Long Anagram by Tony Crafter

(The Daily Telegraph)

1 Kate Middleton’s wedding bouquet will be placed on the Grave of the Unknown Warrior at Westminster Abbey after the service, continuing a tradition started by Queen Elizabeth, the late Queen mother, and observed by other royal brides, including Prince William's mother Diana, Princess of Wales.

2 The bells of Westminster Abbey will ring for three hours after the royal wedding. The ringers will perform 5,000 changes for the first time since 2007.

3 Britons will take 327 million photographs of the royal wedding, street parties and other celebrations tomorrow, according to research carried out for Nikon. One in six pictures – around 65 million – are expected to be posted on social networking websites.

4 A schoolgirl wrote to the Queen complaining that the wedding would clash with her grandfather’s birthday. Buckingham Palace told Bowen Pella-McDyre, nine, of Leamington Spa, that Her Majesty was “interested to learn” that Ray McDyre would turn 78 on April 29.

5 The Alexandra Hotel in Derby will be a royal wedding-free oasis for drinkers who want to escape the monarchist fervour tomorrow. The words “royal” and “wedding” will be banned, with anyone who utters them having to donate to a “swear box”.

6 John Loughrey, 56, who describes himself as a “super fan” of Diana, Princess of Wales, became the first royalist to camp out on the pavement to secure his viewing position outside Westminster Abbey, arriving on Monday

7 Boris Johnson, the Mayor of London, will give Prince William and Kate Middleton a tandem “Boris bike”

8 The extra bank holiday will benefit dozens of inmates. Those whose release date falls on a bank holiday are let out the previous working day.

9 Just over a third of Britons are genuinely interested in the royal wedding, according to a survey. The same ICM poll found that 49 per cent of respondents were merely happy to have an extra day off work, although 47 per cent said they would watch the wedding on television.

10 The stage manager of The X Factor will oversee television coverage. Diccon Ramsay, 27, will “cue” Kate Middleton at Westminster Abbey.

11 The newlyweds will enjoy a moment out of the world’s view when they sign the marriage register in the Chapel of St Edward the Confessor.

12 Ladbrokes froze bets on the Queen’s hat after yellow became the 10/11 odds-on favourite.

13 William and Kate, a pair of royal starlings at Chester Zoo, have been renamed Billy and Nate after both turned out to be cock birds.

14 Prince Harry is considered a safe pair of hands by bookmakers, with Ladbrokes offering odds as long as 100/1 that he will drop the ring.

15 Researchers found that one in five adults plans to purchase a royal collectable and will spend an average of £17 each — with mugs, tea-towels and plates the most popular items. But seven in 10 won’t admit it to friends for fear of ridicule.

16 Prince William and Kate Middleton will spend their wedding night at Buckingham Palace, their spokesman confirmed. Previous generations of royal couples have always left London on their wedding night to begin their honeymoon.

17 TV screens will be set up in Westminster Abbey, as the couple will take their vows at the High Altar, out of sight of most of the congregation.

18 The job of calming Prince William’s nerves has been given to Sir Stephen Lamport, the Receiver General at Westminster Abbey.

19 More than 9.5 million people have logged on to the official royal wedding website since it was set up last November when the couple announced their engagement

20 Justin Tunstall has produced two royal cheddars to mark the event, one called “Congratulations Wills and Kate”, the other christened “Sod the Wedding – It’s a Day Off”. The latter is selling eight times faster in his shop in Lyme Regis, Dorset.

21 More than 5.8 million bin bags of rubbish, weighing 4,000 tons, are expected as a result of royal wedding tea parties and family get-togethers.

22 An unidentified gambler has bet £6,000 that Kate Middleton will wear a Russian fringe tiara borrowed from the Queen. A £6,000 bet at odds of 12-1 was placed at Ladbrokes in Ascot, Berks, on the tiara, which was made in 1919 for Queen Mary.

23 The cutting of the wedding cake is to be a private affair after the bride and groom decided not to allow pictures to be published.

24 Up to 600,000 people will turn their kettles on after the couple kiss on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, the National Grid predicts.

25 The country’s largest rail union, the RMT, will keep its head office in London open during Friday’s bank holiday because it opposes the monarchy. The staff could choose whether or not to work, a union spokesman added.

26 150,000 souvenir programmes will be sold on the day by 80 military cadets and 60 explorer Scouts along the processional route.

27 Hugo Burnand, the official photographer, started his working life as a stable lad. The Old Harrovian went on to Lloyd’s of London.

28 The owners of a racehorse called Royal Wedding are hoping his name will bring them luck when he runs at Fontwell Park on April 29.

29 An American artist has spent 80 hours creating an unusually detailed portrait of the royal couple. George Vlosic, 30, completed his work of art on an Etch A Sketch toy. The artist has previously made portraits of Barack Obama, Tiger Woods and The Beatles.

