Anagrammy Placegetters for July 2005

All the highly-placed anagrams from the July 2005 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Toby Gottfried with:
A Steven Spielberg film: "War of the Worlds" =
H.G. Wells: Beware of visits from Red Planet.

2nd - Rick Rothstein with:
My name is Bond... James Bond. =
Enjoys madmen... and bimbos.

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
Claude Oscar Monet, "Tulip Fields in Holland" =
Laud oil painter's scene of an old Dutch mill.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - David Bourke with:
Iraq oil + arms trade =
Al-Qaida terrorism.

2nd - Mike Keith with:
Fourth of July weekends in America =
Joyful anthem, audience, fireworks.

3rd - Rick Rothstein with:
The National Sex Offender Public Registry =
Benefit? Alert young children of ex-rapists.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Paul Lusch with:
The United States Postal Service =
That site directs envelopes at us.

eq.2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Winston tastes good, like a cigarette should =
Addict rots a lung, so now he seeks to litigate.

eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
President's Bathrooms at the White House =
So Bush has the time to read his new Potter.

THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY

1st - Christopher Sturdy with:
pan·gram (n): A sentence that uses all the letters of the alphabet. =
chal·lenge (n): An attempt at utter helplessness before that "Aha!"

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Three Stages of Truth:

First, it is ridiculed;
Next, it is violently attacked;
Finally, it is held to be self-evident.

=

Five Hints Devised by Liars:

1. Relax the odd tic;
2. Stifle latent titters;
3. Hone the lie;
4. Stick to it dutifully;
5. Feign tears.

3rd - Rosie Perera with:
"He is a person that will make all Americans proud to be a member of the Supreme Court." =
True, it seems our nice ape-fellow Bush has committed another remarkable malaprop.

THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY

This month's challenge was to anagram the 26 letters of the alphabet to create a "perfect pangram", or isopangram.

1st - Richard Grantham with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
A quiz by RJG:
Os + V + Xe + Cl + Fm + ? = K + Pd + W + Th + N + ?
The solution

2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
My kind zap Fox TV, squelch GWB Jr.!

3rd - Scott Gardner with:
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz =
Fix TV show, NBC! Dump lazy GQ jerk!

THE LONG CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
THE TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying
only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and
to practice these principles in all our affairs.

=

THE TWELVE ANAGRAMMY FORUM STEPS

1. We admitted we spend a lot of our time doing anagrams, but we believed that it involved lots of laughs.

2. Came to believe in a power greater than ourselves: Mike Keith and his Anagram Artist software.

3. Made a decision we will download and hoped to try the latest copy of his popular program.

4. Made thorough searches for good bold key words which to compose our next really long anagram.

5. Admitted that we spend just a little too much time in the Forum.

6. Were ready to correct the defects or errors from our anagrams, so each should sound really solid.

7. Politely solicited Larry, could he withold our worse anagrams on the final list.

8. Created a copious list with our very best creations to be put in our next awards event.

9. Endeavored to create numerous choice anagrams, involving general, topical, or entertainment content, or people's
and other names, and a few long showpieces, when we have the chance.

10. Continued to strive to avidly compose with focussed skill.

11. Hoped to be in the same hallowed class as the honored Mey Kraus, though we soon realised this would never occur.

12. Tried to pressure everyone we meet to share the humor of anagrams and vote for us.

2nd - Tony Crafter with:
Roberta Prince, the lady of the house, called Jeeves into her bedroom. "Jeeves, please undo my dress," she asked. With a great deal of embarrassment, he did so. "Now," she said, "please take off both my stockings." Jeeves was getting into a hot sweat. "Now take off all my underwear ... and if I ever catch you wearing them again, you will be instantly dismissed!"
=
Fay Wate, the lady of the manor, was becoming outraged at aide Jeeves' odd practise of walking into her bedroom without knocking. Finally, she admonished the senseless act. "Jeeves, it's tasteless and could be very embarrassing if I was in a state of undress, eh?"
"Well, no need to worry madam," beamed Jeeves; "I always peep through the keyhole first!"

eq.3rd - Ellie Dent with:
French Snail

Selected French snail with special vanilla butter seasoning, with added garlic flavor bread and white bread. The dish is golden in color, creamy in taste with fragrant scent: a delicately cooked dish featuring deluxe French style and a strong Mediterranean flavor.

=

Bastille Day

Alors, we can relax! Celebrate, dining with grandchildren. L'escargot! Eat this wonderfully wicked, truly harmless creation. Taste the dish, and then a grand claret. I have said do spurn the rancid, fattening food of 'Les Rosbifs' eaten in England.

Vive la difference!

M Chirac

eq.3rd - Foxboy with:
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

=

'E's suffering disembodiment, poppies and lilies are strewn about 'is domicile! The Grim Reaper's paid a visit and put 'im on the wormfood buffet! The great kickoff is in fifteen minutes and 'e's the ball! 'E's a fossil in the making! 'E's gone on excursion to the Elysian Fields whilst conspirin' to remain under the offices thereof and perhaps be reborn ephemerally in passionate lionhood! This beautious necrotic Dickybird is expired! 'E's soujourned over the rainbow! 'E's schlepped down the unschooled mile to the vet's! Vim? I motor to rest.

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Brodie with:
Psalm 46

2nd - David Bourke with:
'Don't Let's Be Beastly To The Germans' - Noël Coward [version II]

3rd - Mike Keith with:
Hamlet, act V, scene 1