Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2017

All the highly-placed anagrams from the January 2017 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Alternative facts ~
can't avert fat lies.

2nd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Storm in a teacup =
Acute minor spat

3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The odds in national lottery events =
They'd stand at seven trillion to one.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
George Orwell's 'Nineteen Eighty-Four' =
Feel the towering ruler's ongoing eye.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The Leonard Bernstein musical saga 'West Side Story'=
A bullet ends Tony's scenes with Maria, I regret. So sad.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The TV drama series Sherlock =
Deerstalker's hat covers him.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Donald as our new president =
Odds are the planet's now ruined.

2nd - Christopher Davis with:
America First =
Racism. Fear it.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The American actress Mary Tyler Moore =
A star. Come, let's cry a tear in her memory.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Rick Rothstein with:
Russian President Vladimir Putin =
A stern individual inspires Trump.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The American president Donald Trump =
Helped racism to turn rampant indeed.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
Mary Louise 'Meryl' Streep =
"I see my role - Trump slayer!"

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The United States of America =
Meta-truths in a sea of deceit

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A Black Forest Gateau dessert =
Slab of cake sure tasted great!

3rd - Christopher Davis with:
@realDonaldTrump =
Trampled our land

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
I once met this most honest man, a truly warmhearted
politician who listened carefully when I spoke.=
A minister it seems, who really wished to come far
and act to help all men in this country.
Then I woke up.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The Top Five Howard Keel Musicals
1. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
2. Calamity Jane
3. Showboat
4. Kiss Me Kate
5. Annie Get Your Gun
=
1. Based on Sabine women, I see
2. Majestic as Hickok
3. Keel's Gaylord Ravenal
4. Revives 'Taming Of The Shrew'
5. Pursuer of Betty Hutton

2nd - David Bourke with:
'You should make a point of trying everything once
except incest and Morris dancing" - Sir Arnold Bax
=
A much-younger Tony Crafter admitted considering
exploring both, in 'Lynx' (a rap disco in Sevenoaks).

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
'You should make a point of trying everything once except incest and Morris dancing.' - Sir Arnold Bax=
I concur. The first one is more a dodgy kinda sex-connexion but, God, that man-prancing is really pervy!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
For many years, two statues, one male and one female, had stood facing each other in the park.

Then, one day, an angel descended from heaven and said to them: "You have been such exemplary statues that I propose to give you a very special gift. So..." she smiled benevolently, "I will bring you both to life for thirty minutes. During this time you will be allowed to do absolutely anything you want."

Then, with a clap of her hands, the angel brought them both to life.

The two statues approached each other very shyly at first, and then made a quick dash into the bushes, from behind which there was heard a lot of giggling and rustling and shaking of branches.

Twenty minutes later, the two statues reappeared from behind the bushes, both with very wide grins spread across their faces.

"You realize that you still have ten minutes left?" said the kind angel, winking at them knowingly.

With an even wider grin, the female statue turned to the male and said, "Quick! Let's do it once more then!

"Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on its head."

=

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a city shopping mall for the first time.

They were amazed by most of the things they saw, but especially by two silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

'Ooh, Father, what kind of mystical thing is this?' asked the animated young fifteen-year-old.

His father (not having seen an elevator before) murmured, 'Son, I have not seen anything like this in my life, I do not know what it is.'

While they watched in awe, a hunched-up old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the sliding walls and pressed a button.

They opened, and she proceeded to roll through them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as various numbers above lit up in sequence.

Like statues, they continued watching until it reached the last number. Then the numbers started to light up in reverse order. Next thing, the walls opened again and a gorgeous young blonde stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to the boy...

'Son, go get your Mother'

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
A List of Many of the Superstars, Actors, Musicians, Authors, Celebrities, Sportsmen, Heads of State, Household Names etc Who Died Last Year
1. George Michael
2. David Bowie
3. Leonard Cohen
4. Carrie Fisher
5. Prince Rogers Nelson
6. Nancy Reagan
7. William Christopher
8. Robert Vaughn
9. President Fidel Castro
10. Muhammed Ali
11. Bernard Fox
12. Gene Wilder
13. Debbie Reynolds
14. Glen Frey
15. Arnold Palmer
16. John Glenn
17. Alan Rickman
18. "Patty" Duke
19. Harper Lee
20. Shimon Peres
21. Richard Adams
22. Zsa Zsa Gabor
23. Sir George Martin
24. Ron Glass
25. Doris Roberts
26. Morley Safer
27. Anton Viktorovich Yelchin
28. A A Gill
29. Andrew Sachs
30. Paul Daniels
31. Viola Beach
32. David Gest
33. Sir Terry Wogan
=

1. Wham!
2. Chimeric hero Ziggy Stardust
3. Canadian rhymer - had charisma
4. Svelte Princess Leia in 'Star Wars' series
5. Sang songs. Perverse druggy, Fentanyl OD
6. Serene US First Lady
7. Father Mulcahy
8. Napoleon Solo
9. Dictator - he helped Cuba
10. Boxer
11. Doctor Bombay
12. Comedian ("Blazing Saddles")
13. Mary Frances
14. Eagles
15. Professional golfer
16. Astronaut
17. Snape, 'Die Hard'
18. Anna Marie
19. Her novel: "To Kill A Mockingbird"
20. Israeli President
21. Watership Down
22. Effervescent girl who married nine times
23. Beatles
24. Det. Ron Harris
25. Marie Barone
26. Journalist
27. Pavel Chekov
28. Critic
29. Manuel
30. Magic
31. Band (all died)
32. Gosh he's rather a gross Hollywood horror!
33. Anglo presenter.

3rd - David Bourke with:
A list of some of the famous personalities who sadly died last year:

Robert Stigwood
David Bowie
Dale "Buffin" Griffin
Alan Rickman
Reni Angilil
Glenn Frey
Paul Kantner
Henry Heimlich
Ed "Stewpot" Stewart
Maurice White
Harper Lee
Nancy Reagan
David Gest
Sir George Martin
Jean Alexander
Keith Emerson
Emile Ford
Nikolaus Harnoncourt
Frank Sinatra Jr.
Merle Haggard
Victoria Wood
Sir Antony Jay
Prince Rogers Nelson
Billy Paul
Rod Temperton
Burt Kwouk
Muhammad Ali
Jo Cox MP
Scotty Moore
Ian McCaskill
Caroline Aherne
Gene Wilder
Sir Neville Marriner
Arnold Palmer
Gordon Murray
Shimon Peres
Pete Burns
The Duke of Westminster
Paul Daniels
Bobby Vee
Janet Reno
Leonard Cohen
Andrew Sachs
Reg Grundy
Robert Vaughn
Leon Russell
Fidel Castro
Frank Finlay
Colonel Abrams
Greg Lake
John Glenn
Rabbi Lionel Blue
Boutros Boutros-Ghali
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Richard Adams
Rick Parfitt
George Michael
Carrie Fisher
Debbie Reynolds

=

To The Grim Reaper Coffin Guide for the year:

Some are already dead. (These four):
Graham Taylor
Lord Snowdon
Peter Sarstedt
Eugene Cernan

Still alive, so to exterminate:

Donald Trump
Kanye West
Tony Blair
Kim Jong-un
Kim Kardashian
Lamar Odom
David and Victoria Beckham
Justin Bieber
Robert Mugabe
Warren Buffett
Russell Brand
Bill Clinton
Billy Connolly
Alice Cooper
Simon Cowell
Nigel Farage
Flea
Sir Bruce Forsyth
David Furnish
George W. Bush
Paul Gascoigne
Bob Geldof
Sting
Bono
Midge Ure
Nicola Sturgeon
Sir Philip Green
Woody Allen
Bernie Madoff
Peter Mandelson
Angela Merkel
Gina Miller
Nicki Minaj
Roman Polanski
Trent Reznor
Bernie Sanders
Michael Schumacher
Roger Waters
Boy George
Harriet Harman
Colin Powell
Pete Townshend
Sir Rod Stewart
Dave Lee Roth
Jim Kerr
Sarah Palin
Frank Skinner
Ryan Seacrest
Keanu Reeves
Jo Brand
Mariah Carey
Axl Rose
Hilary Duff
Usher
Ron Wood
Jay Z
Sir Alan Sugar
Phil Collins

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
THROUGH
By
George Michael

Is that enough?
I think it's over
See, everything has changed
And all this hatred may just make me strong enough
To walk away

Well, they may chase me to the ends of the earth
But I've got you babe
And they may strip me of the things that I've worked for
But I've had my say, babe

So hear me now
I've enough of these chains
I know they're of my making
No one else to blame for where I stand today
I've no memory of truth
But suddenly the audience is so cruel
So God, hey God you know why I'm through

Through

I guess it's tough, I guess I'm older
And everything must change
But all this cruelty and money instead of love
People, have we no shame?

They may chase me to the ends of the earth
But I've got you babe
And they may take away the things that I've worked for
But you'll pull me through, babe

It's so clear to me now
I've enough of these chains
Life is there for the taking
What kind of fool would remain in this, in this cheap gilded cage
I've no memory of truth
But suddenly the audience is so cruel
Oh God, I'm sorry

I think I'm through
I think I'm through
I think I, I know I
I'm through

=

THROUGH AT FIFTY-THREE
By
Holy Joe

I heard the hits,
But never listened;
They were elevator music:
'Freedom'; 'Last Christmas'; 'Careless Whisper';
Hum-alongs,
Nothing more.

Oh, but George, you were the headline-making hero!
Ever proud to be gay,
You had respect, but yet you blew it, you were
Too busy making hay,

Wrecking cars while
High on drugs. You numbskull! Oh,
What were you thinking of?
Hellbent on making mayhem,
Immoderate, heedless, hooked.
Inevitably, you died. Ho-hum; I was not shocked
But sad that you were through at fifty-three.

Through at fifty-three.

But then everything changed.
I saw the footage on TV,
Of him, an orchestra, his songs, his voice.
And, oh, my God, that voice!

He sang emotive songs I had not heard before,
Songs that touched my soul!
They took me somehow to a different place; making me think,
Making me change my mind.

Oh, it's so obvious now,
The guy was a poet,
A musical genius,
A kind, thoughtful man, I believe. Not the youthful, eighties diva I
Disdained; a humble,
Yet, a shyly humble man. I got him wrong.
Hey, ain't that the truth.

I've looked
Listened
I've learnt
For this...
I thank you.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
MAGGIE MAY
By
Rod Stewart

Wake up Maggie I think I got something to say to you
It's late September and I really should be back at school
I know I keep you amused but I feel I'm being used
Oh Maggie I couldn't have tried any more
You lured me away from home just to save you from being alone
You stole my heart and that's what really hurt

The morning sun when it's in your face really shows your age
But that don't worry me none in my eyes you're everything
I laughed at all of your jokes my love you didn't need to coax
Oh, Maggie I couldn't have tried any more
You lured me away from home, just to save you from being alone
You stole my soul and that's a pain I can do without

All I needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand
But you turned into a lover and mother
what a lover, you wore me out
All you did was wreck my bed
and in the morning kick me in the head
Oh Maggie I couldn't have tried anymore
You lured me away from home 'cause you didn't want to be alone
You stole my heart I couldn't leave you if I tried

I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school
Or steal my daddy's cue and make a living out of playing pool
Or find myself a rock and roll band that needs a helpin' hand
Oh Maggie I wish I'd never seen your face
You made a first-class fool out of me
But I'm as blind as a fool can be
You stole my heart but I love you anyway

Maggie I wish I'd never seen your face
I'll get on back home one of these days

=

YOU CAN CALL ME MAGGIE MAY
By
Theresa May

I'm Theresa and my last name's May, I'm the new PM,
My idol, Maggie, was the Iron Lady creme de la creme,
So, Mr President, do I say, that you can call me Maggie May?
Oh, Donald you can be my Ronald Reagan any day!
You lured me across the sea, you treated me like a VIP,
You held my hand, that is when you stole my heart.

The morning sun made your coiffured hair look like ripened corn,
As you welcomed me at the doorway to the White House hall,
You asked about my trip, and you talked of our relationship,
Oh, Donald I knew we'd get along just fine!
You backed my Brexit stance, vowed that you would give NATO a chance,
You told me the things that I wanted to hear.

Angela Merkel, eat your heart out baby, I'm his Maggie May,
His leading lady and I don't mean maybe, I am number one.
So join the others, get in line, I do not want to be unkind,
But your dowdy cleavage is not cute like mine.
I look good dressed in vivid red, or even funky leather slacks instead,
Gee, I really put a twinkle in Donald's roving eye!

One thing Donald I've learned is though you're a bon vivant
You're not a buffoon, bigot, or just some guy with a huge bouffant,
Not vacuous or bumptious at all, oh you're nobody's fool,
You made me feel vivacious and loads of fun.
You were a huge surprise to me,
Not bombastic, as I thought you'd be,
I will follow you, let's go (my office or yours?)

I will follow you, let's go, my office or yours?
(cue fade)

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
What the ladies are pining for =
A hot friend with a large penis.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Take a 'Golden Shower' =
Her task: do a long wee.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Honeymoon night =
"Oh, my! Go on in, then!"