Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2018

All the highly-placed anagrams from the March 2018 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
A beautiful woman is not a possession, she's a treasure =
So true, but a passionate woman is easier, she's also fun!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

First spark->Dating more->Relationship->Engaged-> ~
Married->Pregnant->Kids->Fighting->Separate->Solo.

3rd - Tom Myers with:
Restore peace =
create repose

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Author William Golding's novel 'Lord of the Flies' =
Lads' life on the island will go from rough to vile.

2nd - Ellie Dent with:
Renoir's paintings =
One's inspiring art.

3rd - Julian Lofts with:
English actor Gary Oldman =
Oscar night "Lead man" glory.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Rosie Perera with:
Uber self-driving car kills pedestrian =
I prefer cab driver skill. Less daunting.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The comedian Ken Dodd has died at ninety years old =
One sad day indeed. The Diddy Men are in total shock.

3rd - Adie Pena with:
Donald Trump's "America First" slogan ~
inflamed promulgators and racists.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

I guess every millennial knew the notorious term MAGA (worn by a sad, ignorant troll) stood for Make America Great Again...

=

But now, it looks like this means:

- Morons Are Governing America
- Manafort Already Got Arrested
- Mueller Ain't Going Away

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
My wife Olive got stung on the forehead by a huge bee.

She is at the hospital now; her face is really swollen and bruised ~
and she's feeling awful grim. Yes, poor babe; she nearly died!

Fortunately, I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel!

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
And God said to John, come forth my son and thenceforth
you will be granted Eternal Life.
=
So John, long comforted, gladly did enter herein.
But he only came fifth and won a toaster.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

She cracked a smile. "So what's your poison?"
He sighed dramatically, and let the truth tumble off his tongue. "Life."
"Ah," she said ruefully. "That'll kill you."
- Victoria Schwab, This Savage Song

=

"So my liege, how did you have that US slob elected?" I'll ask him.
He'll smirk, suavely scratch his head and say, "Fear".
"Ah. But also with that call-girl footage, right?"
- Putin's future confession

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
She cracked a smile. "So what's your poison?"
He sighed dramatically, and let the truth tumble off his tongue. "Life."
"Ah," she said ruefully. "That'll kill you."
- Victoria Schwab, This Savage Song

=

"SOS! Gas attack!" retched Gary. "Out, fast!"

He stumbled clumsily, like a bull in a china shop, survival the whole aim.

"Enough of your histrionics!" yelled his wife; "the dog has farted, that's all!"

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
She cracked a smile. "So what's your poison?"
He sighed dramatically, and let the truth tumble off his tongue. "Life."
"Ah," she said ruefully. "That'll kill you."
- Victoria Schwab, This Savage Song
=
They say, to hold anger is so harmful that it's as if a man
with such rage could drink the glass of a chemical poison,
but falsely believe that the other guy, his luckless rival,
would die.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Tony Crafter with:
Our teacher asked the class what our favourite animal was and I said: “Fried chicken.”

She said that this wasn’t funny but I think she was wrong because everyone else laughed.

My folks told me to always tell the truth and I have. Fried chicken really is my favourite animal.

I told my pa what had happened when I got home and he thought our teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said how they love animals. But so do I; especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s room. I told him what I'd said and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class the teacher asked what our favourite live animal was. I told her mine was chicken. She asked me why. I said it was because you could make it into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's room. He laughed and told me not to do it again.

I do not understand. My parents tell me to be honest but when I'm honest the teacher doesn’t like it at all.

This morning, my teacher asked me to tell her what person I admired most.

I told her 'Colonel Sanders.'

Guess where I am now...
=

Pamela, a blonde, city girl, married a dairy farmer named Chuck.

One morning, on his way out to check the cow herd, Chuck said to Pamela: 'Listen, Pam, the insemination man is due to come over at midday to see about impregnating one of the cows. I've hammered a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. Can you show him where the cow is when he gets here?'

'Okay, Chuck, will do,' replied Pamela.

Then Chuck headed off to the fields.

Later that day, the insemination man knocked on the door.

