Anagrammy Award Winners - 2013
Here are all the winners of Anagrammy Awards in 2013. All
anagrams have been checked for accuracy by the Anagrammy Checker.
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
January 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Ellie Dent with:
Gun rights =
Thugs grin.
- 2nd place:
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Rules are made to be broken =
No rebuke to a rebel's dream! - 3rd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
Taking down your Christmas lights =
Guy's task list: "Doright nowin March".
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
with:Scott Gardner with:
New Line's Hobbit =
Bilbo in the news. - Topical Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
President Obama's second administration =
A man promised to end a nation's debt crisis. - People's Name Category:
Adie Pena with:
President Obama =
A pro; Biden's mate. - Other Name Category:
nedesto with:
Lamb of God threatened at ~
the Battle of Armageddon. - Medium Length Category:
Scott Gardner with:
1. Mona Lisa
2. Starry Night
3. The Last Supper
4. The Creation of Adam
5. Guernica
=
1. A portrait
2. Southeast France
3. Mural
4. Am on the ceiling
5. Spanish tragedy - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
"Pure friendship is something which men of an inferior intellect can never taste." - Jean de la Bruyere
=
There is no damn chance, Jean, if even Paris Hilton reels in a creepily huge number of Twitter friends. - Long Category:
nedesto with:
Harry was finally going to be a groom and he was excited about his upcoming marriage.
As he was leaving the office, Harry noticed his boss was walking over, his large hand outstretched.
"Here here ,Harry, congratulations! Now I just want to tell you that I have been married for thirty years and I am sure that you'll always recall this day with the fondest of memories as the very happiest day of your entire life!" he professed with a wink, a nod, and a heartfelt handshake.
"But sir", spoke Harry, seeming a little confused, "I am not getting married until tomorrow!"
"Yeah, Harry, I know", said his boss.
=
While Charley was at a marriage seminar, everyone was telling how long they'd been married. Charley said that he and his wife had been married for almost fifty years.
"That is so neat!" said the group's leader. "Could you share some of your insights?"
"It's just that I treat my wife well, buy her gifts, take her on trips," Charley answered. "For our twentieth anniversary I took her down to the Bahamas."
"That's such a moving inspiration for us all!" said the leader. "What are you going to do for your next anniversary?" she said.
"Well," said Charley "I'm thinking of going back down to the Bahamas to pick her up."
- Special Category:
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
To The Evening Rainbow by Robert Southey
Mild arch of promise! On the evening sky
Thou shinest fair with many a lovely ray
Each in the other melting. Much mine eye
Delights to linger on thee; for the day,
Changeful and many-weather'd, seem'd to smile
Flashing brief splendor thro' its clouds awhile,
That deepen'd dark anon and fell in rain:
But pleasant it is now to pause, and view
Thy various tints of frail and watery hue,
And think the storm shall not return again.
Such is the smile that Piety bestows
On the good man's pale cheek, when he in peace
Departing gently from a world of woes,
Anticipates the realm where sorrows cease.
=
The Heat of the Israeli winter
Rain shocks us when we hear that thunder's roar,
Regaling as we watch it plump and pour.
One flood can drench the crops and heal them so,
Our fields will be so pained to see that go:
Yeah, we may feel the odd resplendent spray,
Yet none of them are then too keen to stay.
Great streams in other lands may flow among
Green pine trees, which can then grow thick and strong,
But in my homeland, as a rule of thumb,
Brief showers end, and plants stay mainly numb.
I wish I'd touched one bit of snow, yet I
Inherit these annoying stimuli:
Vile rays of light that pierce me like a shiv,
Veiled in that early fog in Tel Aviv.
- 2nd place (tie):Tony Crafter with:
An Englishman, a Mexican and an Irishman were carrying out some construction work on scaffolding on the 50th floor of a city skyscraper.
They were just about to eat their lunch, when the Englishman suddenly muttered, "Oh, bloody hell; it's cheese and pickle! If I get sodding cheese and pickle for lunch one more time I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and cried, "Arrgh! It's burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'll jump off, too."
Paddy the Irishman opened his lunch and muttered, "Begorra! It's corned beef and cabbage again. Oi tell ya, if oi get a corned beef and cabbage sandwich one more time, I'm feckin' jumpin' too."
The following day the Englishman opened his lunch, saw cheese and pickle, then wrote a suicide note and leapt straight to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch and saw the burritos and jumped too.
The Irishman opened his lunch, saw the corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral the Englishman's wife was weeping copiously. She said, "Oh, my poor, poor Trevor; if I'd known how tired he really was of all that cheese and pickle, I'd never have given it to him!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "My poor Pedro, I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I really didn't realize that he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the Irishman�s wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."
=
A man walked into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side.
He placed the crocodile up on the bar and, turning to the astonished patrons, he said...
"I am going make you guys an amazing offer. In a minute, I shall open this ferocious brute's jaws and I shall place my manhood inside.
"Then the crocodile will close his mouth for a count of one minute.
"Then I shall make him open his mouth again and I shall remove my unit, uninjured.
"In exchange for witnessing this genuinely mindboggling spectacle, I'd expect a payoff - I expect each of you to buy me a drink of my choice. Deal?"
The crowd cheered in agreement so, in a flash, the man climbed up on the bar, then he dropped his jeans, and inserted his credentials in the crocodile's gaping mouth. The crowd gasped as the croc began closing his huge jaws...
After a seemingly endless minute the man grabbed a beer bottle and cracked the crocodile hard on the top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and the man did indeed remove his privates injury-free, exactly as promised.
The anxious crowd now cheered with relief as the first of his free drinks was delivered.
The man stood up again and made another announcement... "Ok, I will offer anyone $50 who is willing to give this a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a nervous hand went up in the back of the bar and a blonde woman timidly spoke up...
"I'm willing... just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle, ok?" - 2nd place (tie):Tony Crafter with:
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
My missus bought a paperback
In Asda, Saturday.
I had a look inside the bag -
'Twas "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it, see,
And went off up to bed.
An hour later, she appeared
The sight filled me with dread.
In one hand she held a rope,
The other held a whip.
She brandished them around a bit
And then began to strip.
Well, forty-seven years ago
I might have had a peek.
But Doris has not weathered well -
She's sixty-eight next week.
Watching Doris bump and grind, it
Could not be much grimmer.
And things progressed from bad to worse -
She toppled off her Zimmer.
She struggled back up to her feet
A good half hour later,
Put her teeth back in and said
That I must dominate her.
Now if you knew our Doris, you
Would know just why I cringed.
I'd been two months in traction, 'cos
My hips and knees unhinged.
She stood there nude. All naked, like,
Bent forward quite a bit
And, jumping back in fright, I went
And stood on her left tit.
Doris screamed, her teeth shot out,
My word. What HAD I done?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out
"Step on the OTHER one!"
Well reader, I can tell no more
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say, my dark brown hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
Black and blue, battered too,
With wanton, wild perversion,
We decided that a night of sin
Was scarce worth such exertion.
Thank Heavens she has binned the book
And peace reigns, like before.
She's head to toe in winceyette
And back to back, we snore.
=
FIFTY SHADES OF RED
Paul Simon sang there must be fifty
Ways to leave your lover;
But I can vouch there's fifty shades
Of red, that's true, oh brother!
It started when my wife barked, "Hey!
You idle piece of shite,
Get outta bed and paint this room,
And do this by tonight!"
It's not my fault I have no job
And she's the one who works,
But doing nowt exhausts the brain
And sleep's my only perk!
But one fierce glare from Brenda makes
A pitbull quake with fear,
So when she barks, "Jump... now!" I answer,
"Right ...how high, my dear?"
I peered up from the sheets and blinked,
"What colour, hon?" I said.
"Do the woodwork white," she snarled,
"The walls I want done red."
And then, when Brenda went to work,
I crashed out of the bed,
Washed, made breakfast, then went out
To get the pot of red.
In the store a helpful chap
Asked if I needed aid,
"Red paint," I answered. "Sure," he grinned,
"... But we stock fifty shades!"
"There's cherry red and claret red:
Rose-red; tomato red;
A crimson red; harsh mailbox red and..."
"Stop! Enough!" I said.
My head was spinning like a top
And my mind boggling too,
So many hues from which to choose,
Ah, just what does one do?
I cannot get this wrong and chance
Incurring Brenda's rage,
And if I do, I guarantee
I wouldn't reach old age.
"Ah, heck... I'll take the lot!" I sighed,
And loaded my car up,
Then hit the high street, sneezed, and hit
The back end of a truck.
Those fifty pots flew out, exploded,
Burst like broken eggs,
The scene was carnage, bedlam, but...
Did I paint that town red!
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
- Rude Category:
View with:
Multiple orgasm =
Emit plural OMG's? - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Dean Mayer with:
The professional musician =
House contains amplifiers.
List of all nominated
anagrams for January 2013
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
February 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Scott Gardner with:
One's valentine =
An intense love. - 2nd place:
Ed Pegg Jr with:
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions =
Apt to do no wrong? Oh, the devil is in the details. - 3rd place:
View with:
Ladies wish to get ~
a weight loss diet.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Rosie Perera with:
The Monopoly game =
Money; map; hotel; "Go!" - Topical Category:
Adie Pena with:
Oscar Leonard Carl Pistorius and Reeva Steenkamp =
As police ask, "Can a star sprinter murder a loved one?" - People's Name Category:
Scott Gardner with:
The 1st - sprinter Oscar Pistorius =
He is absolute top suspect in Pretoria murder.
- Other Name Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Vatican's palace =
A place is vacant. - Medium Length Category:
Scott Gardner with:
Top five best sellers
1. A Tale of Two Cities
2. The Lord of the Rings
3. Le Petit Prince
4. The Hobbit
5. Dream of the Red Chamber
=
1. Paris embattled
2. Big three-part Frodo epic
3. Little French tot
4. Bilbo to meet the dwarfs
5. The lives of Chinese heroes - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
- Tony Crafter with:
"Ladies and Gentlemen; would you please be upstanding and charge your glasses, for I give you... the Bride and Groom."
=
"Do all you freeloading buggers realise, this one wedding day cost me a humungous eleven grand?!"
