Anagrammy Placegetters for February 2015

All the highly-placed anagrams from the February 2015 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Julian Lofts with:
The cardiac surgeon =
A heart-rescuing doc!

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Rain, sleet, hail and snow =
Had all in winter season.

3rd - David Bourke with:
What was life really like in Medieval England? =
All feast well, drinking heavily. Ale, wine, mead...

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
The motion picture 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' =
Arty fetish topic might offend our eyes?

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"Into the Woods" movie =
Show it to me on video.

3rd - Jason Lofts with:
Eddie Redmayne wins an Oscar for Best Actor =
See Academy's conferred its award on Briton.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Caliphate doing evil =
A chilling videotape.

Eq2nd - nedesto with:
Paedophile rocker Gary Glitter (Paul Francis Gadd) =
Predator creep guilty-as-charged of all kid-raping.

Eq2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
Bill O'Reilly's Falkland War story =
Words roll by, frankly it's all a lie.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Late actor Leonard Simon Nimoy ('Spock' in Star Trek) =
In control, lacks emotions, trademark pointy ears!

2nd - nedesto with:
The journalist Brian Williams =
This just in: "Well, I am a born liar..."

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Bill Thomas =
Balls to him

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Neverland Ranch, California ‡
A clean nirvana for children.

eq2nd - Jason Lofts with:
Israeli settlements in Golan Heights =
Ghettos, it seems, nestling in hill area.

eq2nd - nedesto with:
The McDonalds Corporation chain of restaurants =
Fat consumers stand (or not) in poor cardiac health.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A group of pensioners were sitting discussing their ailments in a Starbucks cafe.

"My arms have become so shaky that I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"Yes, I know what you mean," observed another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."

"Gosh, I can't even mark the X on my ballot form at an election because my twisted hands are so crippled," sighed a third.

"What? Speak up! What? I can't quite hear you," shouted one elderly lady.

"I struggle to turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said another, to which several nodded wryly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me really light-headed!" exclaimed another old soul.

"I forget who I am, where I am and where I'm going," added another.

"I guess that is the price we pay for getting old," groaned an old man as he slowly shook his head.

The others quietly nodded their agreement.

"Oh well, count your blessings," said a woman cheerfully.

"Thank God we can all still drive."

=

Malcolm Clarke is ninety years old and has played golf every day since retiring a quarter of a century ago.

One day he arrives home looking particularly downcast.

"Frances, I'm giving up golf," Malcolm moans to his wife. "My eyes are now so bad that once I've hit the ball I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she remarks, "Look, why don't you take my brother Claude along and give it one more go."

"That's no good," groans the exasperated Malcolm, "old Claude is a hundred and three. He can't help."

"Claude may be a hundred and three," says his wife, "but his eyesight is in perfect order."

So the next day Malcolm goes to the golf course with brother-in-law Claude.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.

Then he turns to Claude and asks, "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replies his brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go then?" asks Malcolm.

"Er... I don't remember."

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
A list of ten Oscar-winning films with lead characters with physical or mental disabilities predominantly played by normal actors/actresses:

1. Rain Man
2. My Left Foot
3. Philadelphia
4. The Miracle Worker
5. Forrest Gump
6. Coming Home
7. Children of a Lesser God
8. A Beautiful Mind
9. As Good As It Gets
10. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
=
1. Autism - Dustin Hoffman
2. Artist with cerebral palsy
3. AIDS
4. Deaf, blind Helen Keller
5. Congenial, slow, heroic goober - Tom Hanks
6. Paraplegic - Vietnam War
7. Deafness - Marlee Matlin (Oh yes, actor legitimately deaf)
8. Split personality - Russell Crowe
9. OCD
10. Nonconformist committed to harrowing psychiatric madhouse fights foes,

3rd - David Bourke with:
On a bitterly cold winter's morning in Dublin, an English husband and his Irish wife were listening to the radio whilst having their breakfast. They heard the announcer say: "We are going to have eight to ten inches of snow today. Please park your cars on the even-numbered side of the street, so that the snowploughs can get through" - so the good wife went out and moved her car. The following week, whilst they are again eating breakfast, the radio announcer said: "We are expecting ten to twelve inches of snow today. Please park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the street, so that the snowploughs can get through". As per the previous week, the good wife went out and moved her car.
=
The following week, they're again having their breakfast, when the announcer says, "We are expecting from at least twelve, to fourteen or even fifteen inches of snow here today. Please park your cars on...." and then the power went right out. The wife was most upset, and with a concerned look all over her face, said, "Ah, shit! Oi don't know what to do! On which side of the street do oi need to park so that the snowploughs can get through?". With the reserve and sincere, unbegrudging understanding in his voice that men who are in a relationship with gorgeous big-boobed natural blondes tend to possess, the husband drily suggested: "Er...why don't you leave the car in the garage this time, my dear?"

THE RUDE CATEGORY

eq1st - Ivan Andonov with:
The President of Russia =
Federation's Super Shit.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
A real striptease? I'll go if ~
I'll see a large pair of tits.

eq1st - David Bourke with:
Fifty Shades of Grey 'Come Alive Pleasure Gel for Her' =
Gets her off very easily - a full, deep, fierce orgasm - "OH!".