Anagrammy Placegetters for April 2004
All the highly-placed anagrams from the April 2004 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
A Siberian tiger =
It is a rare being.
2nd - Zoran Radisavlevic with:
Religious leaders =
I realise God rules.
3rd - Jesse Frankovich with:
Computer station meltdown =
We lost important document!
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The impressionist landscape =
This sad place inspires Monet.
2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
William Shakespeare, the Bard of Avon ~
knew Hamlet favors Ophelia as a bride.
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
"I am beautiful in every single way" =
A lusty, feminine view by Aguilera.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The White House Daily Press Briefing =
Hey, I air the lies of president G.W. Bush!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Sarah Marbeck and Rebecca Loos =
Real's Beckham CAN score abroad!
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The Good Friday service sermon ~
goes "O, Christ died for every man."
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Her best asset =
These breasts!
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Practising homosexuals ~
Climax shooting up arses!
3rd - Paul Lusch with:
Adult items ~
stimulated.
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
William Shakespeare, the Immortal Bard of Avon =
I am a hero and master of verbal skill with a poem.
2nd - View with:
Diego Maradona =
An arm? Good idea!
3rd - Jaybur with:
Will Shakespeare, the Immortal Bard =
A past writer, he had memorable skill.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Jesse Frankovich with:
Asian Continent =
Ancient nations.
2nd - Toby Gottfried with:
Heineken brewery in Amsterdam =
A site where many men drink beer.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Manchester United Soccer Team =
Cute men in red score at matches!
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
The RSPCA (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) =
If (in error) a vile person flattens your cat Sooty, they help to catch 'em!
2nd - Jaybur with:
Museum n: a depository for collecting and displaying objects having scientific or historical or artistic value =
Oh, I mean giving life to curious old artifacts, microscopic dry bones, nice gilt chairs or even, sadly, just plain tat.
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Did you hear about the new kind of simple contraceptive for use in males? =
Fact and/or proven: because, if inserted in the shoe, it would make you limp!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Ironic by Alanis Morissette
2nd - Jaybur with:
SCIENTISTS' REPLIES to an invitation to a ball
Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
Darwin waited to see what evolved.
Descartes said he'd think about it.
Dr. Jekyll declined -- he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
Edison thought it would be illuminating.
Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetic personality.
Hawking tried to string enough time together to make space in his schedule.
Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
Morse's reply: "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
Newton planned to drop in.
Ohm resisted the idea.
Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.
Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
Stephenson thought the whole idea was loco.
Volta was electrified, and Archimedes buoyant, at the thought.
Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
=
MORE REPLIES
Maria Callas accepted, hitting the right note.
The great Monet gave the impression he could attend.
Thomas Hardy, the poet, was doubtful 'Oh, I think I'll get there, touch wood.'
Queen Victoria said 'No! I 'm not amused.'
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle deduced the evening would be interesting.
Will Shakespeare penned a handwritten letter: 'O, methinks in truth 'twill be my pleasure to attend '
Sir Peter Paul Rubens 's reply was colourful, indeed, a delight.
Johann Sebastian Bach composed a tuneful note
Mad old Dali, who often twiddled with his moustache, said he'd note the date. Odd.
Sir Noel Coward wrote 'What, me? When? But of course love; too divine, dahling!'
Ted (Teeth) Heath said no. He's working, see. (Tut-tut!)
Picasso's reply was an unbelievable sight.
Ogden Nash, the US wag, wrote regretting he'd got a prior engagement, OK?
Seurat said with regret, he had to decline due to artwork.
The comedy duo Laurel and Hardy giggled. 'What a wheeze! What's afoot? About twelve inches?'
Dr Watson said thanks. I suspect I'll be there, with detective Holmes.
Captain Cook said fine, if I stay in the vicinity (but he might've been at sea)
Sir Edward Elgar felt he must stay in: he'd got ditties, variations and such, to attend to.
3rd - Joe Fathallah with:
Free!
"How You Can Give Up Work and be a Property Millionaire Instead"
"Start From Scratch - Live on Easy Street Instead of Struggling For a Living!"
Dear Friend,
Are you sick of the daily grind? Tired of working hard for little reward and sick of never having enough to make ends meet?
At last there is a way out…
Have you noticed how ordinary people are quietly getting wealthy through property? How even your taxi driver and window cleaner mention their 'buy-to-let flat'? Ever thought "Huh? How did he manage to buy investment property?"
They discovered the way out…
~
...Register with the Mafia today!
A wholehearted adventure!
Your friendly local Don is waiting for your call. You try your hand at overseeing:
> Murder and terror.
> Prostitution and weed imports.
> The trade of whiskey mixed with heroin to Arabia.
> The holding up and theft of vehicles.
> Publicity (The Sun).
> Phony Tony's unofficial paperwork.
Drink a beer, eat greedily and vegetate in front of the TV! Get very drunk, overweight, ugly, grey and grotesque!
Everyone is very welcome, although those with know-how in politics or private sector management are advantaged.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
[A sample from an Astrology site, anagrammed into 12 weekly predictions. I don't know if it comes through, but I'm not a fan of horoscopes.]
(Quoted from the Astrodienst site)
Introduction:
Astrology sees mankind as being not only influenced by hereditary factors and the environment, but also by the state of our solar system at the moment of birth. The planets are regarded as basic life-forces, the tools we live by as well as the basis of our very substance. These planetary forces take on different forms, depending on their zodiacal position and on the way they relate to one another.
=
Pisces:
A keen Mars settles above the Moon, so Neptune and Uranus may soon be in a very fiery trine, but it's not as dirty as it sounds.
