Anagrammy Placegetters for May 2013

All the highly-placed anagrams from the May 2013 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Dean Mayer with:
The Eurovision Song Contest =
Voting's so contentious here.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

eq1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Many courts call the man an opportunistic predator =
Commentary on Stuart Hall's inappropriate conduct.

eq1st - Rosie Perera with:
Plane lands without landing gear in New Jersey =
And a jet spilling oil endangers the new runway.

3rd - nedesto with:
Memorial Day observances in the US =
A Monday hails our best servicemen.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Prometheus =
The Supremo.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, Michele Knight =
Hijacked human beings lead ten grim years.

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Thomas Alva Edison ~
has a most novel aid.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
A Gibson electric guitar =
Suitable in a gig? Correct.

eq2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Memorial Day Celebration =
Remind America to be loyal.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"I see your condition through my telescope. We have intercepted your supplies. Give in like a good fellow, and bring your garrison to dinner, and beds afterwards. Nobody injured, I hope?"
=
I do believe being cornered is crippling you.
Lose your pride for one night, guys.
I know how dispirited you ruthless cannon-fodder are.
Join me and we'd have plenty to toast!

Beauregard

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"I see your condition through my telescope. We have intercepted your supplies. Give in like a good fellow, and bring your garrison to dinner, and beds afterwards. Nobody injured, I hope?"
=
I KNOW Y'ALL SURRENDERED IN COWARDICE (STOP)
INVITED TO GIG HERE IN YOUR HONOR (STOP)
ENJOY OUR FOOD WINE AND MEDICINE HAUL (STOP)
LEAVE RIFLE HUNG BY BEDSIDE (STOP)

BEAUREGARD IN GREY(STOP)

3rd - David Bourke with:
"I see your condition through my telescope. We have
intercepted your supplies. Give in like a good fellow,
and bring your garrison to dinner, and beds afterwards.
Nobody injured, I hope?"
=
Unencrypted:
"Dear Rob, I hope you do consider retiring. Guns down,
just give in! End this right now...or else I'll have to
defriend you on my Facebook page. I await a response,
buddy. Pierre. LOL!"

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
THINGS THAT DOGS NEED TO REMEMBER

I will not play with Dad's underwear when he is in the bathroom.

The garbage collector is certainly a jerk: however he's normal, and harmless. He is NOT a crook, a madman who's stealing all our things.

I do not need to stand up when I'm hiding under the Scandinavian coffee table.

I will not roll my childish toys far behind the fridge.

I WILL shake rainwater from my coat BEFORE I enter the house.

I will not eat all the cats' lunch, before - or after - they've eaten it.

I will stop trying to find clean carpet anywhere indoors when I'm ready to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I won't roll on dead birds, stinky wet fishes' innards, and so on.

I will not lick my human's face after I've eaten animal poop.

Kitty Crunchies are food that's not normally recommended for canines.

=

I won't eat any more cast-off socks and redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not an actual cookie jar.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell him.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the beetroot-red one, or my human will fret... think that I'm ill and hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I won't insist on having the window rolled fully down when it's raining.

We do NOT have a doorbell fitted. So I won't bark persistently each time I hear one on the TV.

I will not steal my Mom's delicate frilly underwear and dance around our back yard with it.

The sofa is not a huge flannel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not wilfully bite the officer's hand when he reaches for Mom's driver's license and the car registration.

eq2nd - nedesto with:
Fergus is at a local bar and pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in.

"Oh, damn!" he says. "I puked all over my shirt, and If the wife finds out, she is going to kill me."

"Ah, not to worry, Fergus" says the bartender. "Here, stick a twenty in your pocket and just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill."

So Fergus goes on home and tells his wife about this guy who puked all over him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. "Uh huh. And why are there two twenties?" she says.

Fergus replies, "Oh, yeah. And that guy crapped in my pants, too!"

=

One evening at the brewery this chap Casey's stinkin' drunk, so the bar keeper says, "Seems you've had too much. Go home."

Casey gets up off the stool, falls down, and crawls out the door. Outside, Casey falls down again, so he crawls home.

When he arrives, he falls again trying to open the door. He crawls to his room, stands up and falls straight in the bed in a drunken stupor.

The following morning his wife wakes him up, "You've been drinking, haven't you?'

Bewildered, Casey mutters, 'What makes you think that?'

His wife replies, " 'Cos the pub just phoned. They said you left your wheelchair there again.'

eq2nd - Tony Crafter with:
US Magazine People's Listing of the World's Most Beautiful Women.

10.Pink
9. Drew Barrymore
8. Halle Berry
7. Kelly Rowland
6. Jennifer Lawrence
5. Jane Fonda
4. Zooey Deschanel
3. Amanda Seyfried
2. Kerry Washington
1. Gwyneth Paltrow

=

10.Colourfully enjoyable!
9. The E.T. kid grew up, then!
8. Former New York model
7. Leggy babe from Destiny's Child
6. Winner of many awards
5. 'Top Granny' winner!
4. A real dazzler!
3. Appeared in 'Les Mis'
2. Near-flawless
1. She won it? No! What a joke!