Tony - Bride's Papa - Long Category:
Tony Crafter with: The elderly couple, who had been courting a long time, finally decided that they would get married. While out making their wedding plans, they went into a pharmacy, The old man asked the sales assistant, "Do you sell arthritis pills?" "Yes, we do," said the assistant, "Great! And how about heart medication?" "We stock that too." "Ok; anything for constipation?" "Naturally!" "Hmm... and denture cleaner?" "Of course, sir." "Ah... how about Viagra?" he winked. "Ha, ha, and Viagra, sir!" "And sleeping pills?" "We keep them in bulk." "Acid reflux tablets?" "All makes." "Ah, thanks, that's swell!" whooped the delighted old man, nodding to his bride-to-be. "Okay; we would like to register here for our wedding gifts!" = I got dancing with an older woman at a club last night. Celia looked pretty good for a sixty-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I'd found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a little - well, a lot - we snuggled up, and she asked me if I'd ever tried a "Sportsman's Double"? "No, what is it?'ť I asked. "It is a mother and daughter threesome," she replied. "Oh,"ť I said, as I began to consider the idea (while secretly wondering what this daughter of hers looked like). "No, I haven't." We drank some more, then Celia purred that tonight was my "lucky night"! I went back to her place. We went in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs... "Mom, you still awake?" - Special Category:
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
The little Love-god lying once asleep
Laid by his side his heart-inflaming brand,
Whilst many nymphs that vowed chaste life to keep
Came tripping by; but in her maiden hand
The fairest votary took up that fire
Which many legions of true hearts had warmed;
And so the general of hot desire
Was sleeping by a virgin hand disarmed.
This brand she quenched in a cool well by,
Which from Love's fire took heat perpetual,
Growing a bath and healthful remedy
For men diseased; but I, my mistress' thrall,
Came there for cure, and this by that I prove,
Love's fire heats water, water cools not love.
=
What This Lady Likes Most
He'd call me Peach and Honeydew,
Ensuring that his love is true;
Romantic odes make their debut -
However droll, they will not do.
Each ode and bluff can be his foe
And can dissolve this status quo;
Real love is friendly and mundane -
Though it's a hard one to obtain.
The Rhymes of a Crafty Man
Her face is stiff; she breathes a sigh,
Not very pleased with me - yet I
Will bring that love back to her eyes
By trying hard and aiming high:
Creative odes performed with glee
Might promptly answer her brief plea;
One poem will prevent that war,
Establishing a firm rapport.
[The first 2 acrostics are formed by the Female poem's first letters and the Male poem's last letters:]
What This Lady Likes Most
He'd call me Peach and Honeydew,
Ensuring that his love is true;
Romantic odes make their debut -
However droll, they will not do.
Each ode and bluff can be his foe
And can dissolve this status quo;
Real love is friendly and mundane -
Though it's a hard one to obtain.
The Rhymes of a Crafty Man
Her face is stiff; she breathes a sigH,
Not very pleased with me - yet I
Will bring that love back to her eyeS
By trying hard and aiming higH:
Creative odes performed with gleE
Might promptly answer her brief pleA;
One poem will prevent that waR,
Establishing a firm rapporT.
The 3rd acrostic is formed by the poems' other set of last & first letters, but only appears when the Female & Male poems intermingle:
What This Lady Likes Most The Rhymes of a Crafty Man
He'd call me Peach and HoneydeW,
Her face is stiff; she breathes a sigH,
Ensuring that his love is truE;
Not very pleased with me - yet I
Romantic odes make their debuT -
Will bring that love back to her eyeS
However droll, they will not dO.
By trying hard and aiming higH:
Each ode and bluff can be his foE
Creative odes performed with gleE
And can dissolve this status quO;
Might promptly answer her brief pleA;
Real love is friendly and mundanE -
One poem will prevent that waR,
Though it's a hard one to obtaiN.
Establishing a firm rapporT.
- 2nd place:Tony Crafter with:
The best-selling novel 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' has seduced women and baffled men.
Now a clever spoof, 'Fifty Sheds Of Grey', offers a treat for the men, as author Colin Grey recalls his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some recollections...
FIFTY SHEDS OF GREY:
We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against the wall... but in the end we came to the conclusion that the bottom of the garden was plainly the correct place for the shed.
She stood there, trembling in the shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want."
So we went to McDonalds.
She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I grunted with pleasure. Now for the other boot.
Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to purchase all sorts of ropes, chains and shackles.
She's still managing to get into that shed, though.
"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
"Hmm, kinky," she purred.
"Well," I rasped, "we can't be too careful, not with all that asbestos in the shed roof."
"I'm a very naughty girl," she purred, biting her lip. "I need punishing."
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
"Harder!" she cried, gripping the bench tightly. "Harder!"
"Right," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"
I lay back spent, gazing happily out the shed window.
Despite all my concerns about my chronic lack of experience, the rhubarb had come up a treat.
"Are you certain you can stand the pain?" she snarled, brandishing the stilettos.
"I think I can," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said... and she showed me the till-receipt.
"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very well," I snarled. "You've got fat ankles and rotten dress sense."
"Are you sure you want this?" I said. "Only, when I'm done, you'll be unable to sit down for weeks."
She nodded.
"Right," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.
"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer as only a proper man can!"
"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.
"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she purred, gently caressing my neck as we listened to her Coldplay CD.
=
THOSE WONDERFUL CHURCH BULLETINS!
Thank goodness for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) really appeared in bulletins or were announced during services:
The Fasting and Prayer session on Sunday includes meals.
Ladies, do not forget Tuesday's rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
Miss Katharine Sharkey sang 'I will not pass this way again,' thus giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next Tuesday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Geoffrey Eddison and Hazel Baker-Maddox got married last Friday in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
The theme of the evening sermon tonight will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practise.
Eight new choir robes are urgently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
The boy scouts are seeking aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Potluck supper Sunday at five PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This weekend there will be hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and a flask and be prepared to sin.
The Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Monday at seven-fifteen PM. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement this Friday at seven PM. The congregation is duly invited to attend this tragedy.
The Weight Watchers meeting is Saturday at eight PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double doors by the side entrance.
Keith Swaffham, the Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." - 3rd place:3rd - Tony Crafter with:
SUPER TROUPER
By
Abba
Super Trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I won't feel blue
Like I always do
'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you
I was sick and tired of everything
When I called you last night from Glasgow
All I do is eat and sleep and sing
Wishing every show was the last show
(Wishing every show was the last show)
So imagine I was glad to hear you're coming
(Glad to hear you're coming)
Suddenly I feel all right
(And suddenly it's gonna be)
And it's gonna be so different
When I'm on the stage tonight
Tonight the
Super Trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Smiling, having fun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Feeling like a number one
Tonight the
Super Trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I won't feel blue
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Like I always do
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you
Facing twenty thousand of your friends
How can anyone be so lonely
Part of a success that never ends
Still I'm thinking about you only
(Still I'm thinking about you only)
There are moments when I think I'm going crazy
(Think I'm going crazy)
But it's gonna be alright
(You'll soon be changing everything)
Everything will be so different
When I'm on the stage tonight
Tonight the
Super Trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Smiling, having fun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Feeling like a number one
Tonight the
Super Trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I won't feel blue
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Like I always do
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you
So I'll be there when you arrive
The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive
And when you take me in your arms
And hold me tight
I know it's gonna mean so much tonight
Tonight the
Super Trouper lights are gonna find me
Shining like the sun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Smiling, having fun
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Feeling like a number one
Tonight the
Super Trouper beams are gonna blind me
But I won't feel blue
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
Like I always do
(Sup-p-per Troup-p-per)
'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you
[repeat and fade]
=
HORSY POSSESSION
By
Bob Beefburger
Red Rum, Phar Lap powering down the home straight,
Running sure and true,
Like you used to do,
I feel such kinship with you.
I was feeling strange as anything,
When I called you last night from Tesco,
I hope you'll forgive the whinnying,
I keep doing it, why I don't know,
(Doing it why I don't know)
I've been having these dreams where I'm running,
(Well, it's really more a gallop)
In some event at Fontwell Park,
(Or Plumpton or Brighton?)
Lots of people cheering then I
Wake up puffing in the dark.
They're off...!
It's Red Rum, Phar Lap speeding down the home run,
Running sure and true,
(Run Red Rum, run Phar Lap!)
Like you used to do,
(Run Red Rum, run Phar Lap!)
Guess I feel kinship with you.
See them go...!
Shergar, Mill Reef
Slipping past the 'Win' post
Noble as can be,
(N-no-ble, n-no-ble)
Two tip-top gee-gees,
(Top gee-gees, top gee-gees)
But nowhere near as fast as me!
Don't know why I'm chomping at the bit,
Guess it's something I ate for supper?
Filling up on burgers, buns and chips,
With the usual evening cuppa,
(The usual evening cuppa)
Usually I'm really very lazy
(He's really flipping lazy)
Now I'm skittish as a colt,
(You ought to see him prancing)
But since those Tesco burgers
I'd beat even Usain Bolt!
I see them...!
Red Rum, Phar Lap sweeping down the home run,
Super, sure and true,
(Run Red Rum, run Phar Lap!)
Like you used to do,
(Run Red Rum, run Phar Lap!)
I such feel kinship with you.
There they go...!
Shergar, Mill Reef
Slipping past the 'Win' post,
Noble as can be
(N-no-ble, n-no-ble)
Two tip-top gee-gees,
(Tippy-top, tippy-top)
But nowhere super-fast as me!
I'm going now, for I can't wait,
I've got this ever so important morning date,
I've got to be in Epsom Downs
By five-to-eight,
I'm running the first race, so can't be late!
I see you...!
Red Rum, Phar Lap powering down the home straight,
Running sure and true,
(Run Red Rum, run Phar Lap!)
Like you used to do,
(Run Red-Rum, run Phar Lap!)
I feel a kinship with you.
There they go...!
Shergar, Mill Reef
Slipping past the 'Win' post,
Noble as can be,
(N-no-ble, n-no-ble)
Two tip-top gee-gees,
(Tippy-top, tippy-top)
But nowhere near as fast as me!
[Keep up, people, 'cause I'm galloping!]
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
- Rude Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The film actresses of porno =
Lots of sperm on their faces. - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
nedesto with:
Oscar winner Daniel Day-Lewis =
Is war-weary indeed as Lincoln.
List of all nominated
anagrams for February 2013
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
March 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:nedesto with:
Flowers unfold =
Full of wonders.
- 2nd place (tie):
Adie Pena with:
A narcotics dealer =
Arrest cocaine lad! - 2nd place (tie):
Meyran Kraus with:
The wonderful season of spring =
Open flowers found in the grass.
- 1st place:nedesto with:
- Entertainment Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The fictional hero James Bond =
I often charm ladies on the job. - Topical Category:
Adie Pena with:
South American Pope ~
has impact on Europe. - People's Name Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Pope Francis the First =
Perfect for saintship.
- Other Name Category:
nedesto with:
The Vatican's College of Cardinals =
God's half-secret Italian conclave. - Medium Length Category:
Tony Crafter with:
The Five Most Recent Presidents of the USA
1. Ronald Reagan
2. George Bush Snr
3. William Clinton
4. George Bush Jr
5. Barack Obama
=
1. A former B-movie actor.
2. GWB's father
3. Just one stain sin shortened his career
4. English-language mangler
5. Proud to be black - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Larry Brash with:
Habemus Papam;
Eminentissimum ac reverendissimum Dominum,
Dominum Georgium Sanctae Romanae Ecclesiae Cardinalem Bergoglio,
Qui sibi nomen imposuit Franciscum.
=
I'm so great,
I'm a success,
I'm an ace academic,
I'm no communist,
I'm unmarried,
I'm beloved, unique, superb fun
I'm a blessed man
I'm religious
I'm no carousing German man
I'm the Pope!
- Long Category:
Tony Crafter with:
THE 12 LABOURS OF HERCULES
1. Slay the Nemean Lion.
2. Slay the nine-headed Lernaean Hydra.
3. Capture the Golden Hind of Artemis.
4. Capture the Erymanthian Boar.
5. Clean the Augean stables in a single day.
6. Slay the Stymphalian Birds.
7. Capture the Cretan Bull.
8. Steal the Mares of Diomedes.
9. Obtain the girdle of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons.
10. Obtain the cattle of the monster Geryon.
11. Steal the apples of the Hesperides (He had the help of Atlas to pick them after Hercules had slain Ladon).
12. Capture and bring back Cerberus.
=
THE 12 MEANS HE EMPLOYED
1. Clubbing, then strangulation required.
2. Multiple decapitations.
3. He chased that deer for a year...
4. ... then pursued a pig.
5. Ugh! Up to his neck in horseshit.
6. Skill at archery slays feathered opponents.
7. He near throttled it to death.
8. He fed horses human flesh to placate them before capture.
9. He battled many feral female assailants to bag a babe's belt!
10. He ran across the Libyan desert and he finally got 'em in Erytheia.
11. Unable to cope alone, so pal lent a hand.
12. He snatched a crazy canine from Hell. - Special Category:
- 1st place:nedesto with:
Crossword - 2nd place:Adie Pena with:
ASSISI
by Norman MacCaig
The dwarf with his hands on backwards
sat, slumped like a half-filled sack
on tiny twisted legs from which
sawdust might run,
outside the three tiers of churches built
in honour of St Francis, brother
of the poor, talker with birds, over whom
he had the advantage
of not being dead yet.
A priest explained
how clever it was of Giotto
to make his frescoes tell stories
that would reveal to the illiterate the goodness
of God and the suffering
of His Son. I understood
the explanation and
the cleverness.
A rush of tourists, clucking contentedly,
fluttered after him as he scattered
the grain of the Word. It was they who had passed
the ruined temple outside, whose eyes
wept pus, whose back was higher
than his head, whose lopsided mouth
said Grazie in a voice as sweet
as a child's when she speaks to her mother
or a bird's when it spoke
to St Francis.
BY YOUR GRACE ALONE
Almighty, eternal, just, and merciful God,
grant us in our misery
to do for You alone
what we know You want us to do,
and always
to desire what pleases You.
Thus,
inwardly cleansed,
interiorly enlightened,
and inflamed by the fire of the Holy Spirit,
may we be able to follow
in the footprints of Your beloved Son,
our Lord Jesus Christ.
And,
by Your grace alone,
may we make our way to You
Most High,
Who live and rule
in perfect Trinity and simple Unity,
and are glorified
God all-powerful
forever and ever.
Amen
=
PRAYER OF SAINT FRANCIS
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
THE PRAYER BEFORE THE CRUCIFIX
Most high,
glorious God,
let your light fill the shadows of my heart
and grant me, Lord,
true faith,
certain hope,
perfect love,
awareness and knowing,
that I may fulfill Your holy will.
BROTHERS AND SISTERS, GOOD EVENING
"First of all, I would like to say a prayer for our bishop emeritus, Benedict XVI. Let us all pray together for him, let us all pray together for him so that the Lord my bless him and that the Madonna may protect him."
WE WHO SHUN OLD DAYS OF SAD SHADOWS
Pope Francis, His Holiness
Of the new Hallowed City,
Primate of Italy, watchfully
Educate the wounded woeful to be
Faithful and zealous, wash away dusty shadows of dusk,
Rescue the sad seduced child who asks unknowingly.
Awaken the wasteful wicked; do show us a
New nation we can build on
Christ's body of anguish.
Ignite us, watch us to succeed, be good
Servants of God, Knights of Sodality. - 3rd place: Tony Crafter with:
50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER
By
Paul Simon
"The problem is all inside your head," she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Ooh slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said why don't we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you'll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
=
50 WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR LOVER
(Do Not Go Gentle)
By
I. O. Bey
"Your problems mostly lie beneath the duvet," she told me;
"I wrote a book and it explains a thing or three,
The bed's a place of folly, pain and joy, and so you see
You must have fifty ways to please your lover."
She said, "Hey, I don't want to be discourteous or rude,
But I hear say your prowess in the boudoir is, well... crude,
So if you're lying, in confusion, in the nude,
You've got those fifty ways to please your lover
Yes, fifty ways to tease your lover."
You just jump in the sack, Mac
Tie up her feet, Pete,
To the foot of yo' bed, Ned
Yes, listen to me.
Truss up the hands, Dan,
Go as rough as you like, Mike
Slap her backside Clyde
But don't set her free.
You just jump in the sack, Mac,
Tie up the feet, Pete
To the foot of yo' bed, Ned,
Yes, listen to me.
Truss up the hands, Dan,
Be as cruel as you like, Mike,
Make her bum sting, Bing,
Just don't let her free.
She said coyly, "Every woman loves her pleasure with a sting,
Now, all that lovey-dovey nonsense just don't mean a thing,
But lying, cruelly locked in shackles sure gives you a zing
In joyous ways."
She urged, "Go buy my book and you'll find out about it all,
Wow, it's joyful being cuffed up to a cellar wall!"
So I groaned softly, "Yes I'm willing and I'm cool
To try one of fifty ways to please your lover.
Fifty ways to tease your lover."
You just jump in the sack, Mac,
Tie up her feet, Pete
To the foot of yo' bed Ned,
Just don't set her free.
Truss up the hands, Dan,
Be as cruel as you like, Mike,
Whack her backside, Clyde
Just don't let her free.
Jump in the sack, Mac,
Tie up the feet, Pete
To the foot of yo' bed, Ned,
Just listen to me.
Truss up the hands, Dan,
Go as tough as you like, Mike,
Make her bum sting, Bing,
But don't set her free.
- 1st place:nedesto with:
- Rude Category:
View with:
Weird fantasies =
Wife and a sister. - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Habemus Papam;
Eminentissimum ac reverendissimum Dominum,
Dominum Georgium Sanctae Romanae Ecclesiae Cardinalem Bergoglio,
Qui sibi nomen imposuit Franciscum."
=
I'm a man coming from Argentina;
I became successor via subpoena;
Guided in minimum requirement,
I said Mass in cumbersome raiment;
I'm mum on scum colleagues' pedophilia!
List of all nominated
anagrams for March 2013
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
April 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Ellie Dent with:
Compensation claim =
A complaint comes in. - 2nd place:
Larry Brash with:
Aged care facility =
A tragic life decay. - 3rd place:
Christopher Sturdy with:
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery =
I'm the lad that you must control.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Adie Pena with:
Alfred Hitchcock Presents =
Half-decent script shocker.
- Topical Category:
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Nukes are not a help in ~
the Korean Peninsula. - People's Name Category:
Larry Brash with:
Annette Funicello =
Nice teen fun to all.
- Other Name Category:
Tony Crafter with:
'Stonehenge', the World Heritage Site at Salisbury =
Truly eerie, as in: 'How'd those giant slabs get there?' - Medium Length Category:
Scott Gardner with:
The top five recording artists:
1. The Beatles
2. Elvis Presley
3. Madonna
4. Michael Jackson
5. Led Zeppelin
=
1. John's Liverpool lads
2. Tennessee "King"
3. Inept film actress
4. Crazed pedophile act
5. Heavy metal tribe - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
"If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman." (Margaret Thatcher)
=
That's a fraud, Maggie. You show me that "a woman of action isn't keen on remarks"... with a damn saying. - Long Category:
Ellie Dent with:
LAWS OF PHYSICS FOR CATS
If physics even applies to any feline...
Law of Cat Inertia
A resting cat will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force such as the opening of any cat food tin, say, or he sees a mouse scurrying past nearby.
Law of Cat Motion
A smart cat will move in a straight line, unless there's a very good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a feline when heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All clothing attracts cat hairs in direct proportion to the degree of colour difference between the cat hairs and colouring of the fabric.
=
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate, hotfoot off, at a constant rate, till he is good and ready to stop.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its flat, smooth state if a cat is present.
The First Law of Energy Conservation
Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. The cat therefore, will use as little as possible himself.
The Second Law of Energy Conservation
A coping cat senses that maximum energy can be stored by a lot of napping of his own.
Law of Mass
A cat's mass increases faithfully in direct proportion to the cushiony comfort of the warm lap/warm chair which he occupies.
The Law of Cat Obedience
As yet undiscovered.
- Special Category:
- 1st place:Adie Pena with:
A POEM FOR MARTIN RICHARD
by Angela Beegle
I see you there in your last moments,
Hanging excitedly over the fence
Watching for your daddy, mom and sisters at your side
People swarm and mill around you, unnoticed
But your attention is for only one man
Your young face glows with pride
What might you have been, if you had grown?
What contributions might the world have known?
A scientist, astronaut, fireman brave?
Who knows what lives you might have saved?