On Friday, strolling in the street can be fatal, so better stay indoors and clip the letters off of the cover of a magazine to create terribly obscene death threats for the neighbor.
On Wednesday, you'll find the answer to the age-old question: What'll my employers do if I toss them to the floor and breakdance on their faces?
=
Aquarius:
Three terrific events shall bless your essence soon, so don't be daft and drop that razor blade. For now, Neptune's position alters all planetary alignments, which means it's fifteen beers before noon yet again.
It's best to take the advice of someone close to you and try to battle the obsession for Dan Aykroyd statuettes made entirely of lard.
The mystery of the vanishing cat ends when you trace the odor coming from behind the air filter.
=
Aries:
Not only do you let loved ones walk all over you, you grant a bag of cleat shoes beforehand. Quite oddly, Moon retreats and Mars settles in - can it afford rent?
On Monday, a teensy surprise is to be discovered where it's least anticipated, or you can take what's behind Curtain No. Three.
Note: A family member's consent to stay off booze feels less than honest in light of their arrest by the FBI for the attempt to baste the President in French dressing.
=
Scorpio:
Do your friends find the tendency to glorify Astrology "senseless"? Order a Personalized Star Chart! In a minute, every one of these boobs will tremble at your feet.
Soon, you'll note that your red car has been dented. Beat innocent pedestrians for catharsis.
At work, it seems that a 'confidant' has been squealing to the boss, so follow them around and take notes. If they spot it, baffle them by imitating a ferret, then advance on them assertively.
=
Sagittarius:
Do you often question horoscopes' earnestness? Order the Personalized Star Chart to destroy all brain matter left.
An instance that involves a red Toyota's steel fenders has benefits, no need to be frightened!
At work, a feeble-brained buffoon from your floor, at which you nodded maybe once, starts to stalk you, often settling behind the pillar by the elevators and emitting insane noises. If they come any closer, spray them with mace.
=
Gemini:
On Monday, it seems that Venus, affected by the Moon, shall retire to London, set up a toffee store and regress idly into senility.
Hobbies: In a bizarre turn of events, trying to dabble in Oriental stencil art shall set off an epidemic of yeast infections across North Dakota. You'll soon start to wonder if your seventh grade art teacher went for sarcasm when she heatedly equated your paper-mache tasks to "the best of the best done by Leonardo".
=
Libra:
An old flame resurfaces in your life, only to flee three seconds later, along with your mother's silverware and an autographed copy of 'Systems Analysis For the Incontinent' by the esteemed Dr. Typen Stainem.
On Monday, it'd be sad to see that Byron the Robot, created to conquer the world, is a rather bookish stiff that sports dozens of nose bleeds, but finding an attractive beret set of Einstein's valet in the flea market soothes you once again.
=
Virgo:
Your fate hosts bitterness, resentment and pain - Collect all three!
An amatory, flimsy offer leads to an unforeseen month of passion; that's a bit botched as one test proves that you're blood-related. Things slide even farther into the 'sordid' definition as it becomes quite clear that when you were a tender baby, they were bayonetting Nazis. Only some sort of freaky, stroke-inducing plan can end all of this, so you'd better do some research, fast.
=
Taurus:
Efforts to make deer season shorter are clearly done by the sissy-signs Libra and Virgo. Ah boy, I bet'ya that when the Lord handed out the best star icons, those seedy queers were last in line.
Soon, it'll be time to abandon UFO-spotting and marry the fondest of farmer Two-Toed Zeke's steers.
On Friday, cheery and ecstatic emotions blossom, till they prove to actually be the aftereffects of opening a can of paint thinner in an unventilated room.
=
Capricorn:
Soon, the ants and the rats will seize the entire flat; sadly, they'll take better care of it than you ever did.
Break the tense life of trying to bring Barbies and Cheetos to breed; Set off on a trip, but preferably one to a bolted institute. For now, the moon may retreat due to a squad of cows, dishes and spoons.
(So sorry if any of these are half-assed, even inane; I've lost my notes and had to consult smirches on my ceiling to summon the astral energy.)
=
Leo:
On Wednesday, you'll press the snooze button and stay in bed for another ten minutes. This may lead to your position at the Bagel factory being restaffed. Bereft, you'd enlist in the North Brooklyn Secret Cantors Clan for the Liberation of Iraq. After the clan's separate losses to a few tumbleweeds, you'd be stranded, sore and lost, in the Mohave desert. Salvation may come in the shape of Syrian officers giving the directions to the nearest K-Mart.
=
Cancer:
Certain events shall stir emotions, and may even lead to actions, but that's not written in stone. Annoying flyers on your windshield might boast too many barren offers, and theatres might boast profane sequels.
The color for today - Borscht-Red, and the active planet - oh, let's say the globe.
It would often seem that your life breezes by, like a 'Friends' teaser, yet treads on the same spot, like a 'Friends' episode.
Oh, and you're out of fabric softener.
2nd - David Bourke with:
[A "two-dimensional" anagram using all the (non-blank) Scrabble®
tiles on a Scrabble® board, making a sentence as you follow the words from top-left
to bottom-right.]
AAAAAAAAA BB CC DDDD EEEEEEEEEEEE FF GGG
HH IIIIIIIII J K LLLL MM NNNNNN OOOOOOOO
PP Q RRRRRR SSSS TTTTTT UUUU VV WW X YY Z
=
(Opinion: Our square Scrabble boards are extreme,
too-crazed game places steady and tedious halfwits, we
all have, via fine fun, enjoying win with the ego OK).
3rd - Adrian Hickford with:
Ironic by Alanis Morissette
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