Anagrammy Placegetters for August 2010
All the highly-placed anagrams from the August 2010 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Rik Sengupta with:
What in god's name ~
was the man doing?
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Define the world in a thesis? =
Life is short and then we die.
3rd - New Kid with:
True happiness =
It sure happens.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's 'Impression: Sunrise' =
It seems sun and colours inspire me.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Mona Lisa in the Louvre, Paris =
Oh, she's a true marvel in oil paint!
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
World of Anagrams by Zoran Radisavljevic =
A major canvassing of old verbal wizardry.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Pope said religion had ~
organised pedophilia.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
A collapsed mine =
One dismal place!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The trapped thirty-odd Chilean miners =
It's hot, dirty and cramped in there...HELP!
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Neil Ramsay with:
Springsteen =
Spent singer.
2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Hans Christian Andersen =
Danish sir's an enchanter.
3rd - Rik Sengupta with:
Frank Sinatra =
Rank first, an "A"!
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
National Geographic Magazine =
Going to an amazing place, I hear!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Positano, Italy =
Oily antipasto!
3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Rational Dress Society =
I resist the corset on a lady.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A highly ruthless remark of a lad to a lady in a very good film ('Gone With The Wind'): =
"Rhett! If you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?"
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:
1. Self-Actualization
2. Esteem
3. Love and Belonging
4. Safety Needs
5. Physiological Needs =
Man's Lifestyle Needs:
1. Gee, a Wife!
2. Lunch/Dinner Dates
3. Glasses of Alcohol
4. Playboy Magazine's Hot Videos
5. Erection
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Chelsea Clinton's bridal gown is most sumptuous! I see that it's a present from her daddy. =
Amen! Proud day, chic gesture. It's not the first time Bill's splashed out on a woman's dress.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
The Future of Barack
When I became the president, Bush sure left for me:
Five Oil rigs fishy,
Four Bankers crazy,
Three Auto brands costly
Two Mideast battles bloody
And A busted economy!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
"What a year it's been running our US! The Libyan bomber stuff; the effect of BP's leak; our destabilized economy; wars; cutbacks; terrorism; the odd locust...
My beloved forefathers had it easy!"
3rd - Neil Ramsay with:
"My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors."
President Barack Obama =
Ford informed the FBI,
Carter's cold war fed them lies.
Reagan's shot was a furtive act,
Bush's Storm - an oily pact.
Frisky Clinton - rub a dub dub,
Then they set free Beelzebub!
Aye, you seem OK too...
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
SENIOR CENTRE
It was entertainment night at the Senior Centre, and Claude the hypnotist declared: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light.
Claude said: 'I want you all to keep your eyes on this watch. It is very special and has been in my family for five generations.'
He began to swing the watch slowly back and forth while gently purring, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch...' The old audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, the light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes all followed the watch until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.
'Shit!' cursed the hypnotist.
It took three days to clear up the Centre.
=
SENIOR ROAD TRIP
Whilst away on a road trip, an old couple stopped at a cafe to have lunch.
After finishing their lunch, they left the table to continue the trip.
Exiting the cafe, the woman unwittingly left her spectacles on the table inside, and didn't miss them until they'd driven thirty miles.
To make matters worse, they had to go quite a few miles down the freeway to find somewhere safe to turn round before they could go back to pick up the spectacles.
All the way back, the husband was the classic waspish, tetchy old man. He cussed and complained during the whole drive, tactlessly criticizing his wife's mistake. The more he ranted, the tetchier he became, not letting up on his incessant whining for a minute.
To the wife's relief, they finally reached the cafe. As the woman zipped out of the car and ran in to get her spectacles, the old guy called to her, "And while you're in there, you may as well get my hat and credit cards!"
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
A blonde in pigtails, seeking to earn some money, decides to hire herself out as a handywoman and begins canvassing rich neighborhoods. She walks up to the front door of the first house and asks the owner if he has any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint this porch. How much will you charge to do it?"
The blonde fidgets, hesitates, and asks, "How about fifty dollars?"
The man agrees and tells her that the paint, masking tape, ladder, etc. that she will need are in the garage.
The man's wife hears the conversation and asks her husband, "Does she know that the porch extends all the way around the house?"
The man replies, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short while later, the blonde walks up to the door to collect her money.
"Are you finished with that task already?" the man asks in disbelief.
"Sure," the blonde answers, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two vivid coats!"
Impressed, the man digs deep inside his pocket for the money.
"And by the way," the blonde adds, as she takes the fifty dollars, "it is not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
=
A blonde housewife is tired of all the blonde jokes, and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. To illustrate to her husband that blondes are actually smart, she decides to paint a couple of rooms and ceilings in their home while he is at work.
The next day, after her husband leaves, the happy woman gets right down to the task.
Her husband comes home, notices high scaffolding and detects the distinctive odor of half-dried paint. Startled, the man walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. Then he sees that she has on a ski parka and a shaggy mohair coat.
Hugging her, he asks her, "Honey, are you OK?"
The listless, headachy blonde sniffs, "Yes."
He asks her what she was trying to do.
The wife answers that she wanted to prove that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting their home.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
A few public flashes of wit we value, by some well-known people of a bygone era:
"A man is but the product of his thoughts; what he thinks, he becomes." (Mahatma Gandhi)
"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." (Martin Luther King Jr.)
"There are no facts, only interpretations." (Friedrich Nietzsche)
"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest." (Mark Twain)
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." (Albert Einstein)
"France does not have friends, only interests." (General Charles de Gaulle)
"Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe." (H.G. Wells)
=
And, sadly, here is this bunch of citations from the so-called stars of current times:
"YOU'RE A PAIN IN MY ASS!" (Mel Gibson to a former girlfriend)
"Walmart? Do they, like, sell walls there?" (Heiress Paris Hilton)
"Well, let's see. There's... of course, in the great history of America, there have been rulings." (Sarah Palin, the candidate for Vice President, can't think of Supreme Court decisions on CBS News)
"When you have an enemy to fight, then you can unite the entire world behind you, and you seize power. That was Hitler's plan." (Glenn Beck on Al Gore's campaign against global warming)
"German? I don't know what that means. We don't say that in America." (The teen idol Justin Bieber)
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 30
Eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
NELSON AND HARDY ON THE EVE OF BATTLE.
NELSON: Order the signal, Hardy.
HARDY: Aye, aye sir.
NELSON: Just a minute; that is not what I dictated, what is the meaning of this?
HARDY: Sorry sir?
NELSON (reading out loud): 'England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, culture, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability'. What gobbledegook is this?
HARDY: It's Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We are an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the EU censors, lest it be construed as racist.
NELSON: Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and my tobacco.
HARDY: I'm sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments.
NELSON: In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle.
HARDY; The rum ration has been withdrawn, Admiral. It is part of the Government's policy on binge drinking.
NELSON: Good heavens Hardy, no rum? I suppose we had better get on with it thenÉ full speed ahead.
HARDY: Um... I think you'll find that there is now a four-knot speed limit in this stretch of water.
NELSON: Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in naval history! We must advance with all dispatch. Let me have a report from the crow's nest please.
HARDY: That won't be possible, sir.
NELSON: What?!
HARDY: Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest. No harness; and they said that rope ladders do not meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there; not until suitable scaffolding can be erected.
NELSON: Then you must deploy the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy.
HARDY: Um... that won't be possible either, sir.
NELSON: What! Why not, man?
HARDY: He is busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck, Admiral.
NELSON: Wheelchair access? Humbug! I have never heard anything so absurd!
HARDY: Health and Safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently-abled.
NELSON: Differently-abled? I only have one arm ~
and one eye, and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't progress to the rank of Admiral by playing the disability card.
HARDY: Er... actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiencies.
NELSON: Good Lord! Whatever next? Give me full sail. The breeze and the salt spray beckon!
HARDY: A couple of problems there also, sir. Health and Safety won't let the crew climb the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt Ð haven't you seen the adverts?
NELSON: Bejabbers! I profess I've never heard such garbage! Break out the cannons and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy.
HARDY: It seems the men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral.
NELSON: What? This is mutiny!
HARDY: It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of perhaps being charged with murder if they actually, well... kill someone. There's a pair of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks.
NELSON: Then how are we to sink the French and Spanish aggressors?
HARDY: Er... we're not, sir.
NELSON: We're not?
HARDY: No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our steadfast European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We might get clobbered with a compensation claim.
NELSON: But we detest the Frogs as we detest the devil.
HARDY: Best not let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear that sir. You'll be up on a disciplinary report.
NELSON: Don't you consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of the King?
HARDY: Not any more, sir. We need to, quote: 'be inclusive in this multicultural age.' Now put on this padded Kevlar vest, please. It's the rules, and could save your life.
NELSON: Don't tell me Ð Health and Safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?
HARDY: As explained, sir, rum's off the agenda. And there's a ban on corporal punishment.
NELSON: And... what about sodomy?
HARDY: I believe that is now legal, sir.
NELSON: In that case: Kiss me, Hardy!
eq2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"One Hundred Love Sonnets" by Pablo Neruda.
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
Natural bodily functions =
I'd continually fart on bus.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
She disappointed the man. =
She'd a tampon in...
T
h
i
s
d
e
e
p
3rd - Rik Sengupta with:
Foot fetish =
"Oh, stiff toe!"
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