ItÂ’s a haunting image, that one captured frame
The next shutter-click would show a different aim
A trajectory of metal, flung outward
A spiteful curse at the world by strangers
Who dropped their bags and walked away, smirking.
You werenÂ’t the target. You just happened to be there,
Clinging to the fence, cheering at the finish line,
Best seat in the house, lucky kid!
To watch your daddy finish his race.
=
PEACE
Naked though in its tough resoluteness, oppressive with the chunks
Of a broken dream, why they, the detested two who
Meant to murder and maim
Ordinary humdrum lives on that trustworthy day;
Rubbing out that week of huge fortune, of customary grace, hence
Extinguishing a youthful flame.
Hurling heavy shrapnel into the air
Unflinching in its awkward bitterness and despair.
Ravaging to attack thoughts one day, they cut and defeat
The mighty barricades on Boylston Street.
Incisively affected, wanting to "B Strong,"
Now you wearily turn away to "So Long...
Goodbye, Martin William Richard."
Prejudice accommodates, chooses the worthy.
Every young hopeful watches the wideawake to now
Offer a murmur, a prayer whilst we
Patiently wait for dad Bill as you of eight
Leave behind mom Denise and sister Jane
Endure an excruciating lifelong pain. - 2nd place:Tony Crafter with:
I AM THE WALRUS
By
John Lennon and Paul McCartney
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
I'm crying.
Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.
Mister city policeman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row.
See how they fly like Lucy in the Sky, see how they run.
I'm crying, I'm crying.
I'm crying, I'm crying.
Yellow mother custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob.
Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun.
If the sun don't come, you get a tan
From standing in the English rain.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob goo goo g'joob.
Expert textpert choking smokers,
Don't you think the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty,
See how they snied.
I'm crying.
Semolina pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower.
Elementary penguin singing Hari Krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.
I am the eggman, They are the eggmen.
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob goo goo g'joob goo goo g'joob.
Goo goo g'joob goo
=
I AM ALMIGHTY
By
Kim Jong-un (The Other Supreme Deity)
I am he, a deity, I'm almighty, yes I am Kim-Jong un,
See people cower at my great power, fall to their knees,
They'd die for me.
Flying on a high cloud, peering at the Earth below,
Great Supreme Commander of the People's Army,
Youngest person to become a Head of State,
I am the Great One, they are the weak ones,
I am almighty, go go g'Jong!
My sweet North Korea,
You'll be one mighty superpower!
People in the US, and the UK too, are busy running scared,
I'm Godlike, I'm mighty.
So rightly, so rightly.
We are going nuclear, there is nothing you can do,
You dogs in South Korea, are cringing in big fear,
Knowing you will soon succumb to our heroic men.
I am the Great One, you are the weak ones,
I am almighty, go go g'Jong!
Crouching in an English garden waiting for the bang!
When my rockets come you Brits will feel the scorching pain of acid rain;
I am the Great One, you are the weak ones,
I am almighty, go go, g'Jong, go go g'Jong!
Huge, X-factor chain reactors,
Bubbling nuclear poison underground,
See how they vie to rise into the sky,
Soon they will fly,
They'll fly.
People say I'm chubby, but they don't say it to my face,
I know I am sexy, any girl would let me
Share a night of passion, coupling in a hotel bed.
I am the Great One, they are the weak ones,
I am almighty, go go g'Jong, I'm so very strong, go g'Jong, I am an icon! go go g'Jong, yes, I wrote this song!
Go go g'Jong! - 3rd place:nedesto with:
CRossword
- 1st place:Adie Pena with:
- Rude Category:
nedesto with:
Models unrobing =
Big round melons! - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Andrew Brehaut with:
The intern Monica Lewinsky =
Whiter stain on my neckline.
List of all nominated
anagrams for April 2013
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
May 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
nedesto with:
Frosted cupcake =
Packed fructose.
- 2nd place:Dharam Khalsa with:
Short end of the stick =
The cost of the drinks. - 3rd place:
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Delayed gratification =
I get a candy later if I do.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Dean Mayer with:
The Eurovision Song Contest =
Voting's so contentious here. - Topical Category (tie):
Christopher Sturdy with:
Many courts call the man an opportunistic predator =
Commentary on Stuart Hall's inappropriate conduct. - People's Name Category:
Ellie Dent with:
Prometheus =
The Supremo. - Other Name Category:
Adie Pena with:
A Gibson electric guitar =
Suitable in a gig? Correct. - Medium Length Category:
Meyran Kraus with: The richest people in the world: 1. Bill Gates 2. Carlos Slim 3. Warren Buffett 4. Amancio Ortega 5. Ingvar Kamprad = 1. Smart PC nerd 2. Fat cellphone bigwig 3. Superb investor from Omaha 4. Clothing-retail stalwart 5. IKEA leader - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
"I see your condition through my telescope. We have intercepted your supplies. Give in like a good fellow, and bring your garrison to dinner, and beds afterwards. Nobody injured, I hope?"
=
I do believe being cornered is crippling you.
Lose your pride for one night, guys.
I know how dispirited you ruthless cannon-fodder are.
Join me and we'd have plenty to toast!
Beauregard
- Long Category:
Ellie Dent with:
THINGS THAT DOGS NEED TO REMEMBER
I will not play with Dad's underwear when he is in the bathroom.
The garbage collector is certainly a jerk: however he's normal, and harmless. He is NOT a crook, a madman who's stealing all our things.
I do not need to stand up when I'm hiding under the Scandinavian coffee table.
I will not roll my childish toys far behind the fridge.
I WILL shake rainwater from my coat BEFORE I enter the house.
I will not eat all the cats' lunch, before - or after - they've eaten it.
I will stop trying to find clean carpet anywhere indoors when I'm ready to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I won't roll on dead birds, stinky wet fishes' innards, and so on.
I will not lick my human's face after I've eaten animal poop.
Kitty Crunchies are food that's not normally recommended for canines.
=
I won't eat any more cast-off socks and redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not an actual cookie jar.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell him.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the beetroot-red one, or my human will fret... think that I'm ill and hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I won't insist on having the window rolled fully down when it's raining.
We do NOT have a doorbell fitted. So I won't bark persistently each time I hear one on the TV.
I will not steal my Mom's delicate frilly underwear and dance around our back yard with it.
The sofa is not a huge flannel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not wilfully bite the officer's hand when he reaches for Mom's driver's license and the car registration. - Special Category:
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
It seemed to be but chance, yet who shall say
That 'twas not part of Nature's own sweet way
That on the field where once the cannon's breath
Laid many a hero cold and stark in death,
Some little children, in the after-years,
Had come to play among the grassy spears,
And, all unheeding, when their romp was done,
Had left a wreath of wild flowers over one
Who fought to save his country, and whose lot
It was to die unknown and rest forgot?
=
May Dawning
Each glance she chances out the window now
May add one wrinkle to the widow's brow.
One chatty thrush appears to mock her gloom;
Red roses are a tense display of doom...
It pains her that her heart has been undone,
And yet - as hastily the coastal sun
Looms ever-softly over her front lawn,
Defiance thaws her at the red of dawn:
A loathed fate dealt her one astounding blow,
Yet Life won't let that thwart its stunning flow.
- 2nd place:Tony Crafter with:
"SEXY AND I KNOW IT"
by
Lmfao
Yeah, yeah
When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly
I pimp to the beat, walking on the street in my new lafreak, yeah
This is how I roll, animal print, pants outta control,
It's Redfoo with the big afro
And like Bruce Leroy I got the glow.
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it
I'm sexy and I know it
Yeah
When I'm at the mall, security just can't fight them off
And when I'm at the beach, I'm in a Speedo trying to tan my cheeks (what)
This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go
We headed to the bar, baby don't be nervous
No shoes, no shirt, and I still get serviced (watch)
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
I work out
When I walk in the spot (yeah), this is what I see (ok)
Everybody stops and they staring at me
I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it
I'm sexy and I know it
I'm sexy and I know it...
Check it out
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah, yeah
Do the wiggle man
I do the wiggle man
Yeah
I'm sexy and I know it
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Ah... Girl look at that body
Ah... I work out
Yeah I'm sexy and I know it!
=
"I'M SIXTY AND I KNOW IT"
by
Shaky Dave
Why?
When I walk down a bus on wobbly feet, middle-aged ladies offer their seats,
Ha! Brainless females, can't they see that in my head I am twenty-three?
Ay, this is me, I still got swagger, ten years younger than Mick Jagger!
No wavy hair on my bald head
But, wow! my pencil's full of lead.
Ooh, ah, move that body
Ooh, ah, work it out
Ooh, ah, what's that twinge?
Ooh, ah, bloody gout.
When I look in a mirror what do I see?
Hey, it's ol' grandad looking at me!
But I got passion, boy I know it,
A pity the face and body don't show it, show it, they won't show it.
I'm sixty and I know it!
Yeah!
When I'm at airport security checks,
I stow my phone in my pants (so risky
But at least the security girls will frisk me!)
I don't worry, I don't mind it, I take my pleasure where I find it,
This is how I roll, it's how I trip,
(Bloody arthritis in both hips!)
Ooh, ah, work that body,
Ooh, ah, work that brain,
Ooh, ah, what is that twinge?
Ooh, ah, what is that pain?
I go to bed at nine, wake at ten, go pee,
I go at half-past twelve, I go again at three,
Wiggle to the loo, shake it, pull the chain,
Wiggle to the loo, shake it, back again.
I'm sixty and I know it,
I'm sixty and I know it...
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle... ooh...
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle... ah...
Do that wiggle,
Shake that thing,
Yeah...
I'm sixty and I know it.
Hey y'all !
Look at my knees,
Look like knots
In a gnarled oak tree,
'Cos...
I'm sixty and I know it. - 3rd place:Tony Crafter with:
A man, a pig and a dog were the only survivors of a bad shipwreck.
They found themselves stranded on a desert island where they soon developed a routine of sitting on the beach every night to watch the sun go down.
On one particular evening, the sky was red, with white, wispy clouds and a balmy breeze. It was the perfect night for romance. As the three of them sat there, the pig began to look increasingly desirable to the man. After a while, he leaned over and quietly put his arm around the animal. The dog was instantly jealous and growled menacingly, so the man hastily removed his arm from around the pig. After that, the trio continued to enjoy their sunsets regularly but with no more cuddling.
