Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2017

All the highly-placed anagrams from the March 2017 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
An omnivore gets a really balanced diet =
I consider any vegetable and/or all meat.

2nd - David Bourke with:
One for the road ~
or one for death?

3rd - Josiah Winslow with:
I'm wearing a tinfoil hat =
I might wait for an alien!

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
The Columbian actress and model Sofia Vergara =
Most desirable charms...no actual need of Viagra!

2nd - Tom Myers with:
The sisters Anne, Emily, and Charlotte Brontë =
Neatly render some British tales to enchant

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The singer and writer Neil Leslie Diamond =
That single 'Red Red Wine'? I earned millions.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
Islamophobic U.S. president =
Trump (based on his policies).

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Edward Christopher Sheeran =
Wretched person has red hair!

2nd - Christine Parker with:
Rowan Atkinson, alias Mr. Bean =
A man is known as a real Briton.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
The President of Russia Vladimir Putin =
I praise this Donald Trump's fine virtue!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Academy Award for Best Picture =
Corrected, but they made a fair swap.

2nd - Scott Gardner with:
Free nations detest the stupid ~
President of the United States.

3rd - View with:
Kia Sorento =
O, it's Korean!

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Eleven Disney Princesses --
1. Snow White
2. Cinderella
3. Aurora
4. Ariel
5. Belle
6. Jasmine
7. Pocahontas
8. Mulan
9. Tiana
10. Rapunzel
11. Merida
=
1. Ill
2. Maiden
3. Perennial snooze
4. My cruel sea!
5. Nice allure
6. Aladdin
7. John Smith
8. Lean Asian
9. Waitress
10. Up a tower
11. Brave presence.

3rd - David Bourke with:
The "Forces' Sweetheart" Dame Vera Margaret Lynn is one hundred years old =
Many thousands of soldiers revere her...awarded the centenary telegram.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
"The six wives of Henry the Eighth,
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard
Catherine Parr"
=
I hear veteran anagram expert Tony Crafter wins. He enjoys an hallucinogenic beer. Oh, he's incoherent, "Off with everyone's head, ha!"

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
"The six wives of Henry the Eighth,
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anne of Cleves
Catherine Howard
Catherine Parr"
=
Henry: In a high life of majestic extravagance, you see death; one royal bore who has an irreverent, inherent penchant for wenches.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Travelling down the highway and needing a toilet, I pulled in at a service station and headed for the Gents'.

"While I'm sitting in a cubicle, a voice from the adjoining one says, Hi, how are you?"

Hmm... Now I'm not the kind to hold a conversation in a public toilet and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "I'm doing fine!"

And the other person says: "So what are you up to?"

Huh? What kind of question's that? At that point, I'm thinking this is far too weird so I said: "Er, I'm like you, I'm travelling"

By this time I'm ready to exit the place as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"

OK, this question's way too weird for me so I figure I'll be polite and end the conversation. I tell them: "Erm, I'm afraid I'm rather busy right now."

Then I hear the person sigh... "Listen, I'll have to ring off and call you back. There's some moron in the next cubicle who keeps answering all my questions!

Ah, mobile phones, don't you just love 'em?!

=

The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Quinn in a steaming rage with a packed suitcase in his hand.

"What is the matter Quinn?" she asks concernedly.

"What is the matter?" he says, "Oi'll tell ya what is the matter. Oi sent an e-mail to me wife telling her oi was comin' home today from me fishin' trip. Oi got back at lunchtime and guess what oi found? Only me wife, your daughter Bridie, naked with dat idiot Kevin O'Toole in our bed! This is unforgivable. It's over, oi'm goin'. Oi'm leavin' forever!"

"Steady, Quinn, just cool down," chides his mother-in-law. "There's got to be somethin' very odd goin' on here. Oi'm positive Bridie wouldn't do such an idiotic thing, so there's got to be an innocent explanation. Oi'll speak to her straight away and find out just what's happenin'."

Minutes later, the mother-in-law comes back in with a big smile on her face. "Yep, it's all okay, Quinn, oi told ya there'd be an explanation... She never got your e-mail!"

2nd - Adie Pena with:
"The Sound of Music" Soundtrack
1. Prelude and The Sound Of Music
2. Overture and Preludium (Dixit Dominus)
3. Morning Hymn and Alleluia
4. Maria
5. I Have Confidence
6. Sixteen Going On Seventeen
7. My Favorite Things
8. Salzburg Montage
9. Do-Re-Mi
10. The Sound of Music (Reprise)
11. The Lonely Goatherd
12. Edelweiss
13. The Grand Waltz
14. Laendler
15. So Long, Farewell
16. Climb Ev'ry Mountain
17. Something Good
18. Processional and Maria
19. Sixteen Going On Seventeen (Reprise)
20. Do-Re-Mi (Reprise)
21. The Chase
22. Climb Ev'ry Mountain (Reprise)
=
1. Melodiously on top of a hill...
2. Opening credits
3. Nuns...
4. ...are vexed
5. Maria convinces herself in a monologue
6. Liesl and Rolfe duet in the garden
7. One more thunderstorm!
8. Go on a day trip
9. Maria teaches...
10. ...seven children to sing, i.e., redux
11. Humoursome marionette show
12. Captain sings
13. Music for one Baroness
14. First dance
15. Goodnight
16. Blue, i.e., glum return to Von Trapps
17. Glimmering love kindled
18. The wedding
19. Advise, i.e., redux
20. "Salzburg Music Festival"
21. My main enemy! Hide me here (nunnery)!
22. Escape to Switzerland!

