Anagrammy Placegetters for November 2012

All the highly-placed anagrams from the November 2012 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Adie Pena with:
The fast food restaurant =
Throne of saturated fats.

2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Advertisements ~
drive men's taste.

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Men lost on world's battlefields =
We listed toll on Flanders tombs.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Monet's series of Water Lily drawings =
My art is sweet garden flowers, in oils.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Duo, Paul Frederic Simon and Arthur 'Art' Garfunkel =
A rotund folk-music guru and feral-haired partner!

eq3rd - Ellie Dent with:
'Skyfall', a new Bond movie starring Daniel Craig =
A big film, rivalling a dated Sean Connery's work.

eq3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Shakespearean actor =
Speaks to reach an ear.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Barack Obama is re-elected =
Back to be America's leader.

2nd - Adie Pena with:
Obama is re-elected =
I see able Democrat.

3rd - nedesto with:
Mitt Romney gets second place =
Democracy settles on pigment.

THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY

1st - View with:
Holly Petraeus =
Oh, really upset!

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Scottish thespian Sean Thomas Connery =
"Some say I sport that accent... Nonshinshe!"

3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Bob Diamond of Barclays =
Fiscal moron: bad, bad boy!

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The American elections =
I see no real chance, Mitt!

2nd - David Bourke with:
Fray Bentos meat pies =
A tin, some beef, pastry.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
The beautiful Lost Gardens Of Heligan in Cornwall =
All-out winner in the 'A hell of a bugger to find' class!

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

eq1st - nedesto with:
A nosy old woman sees Donald in the park eating three candy bars and then tells him, "Eating so much junk is very bad for you!"
=
"Lady, my grampa Jack lived to be a hunnert."

"And so, naturally he ate candy?" she retorts.

"No, he minded his own fooking business."

eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Five of the species that face extinction:
1. Luristan newts
2. Pygmy sloths
3. Liben larks
4. Edwards's pheasants
5. Sumatran rhinos.
=
Five species that truly SHOULD be extinct:
1. Spammers
2. Phonies
3. Wrestling fans
4. Kardashian fans
5. Reality show contestants.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The American Tour de France winner Lance Edward Armstrong
=
Win a race, then drug scandal, and now retirement from career

THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY

eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson
=
"Not coke." Whitney Houston
"So forget that." Amy Winehouse
"Overrated." Truman Capote
"Very bad." Elvis
"Cool!" Lindsay Lohan

eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson
=
Baloney! This vacuous American casually went on to shoot himself dead, proving to everyone that they, er... do not work?

3rd - Larry Brash with:
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson
=
Known for lovely commentary. However, controversy: a suicide death by a gunshot to the head as a potential solution.

THE LONG CATEGORY


1st - nedesto with:
Goofy Definitions:

ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.

HEROES: What that guy in a boat has to do.

PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

PARADOX: Are two physicians.

BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.

COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put cabinets together.

EYEDROPPER: A very clumsy ophthalmologist.

LEFTBANK: What that robber did when his bag was too full of money.

SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store has to do.

BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees police with.

=

RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.

MISTY: How some golfer types create divots.

PARASITES: French things you see from high on top of the Eiffel Tower.

POLARIZE: What penguins see snowdrifts with.

PHARMACIST: Boy who ran off to be a helper on the farm.

ARBITRATOR: Cook that chooses to leave Arby's to work at McDonalds.

AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter or cowboy hopes to do.

SUDAFED: Brought harassing litigation against a government agent.

RELIEF: What each tree hopes to do in the Spring.

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
ARE YOU A REDNECK?

Name two words in the English language that start with the letters "Dw".

1. Dwell and dwindle.
2. Dwarf and dwarves.
3. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Dwight Yoakam.

Why can't a man living in the United States be buried in Canada?

1. Because he is alive.
2. Because of the bear problem.
3. Because of Obama.

Farmer Mike Wood has 33 teeth. When he visits the dentist, all but 15 are pulled out. How many are left?

1. 15.
2. 18.
3. What is a dentist?

Is it illegal for someone to marry his own widow in Mississippi?

1. It's a moot point; If this certain someone's wife is a widow, he is obviously dead.
2. Not in theory, but the paperwork's a bitch.
3. It's not illegal to marry any relative in Mississippi. Unless you're gay.

