Anagrammy Placegetters for January 2003
All the highly-placed anagrams from the January 2003 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Isn't "romantic and erotic" ~
a contradiction in terms?
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Literature for blind persons =
Friends turn prose to Braille.
3rd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
The desert region =
Hotter in degrees.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Toby Gottfried with:
Cartoonist Hirschfeld passed away =
His specialty: drawn heads of actors.
2nd - Jaybur with:
Martin Scorsese's 'Gangs of New York' =
Scenes from worst Yank aggression.
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Australian Open Tennis =
Presentation is annual.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Adrian Hickford with:
New Year's Resolution =
Notions we rarely use.
2nd - Jaybur with:
Anti-War Movement =
Never want to maim.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Military Headquarters =
'I am ready - let's hurt Iraq!'
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Ahmad Sadali Ramli with:
Kissing couples =
Spouses licking.
2nd - Jesse Frankovich with:
A randy gal =
A grand lay!
3rd - Spersitraut with:
With a song in my heart =
With a thong in my arse.
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
President George W. Bush =
This bugger needs power.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Guitarist Pete Townshend =
What git studies teen porn?!
3rd - Toby Gottfried with:
George Bush Vs. Saddam Hussein =
O, Shrub avenges Dad's huge miss.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Sorbent toilet tissue =
To sterilise one's butt.
2nd - Jaybur with:
Captain Cook's 'The Resolution' =
Lookout on ship: see Antarctic!
3rd - Wayne Baisley with:
alt.religion.christian.roman-catholic =
Chromatic carols in the original Latin.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
There are causes worth dying for, but none worth killing for. (Albert Camus) =
Er, oil?... Is 'Great barrels of crude oil' a term unknown to that Frenchy? (G.W. Bush)
2nd - David A. Green with:
The President of the American Society of Ventriloquists =
Can't quite see his lips move, in fact. So therefore I don't try.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
The Fourth Color Atlas and Text of Diagnostic Microbiology =
The glossary tour of toxic mold, foot itch, and bacteria lingo.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Allan Morley with:
You are Loved
I want you to know that there is someone who loves you very much. That's important to know in the "dog eat dog world" in which we live. We spend our lives trying to earn love and respect and somehow we never seem to "measure up". It's wonderful to be loved without reservation, without having to earn it. We are loved, not because we are good, not because we have lived up to expectations, and not because we've tried to live a good life, but we are loved just like we are... faults and all. God has put a high value on our lives in that He gave His son to die on a cross to pay the penalty for all our sins. He has a very high purpose for yor life!
After 42 years of struggling with the meaning of life and what the purpose of my life should be, I met a man named Jesus and He changed my life. It has been wonderful to be loved unconditionally and to finally realize the meaning of life itself. I'm writing you to share this love and to let you know that you are a very special person in the sight of God. He only wants good for you and wants to help you in all of your trials.
=
You are Hated, Unlovely Spammer
I want you to know that there is someone who hates you very much. Very, very much. In fact, I'd judge that a whole lot of people would find these unsolicited words less of an invitation to salvation, and more of a potential reason to organize harsh, ungodly deeds that involve gleefully flogging your obese anal end and misshapen thighs with a huge wooden club.
Don't get me wrong, it's not your views I have a problem with - I've been a faithful and devout follower of Jesus my whole life. However, to invade and pollute inboxes with ANY unsolicited view, good or bad, is altogether inconsiderate, wearisome, often repulsive and villainous. Even televangelists wouldn't stoop so low.
Anyway, it defeats the purpose altogether. In essence, your futile digital entreaties are far more likely to turn secular people further away from God than vice versa, which as a believer I take offense at. Now frankly, I hope you have the opportunity to go and see God sooner rather than later - though I somewhat doubt He'd want you now.
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
Considered by many as the best film ever made, this is the story of Charles Foster Kane. The film opens with a long shot of Xanadu - the private estate of one of the world's richest men. In the middle of the estate is a castle. We see, inside the castle, a dying man examining a winter scene within a crystal ball. As he drops it, it smashes, and one word is heard - "Rosebud"... What follows are pieces of newsreel like footage detailing how Kane amassed his fortune, and turning around full circle at the end.
=
Orson Welles' exalted masterpiece of the life of a fearless, distinguished news magnate (based on William Randolph Hearst) was elected the greatest of any, by all the American Film Institute. It harnesses extraordinary direction and novel cinematography.
Here's what the critics said: "Flawless!", "Glorious!", "Wondrous Kick-Off!", "Effervescent!", "An Astounding Phenomenon!", "The Shawshank Who?"
(His deathbed dream: "Rosebud" was the name etched on a toy; it identifies a sled lost in the sleet of time!)
3rd - Joe Fathallah with:
What is AREA51.NET all about?
Our goal is to bring you the best collection of links and information on Government conspiracies, advanced technologies, and UFO's that has ever been compiled on the Internet!
It is not our intention to draw conclusions on these subjects for you, but to allow you to quickly and easily access information. It is in the discussion and research of these topics that the truth can eventually be sifted out. There is a great deal of content on these subjects scattered throughout the Internet. It is our intention to unite this content right here at AREA51.NET.
