Anagrammy Placegetters for October 2009
All the highly-placed anagrams from the October 2009 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Racial tolerance =
Alliance creator.
Eq2nd - Ellie Dent with:
The late lamented =
All meet at the end.
Eq2nd - Larry Brash with:
Dehydration =
Hot an' dry... die!
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
"The Emperor's New Clothes" fairy tale =
Not aware he's completely shirt-free?
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Walt Disney's new feature film, 'A Christmas Carol' =
Classic treat! Awful miser, now freshly animated.!
3rd - Adie Pena with:
"Astro Boy" =
Say "Robot."
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
The Andre Agassi autobiography =
Into a drug habit phase years ago!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
US balloon mother admits it was a con. =
A helium antic blows a son to stardom!
3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Permanent peace in the Middle East =
An ethnic dilemma penetrates deep.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
Michel de Nostredame =
Omens? I declared them!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The late children's author Hans Christian Andersen =
Ah, his rated stories enrich, enthrall and enchant us!
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Actor Michael Myers =
My, America chortles!
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Golden Anniversary =
Dear Granny's in love.
2nd - Dean Mayer with:
Pan-Islamism ~
is imam's plan
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The city of Boston, Massachusetts =
Mass boycott of tea shut in chests.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Walt Disney's 'Pinocchio' was a feature-film and a cartoon. =
A classic story, and what a wonderful piece of animation!
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
The portrait "Young Girl in Profile in Renaissance Dress" =
This fingerprint is genuinely Leonardo--art price soars!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WATSON: "Holmes, I have a stomach ache. What do you think the problem is?"
HOLMES: "Alimentary, my dear Watson."
=
WATSON: "Ah, a postman. He may use the smart back door."
HOLMES: "Oh, which, yellow? Admit I have... it's a lemon entry."
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus =
Conspiracy theorists reuse the medieval seer's manipulated terms.
2nd - Paul Lusch with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus =
Supreme master seer devises predictions that seem hallucinatory.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Les vrayes centuries et propheties de maistre Michel Nostradamus =
I must have seen a people's destiny: disaster tales, much terror, crime...
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The U.S. Postal Service created a postage stamp with a picture of ex-president George W. Bush to commemorate his achievements.
In use, it has been shown that the stamp is not sticking at all to the envelope. This enraged the former president, who demanded
a full investigation.
=
After a month of extensive tests, the appointed committee was able to draw up, then give 'what's-his-name' harsh conclusive results:
1) The custom stamp is in perfect order and is legitimate.
2) There is no damage to the adhesive glue on the back.
3) People are spitting on the wrong side.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Married Irishman James O'Malley went into the confessional and said to his Catholic priest, 'I've nearly had an affair with another woman.'
His priest said, 'What do you mean, nearly?'
O'Malley said, 'Well, we took our clothes off and rubbed together, but then we stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together's the same as putting it in. You're not to see this woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put Û50 in the church poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly dashed over to him saying, 'Hey, one moment! You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yes, but I rubbed the Û50 on it, and according to you, that's the same as puttin' it in!'
=
Seamus Muldoon lived on his own in the Irish countryside with his pet setter, Bobby, as his only companion.
One day Bobby died, so Muldoon went to his priest and inquired, 'Father, my dog has expired. Would ya be sayin' a Mass on Sunday for the poor creature?'
'No, I am afraid I won't,' tutted Father Patrick irritably. 'We cannot have a Mass in the church for an expired animal; but there is that Baptists' union down the lane, and there's no sayin' what nonsense those people believe in. I suppose they may organise something appropriate for the animal.'
Muldoon said, 'That's great! I'll go there right away, Father. I have Û5,500 on me. Do ya think that's enough to donate to them for puttin' on the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't you tell me the dog was a Catholic?'
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, that talented creator of the world-famous and very popular, hook-nosed Victorian detective, Sherlock Holmes, was not averse to relating tales about himself in which he could often be the laughing-stock.
Here is just one of those stories.
