Anagrammy Placegetters for June 2018

All the highly-placed anagrams from the June 2018 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Julian Lofts with:
Bram Stoker's gothic novel "Dracula" =
A blood sucker craving the mortals.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - John Ramos with:
United States Space Force =
Cadets fire on a suspect ET.

2nd - Neil Ramsay with:
The Belgians ~
beat English.

3rd - David Bourke with:
President of the USA, Donald Trump, and Kim Jong-un =
Drafting our joint plan: Dump those damned nukes!

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Comedian Chaplin =
Chap in old cinema.

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

The 5 Top Grossing Films of All Time

1. Avatar: James Cameron's motion picture that boasted a lot of great visual ideas, some mind-blowing three-D and endlessly wonderful effects... but a plot he seems to have scribbled on a cocktail napkin.

2. Titanic: Cameron's romantic disaster film, released back when he was more down to earth and thought a profit of just two billion dollars is more than enough in Hollywood.

3. Star Wars: The Force Awakens: The Disney revival of your immensely beloved franchise; It managed to do one thing completely right: Not feature Jar Jar.

4. Avengers: Infinity War: A chaotic action film packed with so many effing superheroes, you actually end up liking Thanos for getting rid of a couple of them.

5. Jurassic World: The surprise mammoth hit released as a continuation of Spielberg's intense film ('Surprise' because it seems the screenwriters are the ones that had brains the size of a walnut).

=

The 5 Top Grossest Films of All Time

5. The Human Centipede Trilogy: A shameful movie series (with people being forcibly connected to one another) that's just full of crap from head to tail... literally.

4. Battle Royale: Japan's hit horror film about young students fighting to the death following a major economic crisis (so basically, it's our world twenty years from now).

3. Pink Flamingos: John Waters' stunning cult movie where its star eats real canine feces. In her defense, I guess that's no worse than actually marketing said feces as Adam Sandler movies.

2. Braindead: One of Peter 'Lord of the Rings' Jackson's earlier works which features matricide, horrible massacres with huge amounts of gore and vomit, and an abused zombie infant. This is a comedy, BTW.

1. The Trump Card: A certain video Putin keeps in a safe somewhere involving Trump, a couple of ladies for hire and a hotel bed that the maid wasn't so keen to clean.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
How To Make A SINGAPORE SLING COCKTAIL

Ingredients
1 cup ice
1 1/2 fluid ounces gin
1/2 fluid ounce cherry-flavored brandy
1/4 fluid ounce triple sec
1/4 fluid ounce Benedictine liqueur
4 fluid ounces pineapple juice
1/2 fluid ounce lime juice
1/2 fluid ounce grenadine syrup
1 cup ice
1 slice fresh pineapple
1 maraschino cherry

Directions
1. Fill a Collins glass with 1 cup ice and set aside in the freezer.
2. Combine gin, cherry-flavored brandy, triple sec, Benedictine, pineapple juice, lime juice, and grenadine in a cocktail shaker. Add 1 cup ice, cover and shake until chilled. Strain into the prepared Collins glass.
3. Garnish with slice of pineapple and a cherry.

=

Why I Fancied An Unprecedented Epic June 12 SINGAPORE SUMMIT

Players
1 hungrier Donald J. Trump (1/4 Crock, 1/4 Crap, 1/2 Inaccuracy) [I'll bring 1 National Security Adviser plus 1 Secretary of State; I'll sleep in Shangri-La Hotel]
1 ridiculed Kim Jong Un (1/2 Butcher, 1/2 Farce) [He'll sleep in St. Regis Hotel]

Specific Goals
1. Appease 1 nervous undecided Moon Jae-in. (Check!)
2. A widened circle of Republican friends which I'll definitely persuade for future crucial help. (Check!)
3. If I produce 1 signed insignificant piece of paper, I'll induce a so-called unified denuclearisation and see genuine undivided peace. (Check!)
4. Unquestionably, I'll clinch 1 iconic Nobel Prize. (I hope!)

3rd - Ellie Dent with:

It is a sunny morning in the Forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his

little chair at the table. He looks into his cereal bowl. It's empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he cries.

Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in the huge chair. He looks into his cereal bowl. Why, that is empty too!

"Whatever... who's been eating my porridge?" he roars grumpily. Mother Bear pokes her head out of the kitchen door

and yells out: "Oh for Christ's sake, how many damn times do we have to go through this? Why, it was me, Mother Bear

who got up first, and way before you.