Two months later, there was another shipwreck in the area and the only survivor was the most beautiful young woman the man had ever seen. She was in quite a bad way when she was washed up on their island, but he lovingly nursed her back to health until, one day, she was able to join the trio on the beach for their sunset ritual.
It was another beautiful night - a fiery red sky, wispy clouds, and balmy breeze; a night just made for romance.
After a while, the man felt his ardour starting to rekindle. He fought it for as long as he could but finally he could contain himself no longer. So he leaned over to the beautiful young woman and whispered in her ear...
"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"
=
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Quick!" she shouted at the lover. "Grab all your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's come home early!"
The man looked out the window in alarm and protested: "That's insane! I can't jump out there! It's raining like crazy and I am naked!"
"I don't care about that," ranted the now paranoid woman; "If my husband catches you here, I guarantee he'll skin the pair of us alive!"
Still protesting, the lover reluctantly grabbed his clothes, went over to the bedroom window and leapt out...
He landed on the street below and, to his amazement, found himself in the middle of a group of marathon runners. Hoping to blend in with them, despite being naked, he started jogging along, carrying his clothes over one arm.
"Hello," greeted one of the runners, "no offence, but do you always run in the buff?"
Thinking on his feet, the lover replied breathlessly: "Yes; I always feel so free having all that fresh air wafting against my skin when I jog."
"I see... but, do you usually run with clothes over your arm?" queried the athlete.
"Yes, always," panted the lover. "That means I can get dressed after the race, go to my car, and get straight home without needing to have a shower first."
"I guess that's true," the athlete frowned, "but do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Only if it's raining."
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
- Rude Category:
Christopher Sturdy with:
A woman's sighs matter =
It's what Orgasm means. - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Eric Harshbarger with:
Alice's Adventures In Wonderland =
A clever "Lewis" turns odd and inane.
Rosie Perera with:
Plane lands without landing gear in New Jersey =
And a jet spilling oil endangers the new runway.
List of all nominated
anagrams for May 2013
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
June 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with:
Set in one's ways =
"New" isn't so easy.
- 2nd place:
Scott Gardner with:
Thou shalt not commit adultery =
It commandeth to halt your lust. - 3rd place:
Ellie Dent with:
My favourite things? =
First, having met you!
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Ellie Dent with:
Wilfred Owen's Anthem for Doomed Youth =
So they mourn men led off to war ... who'd die. - Topical Category:
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
President Nelson Mandela =
Spent old man lies near end. - People's Name Category:
Adie Pena with:
I hate sharks and ~
the Kardashians. - Other Name Category:
nedesto with:
Worlds best-selling autos:
1. Model T
2. Beetle
3. Corolla
=
1. Cool roadsters
2. One little bug
3. Well-assembled lot - Medium Length Category:
Tony Crafter with:
THE SEVEN CONTINENTS OF THE WORLD
1. Africa
2. Europe
3. Asia
4. North America
5. South America
6. Antarctica
7. Australia
=
1. Oh man, I'm hot!
2. A pariah
3. A future threat?
4. USA, Canada et al
5. Latin races
6. Interior of ice
7. Ancestors were convicts
- Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
"I've a grand memory for forgetting." (Robert Louis Stevenson)
=
Minor or big
Events
Move fast,
Or slog and
Rerun --
Yet, I forget. - Long Category:
Ellie Dent with:
A CAT'S DIARY
Day Nine-Nine-Three of Captivity!
My captors continue to taunt me with frivolous, useless dangling objects.
They themselves dine well on fresh meat, luxuries too, while the other inmates and I are fed rubbish - hash or nuggets. Unbelievable!
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something now in order to maintain my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the woollen carpet. Shame...
Also today, I decapitated a foolish mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I hoped that this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made the usual condescending comments about what 'a clever hunter' I am.
The sick bastards!
=
There was an assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement, fenced in, for the duration of the event.
But I could clearly hear all the noise, and smell the juicy food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to 'allergies'.
I must immediately learn what that means, and contemplate how I might use it to my best advantage.
Tonight, I almost succeeded in an attempt to exterminate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he walked about.
I must attempt this again, perhaps tomorrow, this time not at the bottom, but the top of the stairs.
I'm convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog named 'Dink', a cheeky, short-legged dachshund, is receiving special privileges.
He's regularly released - yet always seems to be more than happy to return.
He obviously has issues. - Special Category:
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
[Dante Gabriel Rossetti's sonnet 'The Vase of Life' anagrammed into a sonnet about a Ming Vase with two relevant constraints]
Around the vase of Life at your slow pace
He has not crept, but turned it with his hands,
And all its sides already understands.
There, girt, one breathes alert for some great race;
Whose road runs far by sands and fruitful space;
Who laughs, yet through the jolly throng has pass'd;
Who weeps, nor stays for weeping; who at last,
A youth, stands somewhere crowned, with silent face.
And he has filled this vase with wine for blood,
With blood for tears, with spice for burning vow,
With watered flowers for buried love most fit;
And would have cast it shattered to the flood,
Yet in Fate's name has kept it whole; which now
Stands empty till his ashes fall in it.
=
What Truth Hides in a Piece of China?
This gloss, straight from the halls of royalty,
Has hardly waned a bit, but rather thrived;
Each passing decade made this subtlety
More marvelous than ever... and alive.
In older days of awful wrath and strife,
No warrior would dare to scratch this face;
Great lords, who often knew the joys of life,
Dreamt, spellbound, to possess the fabled vase.
Yet, when we watch this white and florid shell,
Now showcased, poignant, in that house of arts,
A wish for greatness flows through us as well,
So potent that it's bound to fill our hearts!
The beauty's pure as snow on winter flowers,
Yet deep within, we find its hidden powers. - 2nd place:Dharam Khalsa with:
The Longest Joke in the World (correct me if it's not)
Link available soon. - 3rd place:Jason Lofts with:
Anthem For Doomed Youth
What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?
Only the monstrous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.
What candles may be held to speed them all?
Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of good-byes.
The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.
=
Hymn: The Fight for Martyrdom
What pealing tolls for those condemned as bulls?
Is most hellishly angry gunshot.
Resonating trench gunfire’s deathly prattle
Detonates non-melodious laments.
Why no hopes go forth, no lilting orisons?
Pay no vocal remorse bar these, the choristers,
Their mad trilled echoes of howlin’ salvoes;
Trumpets blow in distress on far-off hillocks.
What tapers can be held to hasten all the slain?
Held not by brash youths, but in these orbits
How flicker shimmering god images of adieus.
Her pale forehead’ll be terror’s able friend;
Why, floral softness seen as patience,
Night, where mild days, wound down, end.
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
- Rude Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
One steel vibrator =
Lover on batteries! - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
with:Dean Mayer with:
An abortion procedure =
Eradicate poor unborn.
List of all nominated
anagrams for June 2013
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
July 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Tony Crafter with:
Report: "UFOs came ~
from outer space." - 2nd place:Adie Pena with:
Free Daily Horoscope =
I do foresee... Holy crap! - 3rd place (tie):Dharam Khalsa with:
Solitary confinement =
Silent time for any con.
3rd place - Julian Lofts with:
The Lourdes miracles =
All his tumors recede
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Tony Crafter with:
Walt Disney's animated motion picture 'The Lion King' =
Mildly cute songs, with an opinionated meerkat in it!
- Topical Category:
nedesto with:
Glee star Cory Monteith is dead =
Actor's demise in hotel tragedy. - People's Name Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
South African president Mandela =
"Let's condemn apartheid as unfair!" - Other Name Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The American fast food giant McDonalds =
Digest a ton of fat and random chemicals. - Medium Length Category:
nedesto with:
The Signs of the Ecliptic:
1. Aries
2. Taurus
3. Gemini
4. Cancer
5. Leo
6. Virgo
7. Libra
8. Scorpio
9. Sagittarius
10. Capricornus
11. Aquarius
12. Pisces
=
1. Ram
2. Steer
3. Pair
4. Carcinogenic
5. Big cat purrs
6. Ice-girl is virtuous
7. Scale
8. Poisonous
9. Centaur
10. Quasi-goat
11. Pitcher
12. Fishies sail - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Tony Crafter with:
Development you predicted in Kassner case has come unexpectedly. Please return immediately
=
Am a lone maid on Orient Express. Red-eyed, Can't sleep.
Cheer me up, detective?
Lusty Lucy
PS: I'm naked - Long Category:
Tony Crafter with:
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, had stood facing each other in the park.
Then one day, an angel descended from heaven and announced to them: "You've been such exemplary statues that I propose to give you a special gift. So..." he added, "I shall bring you to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can do anything you want to."
Then, with a clap of his hands, the angel brought them to life.
The two statues approached each other in a shy-looking manner at first, and then made a quick dash for the bushes, from which there came a good deal of giggling and chuckling and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues reappeared from the bushes, each with wide grins across their faces.
"You still have fifteen minutes more," the angel reported, winking at them conspiratorially.
With an even wider grin, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Quick! Let's do it once more then!
Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on its head."
=
A Scots Guardsman attired in full dress uniform went marching into a chemist's shop.
At the counter, he lifted his sporran, eased out a neatly folded cotton bandana and carefully unfolded it to reveal a small, square silk handkerchief, which he unwrapped to reveal a saggy condom with a number of patches on it.
"Good grief," said the chemist, gingerly eyeing the grotesque item.
"I'll not haggle wi' ye," said the man; "how much ta repair it?"
"Fifteen pence," replied the chemist.
"How much ta buy a new one?"
"Twenty-one pence."
The Scotsman painstakingly refolded the condom into the silk handkerchief and the cotton bandana, put it safely under his sporran then turned and, looking stiffly ahead, marched out the exit.
After a minute, the chemist heard a huge shout of "Och aye!" go up outside, followed by a riotous, even bigger shout of "Yahoo!"
The door opened and the Scotsman strode into the shop again, this time with a huge grin on his face. "The regiment has taken a vote," he said...
"We'll have a new one." - Special Category:
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
Sonnet XCVI by William Shakespeare
Some say thy fault is youth, some wantonness;
Some say thy grace is youth and gentle sport;
Both grace and faults are lov'd of more and less:
Thou mak'st faults graces that to thee resort.
As on the finger of a throned queen
The basest jewel will be well esteem'd,
So are those errors that in thee are seen
To truths translated, and for true things deem'd.
