Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2011

All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 2011 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
To make the dish delicious ~
I'd use the cook Delia Smith.

eq2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Beatles' "The Long and Winding Road" =
We had then a grand old song in "Let It Be."

eq2nd - nedesto with:
A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney =
How I made ninety two years fun.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi =
Politician bullshit is over. Amen!

2nd - Rob Bretveld with:
Penn State's Coach Paterno fired amid scandal =
An icon replaced for inept act stands ashamed.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The Kate Middleton pregnancy rumours =
Could her tummy, so tender, parent a king?

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The Tory Prime Minister, David Cameron =
Pardon my advice to him...retirement, sir!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The actor Laurence Olivier =
I never caricature Othello.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
US Secretary of State Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton =
Once held 'First Lady' status. (Royal throne in America!)

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
"The Anagrammy Challenge for November is to describe yourself using these words." =
Here's a secret: I'm old. How old? Gangs of vultures sit eyeing me from nearby branches!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
"The Anagrammy Challenge for November is to describe yourself using these words." =
Formerly huge-fortunes obsessed, I'm now this college teacher driven by anagrams.

3rd - Maurice Goddard with:
The Anagrammy Challenge for November is to describe yourself using these words
=
Forum urged
Answer here!
I sing songs
To stomach cheer!
My belly's fat,
And I love beer!!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The 2003 First Place Winner of Technical Standards' Worst Manual Contest: "A Butchers Trolley":

ASSEMBLY PROCEDURE

1. Be tights part E with part I together by fitting M. Also can be installation handle part J in this side.

2. Be tights part D with part H together by fitting M. Like a step No. 1. And may be installation handle in this side too. Use corner fitting to be holds the Bottle rack.

3. To connects the both side legs with Back frame part G. Then ware Wire tray along the position itself and tighten each corner.

4. Assemble wood top with drawer divider. And bring part from Step No. 3 turn around to back of wood top (from picture) then tights wood top with housing and ware all casters to position. When this step finished turn around it again. Be CAREFUL top wood face!

5. Input the Drawers.

6. Test stranger & use on.

=

Proper instructions for assembling Ikea furniture:

1. Rip the PRODBLATT's package open. Notice that it's brown and that's the wrong effing color. Wonder if 'PRODBLATT' meant 'Ignore the client's words' in Sweden.

2. Remove the cheap parts, 132 plastic bolts and basic manual. Gawk at the nonsensical drawings.

3. As they instruct, fit the drawer in with that flattened bolt thingy and NOT with the pitchfork. Wait, what?

4. Cut digit on a sharp piece of plywood. Utter passionate obscenities. Dab digit with the manual to absorb the dripping blood. It won't help matters anyhow.

5. Grow madder. Decide to rely on instincts.

6. Congrats, the PRODBLATT Letter-Sorting Hutch 300 is finished! But alas, so are you, being carted off to the nearest rest-home and all. Just hope there are better solutions there for sorting mail.

2nd - nedesto with:
A trooper pulled a car over and asked the man driving why it was that he was speeding. He said he was a juggler and was hurrying to get to a show at the Children's Circus. Because the cop was fascinated, he told the driver that if he would juggle for him, he wouldn't issue a ticket.

The man told the trooper he'd sent all his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle yet. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them.

=

The juggler said yes, so the cop lit and handed him five flares. As the man was juggling, a van pulled up. This red-faced doddering Irish drunk got out, watched the juggler for a while, then went over to the squad car, opened the rear door and got in. The cop watched him, then scurried over and asked the sottish aimless drunk what he thought he was doing.

Halfhearted, he said, "You really might as well take me up to jail, Chief, because there ain't no way I can pass that test."

3rd - Adie Pena with:
TOP TEN GAYEST SONGS EVER

1. Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur - "Bosom Buddies"
2. Sylvester - "You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)"
3. ABBA - "Dancing Queen"
4. Andy Bell & k.d. lang - "Enough is Enough"
5. Tim Curry - "Sweet Transvestite"
6. Pete Shelley - "Homosapien"
7. Doris Day - "Secret Love"
8. Klaus Nomi - "You Don't Own Me"
9. The Weather Girls - "It's Raining Men"
10. The Smiths - "Handsome Devil" / David Bowie - "Boys Keep Swinging"

=

Need a suggestively merry tune
That will make you croon.
See the movie so "engagingly queer";
He'll add "well-designed," my dear!
With gays/lesbians heading show business
Remember, the cleverness is endless!

TOP TEN BEST GAY MOVIES

1. Brokeback Mountain
2. Boys Don't Cry
3. Milk
4. Beautiful Thing
5. Rent
6. Philadelphia
7. In & Out
8. My Own Private Idaho
9. All About Eve
10. Gods and Monsters

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The full lyrics of the song "Tears Dry On Their Own"

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
On Approaching Italy

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
An Arab had spent several long days wandering the desert without locating any water. In the end, things got so bad that his camel died of thirst.

He crawled through the sands, quite certain that he was drawing his last breath, when suddenly he saw something shiny poking up from the sand several yards ahead.

He crawled over to the article, pulled it out of the sand, and saw that he had unearthed a Manischewitz wine bottle. And it appeared that there might even be a drop or two left in the bottle!

He unscrewed the top... and suddenly... out popped a genie! But this was no ordinary genie. Not at all. This appeared to be a Chasidic Rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat and black hat, and full side curls.

'Hello, hello! said the genie, 'Vell kiddo, you know how things vork. You got three vishes.'

'I'm not going to trust you, said the Arab. 'I'm not going to trust a Jewish genie!'

'Vot you got to lose? Looks to me you're a goner anyvay!'

He thought for a minute and decided that the genie was right. 'Okay then, I would like to be in a lush oasis, with lots of food and cold drinks.'

POOF!

Suddenly, the Arab found himself in the most green and lush place he'd ever seen and he was surrounded by jugs of chilled wine and platters of delicacies.

'Ok kiddo, vot's your second vish?'

'My second wish is that I were rich beyond all my wildest dreams.'

POOF!

Suddenly he found himself surrounded by treasure chests, all filled with rare old coins and precious gems.

'Okay kiddo, you got vone more vish. Better you should make this a really good vone!'

After contemplating for a moment, the Arab said, 'Ok... I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will always need and want me!'

POOF!

He was turned into a tampon.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

If you're an Arab doing business with a Jewish genie, there's going to be a string attached.

=

An old prospector shuffled into town trailing his tired old mule behind him, and made straight for the saloon to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the hitch rail and tied the docile mule to it. As he stood there, brushing dust from his face and clothes, a young cowboy stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

He looked at the old man and guffawed, "Say, old timer, have you ever danced a jig?" The old man looked up at him and said, "No, I can't say I've ever wanted to."

A crowd started to gather as the boozy cowboy grinned and said, "Aw gee, you haven't? Well, you are gonna dance a jig now," and started firing indiscriminately at the old man's feet. The prospector, not wishing to have his toes blown off piecemeal, started jumping about like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.

When his last bullet had been fired, the laughing gunslinger holstered his gun and turned to go back in the saloon. With that, the prospector went to his mule, withdrew a double-barrelled shotgun out of his backpack, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried audibly in the desert air.

The crowd immediately stopped laughing. The gunslinger heard the sounds too, and turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as he stared at the gaping holes of those twin barrels. The shotgun never wavered in the old man's grip, as he quietly said, "Boy, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir... but I've always wanted to."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

Do not waste vital ammunition.

Avoid whiskey, as it makes you think you are smarter than you are.

Always be sure you know who possesses the power.

Do not piss off old men; they didn't reach that ripe age in life by being stupid.

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Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2011

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY