Anagrammy Placegetters for February 2017

All the highly-placed anagrams from the February 2017 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Tom Myers with:
I hate long goodbyes =
Do go hastily -- be gone.

2nd - Christine Parker with:
A man in a dress. ~
and, a "near-Miss".

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
The dawn's golden light =
How the glint gladdens!

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
George Orwell's dystopian novel "Animal Farm" =
Allegory of Stalin, men, pigs, love, war, and more.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet's paintings of London Parliament =
Famous, old stone prominent in England capital.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Moonlight wins Best Picture at the Oscars =
Oh, but PwC got to star in this real nice mess!

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
1. Barack Obama
2. George W Bush
3. Donald Trump =
1. A black, wet-rag paragon
2. Oh, so dumb!
3. Dumber

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The President of the United States, Donald Trump =
Inept, and tests for aptitude should end the term!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Julian Lofts with:
Justice Department =
Eject Trump instead.

2nd - Josiah Winslow with:
The United States of America
=
TEST

If...

Same	☐ IN
Hated race	☑ OUT

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The All-time Top Five Musicals (Film4)

1. Singin' In The Rain
2. West Side Story
3. The Wizard of Oz
4. Cabaret
5. The Umbrellas of Cherbourg
=
1. A washout!
2. Fifties mobs tale
3. 4 bizarre chums step forth: Lion, scarecrow, tin guy, gal
4. Minelli blitzed this!
5. Me? Never heard of it!

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
'The Little Prince' is a novella by author Antoine de Saint-Exupery
=
You love existential truth neatly enshrined in a poetic parable.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
"The most painful thing about mathematics is how far away you are from being able to use it after you have learned it." - James Newman
=
Ooh fate, a trauma maybe? Wait, have faith. I mean, I/we must be fair, mature, aware: count the blessings one
enjoys. Go forth and multiply!

3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
The most painful thing about mathematics is how far away you are from being able to use it after you have learned it. - James Newman=
You see a range of formulae that have infinite magic. How? That data ain't pretty, so what? I'm unaware, I see a jumble of number symbols.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Several men were in a golf club changing room. Suddenly, a cell-phone on a bench rang and one of the men engaged the hands-free speaker function and started to chat.

Everyone else in the room stopped to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi babe, it's me. Are you down at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm doing some shopping right now and I've found this gorgeous, pure leather jacket. It's only $2K; do you mind if I buy it?"

MAN: "No, just go ahead if you want it."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and viewed their latest models. There was this cherry-red one that I particularly loved."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$70K."

MAN: "Sounds good. Go ahead, but for that price I'd want it with all the bells and whistles. Leather upholstery and so on."

WOMAN: "Oh, wow! Right, I'll do the deal! Oh, and one other thing... I was just talking to Judith Hoddle and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980K."

MAN: "Bid $900K. They'll probably take it. If not, I'd be happy to do the extra eighty-thousand if that's what you want."

WOMAN: "Oh, right! I love you so much, honey. See you later!"

MAN: "Bye. Love you too."

The man hung up. The other guys in the locker room were gawping at him in open-mouthed astonishment.

He turned round and said: "Anybody know whose phone this is?"

=

Ring, ring... Ring, ring... ring...

'Hello?'

'Hey there, honey, it's Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?'

'No, Daddy. She's in the bedroom with Uncle Alan.'

(After a brief pause)

'... But you haven't got an Uncle Alan, honey.'

'Yes I have, and he is upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now.'

(Brief pause...)

'Er... okay, honey, this is what I want you to do: Lay the telephone down on the table. Then go upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and call out to Mommy that Daddy's car is just coming into the driveway. Okay?'

'Okay, I'm going up now.'

(A few minutes later...)

'I did what you asked me to, Daddy."

'Fine, and exactly what happened, honey?'

'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug and hit her head real bad on the dresser. Now she isn't moving at all!'

'Oh, my God! So, what about your Uncle Alan? Can he assist?'

'No, he jumped out of the bed with no clothes on as well Then, he was so scared that he jumped straight out of the back window and fell head-first into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out all the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's been killed.'

(A long pause...)

(A longer pause...)

(An even longer pause...)

'Swimming pool...? Er... is that 99800702?'

'No, I think you have the wrong number...'

