Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2012

All the highly-placed anagrams from the September 2012 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet: The Houses of Parliament at Sunset =
Thames shade seen in soft Autumn colour palette

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
A seventies tribute band ~
revisited ten Abba tunes!

3rd - Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Paralympic Games in London =
One arm, leg? ... Simply not handicap!

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Ellie Dent with:
The American astronaut Neil Armstrong =
One star sharing an immortal utterance.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Scott Gardner with:
The Daily Star tabloid =
That's editorially bad.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests =
Boys know, distrust behavior of these U.S. perverts!

3rd - View with:
Chevrolet Astras =
Those cars travel.

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"There are some things that are so serious you have to laugh at them." - Niels Bohr, Danish physicist.
=
Islam is never hilarious, though. One cheap shot at their history, and there goes that US embassy.

2nd - nedesto with:
"There are some things that are so serious you have to laugh at them." - Niels Bohr, Danish physicist.
=
On the other hand, every past U.S. election gig seems so hilarious (bah ha ha!) that I shit my trousers.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
"There are some things that are so serious you have to laugh at them." - Niels Bohr, Danish physicist.=
So, I bet Santa can laugh at poverty, hunger, distress, traumas, misery, hostilities. Ho, ho, ho! He, he, he!

THE LONG CATEGORY

eq1st - Ellie with:
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman, two men from Wales, a Latvian, a Turk, an Indian,
an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian bushman, an Egyptian, a Slovak, German, Moroccan, New Zealander, Spaniard, Russian, Guatemalan, Colombian, three Pakistanis, a Croatian, Cypriot, Pole, Lithuanian, umpteen Chinese, a Sri Lankan, three Lebanese, one Cayman Islander, two Vietnamese, a North Korean, Uruguayan, Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, Honduran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, an Estonian, a Syrian, fourteen or so Portuguese fishermen, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, one Hungarian, a Canadian, three Haitians, two Bolivians, three Serbs, a Belgian

~

seven Japanese seamen, an Amazonian, a Romanian, an Asian, an Inuit, a Macedonian missionary, a Cook Island surfer, a Samoan, an Armenian, a burly Zulu, a Greenlander, a Virgin Islander, an Alaskan teacher, a huge Tongan, a Cambodian, a Lapp, a Romanian farmer, thirteen Chilean heroes, a Ukrainian, a Dutch lecturer, even a Costa Rican dancer, a Swede, three Sicilian thespians, a penniless Greek salesman, an Italian newsman, an Albanian on honeymoon, a Norwegian seaman and an African walk into an expensive hotel bar.

After scrutinizing the group, the barman then announces: 'Listen, I am sorry, gentlemen, but I have got rules. I cannot let you in without a Thai.'

eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
A woman goes into a fishing shop to buy a rod and reel for her son's birthday.

She doesn't know what to get, so she just picks one and goes to the counter, where a salesman is standing, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Can you tell me anything about this rod?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you what you want to know from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it down anyway.

He says, "That is a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb line. It's a good all-round combination, and it's actually on sale this week at Â£42.00."

She says, "Amazing! You can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter? I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Hey, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, a rogue fart slips out.

At first she is very embarrassed, but then realises there is no way the blind salesman would know exactly who'd farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That will be Â£58.50."

The woman is totally confused by this and says, "Didn't you say it was on sale for Â£42.00? How did you get Â£58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is Â£14.00, and the Fish Bait is Â£2.50."

=

Irish tourists Paddy and Murphy are walking down London's Carnaby Street when they see a notice in a shop window stating:

'Suits Â£15.00, shirts Â£2.40, trousers Â£2.80.'

Paddy says, "Hell, would ya just look at dat now, Murphy! We could buy lots and lots of dis English gear, and when we get back to Ireland we could offload it at a massive profit and make ourselves a feckin' fortune!"

"To be sure!" exclaims Murphy, "We could be real business typhoons so we could!"

"Ok, so here's what we'll do," says Paddy. "When we go into da shop don't say anythin' at all, just let me do all da talkin', because if the ladies and fellers there hear you babblin' away in that Irish accent they might not serve us, so oi'll talk to them in me best snobby English accent."

They both go into the shop and, in his finest English accent, Paddy says to the shop assistant, "Good afternoon, old bean. I'd like to order 50 suits at Â£15.00, 150 shirts at Â£2.40 and 50 pairs of trousers at Â£2.80, if you'd be kind enough to arrange that. Thank you so much."

The assistant hesitates for a moment, then says, "Er, are you Irish, sir?"

"Ah begorra... that oi am, lad!" exclaims the puzzled Paddy. "Now, how the hell did ya know that?"

"Because," says the man, "this is a dry cleaners..."

3rd - nedesto with:
Two nuns from Norway had just gotten off the Staten Island Ferry and one nun said to the other, "I heard that Americans eat dogs."

"My, how odd!" her companion replied. "But if we shall live here, we might as well do as the Americans."

"Quite" nodded the mother superior wisely, noticing a hot dog vendor nearby. They walked to the cart. "Two dogs, if you please, sir," she said.

The vendor smiled obligingly, placing the hot dogs into foil as he handed them over the counter.

Excitedly, the nuns hurried to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'.

The mother superior stared at it a while and began to blush meekly. Then, whispering cautiously, she said, "What partâ€¦ did you getâ€¦?"

=

A happy older couple, both widowed, had been going out a long time. Urged on by friends to get married, they decided that it was high time to do so.