As he relates it, he was waiting patiently at a taxi-stand outside the railway station in the capital city of France, Paris.
When a taxi pulled up, he put his suitcase in it and got in himself.
He was about to tell the taxi-driver where precisely he wanted to go, when the driver asked him, "Where can I take you now, Mr. Doyle?"
The astonished Doyle asked the taxi-driver if he knew him by sight. The cab driver said, "No no, Sir, really, I have never, ever, seen you before."
Doyle asked him what made him think that he was actually Conan Doyle.
The driver replied:
=
"The newspaper today had alluded to your vacation in Marseilles. This taxi-stand is where all those who visit, and come from there, always wait.
Added to which, the deeper tone of the skin leads me to believe that you have been on vacation.
While that small black ink-spot I see on your right-hand index finger, suggests that you are perhaps a writer.
Whilst your apparel is a bit like the English, with tweeds, even a cloak with matching deerstalker hat... unlike the French kind.
When I've reviewed all these pieces of information, facts, I deduce that you are indeed Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."
Doyle said, "By Jove, that is hellish clever. Bravo! What next! I see you are a counter-part to my fictional Sherlock Holmes."
"There is one other thing" added the taxi-driver.
"What is that?"
"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
October - Robert Frost
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
THE DISOBEDIENT WIFE.
A police officer pulls over a speeding car, and says, 'I clocked you exceeding the speed limit at ninety miles per hour, sir.'
The driver says, 'Hell, officer I had it on cruise control at sixty, perhaps that radar gun needs calibrating?'
Not looking up from her knitting the man's wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know this car does not have cruise control.'
As the officer is writing out the ticket, the driver looks at his wife and hisses, 'Martha, can you please keep that big mouth shut for a change?'
The wife smiles demurely and replies, 'And you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glares at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Dammit, woman, why don't you just keep your stupid mouth shut?'
The officer frowns and says, 'Oh yes, and I notice that you are not wearing your seat belt, sir. That is an automatic seventy-five pound fine.'
The man says, 'Oh... well, see officer, I had it on, but I had to take it off when you pulled me over so I could get my licence out of my wallet.'
The wife says, 'Now, now dear, we both know full well that you definitely didn't have the seat belt on. And, indeed, you never wear it when you're driving.'
Then, while the police officer is writing out the third ticket the man turns to his wife again and barks, 'OH, HELL, MARTHA! WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHUT THE F*** UP!?'
The officer looks at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, madam?'
'Only when he's pissed.'
=
THE OBEDIENT WIFE.
There was a successful man, who'd worked all his life, saved up lots of cash, and was really miserly when it came to money.
Just before he died, he told his servile wife, "After I've gone, I want you to go and round up all my money, and put it in the coffin with my body so I can take it to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise with all her heart, that after he died, she would definitely not forget to put the money in the coffin. "I won't," she assured him.
Soon afterwards, he passed away.
The day before the funeral, he lay stretched out, lifeless, in a velvet-lined coffin. His sorrowful wife sat nearby - dressed in black - with her trusty friend, Katy, sitting next to her. When they'd paid their respects, and the funeral undertakers were getting ready to close the coffin, the wife said, "Sorry... could you wait for just a minute?"
She produced a small wooden box, which she carried over and put in the casket. Then the undertakers' assistants locked the coffin and rolled it away.
"My goodness, Ursula!" her friend said, "Surely you weren't foolish enough to put all of that money in with your husband's body?"
Ursula replied, "Look, Katy, you know I'm not an unscrupulous person, I'm a good, giving Christian; I couldn't go back on my word. I promised that I was going to put the money in the casket with him."
"Sorry... you mean to tell me you've actually put the cash in the casket?" said Katy.
"I have," said the wife. "I got it all together as asked, put it into my bank account, and wrote him a check... If he can cash it, then he can have it."
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A Sonnet Upon Sonnets
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Praise genitals =
"It's a large penis!"
2nd - Scott Gardner with:
An erotica shop =
It has ace porno.
3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Prefer it anal =
Felt rear pain.
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