Anagrammy Placegetters for July 2009
All the highly-placed anagrams from the July 2009 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Paul Lusch with:
Righteous indignation =
Idiot shouting in anger.
2nd - Chris Chatfield with:
Classic 'Earthrise' photo =
Real historic space shot.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
Social networking =
I know girls at once.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
Daniel Radcliffe , Emma Watson, Rupert Grint ~
as Mr Potter, nice girlfriend and awful mate.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears =
Cast a shortsighted blonde for the key role.
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
Vincent Van Gogh's masterpiece, 'Sunflowers' =
Such intense pigment: canvas glows forever.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Adie Pena with:
Legendary newsperson Walter Cronkite [1916-2009] =
Gnarly network elder now rests in peace.
2nd - Adrian Hickford with:
The moon landing's fortieth anniversary =
Vision of Armstrong, then Aldrin? Hey, neat!
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The astronaut Sally Ride =
Lady on a shuttle? It's rare!
THE PEOPLES NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
USA's olympian Michael Fred Phelps =
Champ fesses up: "I'm really a dolphin".
2nd - Rosie Perera with:
Walter Cronkite =
Relic at network.
3rd - Scott Gardner with:
The astronaut Neil Armstrong =
He's got a lunar transmitter on
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Dharam Khalsa with:
The Woodstock Music and Arts Festival =
Review: It's a fact most took LSD and such.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Best beach area in ~
the Caribbean Sea
3rd - Larry Brash with:
Attention Deficit Disorder =
A trend: doctor identifies it.
THE MEDIUM LENGTH CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
The astronauts Neil Alden Armstrong, Edwin Eugene Aldrin and Michael Collins =
Lunar landing under Mission Control - America went silent..."The Eagle has landed!"
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
The novels of the Bronte sisters: Charlotte, Emily and Anne =
Intense tales cast by three lovelorn maidens of the North.
3rd - Rosie Perera with:
The San Francisco Zoo's same sex penguin couple Harry and Pepper splits up =
Such gay partnerships in nests perplex, amaze, confound us prosaic people.
THE ANAGRAMMY CHALLENGE CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
'They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.'
=
Tree Food
When I'd Note That Each Rain
Shows Pale Root In New Gauds,
Some Utter Mirth My Eyes Regain
From Ash's Leafy Load.
2nd - View with:
'They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.'
=
Eye time passing
so eagerly.
Hastily
hind.
Feel
As
a
date
chase.
Moment
without rest.
Forward, forward
One hour, one month..
3rd - David Bourke with:
They are not long, the days of wine and roses:
Out of a misty dream
Our path emerges for a while, then closes
Within a dream.
=
Oh, my good anagram 'net friends,
It's time, I fear, we faced,
The solitary, lonely hours and hours,
On poems here that we waste!
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Tony Crafter with:
Feargal and Murphy fancy a pint or two but don't have a lot of cash. Between them, they can only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy says 'Hold it! I've got a good idea!'
He goes next door to a butcher's shop and comes back out with one very large sausage.
Feargal exclaims, 'Are you mad? Now we don't have any cash at all!'
Murphy replies, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'
He goes into the pub where he orders two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.
Feargal says 'Now you've lost the plot. Do you know how much trouble we'll be in? We haven't got any cash!'
Murphy smiles. 'Don't worry, I've got a plan. Cheers! '
They down their drinks. Murphy says, 'Right, I'll stick the sausage through my flies and you go down on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman sees them, goes berserk, and throws them out into the street.
They continue to do this, pub after pub, getting drunker and drunker, all for free.
At the tenth pub Feargal declares, 'Gee, I don't think I can do this any more, Murphy. I am drunk and me knees are killing me!'
Murphy says, 'How do you think I feel? I don't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in.'
=
THE DANGERS OF DUCK HUNTING (NOT FUNNY!).
Benny Murphy was enjoying a fine morning on the marsh, hunting ducks, when he felt the urge to take a leak. He walked over to a nearby tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew up, knocked the gun over, and it went off...shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying flat on his back in a hospital bed, he was approached by a doctor.
'Well Mr Murphy,' murmured the medic, 'I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that, thankfully, you're going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, and there was very minimal internal damage. Furthermore, we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'
'Oh, OK ...what's the bad news?' Murphy asked...
'The bad news, I'm sorry to say, is that there was some fairly extensive buckshot damage to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Polly.'
'Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad,' murmured Murphy. 'Is your sister a plastic surgeon?'
'Uh... not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'She's a flute player in the local symphony orchestra and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.