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
Nineteen Distinguished Surgeons and Their Famous Operations/Renowned Professions
1. Claudius Galenus
2. Theodor Billroth
3. Professor Harvey Cushing
4. Paul Randall Harrington
5. Ivo Pitanguy
6. Professor Eric Sidney Watkins
7. Baron Lister
8. Thomas Starzl
9. Frank Netter
10. Harold Gillies
11. Christiaan Barnard
12. Denton Cooley
13. Baron Guillaume Dupuytren
14. Joseph Murray
15. Hippocrates of Kos
16. Mary Edwards Walker
17. Sir Astley Cooper
18. William and Charles Mayo
19. Norman Bethune
=
Prowess
1. Philosophy
2. Abdominal malignancy surgery
3. Brain surgery
4. Spinal rod hardware
5. Brazilian cosmetic surgery
6. Formula One neurosurgeon
7. Asepsis
8. Transplant of liver
9. Medical illustrator
10. Tube pedicle
11. Heart transplant on Louis Washkansky (he dies)
12. Artificial heart
13. Napoleon's hemorrhoids
14. Kidney transplant
15. He began chest surgery
16. Medal of Honor (Union surgeon - saved wounded soldiers in war)
17. Anatomy (like John Hunter)
18. Not for profit crusaders
19. Ditto.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
STRANGE FRUIT

Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.
=
BLACK LIVES MATTER

I unchained her stiff ankles tonight,
Leashed to worlds that are labeled white;
Lightened her bonds but not her skin,
I opened the golden zoo cages she's in.

Etched now on her front a big letter N,
Hell offers her off to fat corrupt men.
Out of Africa, but flogged into a gutter;
Lost strength, she whispers with a stutter.

Intense stranger gets caught to suffer;
Desperate serf, most barren, not tougher.
An oppressor resorts to a Fagin burn --
You heard her moan, it's both our turn.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A wife was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her lover when she suddenly heard the husband's car pull into the drive.

"Quick!" she shouted at the lover. "Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband has come home early!"

The man looked out the window in alarm and protested: "That's crazy! I can't possibly do that! It's raining hard and I'm stark naked!"

"I don't bloody care about that," screamed the woman hysterically; "If my husband finds you here, he'll skin us both alive!"

Still protesting, the lover reluctantly grabbed his clothes, scooted over to the bedroom window and leapt straight out...

He landed, unscathed, on the street below and to his amazement found himself in the middle of a bunch of marathon runners. Hoping to blend in with them, despite being naked, he started to jog along, carrying his clothes over one arm.

"Hello," greeted one of the other runners, "hey, no offence buddy, but d'you always run in the buff?"

Thinking on his feet, the lover replied breathlessly: "Oh, yes; I like to feel all that fresh air wafting against my skin when I jog."

"I see... but, do you usually run with clothes over your arm?" said the athlete.

"Oh yes, always," panted the lover. "That means I can get dressed after the race, hop into my car, and drive straight home without needing to have a shower first."

"Yes, I suppose that does make sense," the athlete said, "but do you always wear a condom when you run?"

Only if its raining.

=

A wife had her lover in during the afternoons while her husband was out at work.

One day, her nine-year-old son was hiding up in the closet during one of his mum's romps while the unaware couple were entwined in eager passion. Suddenly, the woman heard her husband's car pulling into the drive, so she quickly hid the lover in the closet.

The little boy said, "It's dark in here."

The man whispered, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I've got a baseball."

Man - "Er... that's nice."

Boy - "Wanna buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's just outside."

Man - "I see... OK, how much?"

Boy - "Two-hundred-and-fifty dollars."

A few weeks later, it transpired that the boy and the lover found themselves in the closet again.

Boy - "It's dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I've got a baseball glove."

Man - Recalling the last meeting the lover groaned, "How much?"

Boy - "Seven-hundred-and-fifty dollars."

Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father said to the son, "Get your ball and glove, junior, we'll go outside and play baseball."

The boy replied, "I can't, I've sold them."

"Huh?" frowned the puzzled father. "Just how much did you sell them for?"

The son said, "A thousand dollars."

"What!?" the father raged, "That's awful; you mustn't overcharge your friends like that. It's much more than those items are worth. I am gonna take you to church and make you confess right now."

They went to the church and the father sent the boy into the confessional booth and closed the door.

The boy whispered, "It's dark in here."

The priest said: "Don't you start that crap again!"

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
She released the most momentous fart =
Mrs steamed out lots of sheer methane.

2nd - Julian Lofts with:
The Assistant to the US President =
I see tanned ass, pert tits, hot tush.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The Craig's List personal ad =
Her crass plan is to get laid.