old Winter's call!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Two men are sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one looks at the other and says, "Hearing your accent, do I detect that you are from Ireland."
"I am indeed!" concedes the second man.
"So am I!" exclaims the first man. "And just where in Ireland might ye come from?"
The other replies, "I come from Dublin."
The first man cries, "Me too! Ah, 'tis a small world! What street did ye live in?"
"I lived in a place called McCleary Street, off the old central area of the city."
"Amazing! So did I! And what school would ye have gone to, by chance'?"
"St. Mary's of course."
"As did I!" cries the first man. "And when did ye graduate?"
"Well, no lie; I graduated back in nineteen-eighty-eight."
"I can hardly believe we've each chanced to be sat in the same bar tonight," chuckles the first man. "Can ye believe that I myself, Feargel, graduated from St. Mary's that same year! Ah, the good Lord is smiling down happily upon us."
At the same time, another man walks up to the bar to order a beer.
The publican walks over shaking his head and huffs, "It's gonna be a long night tonight."
"Why?" asks the customer.
"The Clancy twins are pissed again."
=
A chicken farmer called into his local bar, sat down next to a woman and ordered a glass of their best champagne.
The woman perked up on hearing this, and she said, 'Hey, how about that? I've just ordered a glass of their best champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence,' the farmer said, 'The truth of the matter is, it's a very special day for me, so I'm celebrating.'
'That sure is interesting!" exclaimed the woman. "This is a special day for me too; so I'm also celebrating!'
'Isn't that an unusual coincidence?!' retorted the man. As they clinked their glasses together, the farmer asked her, 'So, what is it that you're celebrating? '
'Well, my husband and I have been trying to have a child for a very long time, and today my gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!'
'Well, that's another coincidence,' said the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all my usual hens have been infertile but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs.'
'Wow, that's great!' said the woman. 'So... how did your chickens eventually become fertile?'
'Oh, I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled and said, 'Hmm, what a coincidence...'
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
An out-of-towner in a rush drives his car into a muddy ditch on a desolate country road, and waits in vexation for a time. Fortunately, a farmer arrives, coming in from the fields with a big strong horse named Buddy, and offers the man some help.
He hitches Buddy up to the car and yells out, "Taffy, pull!" Buddy doesn't move.
The farmer shouts, "Beauty, pull!" The horse won't even budge.
Once more the farmer commands, "Jennie, pull!" Nothing.
Nonchalantly tucking in the shirt he wears, the farmer says, "OK, Buddy, pull." The energetic horse drags the auto up out of the mud.
The motorist is appreciative, yet curious. He asks the farmer why he called the horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer notes, "The reason is, Buddy's blind, and if he thought he was the only one of the team pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
=
A husband and wife, driving down a dry bumpy lane on their way to visit some friends, come to a muddy patch in the road and the car becomes mired. After several minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they notice a young farmer hiking down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stops when he sees the couple in trouble and offers to pull the car out of the mud for forty dollars. The husband accepts and just moments later the car is freed. The farmer turns to the husband and says, "By the way, chum, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud this morning."
The husband looks all around at the fields incredulously and then asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replies seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
"Childhood", by Michael Jackson
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
On Shakespeare
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Keats' "When I Have Fears That I May Cease To Be"
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
You have to be confirmed old-fogyish enough to remember Abbott and Costello's witty comical routines, too crotchety to understand computers, and juvenile enough to appreciate this farcical spoof. For those of us who become stymied by bleeping computers, scroll down...
If comics Abbott and Costello were alive today, they might have modified their famed wry sketch, "Who's on First?" sort of like this:
COSTELLO'S ON LINE TWO
(Costello calls to buy a computer from salesman Abbott)
ABBOTT (cheery): Super Duper computer store. May I help you?
COSTELLO (dignified): Why yes, thank you. I'm setting up an office in my house and I'm thinking about buying a new computer.
ABBOTT: You're welcome. Mac?
COSTELLO: No, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer yet. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: Hey, I told you, I'm Lou!
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get too stuffy?
ABBOTT: Anyway, do you want a computer with Windows, McAfee?
COSTELLO: I don't know. By the way, I'm still Lou! What do I see when I check the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Wow, never mind the windows. I want a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO (agitatedly): No! For my gosh-darn computer! I need it to type proposals, track expenses, run my Chevy franchise. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You just recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO (weary): For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
~
COSTELLO: What did you just recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows, and I'm almost ready to jump out! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a business proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: You would need Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office!
ABBOTT: Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click over the blue 'W'.
COSTELLO: Absurd! Sir, I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start giving me some straight answers! Let's just suppose I'm a used car salesman. Then, what about finance and bookkeeping, and all that? Do you have anything to help me track my money?
ABBOTT: Sure...Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: Yep, it comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with the computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. A real plus, at no extra charge!
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: Say, isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us our own license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later...)
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. How may I help you?
COSTELLO: I'm embarrassed, but how do I turn this useless computer off?
ABBOTT : Click on 'START'...
(The End)
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
A lonely widow =
A wooden willy.
2nd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Cybernetic phallus =
Technically superb.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A thick, erect penis =
I penetrate chicks!
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