30 Couples getting married on the same day as Prince William and Kate Middleton plan to turn the date clash into a virtue by having royal-themed receptions, according to Crumble Bumble Bakery. The baker said its three-tier wedding cake had proved a hit.

31 The odds on the Duke of Edinburgh falling asleep at the service were cut to 8/1 by William Hill. It is one of the firm’s most popular bets.

32 The number of royal wedding street parties will now top 5,500, the Local Government Association said yesterday. Councils have received a last-minute surge of applications for road closures, with 1,500 requests in the past three weeks.

33 Hertfordshire appears to be the most royalist county with 298 street parties planned. West Berkshire has just 19 applications.

34 Blackpool’s North Pier will hold one of the most distinctive parties on Friday when much of its length will be turned into a “street”.

35 Airline passengers will be able to take part in on-board “street parties” on long-haul flights on April 29. Virgin Atlantic will lay on tea and wedding cake and decorate the cabins with bunting, and members of the crew will be dressed up as wedding guests.

36 Wedding guest David Beckham will stay in London for only a few hours after the ceremony. He will fly back to the US for a game on Sunday.

37 Speculation that Prince William and Kate Middleton will spend their honeymoon in Transylvania has reached fever pitch in Romania. The Prince of Wales owns a property in the village of Viscri, which was visited by a security team in recent weeks, residents claimed.

38 Tractor manufacturer New Holland is offering a free Union flag paint job to farmers who buy one of their machines this month.

39 Bookmakers are taking bets on which of a list of phrases the BBC’s royal wedding presenter Huw Edwards will utter first on the big day. Favourites include “St Andrews”, “Diana” and “commoner”.

40 Westminster Abbey will offer royal wedding tours from April 30 until May 6, when visitors will be able to see the wedding flowers and look at other points of interest.

41 Mugs designed by the potter Emma Bridgewater have been commissioned by Miss Middleton’s home parish in Bucklebury, Berks, to be sold at a wedding day tea party on the village green. The design features an acorn, which also appears on her family’s coat of arms.

42 More than seven in 10 Britons regard the royal wedding as having positive benefits for the country, according to a survey by Conquest.

43 The royal couple will be toasted with modest £30 bottles of champagne at the wedding breakfast. They have chosen non-vintage champagne from the family-run Pol Roger vineyard that was a favourite of Sir Winston Churchill.

44 The Duchess of Cornwall is to plant a Wedding Cake tree to mark Prince William and Kate Middleton’s marriage. The Duchess, Prince William’s stepmother, will settle the sapling on May 3 at St Mary’s Church in Tetbury, close to her home in Highgrove, Gloucs.

45 The head of the Catholic Church in Ireland, Cardinal Sean Brady, will be among the wedding guests – the first time a Catholic Primate of All Ireland has accepted an invitation to a royal wedding. The invitation has been attributed to his outspoken contribution to the peace process.

46 Royalist Anne Turner has transformed the gable end of her terrace house in Ventnor, Isle of Wight, into a royal wedding mural, featuring the Rolls-Royce in which Kate Middleton will travel to Westminster Abbey. The painting took five days to complete.

47 A guardsman has been banned from duties on the day of the wedding after making abusive comments about Kate Middleton on Facebook. Gdmn Cameron Reilly, 18, of 1st Bn Scots Guards, could also face a court martial after allegedly making a series of racist comments.

48 Residents in Northampton have criticised council bosses who refused a street party after the Prime Minister’s call to cut “red tape’’. The council claimed the application was received after its April 8 deadline. One organiser, said: “We applied within 48 hours of David Cameron’s words.”

49 One in three Britons will try to avoid seeing the royal wedding, according to a ComRes poll for ITV News. While 75 per cent of people said the event would help Britain’s reputation, 38 per cent said they would watch it live, suggesting viewing figures of around 18 million.

50 More than 500 yards of red carpet were rolled out at Heathrow Airport arrivals halls to give passengers a welcome fit for a future king and queen. Thousands of cups of White Earl Grey tea, blended by Twinings for the event, will be given out free of charge.



1. To start the night's celebrations, Charles and Camilla wore skin-tight leather outfits to sing and dance 'One's The One That One Wants'. Two minutes into the routine, Charles fell onto his coccyx and was carried to a bedchamber by favourite manservant, Rupert.

2. To avoid accusations of bias, every diner was allotted exactly 15 carrot slices, 5 little florets of broccoli, 6 runner beans and 6 asparagus tips with their meal.

3. The Duke of Edinburgh (89) managed to drop 12 carrot slices, all of his broccoli and 5 asparagus tips, which were all devoured by the Royal corgis.