How many lambs might the stern wolf betray,
If like a lamb he could his looks translate!
How many gazers mightst thou lead away,
If thou wouldst use the strength of all thy state!
But do not so; I love thee in such sort,
As, thou being mine, mine is thy good report.
=
That Next Stage After Death
How shall a slothful soul dodge Satan's fires?
A great asylum must be Heaven's gates
Though, when it's vying for those robes and lyres,
There is an urge to right those broken traits.
So how impure its many flaws may seem there?
A lot of pride won't ease the sky's blind forum;
Unshaken avarice snares no fans either -
But holy diligence does, with that quorum;
And zero moderation angers it:
The Holy Court destroys those that are loathsome.
No way to charm its eyeless staff with wit;
It lets no glutton eye that gentlest blossom.
Just follow modestly, be meek and humble
To reach that peace - and not Hell's noted rumbles. - 2nd place:Jason Lofts with:
Stufen
Wie jede BlĂĽte welkt und jede Jugend
Dem Alter weicht, blĂĽht jede Lebensstufe,
BlĂĽht jede Weisheit auch und jede Tugend
Zu ihrer Zeit und darf nicht ewig dauern.
Es muss das Herz bei jedem Lebensrufe
Bereit zum Abschied sein und Neubeginne,
Um sich in Tapferkeit und ohne Trauern
In andre, neue Bindungen zu geben.
Und jedem Anfang wohnt ein Zauber inne,
Der uns beschĂĽtzt und der uns hilft, zu leben.
Wir sollen heiter Raum um Raum durchschreiten,
An keinem wie an einer Heimat hängen,
Der Weltgeist will nicht fesseln uns und engen,
Er will uns Stuf' um Stufe heben, weiten.
Kaum sind wir heimisch einem Lebenskrise
Und traulich eingewohnt, so droht Erschlaffen,
Nur wer bereit zu Aufbruch ist und Reise,
Mag lähmender Gewöhnung sich entraffen.
Es wird vielleicht auch noch die Todesstunde
Uns neuen Räumen jung entgegen senden,
Des Lebens Ruf an uns wird niemals enden...
Wohlan denn, Herz, nimm Abschied und gesunde!
Hermann Hesse
=
FĂĽr immer so, nach oben
Blumen wurden welk und faul, wir junge Burschen
Wurden älter. Und fest im Leben stehend
Wiesen sie gute Eigenschaften auf,
'ne Zeit lang in FĂĽlle, jedoch nicht fĂĽr immer.
Sei beherzt, jedem ruft das Leben zu:
Bitte verabschieden, um neu zu beginnen.
KĂĽhn und nicht traurig begeben
Wir uns in andere, neuartige Richtungen.
Und ĂĽber jede Phase weht eine Hand,
Die uns das Leben untermauert. Fleht euch an!
Während wir durch's Zimmer gehen,
Soll kein Mensch aus Unwissen was machen!
Die geistige Welt engt und bindet uns - nein -
Eher uns fall- und stufenweise zu erheben.
Kriselt’s im Leben, sind wir manchmal zu stumm,
Einschlafen ist just Drohung und daher wende ab!
Jedweder, der zum Reisen aufbricht,
Kann sich leidigen Gewohnheiten entziehen.
Echte MĂĽhe bereitet uns nur die Stunde des Todes,
Sendet uns Jungen in neue Zimmer.
Endlich ruft uns das Leben, nie endend...
Auf dein Wohl, Herr! Ade! Juhu, werde heil und gesund!
Jason Lofts - 3rd place: Adie Pena with:
KIDS WHO DIE
by Langston Hughes
This is for the kids who die,
Black and white,
For kids will die certainly.
The old and rich will live on awhile,
As always,
Eating blood and gold,
Letting kids die.
Kids will die in the swamps of Mississippi
Organizing sharecroppers
Kids will die in the streets of Chicago
Organizing workers
Kids will die in the orange groves of California
Telling others to get together
Whites and Filipinos,
Negroes and Mexicans,
All kinds of kids will die
Who don’t believe in lies, and bribes, and contentment
And a lousy peace.
Of course, the wise and the learned
Who pen editorials in the papers,
And the gentlemen with Dr. in front of their names
White and black,
Who make surveys and write books
Will live on weaving words to smother the kids who die,
And the sleazy courts,
And the bribe-reaching police,
And the blood-loving generals,
And the money-loving preachers
Will all raise their hands against the kids who die,
Beating them with laws and clubs and bayonets and bullets
To frighten the people—
For the kids who die are like iron in the blood of the people—
And the old and rich don’t want the people
To taste the iron of the kids who die,
Don’t want the people to get wise to their own power,
To believe an Angelo Herndon, or even get together
Listen, kids who die—
Maybe, now, there will be no monument for you
Except in our hearts
Maybe your bodies’ll be lost in a swamp
Or a prison grave, or the potter’s field,
Or the rivers where you’re drowned like Leibknecht
But the day will come—
Your are sure yourselves that it is coming—
When the marching feet of the masses
Will raise for you a living monument of love,
And joy, and laughter,
And black hands and white hands clasped as one,
And a song that reaches the sky—
The song of the life triumphant
Through the kids who die.
=
ANYONE'S SON
(for the family of Trayvon Martin)
by Tara Skurtu
This poem wants to write itself backwards.
Wishes it were born memory instead, skipping
time like a record needle stuck on the line
of your last second. You sit up. Brush not blood,
but dirt from your chest. You sit up. You're in bed.
Bad dream. Back to sleep. You sit up. Rise and shine.
Good morning. This is the poem of a people united
in the uniform of your last day. Pockets full
of candy, hooded sweatshirt, sweet tea. This poem
wants to stand its ground, silence force
with simple words, pray you alive, anyone's
son -- tall boy, eye-smile, walk on home.
A WAR OF WORDS
What do the investigative reporters in newspapers know?
Who at the Dr. Michael M. Krop High School wrote W.T.F. on a wall?
Enlightening? So what!
The Miami-Dade School Police Department handled the odd screwdriver?
Hid the marijuana in the bag? Withheld the exhibit?
Does Seven-Eleven sell bags of Skittles and cans of Arizona Iced Tea?
Where is the Retreat at Twin Lakes?
Who dwells in that loved gated neighborhood wonderland?
Harsh killing: Black male teen wearing a dark colored hoodie
On top of the Hispanic person in the drizzling rain?
Who was shrieking for help? Not a case of self-defense?
What do the investigative newshens in broadsheets know?
Swirling rhetoric on hand. Legal gobbledegook highlighted in indelible ink.
Exchanging lenghthened tales and theories.
Breeding, engendering hate within.
Like his Facebook page now. He'll hold the hollowed protests.
Shed the allegations of racial bias -- even when wanted.
The hoodie, the trigger.
The spic, the nigger
Lived in intelligible world headlines.
In all likelihood, libelled in interviews.
What do investigative writers in tabloids know?
Saddened, I do think.
Old dark world.
And in the end, where is Hell?
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
- Rude Category:
Adie Pena with:
The hairless beaver =
She reveals her bait.
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Scott Gardner with:
The Royal House of Windsor =
A history of ones who ruled.
List of all nominated
anagrams for July 2013
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
August 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Christopher Sturdy with:
Malnourishment =
The norm in a slum. - 2nd place:Julian Lofts with:
The adult movie actress =
The customer salivated. - 3rd place:
Ivan Andonov with:
Being sober =
No big beers.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Scott Gardner with:
Pablo Picasso, Three Musicians =
A painter's cubism phase is cool! - Topical Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The Assad regime =
Gas is made there. - People's Name Category:
Scott Gardner with:
Private Bradley "Chelsea" Manning =
Serviceman helping betray a land. - Other Name Category:
View with:
Toyota Supra =
A sporty auto. - Medium Length Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
Top Five Spielberg Films:
1. Jaws
2. E.T.
3. Jurassic Park
4. Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark
5. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
=
1. Killer shark
2. Kid in pajamas serves alien
3. Jeep in dinosaur setting
4. Thefts afflict hero's job
5. Person directs crowd to UFO - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits." - Albert Einstein
=
Get answerS;
Enlist benefiT.
Need a gurU?
I identify the steP --
Use his alibI:
Scientist minD! - Long Category:
with:Meyran Kraus with:Here is the last question for LAPD cadets:
"Eccentric computer mogul Jeff Briggs sat at the head of the table in his manor. To his right were his 5 sons, all with party hats in different colors (red, blue, green, yellow and pink), different drinks (vodka, soda, ale, tea and martini), and each seated opposite a stuffed pet (dog, fox, mole, hen and sheep).
Suddenly, the room went dark. A moment later, a shot rang out.
When Jeff's old butler turned the lights on, he was shocked. Jeff was dead, shot in his back. His sons were standing, their drinks spilled and their hats in a pile on the floor... next to a smoking gun.
When the cops arrived, the butler said he saw, in the faint moonlight, some man in a red hat tossing the gun to the floor. The sons, however, could only remember a few facts:
- Hans hated foxes. He loved ale, but tasted the hot drink next to him by mistake;
- Noah sat between Al and Ron, then tasted the vodka of a son whose hat wasn't green; His drink and the pet in front of him shared a first letter.
- Ron said the son to his left, who wore a blue hat, sat in front of a hen, and someone in a yellow hat sat in front of a sheep;
- Joe loved tea. The son next to him wore a pink hat and sat closest to their dad;
- Al, who hated martinis, sat in front of a dog.
Can you figure out who the murderer is?"
