Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2016

All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 2016 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Pot causes ~
space-outs.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Rome was not built in a day =
No, but it was a minor delay.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Going as white as a sheet =
It's when I see a-a-a g-ghost... :-0

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Pink Floyd's "The Dark Side of the Moon" =
Some kind of odd, freaky shit on the LP!

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Number One ATP Tennis player in the world =
When Murray appoints I. Lendl, none better!

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Documentary series 'Planet Earth II' =
Aim to display secret Nature in here.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Desperate times call for desperate measures =
Tears, some real deep fears, as Trump is elected.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Castro dies ~
Ostracised

3rd - Christopher Davis with:
An idiot invaded ~
a divided nation.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
US presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton =
The e-mail scandal and story did her political run in.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Late singer Leonard Cohen =
Angels lead the crooner in.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Prince Harry and actress Meghan Markle =
Merrymaker chap and a girl enchantress.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
Thanksgiving Day in the United States of America =
This time is festive - go hungry and take an antacid!

2nd - Rob Bretveld with:
A church of Scientology =
Con, fool, cheat rich guys.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Missing Persons Bureau ~
reports human being issues.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
There was a hysterical call at the Boston fire department.

'PLEASE HELP! There is a cat. It is gonna hurt me, send
the fire squad!'

=

'It's safe. Cats don't deliberately hurt a man.'

'Queenie the cat is here and she's after me!'

'Who is that calling?'

'Peter's parrot. HELP!'

3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
President of the United States of America, Donald Trump =
Difficult person. Mouth open, said a retarded statement!

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything". Premier, Joseph Stalin.

=

"I won't have to topple the USA with too much violence, changes or speeches... In the end, these people are going to topple it with their own hands". (The joke they've elected president)

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything. Premier, Joseph Stalin."
=

THE (TAN) JOKER ELECT
"The votes're rigged!" said cynical Trump
When the politician thought he'd lose.
The opposite then happened, now it's:
"I won the vote - we've seen the people choose!"

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
"It is enough that the people know there was an election. The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything." Premier Joseph Stalin
=
People may veto and reject
The high institution tasked to elect;
However, when the high Soviet head is suspect,
Or when honing in, a phone plot we detect,
People hope to reselect!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A teacher was talking to her class of five-year-old kiddies about whales.

She said it was impossible for whales to swallow human beings because, although they're very large in size, their throats are quite small.

One quizzical kiddie in front, Candice, put her hand up and said, "But poor old Jonah was swallowed by a whale wasn't he?"

As the teacher did not have a good reply to give the girl, she merely reaffirmed her assertion that it's physically impossible for whales to swallow humans.

Undeterred, Candice replied, 'When I get to Heaven I'm going to ask Mr. Jonah myself.'

'Okay, Candice' responded the now irritated teacher; 'and what if poor old Jonah went to Hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you can ask him.'
=
Janet, a blonde was whizzing down the highway in her swish little sports car when she was pulled over by a policewoman, who was also a blonde.

The female officer asked to see her driver's licence. As she delved through her handbag Janet was getting progressively more hot and irritated.

Hell, what's it actually look like? she asked, waspishly.

The policewoman said, "Well, it is usually square and it will have your picture on it."

Janet finally found a small, square mirror hidden at the bottom of her handbag. She peered at it for a second, then passed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "All right ma'am, you can go. I didnt realize you were a cop!

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Jerry, an old geezer who had been a retired farmer for a very long time, became bored and opened a medical clinic. He put a sign outside that said:
"Doctor Geezers Clinic - Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."

Dr. Young, who was sure that this old geezer didnt know anything about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to make an easy $1,000.
He walked into Dr. Geezers clinic.

This is what happened.

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Do you think you can help me?"

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Youngs mouth."

Dr. Young: "Aagh! You can't fool me - this is gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Youve got your taste back. That will be $500."

Dr. Young gets annoyed and leaves in a hurry. He's angry now and spends the next five days silently trying to figure out a way to recover his money, all $500!
~
When he has thought up a clever idea, he decides to make an appointment. He arrives back at the clinic of doddering Dr. Geezer.

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember a thing."

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring out medicine box 22 and put 3 undiluted drops in this patient's mouth."

Dr. Young: (whiff, cough) "Oh, no you don't - it is gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Wow! You got your memory back! And that will be $500."

Dr. Young, agitated and saddened after paying a total of $1000, doesn't return for several days.

Dr. Young: "It's my eyesight weakening. I cannot see a darned thing!"

Dr. Geezer: "Well, we don't have anything that will help fix eyes. As per policy, here's all $1000 back."

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, that is incorrect - this is only $500!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

Moral of the story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer".