Television shows such as Star Trek The Next Generation, and The X Files have created a great deal of public interest in the unknown. In addition, they have impacted not only the world of science fiction, but the world of science fact as well. There are many unanswered questions when it comes to what the Government does behind closed doors. There are equally as many questions about secret advanced technology, both terrestrial and extra terrestrial. It is the unknown that both frightens and intrigues us. It is a puzzle that has taken years to develop, and may take many more years to complete. Come and join us on this journey into the unknown.
=
Once, in Area 51....
[Seven loud gunshots]
Kid: Eh, what's that?
Soldier: [Talks on mobile] Seems it was that rotten Joe Fathallah and friends. They've been on the FBI Most Wanted List for ages! [Talks on mobile] Oh never? Shit! Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt! Shit! CUNT! The corpses did not quite land across the line! You can pull them over then, boy.
Kid: Yes Sir! [Runs]
Soldier: So, to Mr Bin Laden then. Nice to meet you. Here's your cool luxury house, with sauna facilities. Note that the one condition is, we can just look for you in any country in the Middle East forever. Agreed to, then?
Bin Laden: Agreed to! Neat!
[Texan accent, out of a tent]: Tony cutey, that bum's nice! Give it to me, honey! Bash on it, pet! And eat at the teats, pet! Oooh! Nice infective spurt!
Bin Laden: Eh, what's that noise then?
Soldier: Er.... that I cannot, er.... just don't worry about that. Come here and see this neat exhibit.
Bin Laden: I cannot, there's nothing in it!
Soldier: Quite so, it's the President's cranium. Now, here's Zorg, of the planet Qari.
Zorg: [Not understandable, characterless noises]
Soldier: We attacked Qari ten, no, twelve years ago, since it contains 51 great vast stocks of Lio, a precious natural resource that we lack. Now the Intergalactic Community hates us forever. Now, I need to join George and Tony! [Runs off fast]
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
Here's some lesser-known World Records:
MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED
Michelle Monaghan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.
LONGEST PUBES
Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina.
MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH
Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina.
ZIT POPPING
In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1 inch.
WORST DRINK
The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodisiac.
MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL
This is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump'.
GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN
Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also holds the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.
LONGEST TURD
The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.
MOST PROLONGED FART
Steve J Francis of Bexleyheath, England managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds.
=
SMALLEST BRAIN
The smallest one found is that of George W. Bush of Texas, USA, at around the size of a pea.
MOST MEN SLEPT WITH
1st: Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone, with 18,972 over 29 years.
2nd: Farrokh Bulsara of Zanzibar (Freddie Mercury, Queen) with 17,281.
3rd: Zsa-Zsa Gabor (14,247).
(THE MOST WOMEN: A toss-up between k.d. lang and Melissa Etheridge.)
WIDEST BACKSIDE
A most ample arse can be found on Jennifer Lopez, with a nude width of 44.2 inches.
HUGEST NOSE
Barry Manilow at a fine 12 inches.
FUNNIEST EARS
Charles Windsor.
MOST TEDIOUS
Steve 'Interesting' Davis of Romford, UK.
MOST IRRITATING VOICE
David Beckham.
TINIEST BIT OF CUTIE-PIE FLUFF
Kylie Minogue.
DULLEST ACCENT
Nigel Mansell.
WORST-DRESSED
John McCririck (a horse-racing commentator).
WORST FATHER
Michael Jackson of Neverland.
MOST FULL-OF-SHIT
David Icke.
MOST RIDICULOUS MULLET
Michael Bolton.
LEAST FUNNY 'COMEDY ACT'
1st: Jim Davidson
2nd: Hale and Pace
MOST PATHETIC POP 'SINGER'
Victoria 'Posh Spice' Beckham.
MOST UNFORTUNATE NAME OF COCKNEY RHYMING-SLANG
Emma Freud
MOST FATUOUS TOAD
Tony Blair
LEAST HONEST
Jeffery Archer
BIGGEST EGO
Belongs to Dave Lee Roth of Pasadena. (A vocalist of 'Van Halen'.) It is, indeed, larger than Pasadena.
MOST VAIN, LIMP-WRISTED, FEMININE, SHIRTLIFTING NAFF OLD POUF
A tie: Graham Norton / Dale Winton
LOUDEST BAND
Spinal Tap. ("They go up to 11.")
HIGHEST GONADS
Jimi Somerville
LONGEST CRIMINAL RECORD
'Pictures At An Exhibition' (Emerson Lake and Palmer)
OLDEST BACHELOR
Cliff Richard (82)
FASTEST-FADED-AWAY DUFF POP DIVA
Mariah Carey (32)
TOUGHEST OLD TROUT
Dolly Parton
CHEAPEST WHORE
Divine Brown - from just 99 cents (around 71 and a half pence) for half an hour.
SILLIEST ACCIDENT WHEN SURFING
Pete Townshend of The Who. (Not only deaf...now dumb and blind too).
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Christina
Rossetti: Listening
3rd - Richard Brodie with:
The Ballad
of Mary Letourneau
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