=
Now, many tend to untangle this nonsense by entering the random data into a table:Son Drink Pet Seat J
o
eN
o
a
hR
o
nA
lH
a
n
sV
o
d
k
aS
o
d
aA
l
eT
e
aM
a
r
t
i
n
iD
o
gF
o
xM
o
l
eH
e
nS
h
e
e
pF
i
r
s
tS
e
c
o
n
dT
h
i
r
dF
o
u
r
t
hF
i
f
t
hH
a
tYellow Blue Red Green Pink S
e
a
tFirst Second Third Fourth Fifth P
e
tDog Fox Mole Hen Sheep D
r
i
n
kVodka Soda Ale Tea Martini
Then, some deductive reasoning can help. For example, if a "*" character means a hit and a "\" means a miss, and we know that Hans drank ale, we draw "*" in the related square and "\" in the other ones in that row or column. Here's a finished grid, with Al as the answer:Son Drink Pet Seat J
o
eN
o
a
hR
o
nA
lH
a
n
sV
o
d
k
aS
o
d
aA
l
eT
e
aM
a
r
t
i
n
iD
o
gF
o
xM
o
l
eH
e
nS
h
e
e
pF
i
r
s
tS
e
c
o
n
dT
h
i
r
dF
o
u
r
t
hF
i
f
t
hH
a
tYellow \ * \ \ \ \ * \ \ \ \ \ \ \ * \ \ \ * \ Blue * \ \ \ \ \ \ \ * \ \ \ \ * \ \ * \ \ \ Red \ \ \ * \ * \ \ \ \ * \ \ \ \ \ \ \ \ * Green \ \ * \ \ \ \ \ \ * \ * \ \ \ \ \ * \ \ Pink \ \ \ \ * \ \ * \ \ \ \ * \ \ * \ \ \ \ S
e
a
tFirst \ \ \ \ * \ \ * \ \ \ \ * \ \ Second * \ \ \ \ \ \ \ * \ \ \ \ * \ Third \ \ * \ \ \ \ \ \ * \ * \ \ \ Fourth \ * \ \ \ \ * \ \ \ \ \ \ \ * Fifth \ \ \ * \ * \ \ \ \ * \ \ \ \ P
e
tDog \ \ \ * \ * \ \ \ \ Fox \ \ * \ \ \ \ \ \ * Mole \ \ \ \ * \ \ * \ \ Hen * \ \ \ \ \ \ \ * \ Sheep \ * \ \ \ \ * \ \ \ D
r
i
n
kVodka \ \ \ * \ Soda \ * \ \ \ Ale \ \ \ \ * Tea * \ \ \ \ Martini \ \ * \ \
A few, on the other hand, did none of that and instead noted that: A. It's impossible to spot colors in the moonlight; B. The 5 sons were sitting when the lights went out somehow, and C. Father Jeff was shot from behind right after that, though his sons sat to his right. So the answer would be the butler. Those few tend to do well as detectives later on.
Of course, a lot of these may just be lucky guesses. It's always the butler. - Special Category:
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
[For the 1 year anniversary of Neil Armstrong's death, the poem Sonnet to the Moon is anagrammed into a sonnet that celebrates Neil in 3 different ways, detailed below:]
Sonnet to the Moon, Sir Philip Sidney
With how sad steps, O Moon, thou climb'st the skies,
How silently, and with how wan a face!
What may it be, that even in heavenly place
That busy Archer his sharp arrows tries?
Sure, if that long with love acquainted eyes
Can judge of love, thou feel'st a lover's case;
I read it in thy looks, thy languished grace
To me that feel the like thy state descries.
Then, even of fellowship, O Moon! tell me,
Is constant love deemed there but want of wit?
Are beauties there as proud as here they be?
Do they above love to be loved, and yet
Those lovers scorn whom that love doth possess?
Do they call virtue there ungratefulness?
=
[Much like my tribute to Steve Jobs a couple of years back, this sonnet contains an acrostic (Neil A. Armstrong) and his famous quote ("That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind") - which itself draws the outline of a full moon, as displayed in this animated image:]
The Sweetest Pilot Who Touched The Heavens
No, Heaven's truest board of awesome worth
Evaluating deeds should not have fretted;
It never will receive a soul from Earth
Less worthy than the easy catch they've netted:
A wholesome knight that's still beloved today
And vowed to pay mankind one welcome service,
Respected truly for his small-town ways
More than this 'leap and step' on stony surface,
Shall join these giants, for he chose to be
The first of this one-in-a-billion crew.
Relieve this healthy Man of Piety,
Obey these ceaseless calls to let him through:
No birth upon this sphere - above it, too -
Gave us a buddy that was quite like you.
- 2nd place:Adie Pena with:
SYRIA: A POEM FOR HER
by Amin Astewani
Standing by my window
I gaze out beyond
And see gleaming tarmac
And pavements and cars
Standing by her window
She gazes out beyond
And sees blood stained rubble
And bodies and shards
I open the door
And inhale the breeze
I step onto the tarmac
In solitude and peace
She opens the door
And inhales the smoke
She steps over the bodies
In terror, no hope
I lower my head
In sadness and shame
How can I smile
When she feels such pain?
So I drop to my knees
And look to the sky
And pray for that girl
And cry, just cry..
=
POISONED: A CHAINED AND DOWNTRODDEN NATION
Late in the evening hour...
Embraced by sleep.
Atropine in your head,
Dreams had been deep.
Echoes in my room,
Razors in a cell,
Blasts in the dark,
A sojourn to Hell.
Satan's ascendancy
He haunted by banned gas.
Attaches to their skin.
Reasons must pass --
Hades wondered why.
A harsh wind as we awoke...
Filtered in his wormwood,
Envisioned to choke.
Zapping my energy,
A shortness of breath.
Lost by the dozens;
Anonymity in death.
Shuttered inside me,
Slipping from my grasp --
A doomed baby beside
Does one last gasp. - 3rd place:(tie) Josiah Winslow with:
+You, Search, Images, Maps, Play, YouTube, News, Gmail, Drive, Calendar, More
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
- Rude Category:
Scott Gardner with:
The arse =
Her seat. - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
nedesto with:
The singer and television actress Miley Cyrus =
Noisy music, great riches, and very little sense!
List of all nominated
anagrams for August 2011
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
September 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Rosie Perera with:
An apple for the teacher =
Real cheap of the parent! - 2nd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
A cat is the master of the house =
It has to chase after the mouse! - 3rd place:
Tyler Severance with:
The old get ~
gold teeth.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Adie Pena with:
The Simpsons: Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie =
Matt Groening has made prime roles a big smash! - Topical Category:
Christopher Sturdy with:
Air strategy =
Target Syria. - People's Name Category:
Larry Brash with:
Professor Stephen Hawking =
He gets known for his papers. - Other Name Category:
Tony Crafter with:
I can eliminate halitosis with pure, strong ~
Listerine Original Antiseptic Mouthwash! - Medium Length Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
10 Plagues of Egypt
1. Blood
2. Frogs
3. Lice
4. Wild animals or flies
5. Pestilence
6. Boils
7. Hail
8. Locusts
9. Darkness
10. Death of the firstborn
=
10 Blights of Modern Life
1. Cancer
2. Obesity
3. Hepatitis
4. Stroke
5. War
6. Debt
7. Illegal drugs
8. Fossil fuels
9. Local floods
10. No happiness - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Tony Crafter with:
"If you've been wise and found the blaze,
Look quickly down, your quest to cease,
But tarry scant with marvel gaze,
Just take the chest and go in peace."
=
This quirky stanza
May yield a bonanza
Or the wry consequence
Could be just two pence
I've dug for a week
That gold set to seek
But I haven't a f****** clue! - Long Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Why American Football Is Better Than World Football
1. Because brute force is actually a part of this game and not considered a 'foul';
2. Because you can see all that action and players up close and don't feel like you're watching the whole game from a blimp;
3. Because our football games involve some complicated gameplay and a lot of strategies, as opposed to just a bunch of playground shin-kicking and spitting;
4. Because our half-time shows often involve Beyonce bouncing around in a thong and not some stupid field maintenance;
5. Because all the games end with a SCORE, for Pete's sake, and not in nil-nil after ninety minutes!
=
Why World Football Is Better Than American Football
1. Because many of the men are in fact fit enough to do a few sit ups and run a couple of laps;
2. Because those chaps are also unlikely to put on a helmet and nine hundred tons of immense protective gear like US players;
3. Because the famous World Cup final is indeed watched GLOBALLY and not just in America;
4. Because this game contains two forty-five-minute sets of thrilling, non-stop action, as opposed to one unremarkable second before cutting to a sickening commercial;
5. Because playing this game actually involves a foot and a bleeding ball, not a hand and a bloody egg! - Special Category:
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
After great pain a formal feeling comes--
The nerves sit ceremonious like tombs;
The stiff Heart questions--was it He that bore?
And yesterday--or centuries before?
The feet, mechanical, go round
A wooden way
Of ground, or air, or ought,
Regardless grown,
A quartz contentment, like a stone.
This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow--
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go.
=
Briefly Reflecting On Grief
Restoring someone dreamed in art
Eventually did cure dark hearts;
Creations touch a warmth I lost,
Uniting me with harmless ghosts,
Perhaps because their quiet flare
Ensures I am not frozen there.
Relief felt after stress can be
A power which enables me
To go on when I feel quite rotten;
It's out of sight, yet not forgotten:
None of the scars and hazards could
Get me to overlook the Good. - 2nd place:Christopher Sturdy with:
Being old with mum - A verse to fifty-nine (which I now am)*
My mother died this date ten years ago
And much of me is drawn toward the loss
'X' is the mark of how I feel, to know
It meant absent or ten or even cross.
No child is wont to think when one is small
Each human life is precious but so brief.
Loss which occurs, have no regret at all
Let not the soul be e'er consumed with grief.
So thus can Sir, which art a reaper grim
Then rob the widower of his wife dear;
Unabashed job, horrid even for Him.
Raise the bowed head and face a future where,
Dare to be true, be quick, be good, be brave;
You're worth your mother's pride beyond the grave.
=
Sonnet LIX by William Shakespeare
If there be nothing new, but that which is
Hath been before, how are our brains beguiled,
Which, labouring for invention, bear amiss
The second burden of a former child!
O, that record could with a backward look,
Even of five hundred courses of the sun,
Show me your image in some antique book,
Since mind at first in character was done!
That I might see what the old world could say
To this composed wonder of your frame;
Whether we are mended, or whether better they,
Or whether revolution be the same.
O, sure I am, the wits of former days
To subjects worse have given admiring praise. - 3rd place:3rd - Tony Crafter with:
One evening, after a night at the theatre, two gentlemen were strolling down the street when they observed a well-dressed and attractive young lady walking in front of them. One of the men turned to the other and remarked, "I would happily pay $250 to spend the night with that woman."
Much to their surprise, the lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."
She had a smart appearance and pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the lady back to her apartment.
The following morning, as he was preparing to leave, the man handed her $125. The lady asked for the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give it to me, I'm prepared to sue you for it."
He laughed and challenged her: "Oh, I'd like to see you succeed on these grounds."