4. Multimillionaire, Elton John (64) spent the evening on Twitter sulking that he wasn't allowed to perform his immortal 'Candle In The Wind' on TV at the service.

5. Ultra-willowy Victoria Beckham (37) spent the evening sulking because... she's Victoria Beckham.

6. Whilst slow-dancing with the willowy Pippa Middleton (27) to ZZ Top's 'Gimme All Your Lovin', Prince Harry asked if she would like to come to one of the Palace chambers to see his wiggly worm. She politely declined.

7. After resolving not to attend the later festivities, Her Majesty (85) retired to bed, but couldn't restrain herself on hearing the strains of 'Oops Upside Your Head' coming from below. 'One's going downstairs for a straddle,' she said to The Duke of Edinburgh, who replied, 'What's this bloody asparagus tip doing in the bed?'

8. Although reported to be in Thailand, Sarah Ferguson (51) managed to sneak into the palace by disguising herself as Lottie Von Tittslinger (18), Prince Andrew's Bavarian masseuse. Whilst mingling with guests, she brokered a commercial transaction between Prince Andrew and a multimillionaire sheikh for a commission of £500,000. Unfortunately for her, the sheikh was a 'News of the World' reporter in disguise.

9. At ten o'clock, the willowy Pippa took to the microphone to belt out 'I Wish I Could Shimmy Like My Sister Kate', while the new bride did the Charleston to fervent roars of approval from onlookers, all uttering remarks like, 'I say!' 'Wow!' 'Yikes!' and 'Get 'em off!' (the latter retort coming from the News of the World reporter).

10. Footballer David Beckham (36) was seen displaying remarkable dribbling skills whilst gazing at willowy Pippa Middleton's trim derriere.

11. Catherine and William's first dance was a Military Two-Step to 'Men of Harlech' performed by the Band of the Welsh Guards.

12. The new Duchess of Cambridge has been offered £1,000,000 by Playboy to bare all. She has declined.

13. The willowy Pippa has been offered £750,000 by Playboy to bare all. She is considering it.

14. Fergie's been offered £19.99 by Playboy to bare all. She has agreed, saying '£19.99? Yikes, that's almost, like, twenty quid, I'd be a fool not to!'

15. In his Best Man's speech, Harry said that Sir Elton had bravely attended the wedding despite being 111. Unfortunately, he'd misread his own writing and should have said 'despite being ill'. A belittled Sir Elton flounced from the room to report it all on Twitter, followed by partner Mr David Furnish (48). They returned later to do the Gay Gordon.

16.Whilst slow-dancing with the willowy Pippa to Little Richard's 'Tutti Frutti', Harry again asked if she would like to sneak off to a Royal chamber to see his wiggly worm. She said, 'Not at the moment - wait till Chelsy's not watching.'

17. At 10pm, there was a collective roar of approval when Zandra Phillips trotted into the room on horseback and performed dressage to 'Ride That Pony'.

18. At 5.00am the following morning, a team of 80 cleaners was drafted in to clear up all the mess. They found 178 random carrot slices, 3 Colonel Sanders tortilla wraps, 20 buttons, a set of false teeth stuck in a vol-au-vent, a pair of Y-Fronts, scattered horse-manure, 2 wiggly worms, a rectal thermometer, and Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's nose.

19. The Duke of Edinburgh reportedly announced 28 times at the dinner table, 'Do you realise that I'll be 90 on 10th June?'

20. Rowan Atkinson refused 46 requests to mimic Mr Bean.

21. Victoria Beckham refused 18 requests to smile.

22. Sir Elton posted 28 rants on Twitter.

23. At 11.50pm, Prince Philip came down in his nightshirt and called out, 'Can you keep the bloody noise down! Don't you realise I'll be 90 on 10th June?!'

24. After a slow-dance to 'Livin' La Vida Loca', Harry finally enticed the willowy Pippa into a nearby chamber, but retreated 5 seconds later after having been heard to shout, 'Oh no! Not again, Father!' A pleading voice from within was alleged to have retorted, 'Wait, Harrykins; one can explain everything.'

25. In all, 650 people attended the lunchtime reception. Despite collective efforts by the chefs to cater for such a vast number, some guests are still waiting to be served.

26. Between them, the 300 people at the evening reception managed to consume: 100 bottles of champagne, 10 bottles of Babycham, 200 cans of Coca Cola, 400 tins of beer and a mug of Horlicks.

27. Princess Anne said, 'Naff orf!' 18 times.

28. During the evening, alien voices were heard. These were eventually traced to Princess Beatrice's hat, which was picking up signals from Alpha Centauri.

29. The Beckhams had to leave early as David was returning to America for a soccer match. On their departure, Victoria was heard to mutter, 'Thank Gawd for that, these Louboutin shoes are bleedin' killin' me.'