Pamela led him out to the barn. They walked alongside the cow stalls and when she saw the nail, she said decisively, 'Okay, that's the one... right there.'

Impressed by what he'd initially thought to be an attractive but dumb airhead, the man respectfully asked: 'Tell me ma'am, how did you know this was the cow that is due to be inseminated?'

'That's simple; by the nail over its stall,' Pamela explained assuredly.

'Okay, I see... and what is the nail for?' asked the man.

She turned, started walking off and, with supercool confidence, said over her shoulder ...

'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
"Easter is…
Joining in a birdsong,
Eying an early sunrise,
Smelling yellow daffodils,
Unbolting windows and doors,
Skipping through meadows,
Cuddling newborns,
Hoping, believing,
Reviving spent life,
Inhaling fresh air,
Sprinkling seeds along furrows,
Tracking in the mud.
Easter is the soul's first taste of spring."
- Richelle E. Goodrich, Making Wishes

=
Yoga is...

Making friends
Inspiring... and sighing!
Noticing this world
Discovering one's whole
Fun while being spiritual
Understanding, adjusting
Learning balance,
Never losing awareness of the present
Energising, progressive
Stretch, hold pose, build and...
Smile through mild pain!

Yoga is building on skills for myself while I work off work stress.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
This old fellow dies and goes to Heaven. There's St Peter, in a gleaming white polyester suit, and the Pearly Gates all encrusted with lights and neon. "WELCOME TO HEAVEN!" he says next, "but before you can get in, you have to answer a skill-testing question. What. Is. Easter."

The old fellow thinks for a moment. "Hmm... Easter... Ha! Isn't that when the fat man in the fur-lined red suit comes down a chimney and leaves presents for all the good little girls and boys?"

"No, I'm sorry, that's incorrect!" And a Heavenly choir could all be heard singing, "Awwwwwww........"

St. Peter winks, "It's okay, you get TWO MORE CHANCES! So, think very hard. What. Is. Easter."
~
"Easter...the tot's basket? It's aggravating...I used to know. Easter's when you play a trick on all your acquaintances, like leaving a whoopie cushion on the chair, for giggles."

"Sorry, wrong!"

All the gentle angels lament, "Awwww...."

The Saint challenges, "It's the final opportunity. Tell me, in twenty-five words or less...What. Is. Easter."

The man answers, "Easter...Why didn't you say so? I remember! It's when they hung Christ on the cross!"

All the celestial devotees fervently chant, "Marvellous!"

"And?"

"He died and the men put Him in a tomb."

"... And??"

"On the third day, He rolled the tombstone off, saw His own shadow, and detected six more weeks of winter!"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

Written In March (a Romantic poem by William Wordsworth)

The cock is crowing,
The stream is flowing,
The small birds twitter,
The lake doth glitter
The green field sleeps in the sun;
The oldest and youngest
Are at work with the strongest;
The cattle are grazing,
Their heads never raising;
There are forty feeding like one!

Like an army defeated
The snow hath retreated,
And now doth fare ill
On the top of the bare hill;
The plowboy is whooping—anon-anon:
There's joy in the mountains;
There's life in the fountains;
Small clouds are sailing,
Blue sky prevailing;
The rain is over and gone!

=

The March

I see the virile forest offspring rising
When men with guns infringe on greener woods,
Their futile pastimes often terrorizing
Their residents and dooming all the brood.
The teeny animals ask what that's worth -
These lethal principals "we don't revoke" -
And how that trespassing will aid the earth
If they can let the acorn be one oak?
They tour on bleakly barren lands together
As avid scions with a brand new role;
Indeed I see each talon, paw or feather
Emerging now to net a single goal:
To tell the crew that shot their family
"You didn't just kill them. You're killing me."

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The person having 'Bi' orientation =
Into penis, vagina, both or neither.

2nd - Christopher Sturdy with:
A persistent guy who will not take "No!" for an answer =
Well annoying wanker is often how rape starts out... :-(

3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Vaginal thrusting ~
isn't a vulgar thing.