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
The Key Players in the Brexit Disaster
1. Boris Johnson
2. Angela Merkel
3. Francois Hollande
4. Nicola Sturgeon
5. Nigel Farage
6. David Cameron
7. Theresa May
=
1. A fervid xenophobe
2. A sullen German
3. A gay Frenchman
4. A Scottish joke
5. Idiot's an intolerable redneck
6. A slimy Tory, a real ditherer
7. An English ogress.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
NELLIE THE ELEPHANT

To Bombay
A traveling circus came
They brought an intelligent elephant
And Nellie was her name
One dark night
She slipped her iron chain
And off she ran to Hindustan
And was never seen again

Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled back to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump

Night by night
She danced to the circus band
When Nellie was leading the big parade
She looked so proud and grand
No more tricks
For Nellie to perform
They taught her how to take a bow
And she took the crowd by storm

Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled back to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump

The head of the herd was calling
Far, far away
They met one night in the silver light
On the road to Mandalay

Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled back to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump

Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And said goodbye to the circus
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk
And trundled back to the jungle
Off she went with a trumpety-trump
Trump, trump, trump
=

TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP
(Marking the strange, new event)

From New York
An entrepreneur came,
To join the Presidential race
And Donald was the name.
People laughed
At that dyed orange bloke,
Hillary Clinton laughed the most
And thought the man a joke!

Now Mrs Clinton is beaten, numb,
It's funny how things can work out,
She kept her head but blew the vote,
Trumped, Trumped, Trumped!
Hillary tearfully packed her trunk
Then grunted, "Ok, I'm leaving:
This female's emails cost her dear,
Trumped, Trumped, Trumped."

The battle had
Been bitter, with each attack,
Clinton threw the dirt at Trump
And Trump threw dirt right back!
Election time,
The rednecks held the key,
The ballot papers then were checked,
The rest is history.

Petulant Hillary flipped a bird,
Announced, "I'm gone, I'm departing,
The race is run, the wrong man won,
Tut, tut, tut."
Peppery Hillary packed her trunk,
Growled, "Humph! Farewell to that circus!"
Then jetted off in a state of shock,
Humph, humph, humph!

The people they had spoken
That's plain to see;
The trumpets trumpeted, Trump'd won,
(But, gee, how could that be?)

Hillary egg-on-face packed her trunk
And bade farewell to the people,
Frankly thumped by tuppenny Trump,
Thump, thump, thump.
Hillary proffered a final shrug,
Then skulked off into the sunset;
Triumphant Trump, his fist he pumped,
Pump, pump, pump.

Rejected Hillary packed her trunk,
And Trump ranted, "Get outta my gang,
Don't remain here, turn and blow,
Turn, turn, turn."
Then he went on twitter to tell the world,
"I'm President, now we can party,
Conflict, race-hate warfare, guns and
Fun, fun, fun!"

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
VINCE'S FUNERAL

Vince worked hard at the Phone Company, but spent two nights each week ten-pin bowling, and played golf on a Saturday. His wife, Maxine, thought he was pushing himself too hard so, for his birthday, she took him to a local strip club.

The club's doorman greeted them and said, "Hey, Vince! How's it going?"

His wife was perplexed and asked if he'd been to this club before. "Oh no," replied, Vince, "Jim is in my bowling league."

When they were seated, the waitress asked Vince if he'd like his usual and fetched him a Jack Daniels and ice. Maxine was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and said, "How did she know you drink Jack Daniels and ice?"

"Oh, I recognize her; she's Joanne the waitress from my golf club. I always order a Jack Daniels and ice at the end of the 1st nine holes, honey."

A stripper then came over to their table, threw her arms around Vince, started to drape herself all over him and said ... "Hi Vince. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Maxine, now furious, snatched up her purse and stormed out of the club.

Vince followed and spotted her getting into a cab. Before she could slam the door on him, he jumped in beside her.

He tried desperately to explain, saying the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but Maxine was having none of it. She was screaming at him at the top of her lungs and calling him every
4-letter word in the book.

The cabby turned around and said, "Gee Vince, you picked up a real bitch this time."

VINCE'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY.

=

THREE BLOKES' FUNERALS

An Englishman, a Mexican and an Irishman were carrying out construction work on scaffolding on the 41st floor of a massive skyscraper.

They were just about to eat their lunch, when the Englishman suddenly yelled, "Oh, bugger; I see I've got bloody cheese and pickle again! If I get cheese and pickle for lunch one more time I'll literally jump straight off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and cried, "Arrgh! It's burritos! Every day I have burritos! If I get burritos one more time, I'll jump too."

Paddy the Irishman opened his lunch box and cursed, "Begorra! It's corned beef and cabbage sandwiches again. If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time, I'm feckin' jumpin' with ya."

The following day the Englishman opened his lunch, saw that it was still cheese and pickle, then wrote a suicide note and leapt to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw that it was burritos and jumped too.

The Irishman opened his lunch, saw the corned beef and cabbage and jumped as well.

Nobody survived.

At the dead workers' funeral the Englishman's wife wept copiously. "Oh, my dear Kevin," she sobbed; "if I had known how fed up he was of all that cheese and pickle, I'd never, ever have given it to him!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "My poor Pedro, I'd have given him tacos or enchiladas if I'd known! I never realized that he hated burritos so much."

Everybody turned and stared at the Irishmans wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she protested, "He always makes his own lunch."

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
Donald Trump wins the election in America
=
Damn it, a moronic cunt. We're all in deep shit!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

How Man defined intercourse =
"Ride on the wife, cum and snore".

3rd - David Bourke with:
The U.S. model Chrissy Teigen =
Yes, her cunt is delightsome!