Anagrammy Placegetters for December 2016

All the highly-placed anagrams from the December 2016 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
First memories a man has =
I am safe in Mother's arms.

2nd - John Ramos with:
Landscaping =
Scan, plan, dig.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Lonely Christmas ~
stirs melancholy.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The children's fairy tale 'Snow White' =
I'll stay on here with the nice dwarfs!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The film 'Rogue One: A Star Wars Story' =
The last one from your saga writers.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Cliff Richard's 'Mistletoe and Wine' =
Christmas in ideal world, in effect.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
The tragedy in Aleppo =
People that are dying.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Julian Lofts with:
Princess Leia =
Special siren.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
A Hyundai Sonata =
Handy Asian auto.

2nd - John Ramos with:
Old Faithful Geyser =
It really gushed off.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
Autism Spectrum Disorder =
I'm odd... super smart... curse it!

2nd - David Bourke with:
The singer George Michael (Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou) =
A Greek-Cypriot hero, a glamorous Eighties gay icon, is gone.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Bobby asks a farmer: 'Can I cross your field please,
instead of going all round it? You see, I have to
catch the two-fifteen train.'
=
'The farmer says, 'Fine.' Adding, 'And if Boris
- it's a bull - sees you, you're even capable of
reaching the station for it at two-oclock.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson

=
I long to see:
Peace on Earth for fraught Mankind,
Terrorists repenting sins,
The end of hatred in our minds,
And for me the hugest lottery win!
Ho ho!

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.
--Tennyson
=
Utter the prayers,
Light a candle (or ten);
Think for a profound moment
of those friends, entertainers, singers,
Who are gone---
Though, not diminished.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
One fine summer's eve, Vince goes into his local pub with this cat sitting on his head.

The barman pulls him a pint and says casually, 'Look sir, I don't know if you know it,
but there's a cat sitting on your head.'

'Well, what of it?' asks the man. 'I always wear a cat on my head on Mondays.'

'But today... today's Tuesday,' replies Rod the barman.

'Oh dear God. Is that right?' says Vince. 'I must look a right prat.'

=

Even more snappy puss tales:

As I heard my tire a' thumping
I thought maybe that it was flat.
But when I looked at it, alas
I discovered Sonny your cat.
So sorry...

******

How d'you know if your cat has eaten a duckling?
It is simple, man. She has this down-in-the-mouth look.

******

Schrvdinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

******

Finally, I got a small Abyssinian cat the other day.
I had to swerve ... but, man, I got it.

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Leaders of States
1. Donald Trump ("An orange twit, an idiot, an ignoramus!" we said, guffawing)
2. Vladimir Putin
3. Angela Merkel
4. Theresa May
5. Francois Hollande
6. Sergio Mattarella
7. Narendra Modi
8. Shinzo Abe
9. Hassan Rouhani
10. Malcolm Turnbull
11. Jacob Zuma
12. Mark Rutte
13. Lars Rasmussen
14. Robert Mugabe
15. Bill English
16. Ashraf Ghani
17. Park Geun-hye
18. Charles Michel
19. Perry Christie
20. Abdelfattah Said Elsisi
21. Tony Tan Keng Yam
22. Daniel Ortega
23. Raimondo Vejonis
24. George Konrote
25. Maithripala Sirisena
26. Hilda Heine
=
Representing
1. United States of America (Holy f##k! Hmm, God save us!)
2. Russia (oh, enough immoral, remorseless deceit)
3. Germany (her worrisome error - let all those migrants in)
4. United Kingdom (Great Britain & Northern Ireland)
5. France
6. Italy
7. India
8. Japan
9. Iran
10. Australia
11. South Africa
12. Holland (Netherlands)
13. Denmark
14. Zimbabwe (shun amoral dog)
15. New Zealand
16. Afghanistan
17. South Korea (about to be impeached)
18. Belgium
19. Bahamas
20. Egypt
21. Singapore
22. Nicaragua
23. Latvia
24. Fiji (illegally)
25. Sri Lanka
26. Marshall Islands

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

This land is your land, this land is my land,
From California to the New York island;
From the redwood forest to the Gulf Stream waters,
This land was made for you and me.

As I was walking that ribbon of highway,
I saw above me that endless skyway:
I saw below me that golden valley:
This land was made for you and me.

I've roamed and rambled and I followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts;
And all around me a voice was sounding:
This land was made for you and me.

When the sun came shining, and I was strolling,
And the wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling,
As the fog was lifting a voice was chanting:
This land was made for you and me.

There was a big high wall there that tried to stop me;
Sign was painted, it said private property -
But on the back side it didn't say nothing;
That side was made for you and me.