~

It was housekeeper Mother Bear, who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put all yesterday's dishes away.

It was I, Mother Bear myself, who woke everybody. Mother Bear who went out in filthy rain or hail, in the brisk

morning air in a shabby sheepskin coat to fetch papers. I, sensible Mother Bear, who set the high table. Mother Bear,

no other, who put Grimalkin, the cat out. OK? Satisfied? Right, now that you shiftless barbarians have come

downstairs to grace me with your presence, just listen good, you blighters, I am only going to say this once.

I HAVEN'T MADE THE F*****G PORRIDGE YET!"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
2nd - Mike Torr with:
“Jabberwocky"

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

=

"O, Adjectival Hymn!"

'Twas scribbig, and the brosty wags
Did hafe and hobble in the wobe;
All boshy were the jembabags,
And the mome broths blurbscrobe.

"Beware the Adjective, my son!
The junk uncut, the league of sin!
Beware the jaded theme, and shun
The rhythm saccharin!"

He took his fruitless nib in hand:
Long time he slogged, with whisky fraught—
He faded out of his work devout,
Went totally distraught.

So while he strangely sought vermouth,
The Adjective, with rhyme attached,
Arose, its loathsome phrase uncouth,
All complex and mismatched!

One, two! One, two! It grew and grew,
Meantime a fathom hollowing!
A mammoth cheek, a shabby tweak,
A journey following.

"And did you trim the Adjective?
Knock on that wood, to burst your rage!
Oh flaming day! Thrillah! Thrillay!
Submitted! On the page!"

'Twas scribbig and the brosty wags
Did hafe and hobble in the wobe;
All boshy were the jembabags,
And the mome broths blurbscrobe.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to compete for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer said to him: 'Okay, Paddy, don't forget all the research we've done on this guy. He's never lost a match because of his 'pretzel' hold. It ties you up in knots. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in that hold! If he does, you've had it.'

Paddy nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the wrestlers circled each other, looking for a probable opening. Suddenly, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Irishman and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.

A groan of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands, knowing all was lost. He couldn't bear to watch the inevitable outcome.

All of a sudden, there was a long, high-pitched scream, followed by a cheer from the crowd. The trainer raised his eyes just in time to see the Russian go flying up in the air.

On landing, his back hit the mat with a loud thud and Paddy quickly jumped on top of him, making the pin and winning the match.

The trainer was gobsmacked! When he finally got Paddy alone, he asked, 'Okay, how'd you get out of that hold? Nobody has ever done it before!'

The wrestler answered: 'Well, I was all ready to give up when he got me in that pretzel, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw a pair of testicles dangling right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so, with my last ounce of strength, I stretched my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.'

The trainer exclaimed: 'Is that what finished him off?'

'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own nuts.'
=
Two Labradors and a Great Dane were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's. The yellow Labrador turned to the black Labrador, nodded, and said: "Hi, my name is Tiffin. What are you here for?"

The black Labrador replied, "Hi, Tiffin, my name is Drizzle. I'm here 'cos I'm a champion pisser. I piss on everything... the sofa, the cushions, the odd cat, the children. But the final straw was last night when I sprayed hot piss right in the middle of my owner's bed and flooded it. He went totally crazy!"

The yellow Labrador said, "So what is the vet going to do? "

"He is gonna cut my nuts off forthwith," came the despondent reply. "He reckons it might calm me down."

The black Lab turned to the yellow Lab, and asked "So, what are you here for?"

"I'm a digger," announced Tiffin. "I dig under fences, I dig up the flowers and the lawn, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm in the house, I dig up the carpets. But I crossed the line last night when I dug an enormous hole in my owner's favourite couch."

"So what are they gonna do to you?" the black Lab inquired.

"It looks like I'm gonna lose my nuts too," the dejected yellow Lab said.

The black dog then turned to the Great Dane and asked: "What are you here for?"

"Oh, I'm a prize humper," stated the Great Dane. "I will hump anything. I'll hump the cat, the cushions, random kneecaps, fence posts, doors, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.

"Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending over to dry her toes. I couldn't help myself; I hopped on her back and started hammering away."

The two Labs exchanged sad glances and said, "So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?”

"No," said the Great Dane, "Apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

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Anagrammy Placegetters for June 2018

THE GENERAL CATEGORY

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

THE LONG CATEGORY

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

THE RUDE CATEGORY