2nd - Dharam Khalsa with:
In case you were wondering what is actually going on with President Obama's health care reform plan:
The American Medical Association professionals weighed in on the new health care plan that the bipartisan Obama Team is dutifully putting together.
The Allergists persistently voted to scratch it, while
The Dermatologists advised to postpone it, to not make any rash move.
The Gastroenterologists had a sort of gut feeling about it, while
The Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
The Obstetricians attested they were all laboring under a misconception, while
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
The Orthopedists thought the plan sounded spineless, while
The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" but,
The Pediatricians heckled and guffawed, "Oh, Grow up!"
~
The Psychiatrists thought the entire idea to be madness.
The Radiologists could see right through the body of the plan.
The Surgeons recommended washing their hands of the whole idea.
The Internists hypothecated it would be a bitter pill for people to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons declared, "It puts a whole new face on the matter!"
The Podiatrists thought it would be taking a small step forward, but, conversely
The Urologists were very pissed off at the idea.
The Anesthesiologists looked at the general plan as a total gas, and
The Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say 'no.'
(Also, the Transcriptionist/Anagrammatist casually rearranged the initiative.)
In my humble opinion, champion Proctologists did win commendably in the end, "We're leaving the outcome of the dialogue to the a**hole pigs in Washington!"
3rd - Ellie Dent with:
WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT?
1. Cover her eyes and lead her to a lovely surprise.
2. Whisk her away somewhere exciting for the weekend.
3. Write a song or poem about her.
4. Tell her that she is the most wonderful woman that you have ever met.
5. Run her a relaxing bath after she has had a bad day at work.
6. Send her a romantic text or email or leave a loving note around the house.
7. Wake her up with breakfast in bed.
8. Offer her a coat when she is cold.
9. Send her flowers or chocolates at work.
10. Make her a compilation of her favourite music.
=
1. HE'D BUY the wife... lingerie: handwash knickers, or a sexy nightgown.
2. Extra headache remedies.
3. A rotary lawnmower to cut the lawn.
4. A female shaver to remove the mature facial whiskers.
5. A worthy book on diet, and a workout.
6. HE'D GIVE HER... the rhubarb to make a pie.
7. Beeswax to polish that rather heavy walnut furniture.
8. A yellow leather three-piece suite with loose-covers.
9. A rare wooden clothes-horse, and non-shrink overalls for women.
10. A matched set of tools, and even a cute hammer for herself, from a hardware shop.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet 22
2nd - Tony Crafter with:
HER DIARY
Friday, Fifteenth February.
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it could be that.
The bar was really crowded and noisy, so I suggested we find somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very detached and preoccupied so I said we should go somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just wasn't himself; he rarely laughed and he did not seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.
He drove me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was anything the matter but he just shook his head and turned the television on.
Then, after about ten minutes of silence, I said that I was going off to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just sighed and gave a rather sad sort of smile. He did not follow me then, but later he came up, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a trifle cool, and I started to think that he might be going off me, and that perhaps he'd found someone else. Then I cried myself to sleep.
HIS DIARY
Friday, Fifteenth February.
Manchester United lost to Liverpool. Gutted. Got a shag though.
=
THE AUDITORY DILEMMA.
A man believed his wife wasn't hearing quite as well as she used to and thought she may need a hearing aid.
Not sure how to approach the subject, he called the family doctor to get his advice.
The doctor told him there was a simple test he could apply at home to give him (the GP) a better idea about judging the wife's hearing levels.
ÒWhat I suggest you do," said the medical man, "is stand about forty feet away, talk in a normal conversational tone, and the idea is to see if she hears you.
If not, go to about thirty feet, then twenty, and so on, in gradual stages, until you get a response."
That evening the wife was in the kitchen making dinner as usual, while the husband was in the study. He said to himself, "Right, I'm about forty feet away; let's see what happens."
In a normal tone he said, 'Mildred, what's for dinner?"
No reply.
So the husband moved a bit closer - about thirty feet, he judged - and said, "Mildred, what's for dinner?"
Still nothing.
He sidled into the dining room where he was about twenty feet from his spouse and asked, "Mildred, what's for dinner?"
Again, no reply.
He edged up to the kitchen door, just ten feet away...
"Mildred, what's for dinner?"
Still nothing.
He moved up behind her...
"Mildred, what's for dinner?"
"Goddammit, George!" She bellowed, "For the FIFTH frigging time ...CHICKEN!"
3rd - Tony Crafter with:
For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - View with:
The lingam =
Male thing.
2nd - Adie Pena with:
Barack and Michelle =
Black lad came in her.
3rd - David Bourke with:
The singer Michael Jackson, and Debbie Rowe =
To breed beige child, he wanks 'n' comes in a jar.
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