Anagrammy Placegetters for December 2009
All the highly-placed anagrams from the December 2009 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
You can't teach an old dog new tricks. =
Work on educating old cats. They can!
2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Scientific data =
I indicate facts.
3rd - Larry Brash with:
The Christmas Season =
Smash that recession.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Scott Gardner with:
The novella "A Christmas Carol," by Charles Dickens =
A rather classic book enchants every small child.
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
"Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" =
Road rage murdering bony veteran.
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Rodgers and Hammerstein's "The Sound of Music" =
Hundreds of us recommend Maria's hit song set.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - View with:
The Climate Talks =
Task: Halt ice melt!
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
The gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh =
Three Kings offer damn fancy things, Lord!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Dickens: 'A Christmas Carol' =
Saccharin... like most cards.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Sir Patrick Hewes Stewart =
It's a Star Trek ship we crew.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The professional US golfer Tiger Woods =
A need for trollops?! This wife's gorgeous!
3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Sir Patrick Stewart =
A crisp 'Star Trek' wit.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Himalayan Mount Everest =
A summit nearly to Heaven.
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Empire State Building =
I'd be an upright steel item
3rd - Adie Pena with:
Reader's Digest ~
is dead. Regrets.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Ellie Dent with:
One foggy evening, the celebrated Victorian Author, Charles Dickens walks into this city bar and orders a Martini. =
The bartender, Abel, a funny character, remarks: "Ah, good evening! I can get this: an icy cold drink. So, is it olive or twist?"
2nd - Adie Pena with:
The fiftieth anniversary of Rodgers and Hammerstein's "The Sound of Music" ~
means "Do-Re-Mi," "My Favorite Things," other stuff sound fresh and are nice hits.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen =
Announcing one nice chance to mend planet's ice-heat grief.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"In your opinion, what were the best three things that happened in the first decade of the millennium?" =
-"The Miracle on the Hudson".
-The writer Tina Fey imitating Palin.
-The end of president Bush; the new hope.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
"In your opinion, what were the best three things that happened in the first decade of the millennium?"
=
1. The end of that idiot Bush.(My top one)
2. The new American president's input.
3. The real winner: The High Life.
3rd - View with:
"In your opinion, what were the best three things that happened in the first decade of the millennium?"
=
1. Three Olympiads
2. Obama - first non-white in the White House
3. The Internet - perfect united helping hand.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
WOULD YOU REMARRY?
A husband and his wife are settled in bed reading, when the wife glances over at him and asks him the eternal question....
WIFE: "Pete; what would you do if I were to die? Would you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "What? Absolutely not, Cathy!"
WIFE: "How come? Don't you enjoy being married?"
HUSBAND: "Well... yes. Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "
HUSBAND: "Sheesh! Well... all right, yes, maybe I would then."
WIFE: "You would?" (with hurt expression).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in this house?"
HUSBAND: "Well, yes, I suppose so; it's a great house."
~
WIFE: "Would you sleep in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Maybe - it is nearly new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my photos with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like a natural thing to do... ooh, this is quite an interrogation!"
WIFE: "Yeah. Sorry. I am an idiot! But... would you give her my rare jewelry too?"
HUSBAND: "No, I am sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, they are always extra-good times."
WIFE: "And would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "Shit."
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Bottle of Wine
A woman and a man are involved in a sudden spin accident on a cold snowy morning. It's a bad one, for both of their cars are totally
demolished, but neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of the wreck, the man is discernibly muttering about "All you woman drivers!"
The woman responds, "Yes, I'm a woman - so what!? Just look at the cars! There's nothing left, but we're not hurt. Perhaps it's a sign
from the benevolent Lord that we should make peace and live as friends, beautifying the rest of our days."
The man blushes, "Oh, I agree completely - it must be a sign from God!
=
But it's still your error...a birdbrain woman should NEVER be allowed to drive!"
The woman says, "Mercy! Look at this - a miracle! My car is completely demolished, but a bottle of fine burgundy wine survived. Surely
God wants us to share this red wine and celebrate our good fortune."
She offers the wine to the gruff man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and scarfs half the bottle, and offers it back to
the woman. The woman reclaims the bottle, puts the cap on, and hands it to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No, I'm just going to wait for the police..."
3rd - Adie Pena with:
On the 12th day of Christmas
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
The Tiger - William Blake
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet for Christmas
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Dear Granddaughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian bookstore and saw a 'Honk If You Love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I'd just come from a really rousing choir performance, followed by the most memorable prayer meeting. So, I bought a sticker and put it on my bumper.
Mamma mia! Am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience followed next!
I was stopped at a red light at this busy intersection, momentarily lost in thought about the Lord and how great He is, and didn't see that the lights had changed.
It's a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if that man hadn't honked, I wouldn't have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the man behind started honking like crazy, and then leant out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God, woman, go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida amongst them all because I heard him yell something about a sunny beach. I saw another man waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my grandson (your cousin Norman) in the back seat what that meant. Norman said it was probably some Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the sign right back!
Norman burst out laughing. Yes, even he was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the glory of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I went to, but that's when I saw the lights had changed. So I waved at all my brothers and sisters and, grinning, drove on across the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car to get through the intersection before the lights changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we'd shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove off.
Praise our Lord for such wonderful folks!
Will write again soon,
Love from,
Grandmomma.
=
IDIOTS? NO; MEN ARE JUST JOLLIER!
IDIOTIC NICKNAMES
If Viv, Kathy and Vicki go out for lunch, they will call each other Viv, Kathy and Vicki.
If Dick, David and John go out, they will jokily refer to each other as, Earwigo, Coyotebreath and Testicle.
EATING OUT/DIVIDING
When the bill arrives, Dick, David and John will readily throw in twenty dollars each, even though it is only for thirty-three dollars eighty. None of them will have anything smaller and will avoid admitting they want change back.
When the girls receive their bill, out come the pocket calculators and it is divided exactly.
MONEY
A man will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item that he needs.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she does not need but it's on sale.
BATHROOM IDEOLOGY
A man has six things in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving gel, a good razor, soap, and a towel.
The number of things in the average woman's bathroom is about three hundred and thirty-eight. A guy would not be able to identify more than twenty of these.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is adjudged to be the start of a new argument.
THE FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
GETTING MARRIED
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he does not.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will get dressed up to go shopping, give the plants a watering, empty the trash, cook, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A guy will get dressed up for weddings and funerals.
LOOKING GOOD OVERNIGHT
Men wake up looking just as good as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
CHILDREN
Ah, the joy of children! A woman is dedicated to, and knows all about, her children. She knows about their dentist appointments, romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, hopes, ideas and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
FAULTFINDING - THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There is no use in two people remembering the same thing!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
eq1st - Adie Pena with:
It's in cold winter weather ~
erections wilt and wither.
eq1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
An utter poser I knew... =
Pretentious wanker!
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Anguish of external haemorrhoids =
A sore horde hung from his anal-exit!
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