Before the nuptials, they went out to dinner and had a conversation regarding how marriage should work, discussing money decisions, living arrangements, and such.

Finally, the old man thought that this was the time he ought to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he turned and asked, rather tentatively.

"I would prefer it infrequently" she replied shyly.

The man sat a moment, cleaned his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:

[Last year, during the 10th anniversary of the 9\11 attacks at the newly completed memorial site in NYC, one of the poems recited at the ceremony was "Turn Again To Life". Below is a poetic anagram of it inspired by a Biblical quote; the anagram also contains a visual tribute.]

Turn Again To Life, written by Mary Lee Hall

If I should die and leave you here a while,
Be not like others, sore undone, who keep
Long vigil by the silent dust, and weep.
For my sake - turn again to life and smile,
Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do
Something to comfort other hearts than thine.
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine
And I, perchance, may therein comfort you.

=

No vehemence may bug me once I'd look
In one key omen in a holy book:
"Here, in the fray, the rise of my fair men
Upon that day may toughen David's den."
It's why I won't recede - I will not break,
But, still reluctant, shall repel one ache -
The firestorm and the despair it left -
To purge the grieving of its damning heft.
Shine, fallen ones that Armageddon's roar
Undid in hours 'neath the walls it tore.

[For the 11th anniversary of 9\11, the anagram contains a visualization of the Twin Towers - and the number 11 - if one highlights the Biblical quote that inspired it, "In that day I will restore the fallen house of David. I will repair its damaged walls":]

No vehemence may bug me once I'd look
In one key omen in a holy book:
"Here, in the fray, the rise of my fair men
Upon that day may toughen David's den."
It's why I won't recede - I will not break,
But, still reluctant, shall repel one ache -
The firestorm and the despair it left -
To purge the grieving of its damning heft.
Shine, fallen ones that Armageddon's roar
Undid in hours 'neath the walls it tore.

[The quote is from Amos 9:11, a passage named "A Promise of Restoration".]

2nd - nedesto with:
Crossword

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
When I was 15, I thought my parents knew nothing. When I was 20, I was amazed at how much they'd learned in 5 years.
*

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
*

A high-society couple are making love.
SHE: "Darling, do poor people do this?"
HE: "I believe so, my sugar."
SHE: "Far too good for them, don't you think?"
*

Woman talking to friend in a supermarket. "I thought I'd lost 250lb of ugly fat. Then Barney came home again."
*

"I've been asked to get married hundreds and hundreds of times," she pouted.
"By whom?"
"My mum and dad."
*

There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
*

Two husbands are leaning on the bar: "Did you give your wife that lecture on economizing, like I said?"
"I certainly did."
"And what is the result?"
"I've got to give up smoking."
*

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you are reincarnated, but come back as a different creature. She said she'd quite like to come back as a cow. I said, "Oh, dear, you obviously haven't been listening."
*

Funny that a wife can spot a blonde hair on her husband's coat yet miss the garage doors.
*

The wife was so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find any unfamiliar hairs on his jacket, she screamed, "God, Larry! Only you would cheat on me with a bald woman!"
*

GRAFFITI:
Written on a wall in a ladies' restroom: â€˜My husband stalks me everywhere I go.' Written underneath it: â€˜No. I don't.'

Written in a men's toilet: â€˜Don't forget, no matter how good she looks, there's usually some other guy somewhere who's sick and tired of all her shit'.

Written over a mirror in a men's toilet: â€˜No wonder you always go home alone.'

Written over a mirror in a ladies' toilet: â€˜You're too good for him.'

Written in a ladies' toilet: 'If it has tyres or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it'.
~
Written over a urinal: 'Express lane - 5 beers or less'.

Written on a toilet wall: â€˜I like grils.' Underneath, somebody had written, â€˜You mean girls, bonehead.' Under that some wag had written, â€˜So, what's the matter with us grils?'

'God is dead' - Nietzsche
'Nietzsche is dead' - God.

'Make the small things count. Teach midgets maths'.
*

A patient with a sore throat goes to see his doctor. After examining him, the doctor says, "I'm afraid those tonsils will have to come out."
"Hooey! I want a second opinion," huffs the man.
"Ok," says the doctor, "you're bloody ugly too."
*

"When are you going to dig the garden?" she asked.
"I'm thinking about it."
"You mean you're turning it over in your mind?"
*

"Wow! How long have you been wearing that corset, Wes?"
"Ever since my wife found it in the car."
*

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She threw the dice and landed on Science. The question was, 'If you were in a vacuum and somebody called your name, would you be able to hear them?' She thought for a moment and then said, 'Is it on or off?'
*

An Irishman went into a bakers and said, "How much are da cream cakes?"
"Two for one euro," replied the baker.
"Ah, right, and how much for one?"
"Seventy-five cents," said the baker.
"Roight â€¦ oi'll have the other one then."
*

There was a knock on my door this morning.
I opened it to find a gawky young man standing there who said: "Hello sir, I'm Toby, a Jehovah's Witness."
I said "Hi, come in Toby. Sit down!"
I offered him a coffee and said, "Ok, what do you want to talk about?"
He said, "Buggered if I know, I never got this far before."
*

What does a blonde say while making love?
"Do you all play for the same team?"
*

I went to a bar with my girlfriend last night. The local goofs were raucously shouting "Paedophile!" and other awful names at me, just because my girlfriend is 23 and I am 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
*

THE UNSPECIFIED CATEGORY

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Anagrammy Placegetters for September 2012

THE GENERAL CATEGORY