How many animals of each sex did Moses load into the ark?

1. You're thinking of Noah.
2. 31 million of them... No, wait, 2?
3. I spaced out after "animals" and "sex".

Your Score:

Mostly 1? Congrats! You answered every question correctly... in a quiz designed for children. I hope you're proud of yourself.

Mostly 2? You are less of a redneck and more of a common dweeb. Which is the word you forgot in the first question.

Mostly 3? Your neck is definitely redder than a Tea Partier's. You have 5 banjos and a kazoo, eat termites, know at least 3 people called Jeb and are on the road to becoming the 2016 Republican running mate.

=

ARE YOU A SNOB?

"Mint" is...

1. Collectibles in fine condition.
2. A kind of sweet.
3. My favorite stripper.

Do you watch Mad Men?

1. That's the only show I'm willing to watch.
2. Yes, when I'm out of Ambien.
3. I'd even prefer reading Miley Cyrus tweets, frankly.

So what did you think of episode 15 in season 3?

1. A skilled example of all the existential angst in that acclaimed classic.
2. Um, I think my DVR deleted it.
3. Wikipedia says there is no episode 15 in season 3.

How much do you tip a bathroom attendant?

1. Add the number of specks on the bowl and divide by 80.
2. Not sure, I'm always embarrassed.
3. Good question. How much do you tip your dad?

A supermarket is...

1. A Petri dish for social diseases.
2. A place with great bargains.
3. Where I work.

And heirloom tomatoes are...

1. A must for a Sauce Vierge.
2. A lousy inheritance?
3. Half off tomorrow, so swing by!

What's the difference between Evian and generic bottled water?

1. One's for humans, the other's for radiators.
2. About 6 dollars.
3. A cleaner garden hose.

Your score:

Mostly 1? Well, there's a fine line between a snob and a jerk, and you just spilled some Pinot Noir all over it.

Mostly 2? You are an Average Joe. Why were you in a bathroom with an attendant?

Mostly 3? Well done, you nailed this quiz and win nothing. Beware of the redneck quiz, though... It might contain a nasty surprise.

3rd - Dharam Khalsa with:
Personality traits not measured by testing at schools:

Creativity
Resilience
Motivation
Persistence
Curiosity
Question asking
Endurance
Reliability
Enthusiasm
Civic-mindedness
Self awareness
Self discipline
Sense of humour
~
Leadership
Compassion
Courage
Cowardice
Morals
Sense of entitlement
Resourcefulness
Inquisitiveness
Determination
Family abuse insecurity
Social sensitivity
Assertiveness
Critical thinking
Dependability
Trust
Honesty

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY


1st - nedesto with:

1. Go away
4. Lyrical poem
7. Boy kids
9. Crack
14. Inane dunderheads (7,6)
15. Swelling due to disease
16. Abandon it
17. Attain; meet
18. Use a label
20. Drought-weary area (4,4)
22. Rifle type (5,6)
25. Off yourself
27. Intent
28. Salt
30. Loveless, platitudinous union (8,2,11)
33. Couch
35. ___ won't do!
36. Presently
39. Electronic computers use it (7,4)
41. Punch (4,4)
44. Dears
45. Green
46. ___ ___ License Agreement (3,6)
50. Root vegetable
51. French kiss? (6,7)
52. Rein___
53. Perpetrate murder
54. Conditionally
55. Crime
=
1. Yokel, dupe or loon
2. Pasta type
3. Old is reused
5. Fatso
6. Microcomputer core (7,10,4)
7. Sheltered to the wind
8. Nederlands hat (5,3)
10. Currently attractive?
11. Barterer
12. Thank
13. Be decidedly sober
19. Day fifteen
21. A wee pancake
23. Car
24. Angle
26. Gone
29. Calling (5,2,4)
30. Inspirer
31. Curious
32. Twist
34. Consul
37. Cue we use to display ennui
38. Mane style
40. One's motherland
42. Is gleeful
43. A nitrogenous bean
47. Impugn severely
48. Fraction
49. Militia

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:

[These 4 poems each depict a different stage in life - In utero, young love, parenthood and old age. In addition, there's also a gradual progression in the way they're anagrammed into one another: The 2nd poem is a sentence anagram of the 1st, the 3rd is a word anagram of it and the 4th is a standard letter anagram. Enjoy!]