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

It seemed to be but chance, yet who shall say
That 'twas not part of Nature's own sweet way
That on the field where once the cannon's breath
Laid many a hero cold and stark in death,
Some little children, in the after-years,
Had come to play among the grassy spears,
And, all unheeding, when their romp was done,
Had left a wreath of wild flowers over one
Who fought to save his country, and whose lot
It was to die unknown and rest forgot?

=

May Dawning
Each glance she chances out the window now
May add one wrinkle to the widow's brow.
One chatty thrush appears to mock her gloom;
Red roses are a tense display of doom...
It pains her that her heart has been undone,
And yet - as hastily the coastal sun
Looms ever-softly over her front lawn,
Defiance thaws her at the red of dawn:
A loathed fate dealt her one astounding blow,
Yet Life won't let that thwart its stunning flow.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"SEXY AND I KNOW IT"
by
Lmfao

Yeah, yeah
When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly
I pimp to the beat, walking on the street in my new lafreak, yeah
This is how I roll, animal print, pants outta control,
It's Redfoo with the big afro
And like Bruce Leroy I got the glow.

Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out

When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it

I'm sexy and I know it

Yeah
When I'm at the mall, security just can't fight them off
And when I'm at the beach, I'm in a Speedo trying to tan my cheeks (what)
This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go
We headed to the bar, baby don't be nervous
No shoes, no shirt, and I still get serviced (watch)

Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
I work out

When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it

I'm sexy and I know it

I'm sexy and I know it...

Check it out
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah, yeah
Do the wiggle man
I do the wiggle man
Yeah
I'm sexy and I know it

Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out

Yeah I'm sexy and I know it!
=

"I'M SIXTY AND I KNOW IT"
by
Shaky Dave

Why?
When I walk down a bus on wobbly feet, middle-aged ladies offer their seats,
Ha! Brainless females, can't they see that in my head I am twenty-three?
Ay, this is me, I still got swagger, ten years younger than Mick Jagger!
No wavy hair on my bald head
But, wow! my pencil's full of lead.

Ooh, ah, move that body
Ooh, ah, work it out
Ooh, ah, what's that twinge?
Ooh, ah, bloody gout.

When I look in a mirror what do I see?
Hey, it's ol' grandad looking at me!
But I got passion, boy I know it,
A pity the face and body don't show it, show it, they won't show it.

I'm sixty and I know it!

Yeah!
When I'm at airport security checks,
I stow my phone in my pants (so risky
But at least the security girls will frisk me!)
I don't worry, I don't mind it, I take my pleasure where I find it,
This is how I roll, it's how I trip,
(Bloody arthritis in both hips!)

Ooh, ah, work that body,
Ooh, ah, work that brain,
Ooh, ah, what is that twinge?
Ooh, ah, what is that pain?

I go to bed at nine, wake at ten, go pee,
I go at half-past twelve, I go again at three,
Wiggle to the loo, shake it, pull the chain,
Wiggle to the loo, shake it, back again.

I'm sixty and I know it,

I'm sixty and I know it...

Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle... ooh...
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle... ah...
Do that wiggle,
Shake that thing,
Yeah...
I'm sixty and I know it.

Hey y'all !
Look at my knees,
Look like knots
In a gnarled oak tree,
'Cos...

I'm sixty and I know it.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A man, a pig and a dog were the only survivors of a bad shipwreck.

They found themselves stranded on a desert island where they soon developed a routine of sitting on the beach every night to watch the sun go down.

On one particular evening, the sky was red, with white, wispy clouds and a balmy breeze. It was the perfect night for romance. As the three of them sat there, the pig began to look increasingly desirable to the man. After a while, he leaned over and quietly put his arm around the animal. The dog was instantly jealous and growled menacingly, so the man hastily removed his arm from around the pig. After that, the trio continued to enjoy their sunsets regularly but with no more cuddling.

Two months later, there was another shipwreck in the area and the only survivor was the most beautiful young woman the man had ever seen. She was in quite a bad way when she was washed up on their island, but he lovingly nursed her back to health until, one day, she was able to join the trio on the beach for their sunset ritual.

It was another beautiful night - a fiery red sky, wispy clouds, and balmy breeze; a night just made for romance.

After a while, the man felt his ardour starting to rekindle. He fought it for as long as he could but finally he could contain himself no longer. So he leaned over to the beautiful young woman and whispered in her ear...

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

=

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Quick!" she shouted at the lover. "Grab all your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's come home early!"

The man looked out the window in alarm and protested: "That's insane! I can't jump out there! It's raining like crazy and I am naked!"

"I don't care about that," ranted the now paranoid woman; "If my husband catches you here, I guarantee he'll skin the pair of us alive!"

Still protesting, the lover reluctantly grabbed his clothes, went over to the bedroom window and leapt out...

He landed on the street below and, to his amazement, found himself in the middle of a group of marathon runners. Hoping to blend in with them, despite being naked, he started jogging along, carrying his clothes over one arm.

"Hello," greeted one of the runners, "no offence, but do you always run in the buff?"

Thinking on his feet, the lover replied breathlessly: "Yes; I always feel so free having all that fresh air wafting against my skin when I jog."

"I see... but, do you usually run with clothes over your arm?" queried the athlete.

"Yes, always," panted the lover. "That means I can get dressed after the race, go to my car, and get straight home without needing to have a shower first."

"I guess that's true," the athlete frowned, "but do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Only if it's raining."