Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2010
All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2010 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Our golden wedding anniversary =
We're old, gray and on nine IV drugs.
2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
Vatican doctrine =
A divine contract?
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Computer newbies . =
IneptWebUser.com
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson =
It's our landlubber in tense story overseas.
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Simon and Garfunkel hit, 'Homeward Bound' =
Had hummed this one on brand new folk guitar!
3rd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Shatner spouts ~
"Phasers to stun."
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
We've something to tell the US president, Barack Obama =
We must leave the Mideast alone. Bring back the troops!
2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Nigerian floods ruin crops =
Poor cursing rain on fields.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
George Michael is sent to gaol =
Oh, megastar going to cell, I see.
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Ellie Dent with:
Thomas Arne =
A short name
2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
The World's Shortest Man, Colombian, Edward Hernandez =
Born small - comes 'down-sized' rather than 'down-hearted'!
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Simon/Garfunkel =
Men sung folk air.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The messaging website Twitter =
It's the biggest new time-waster!
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist =
Celebrate a mass, thus feed on Christ.
eq3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
Curses! It hit ice in its path... ~
it's the cruise ship Titanic
eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Liberal Democrats =
Calm deliberators.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
A kindly Mother Superior called the nuns together and said, "I have to announce that we've a case of gonorrhoea in the ~
convent."
"Oh, I thank the Heavens!" said one nun elder to a colleague at the group's rear, "I am so tired of Chardonnay White."
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The two little misconceptions that some Americans may entertain about the tricky issue of a "Ground Zero Mosque"=
1. It's not the main Ground Zero site (it's a couple of blocks away);
2. That's not a mosque, either (it's a mere community center)!
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
God was talking to Archangel Gabriel. 'Do you know, I've created a twenty-four hour period of alternating light and darkness.' =
'Profound thinking, ensuring great work! Whatever can you go on to do after that?' asked Gabriel.' 'I'll call it a day' answered God.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Ellie Dent with:
ary had a itte ab
Its feece as hite as sno.
And everyhere that ary ent
The ab as sure to go.
It fooed her to schoo one day
hich as against the rue.
1!It ade the chidren augh and pay
To see a ab at schoo.
=
Oh, Cary has a tiny sheep
It has a frosty hue
And here/there that Cary goes
The tiny beast goes too.
Teachers get to see it
Audacious at her side
And have to hear a 'baa' - odd!
If 'baa' one cannot hide.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
ary had a itte ab
Its feece as hite as sno.
And everyhere that ary ent
The ab as sure to go.
It fooed her to schoo one day
hich as against the rue.
It ade the chidren augh and pay
To see a ab at schoo.
=
Oh Barbara, she has a tot
That she has often fed;
He cannot even tie a shoe -
A catatonic head.
The guy's a dope, I do agree,
Yet it is sad to hear
A hearty country he debased
In eight atrocious years.
eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
ary had a itte ab
Its feece as hite as sno.
And everyhere that ary ent
The ab as sure to go.
It fooed her to schoo one day
hich as against the rue.
It ade the chidren augh and pay
To see a ab at schoo.
=
I hate this idea - three characters short?
Too hard to arrange I'd have thought.
To essay the ode? That I refuse,
As a headache can often ensue.
I'd as soon stab a pin in each eye.
Ta-ta, good'ay, bye bye!
eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
ary had a itte ab
Its feece as hite as sno.
And everyhere that ary ent
The ab as sure to go.
It fooed her to schoo one day
hich as against the rue.
It ade the chidren augh and pay
To see a ab at schoo.
=
Tot's Song
O*d *cDona*d had a far*
E-I-E-I-O
And on that far* he had ten shy shaggy sheep
E-I-E-I-O
Here a shy "Baa", there a shy "Baa"
Every*here that constant stuttered, "B-a-a"!
Chorus (taut staccato):
E-I-E-I-O
E-I-E-I-O
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
I was very unhappy last night and got to thinking about my life - the ruined economy, the wars abroad, the dearth of any jobs, all those bad retirement fund losses, my wife's cheating... you get my drift?
So I phoned the Samaritans.
Got a freakin' call centre in Pakistan. I told them I was feeling suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
=
Naturist Scott was sunbathing starkers on the beach.
For the sake of civility, and to keep 'other' things from getting burned, he'd placed a hat over his manhood.
A woman in a bikini jiggled past and exclaimed sarcastically, "Hey, meathead, if you were any kinda gentleman you'd lift your hat."
Scott smiled and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it'd lift itself."
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Top 10 Female Erogenous Zones
10. Inner Thighs
9. Behind the Knees
8. Buttocks
7. Nape of the Neck
6. Ears
5. Feet
4. Wrists
3. Breasts (Nipples)
2. Vagina/Clitoris
1. Lips
=
Top 10 Male Passion Zones
1. 'Batons'
2. The 'Big Bone'
3. Cocks
4. The 'Fun Frankfurters'
5. The 'Little Soldiers'
6. Peckers
7. Penises (Again!)
8. The 'Thing'
9. Vipers
10. Weenies
3rd - David Bourke with:
A vicar checked himself into a hotel, and he said to the clerk in the reception, "I do so hope that the pornography channels up in my bedroom are disabled."
=
The chap replied, shaking his head, "No cripple videos, no chance! It's the more normal, able-bodied hardcore type instead. To think you're a man of the cloth!"
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Human Seasons
eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
MONKTON HALL RESTAURANT.
A group of 40-year-old girlfriends were discussing where they should meet for dinner.
Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami because the waiters wore tight pants and had nice bums.
10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami because the home-cooked food was very good and the selection of wines was very good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami, mainly because they could dine there in peace and quiet and it had an exceptionally beautiful view of the ocean.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami because the establishment was now wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at Monkton Hall restaurant in Miami because they had never been there before.
=
AN ASTUTE DEALER
Several men were in the changing room of a golf club at Fort Lauderdale. Suddenly, a cell-phone on a seat rang and one of the guys engaged the hands-free function and started to chat.
Everyone else in the room paused to listen.
MAN: "Yes?"
WOMAN: "Sweetheart, it's Susie. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I am at a Lauderdale shopping centre and I have found an utterly beautiful Burberry leather coat. It's only $1,100. Can I buy it?"
MAN: "Yes, sure Susie. Go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "Really? Gee, thanks sweetie! I also called in at a Mercedes dealership and looked at their new 2010 models. There was a cherry-red sedan there that I really loved."
MAN: "I see. How much is it?"
WOMAN: "$74,600."
MAN: "Yes, let's get it; but for that price I'd require all the added accessories as standard."
WOMAN: "Super! Er... there is one other thing, dear... The house that we were after last year is on the market again. They are asking eight-hundred and fifty-thousand dollars."
MAN: "Well, go ahead and offer them 800K. They'll probably accept that. If they don't reduce, we can easily afford the extra fifty. It is an unusually fair price."
WOMAN: "Great! See you later, sweetheart! I love you so much."
MAN: "'Bye Susie. I love you too."
The man hung up. The other guys in the changing room were staring at him in open-mouthed astonishment... He smiled and said:
"Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
eq2nd - David Bourke with:
You were Spain
eq2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
OLD __________ NEVER DIE...
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
Fingered up the arsehole =
For heightened pleasure!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Gay hotels and bars =
Lad shags a rent-boy.
3rd - Ed Pegg Jr with:
Prick, dong =
Dick, prong.
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