Your mother's womb while still her embryo
Will keep you right forevermore, it seems;
That later age, in which reign gloom and woe,
Is far away and just a distant dream.
But deep within, in fact, is one mild gleam:
The fine bond with another human heart
Is so intense, its influence supreme;
Her promises and days yours from the start.
For love's not fleeting but a piece of art,
And she determines quite more than you know
The future love with whom you'd never part;
She'll point the guiding light, child, as you grow.

=

That later age, in which reign gloom and woe,
Is so intense, its influence supreme;
Your mother's womb while still her embryo
Is far away and just a distant dream.
But deep within, in fact, is one mild gleam:
The future love with whom you'd never part
Will keep you right forevermore, it seems -
The fine bond with another human heart.
And she determines quite more than you know,
Her promises and days yours from the start:
She'll point the guiding light, child, as you grow
For love's not fleeting but a piece of art.

=

But later still, the embryo is yours,
A piece of you within her mother's womb,
One human whom you'd love forevermore
And point her far away from woe and gloom -
Which is, more than another bond, so deep
For it in fact determines your dream child;
She is, in part, the promises you keep,
That fine art with a heart, while not as mild.
The days start fleeting and will grow intense,
The distant future never seems quite light
But with love's guiding gleam, its influence,
You know she'll reign supreme and age just right.

=

More summers passed. The girl has grown and thrived
While raising merry youngsters of her own,
And now, the final moment has arrived;
The room is empty and you are alone.
Yeah, life was often bleak or rather cruel,
But it's equipped with madly epic stuff;
If all there is are those few precious jewels
It definitely would've been enough.
And though the guiding light's no longer lit,
There is a special bond you've known from birth,
And that means you must now commit to it...
It's time to reunite with Mother Earth.

3rd - Tony Crafter with:
OH I WISH I'D LOOKED AFTER ME TEETH
By
Pam Ayres

Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth,
And spotted the dangers beneath
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food.
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

I wish I'd been that much more willin'
When I had more tooth there than fillin'
To give up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers,
And to buy something else with me shillin'.

When I think of the lollies I licked
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.

My mother, she told me no end,
'If you got a tooth, you got a friend.'
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.

Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin'
And pokin' and fussin'
Didn't seem worth the time - I could bite!

If I'd known I was paving the way
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fillin's,
Injections and drillin's,
I'd have thrown all me sherbet away.

So I lie in the old dentist's chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine
In these molars of mine.
'Two amalgam,' he'll say, 'for in there.'

How I laughed at my mother's false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath.
But now comes the reckonin'
It's me they are beckonin'
Oh, I wish I'd looked after me teeth.

=

WHAT I WISH I HAD UNDERSTOOD THEN
By
Anon

Oh, I wish I could rewind the clock,
And turn back the years and take stock;
The mistakes that I made,
This time I'd evade,
Oh, I wish I could rewind the clock.

I'd skip being thirteen this time!
There were too many mountains to climb,
As those cute childhood dimples
Became boyhood pimples,
Hell, I'd skip being thirteen this time.

Oh, I wish I were eighteen again!
This time I'd shrug off all the pain
Of female rejections,
And ill-timed erections;
Yes, I wish I were eighteen again!

When I think of my twenties, oh hell!
I sure had some worrying spells,
With a wife and two daughters
And me - sole supporter,
Wish I'd known it'd all turn out well.

Then my thirties had their share of stress,
But now, on reflection, I guess
That I should have felt chilled,
And not been torment-filled,
And said to myself - "I am blessed."

Then the forties roared in from nowhere.
I blinked and - oh man! - they were there!
I should have said, "Face it,
Life's good, so embrace it,
Get a shark-tattoo, throw off your cares!"

Then came the mad fifties, oh my!
And the time's simply zooming on by,
All the plans that I had
Didn't happen; too bad,
And I never quite understood why.

Though that decade was mostly a flop,
In a possible thirteen years, top,
I'll have head-fog, no teeth,
The odd problem beneath,
Then that time clock'll probably... stop.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A ten-inch steel vibrator =
Bet it's nicer than a lover!

2nd - nedesto with:
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas =
Happy gents shag a native... sans wives!

3rd - David Bourke with:
A depilated cunt =
Tactile pudenda.

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