30. Before Her Majesty left the dinner table, 'God Save The Queen' was played. Everybody stood, bar 4 people: The Queen, 2 army men in wheelchairs and Sir Elton.

31. During after-dinner speeches, the Duke of Edinburgh insisted on making a 'Grandfather-of-the-groom' speech, wherein he took the opportunity to congratulate the newlyweds and to announce to all that he will be 90 on 10th June.

32. Whilst posing for a family wedding photograph, one of the group farted. Suspicion immediately fell upon the Duke of Edinburgh who seemed to be suppressing a titter. Further evidence to support this claim is the fact that Camilla (standing behind him) seems to have had her hat knocked askew by the shockwave.

33. Whilst conversing with a sheikh, Sophie, Countess of Wessex, mentioned that her husband, Prince Edward, had found the day to be full of gaiety. A headline in the News Of The World that following Sunday announced : 'Edward Is Gay, Confesses Sophie Wessex!'

34. Unbeknownst to everybody, Prince Harry had arranged a karaoke session, during which all the Royals sportingly got together to sing 'We Are Family'; Nick Clegg took to the stage with David Cameron to sing 'I Got You Dave'; ultra-willowy Victoria Beckham performed Lady Gaga's 'Poker Face' and Carole Middleton sang 'Come Fly With Me'.

35. Fergie of 'Black Eyed Peas' was booked to sing but was refused admission by Palace security. A spokesman admitted afterwards, 'We barred the wrong Fergie.' Fellow band member will-i-am was allowed in because he was mistaken for William.
All the time, the real Fergie (still disguised as Lottie Von Tittslinger) was in the library being interviewed by Oprah Winfrey.

36. Prince William and his new bride have been offered the lead parts (originally played by Richard Gere and Debra Winger) in a proposed remake of 'An Officer And A Gentleman'. Prince William has declined, saying he might have thought twice had it been 'Top Gun'.

37. Two days after the reception, the Queen heard a scratching sound coming from inside her wardrobe. On investigation, she discovered a bound and gagged Lottie Von Tittslinger. 'Do you have an appointment?' enquired Her Majesty.

38. A vet was called to the Palace the following day to treat the corgis for severe colic. An analysis of blood, urine and stool specimens indicated the presence of excessive amounts of carrot, runner beans, broccoli and asparagus remnants, and a collection of buttons.

39. A quarrel flared up at the dinner table between Crown Princess Maxima of the Netherlands and Crown Princess Victoria of Sweden concerning their respective countries' previous Eurovision Song Contest winners. 'We've won it 4 times!' said the former. 'Well, we've won it 4 times too!' said the latter. 'Who could forget Ding-A-Dong by Teach-In in 1975?!' said Princess Maxima. 'Who could forget Waterloo by Abba - the world's top band - in 1974?!' said Victoria. When the Netherlands Princess attempted to respond, Victoria put both hands over her ears and continually chanted, 'Abba, Abba, Abba...'

40. The word 'Yikes!' was uttered 660 times during the celebrations.

41. Prince Harry and the willowy Pippa Middleton have been offered the lead roles, in place of William and Catherine, in a proposed remake of 'An Officer And A Gentleman'. They are said to be considering it.

42. A total of 15lbs of broccoli was left uneaten on guests' dinner plates.

43. Responding to calls to do his acclaimed Elvis impersonation, Prince Andrew blasted out a rollicking rendition of 'Viva Las Vegas' to squeals of 'Yikes!' 'Wow!' and 'Bloody terrible!' (the latter coming from the Duke of Edinburgh up in the Royal bedroom).

44. Lottie Von Tittslinger is to sue Fergie for two million dollars, citing willful assault and battery and wrongful imprisonment in a Royal wardrobe. When told about it, Fergie uttered, 'She'll be lucky; you can't get blood out of a stone, ya?'

45. Abba tribute group 'Bjorn Again' arrived to wow all the guests with stirring renditions of 'Waterloo' (much to Princess Maxima's chagrin), 'Mamma Mia' and 'Dancing Queen'

46. Mr Guy Ritchie went unrecognised and sat like a wallflower in the corner all evening. William was heard to comment to Harry, 'Who's that common looking chap?' Harry said, 'Not a clue, bro; I assumed that you knew him.'

47. Most of the guests were posting comments on Twitter all evening (Prince Philip referred to them as 'bloody Twittering twits').

48. Guests were startled by cries of "Full terror alert! Full terror alert. Repeat; full terror alert!" but it was only Harry running around in a Bin Laden outfit.

49. There was a total of twelve News of the World reporters dressed as sheikhs at the reception. In fact, no proper sheikhs were invited at all.

50. The Duke of Edinburgh will be 90 on 10th June.

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This anagram won an Anagrammy in June 2011 (Special Category).

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