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
1 George Washington
2 John Adams
3 Thomas Jefferson
4 James Madison
5 James Monroe
6 John Quincy Adams
7 Andrew Jackson
8 Martin Van Buren
9 William H. Harrison
10 John Tyler
11 James K. Polk
12 Zachary Taylor
13 Millard Fillmore
14 Franklin Pierce
15 James Buchanan
16 Abraham Lincoln
17 Andrew Johnson
18 Ulysses S. Grant
19 Rutherford B. Hayes
20 James A. Garfield
21 Chester A. Arthur
22 Grover Cleveland
23 Benjamin Harrison
24 Grover Cleveland
25 William McKinley
26 Theodore Roosevelt
27 William H. Taft
28 Woodrow Wilson
29 Warren G. Harding
30 Calvin Coolidge
31 Herbert Hoover
32 Franklin D. Roosevelt
33 Harry S. Truman
34 Dwight D. Eisenhower
35 John F. Kennedy
36 Lyndon B. Johnson
37 Richard M. Nixon
38 Gerald R. Ford
39 James E. Carter
40 Ronald Reagan
41 George H.W. Bush
42 William J. Clinton
43 George W. Bush
44 Barack H. Obama
45 Donald J. Trump
=
1 High Mason
2 John lived in White House
3 Slaveholder
4 Bill of Rights
5 Longhand declaration
6 John's son
7 Harsh war man
8 Drab job
9 Just one month
10 Many kids
11 Naval Academy start, Mexican war
12 Died on job
13 Land agreement
14 Drank in term
15 Secession
16 Slavery abolisher
17 Loyal to North
18 Civil War Gen.
19 College wife
20 Offed
21 Civil Service
22 Two disjoining terms
23 Grandson
24 Another long term
25 Added offshore land
26 World journey or French lunch
27 Supreme Court
28 World War
29 Scandal
30 Born on July Fourth
31 Depression
32 Japan bomber, reformer
33 Gave 'em hell
34 Korean War
35 Handsome man
36 No quarrel
37 Jowly man, ejected on hijinks
38 Awkward stumbler
39 Farmer, aka 'Jimmy'
40 In Wrangler jeans
41 Warmonger
42 Hillary's man
43 Chevron shill, lying jerk
44 Black march organizer
45 Braggart (no rajah or high maharajah!)

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
The Key Members of the British Royal Family
1. Queen Elizabeth II
2. Philip, the Prince of .....
3. Charles, Prince of Wales
4. Camilla
5. William
6. Kate, Duchess of Cambridge
7. George
8. Charlotte
9. Harry
10. Anne
11. Andrew, Duke of York
12. Edward
=
The Firm
1. Matriarch "Lilibet"
2. Greece and Denmark
3. "Fred"
4. "Gladys" (what a shrew, we whisper!)
5. Zealous helicopter pilot "Billy the Fish"
6. Uh, a kooky commoner, I cried
7. Boy
8. Girl
9. Macho "Spike"
10. Equine face
11."Randy ...."
12. Effete banal earl.

2nd -
Tony Crafter with:
IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN/IF I ONLY HAD A HEART
(From The Wizard of Oz)

BRAIN
I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.

I'd unravel ev'ry riddle
For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain.
With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln,
If you only had a brain.

Oh I could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore,
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more.

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry
Life would be ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain.

HEART
When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle,
And yet I'm torn apart.
Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kind-a-human,
If I only had heart.

I'd be tender - I'd be gentle and awful sentimental
Regarding Love and Art.
I'd be friends with the sparrows
And the boys who shoots the arrows
If I only had a heart.

Picture me - a balcony.
Above a voice sings low.
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
I hear a beat... how sweet.

Just to register emotion, jealousy - devotion,
And really feel the part.
I could stay young and chipper
and I'd lock it with a zipper,
If I only had a heart.

=

IF I ONLY HAD A ...
By
The Donald

BRAIN
I could be another Lincoln
Or JFK or Clinton
For many years I'd reign.
I could be a fine orator
And a smoother operator
If I only had a brain.

Like the nerdy kid in college
I'd dazzle with my knowledge
Be funny, bright and sane
I'd be mindful and refined
And I'd never fluff a line
If I only had a brain

I'd favor health to wealth
Be faithful to the truth
And I'd not mourn in vain for my lost youth
I'd go to church, not be uncouth

I'd ensure that my decisions
Would never cause derision
My wild hair I would tame
I would curb each tweet and email
And not lust for nubile females
If I only had a brain.
Eh?

HEART
When a man is horny and all
His feelings he can't handle
He has to act the part
I'd eliminate the bluster
Warm emotions I would muster
If I only had a heart.

Man, when you just drip with riches
You sure appeal to bitches
Who're money-making tarts,
Oh, but I'd reject the weird ones
Look forthwith for the sincere ones
If I only had a heart.

What a life! A stunning wife
With her lovely clear blue eyes
What a trophy, what a prize
Is she bright? Who gives a shite!

How I'd love to be like cupid, and not just rather stupid
One wild, unruly fart
I'd not be an unshorn playboy
But a happy-every-day boy
If I only had a heart.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Lord God made them all.
--Cecil Frances Alexander
=
A Dreadful Matter

With all resources exhausting,
All the birds endangered,
All glacial lands melting,
We must act on behalf of all grandchildren.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
If you miss the toilet's pan ~
you piss on the mat. It's life.

2nd - David Bourke with:
Situation normal: All fucked up =
And so: A foul lunatic like Trump.

3rd - Christopher Sturdy with:
Girlie leaps on dick ~
like a coiled spring.