In the shadow of the steeple I saw my people,
By the relief office I'd seen my people;
As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking
Is this land made for you and me?

Nobody living can ever stop me,
As I go walking that freedom highway;
Nobody living can ever make me turn back.
This land was made for you and me.

=
How To Unify Against A Notable Malady

The Legion - that walked in that vast, savage land -
Has suddenly stopped on that damn scalding sand;
Each gaped at a lad that was flat on his back
Unmoving and voiceless, his body all slack.
None knew which sad malady petrified him;
It was simply known that his odds were now grim.
Their mission was key, and among that brave lot
Emerged that big issue of "ditch him or not?"
Dear kin, it's all pointless and we should move on,
Said one candid fellow. Our comrade's now gone
To faraway realms bundled in that warped mind
And sadly, I'd say we must leave him behind!
The Legion's most massive guy added, If so,
End all of his suffering, with my staff's blow!
So, woeful and weary, they sought the wise aid
Of their savvy leader, that sat in the shade;
For minutes, he frowned, disappointed and tense,
And finally, formed this straightforward defense:
My boys, we may build a field gurney, for one,
Evoking team spirit and strength when it's done.
Real Legions, I'd wager, make that right away;
I'd say there's a more fearsome problem today.
Combined, we might triumph; apart, we may rot;
And now, you fools, choose: ARE we Legion, or not?

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A BAG OF NAILS
Spiritual Story
by
Unknown

There once was a young boy with a very bad temper. The boy's father wanted to teach him a lesson, so he gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper he must hammer a nail into their wooden fence.

On the first day of this lesson, the little boy had driven thirty-six nails into the fence. Yes, he was really mad!

Over the course of the next few weeks, the boy began to control his temper, so the number of nails that were hammered into the fence dramatically decreased.

It wasn't long before the boy discovered it was far easier to hold his temper than to have to drive those nails into the fence.

Then, the day finally came when the boy didn't lose his temper once, and he became so proud of himself, he couldn't wait to tell his father. Pleased, his father suggested that he now pull out one nail for each day that he could hold his temper.

Several weeks went by and the day finally came when the young boy was able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

Very gently, the father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. "You've done very well, son," he smiled, "but look at those holes in the fence. That fence will never be the same again."

The little boy listened carefully as his father continued to speak. "When you say things in anger, they leave permanent scars just like these. And no matter how many times you say you're sorry, the wounds will still be there."

=

A CAN OF WORMS
A Poem
by
One Jolly Huffy Fellow (anon)

At Christmas time, most every year,
Convention chooses that we show
Family love, with festive cheer,
And Yuletide gifts we shall bestow.

We'll watch the children in delight,
Then eat until we're set to burst,
We'll deck the tree with twinkly lights,
Imbibe much wine to slake the thirst.

Yet, there'll be no nativity plays,
They've all been cancelled for they could
Offend some people so they say,
Though there's no reason why they should.

I hear that Santa has been banned,
Because some meanie soul has proof
His sleigh is too unsafe to land
With reindeers on the snowy roofs.

In fact, the reindeers have all strayed,
Released into the icy void,
By some mean animal rights brigade.
The reindeers? They're now unemployed!

As for presents, such emotion!
Leather's banned, and also fur,
Here, this Christmas, I've a notion,
It's nylon for him and for her!

The fairy tales? They're obsolete,
Although they've not yet been forbidden,
And children's chewy toffee treats,
Like Ken and Barbie, should be hidden!

The toffees make ones teeth decay
And oh, the children may get fat!
So mum won't let them eat or play,
And that is the extent of that!

Has Santa set a bad example,
With that hefty, obese belly?
True enough, the girth is ample,
Hey, do we care? Not on your nelly!

The only gift that we can give,
That has some value and some worth,
Is hope that all mankind may live
With laughter, love and Peace on Earth.

3rd - Maurice Goddard with:
Christmas is coming,
The goose is getting fat;
Please put a penny
In the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny,
A ha'penny will do;
If you haven't got a ha'penny
God bless you.
=
Hey! Donald Trump appals,
In tweeting plenty of shit!
Egomaniac annoys,
Haughty guy's a nit!
An evil type! Nuts!
Mighty headache too!
Offensive gent pongs!
An asshole I boo!

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
What does Pinocchio's girlfriend yell at night? =
She'd hop on that still, rigid face, crying: "Now LIE!"

2nd - Josiah Winslow with:
How Woman defined intercourse
=
"When do I cum? First?"
"No."
"...we are done!"

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
I would not kick her out of bed, she merits more
=
He's like, "No doubt, I'd fuck her two or more times."