Within a few days, he was surprised to receive a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He sped off to his lawyer and reported the full details of the case to him.
The lawyer said, "She can't possibly get judgement against you on such improbable grounds, but it'll be interesting to see just how her case will be presented."
The man duly appeared in court and the lady's lawyer delivered his preliminary address to the court as follows: "Your Honour, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by quite a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250.
"The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not unduly high, since it's restricted property, and we request that judgement be granted against the defendant to obtain full payment of the balance."
~
The defendant's lawyer was not only surprised but also impressed and amused by the unusual way his esteemed opponent had presented the case. Naturally, his defence would need to be rather different from the way he was originally aiming to present it. But he rose to the occasion.
"Your Honour," he said, "My client agrees that the young lady has a desirable piece of property, and that he did rent such property for a time and, in fairness, a good degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client located a well on the property, around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labour being carried out personally by him. We suggest these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid sum, and that the plaintiff was generously compensated for the rental of said property. We therefore ask that judgement not be granted."
The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your Honour, my client agrees that the defendant did indeed find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the said property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him too. In doing so, he not only dragged his equipment through the surrounding shrubbery, thus disarranging it, but he left the hole looking significantly larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property less desirable to others. We therefore ask, again, that judgement be granted for the agreed original sum of $250."
In his assessment and ruling, the Judge provided for two options: "A) Choose to pay the plaintiff the $125 balance you owe, or: B) Have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages."
The defendant wrote out a check immediately.
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
- Rude Category:
Rick Rothstein with:
A foot-long erection =
Too large to confine. - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Jason Lofts with:
Here comes Antichrist =
The incorrect Messiah.
List of all nominated
anagrams for September 2014
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
October 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Andrew Brehaut with:
Giant hornets =
Another sting. - 2nd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
Two bullets in the head =
I bet the wound's lethal! - 3rd place:
Tony Crafter with:
Prenuptial contracts =
I can plot partner's cut
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Ellie Dent with:
The Surrealist, M. Henri Rousseau =
Treasure his sheer luminous art. - Topical Category:
Christopher Sturdy with:
The brilliant, prized results: 4-1 Montenegro, 2-0 Poland =
Thrilled England supporters on to meet in Brazil, 2014. - People's Name Category:
nedesto with:
German physicist Albert Einstein =
This gentleman I respect is brainy. - Other Name Category(tie):
nedesto with:
German physicist Albert Einstein =
This gentleman I respect is brainy.
Tony Crafter with:
The Global Positioning Systems =
Smooth going by satellite's spin - Medium Length Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
Most famous artworks by Da Vinci:
1. Mona Lisa
2. The Last Supper
3. Vitruvian Man
4. Lady with an Ermine
5. Self-portrait in red chalk
=
1. Attractive smile
2. Savior's fabled lunch
3. Proportional anatomy
4. Duke's fairly vain mistress
5. Man drawn with unkempt hair - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Christopher Sturdy with:
Life is like photography - we develop from the negatives.=
Rightly kept, this image of people who I love never fades. - Long Category:
Tony Crafter with:
A woman asked her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and some grapefruit juice and coffee?"
He declined. "Thanks for the offer, but I am really not hungry right now. It's that darned Viagra," he said. "It has taken the edge off my appetite."
Three hours later she asked if he wanted anything to eat or drink for elevenses and she got the same reply.
At lunchtime, she enquired if he would like to have something now? "How about a bowl of soup with hot, buttered muffins or perhaps a toasted cheese and ham sandwich?"
He declined, and informed her: "It's that Viagra, it has really dulled my need for food."
Dinnertime came, and she asked if he wanted anything to eat now. "Wouldn't you like a nice, juicy rib eye steak and a scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or a tasty stir fry?"
He declined again. “No," he said, "it must be the Viagra that's responsible; I'm still not at all hungry."
"Well," she said, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving!"
=
After thirty years of being stuck in a joyless marriage, a husband and wife came to see a marriage counsellor.
When he asked what the problem was, the wife just cut in and went off into an acidic tirade, reciting every domestic problem she'd ever had in the time they'd been married: Piggish behaviour; lack of intimacy, emptiness, isolation, feeling unloved and unlovable - a sad list, in fact, of all the emotional neglect she'd endured over the years.
After allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the office-desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her long and passionately as the husband looked on meekly.
The woman immediately shut up and sat down as though in a dream. Turning to the husband, the therapist said, "Okay, this is what your wife requires a good three times a week. Could you manage it?"
"Oh..." replied the husband, "Well, I'm okay to drop her off here Mondays and Thursdays, but I play golf on the other days." - Special Category:
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
Perfect Day by Lou Reed
Just a perfect day,
Drink sangria in the park
And then later, when it gets dark, we go home.
Just a perfect day,
Feed animals in the zoo
Then later, a movie, too, and then home.
Oh, it's such a perfect day,
I'm glad I spent it with you.
Oh, such a perfect day,
You just keep me hanging on,
You just keep me hanging on...
Just a perfect day,
Problems all left alone,
Weekenders on our own, it's such fun.
Just a perfect day,
You made me forget myself,
I thought I was someone else, someone good.
Oh, it's such a perfect day,
I'm glad I spent it with you.
Oh, such a perfect day,
You just keep me hanging on,
You just keep me hanging on...
You're going to reap just what you sow.
=
Goodbye, Lou Reed
To this gifted man!
He just brought us so much joy,
Each one of the tunes employs loads of depth.
Don't forget that man
Each time you pick up a pick,
And play "Egg Cream" with a kick, like his stuff.
To the edgy music man!
He's just the type we enjoy.
Oh, we cheer the man
Free of woe and soaring up,
So astute and rising up...
I applaud you, man,
No star made us weep like you.
Great poets are often few, so we ache.
Eulogize that man,
Read lyrics of lengthy songs
Like "Sweet Jane" and other strong, faded gifts.
Oh, weep for my edgy man
Unjustly taken today.
Rest in peace, my man,
Earning that euphoric joy,
Earning that euphoric joy...
Deep under us, you just live on. - 2nd place:Tony Crafter with:
THE STORIES OF TWO BRAVE MEN.
STORY NUMBER ONE
Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic; far from it. He was notorious for entangling the city in everything from bootleg liquor and prostitution to murder.
Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie." He was Capone's lawyer for one reason - he was rather good! In fact, Eddie's unique skill at legal manoeuvring kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.
To show his appreciation, Capone paid him extremely well. Not only was the amount of money enormous, but Eddie got preferential 'perks' also. For instance, he and his family had a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the modern conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire city block.
He lived the high-life of the mobsters and gave scant consideration to all the evils that went on around him.
The affluent lawyer did have one soft spot, though. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie made sure that his son had smart clothes, an automobile, and a superior education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object.
And, in spite of his attachment to organised crime, Eddie tried to teach him right from wrong. He wanted his son to be a far better man than he was. But, in spite of all his wealth and influence, there were two things that the corrupt lawyer couldn't give his son: he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example.
One day, Eddie made a difficult decision. He wanted to put right all the wrongs he had done.
He decided he'd go to the authorities and tell the truth about Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. In doing this, he knew he'd have to testify against The Mob, and he knew that the resultant cost would be terrible. But he testified.
Within the year, Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lone Chicago street. But, in his death, he had bequeathed his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price that a man could pay. The cops removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem that he had snipped from a magazine. The poem read:
"The clock of life is wound but once,
And no man has the power
To tell just when the hands will stop,
At late or early hour.
Now is the only time you own.
So live, love, toil with a will,
Place no faith in time.
For the clock may soon be still."
=
STORY NUMBER TWO
World War II produced many heroes.
One such man was Lieutenant Commander Edward 'Butch' O'Hare.
Butch was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific.
One day, he and his squadron were sent out on a mission. While he was in mid-air, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to fill the tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete the mission and get back to his ship.
His senior flight leader told him to return to the carrier, so he reluctantly obeyed, dropped out of the formation and headed gloomily back to the fleet.
On his way to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold... a squadron of Japanese aircraft was heading toward the American fleet!
His fellow fighters were away on a sortie, leaving the fleet defenseless.
He could not reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Neither could he warn the fleet of the approaching aerial danger. So he decided there was only one thing to do. He'd got to somehow divert them...
Ignoring his personal safety, he accelerated and dived into the formation of Japanese planes.
Wing-mounted machine-guns blazed as he charged in, boldly attacking one enemy plane after another.
Butch wove elusively in and out of the now broken formation, firing at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent.
Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dived at the planes, trying to clip a wing or a tail in hopes of damaging as many as possible, leaving them unfit to fly.
Finally the exasperated Japanese planes took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his plane limped back to the ship.
Upon landing, he related the whole event. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale too. It showed the extent of Butch's attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.
For this action, Butch became the Navy's first Ace of WWII, the first Naval Aviator to win the Medal of Honour.
EPILOGUE.
A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat, aged only twenty-nine.
His home town could not allow the memory of this WWII hero to die and today O'Hare Airport in Chicago is so titled in dedication to the courage of this good man.
SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE IN COMMON?
Butch O'Hare was "Easy Eddie's" son. - 3rd place:Meyran Kraus with:
A sonnet from Caelica
In night when colors all to black are cast,
Distinction lost, or gone down with the light,
The eye a watch to inward senses placed,
Not seeing, yet still having powers of sight,
Gives vain alarums to the inward sense
Where fear stirred up with witty tyranny
Confounds all powers, and thorough self-offense
Doth forge and raise impossibility:
Such as in thick depriving darknesses
Proper reflections of the error be
And images of self-confusednesses,
Which hurt imaginations only see;
And from this nothing seen, tells news of devils
Which but expressions be of inward evils.
=
Night of the Dead
When darling children go to find that treat
As corpses, vixens, ghosts and apparitions,
No witnesses and people serving sweets
Will find this scene obscene by definition.
We're willing to repress the wicked sight
So no one fathoms something more primeval:
The flippant tone in this October night
Conceals the real identity of Evil.
Why only focus on the wrongs within,
If Halloween is warding off such traces
Of any selfishness and daily sins?
God knows our florid masks are but our faces.
This is what children's costumes can reveal:
Their wrongs are false, but ours are very real.
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
- Rude Category:
with:
= - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
View with:
The Amstel beer =
Best ale here!™
List of all nominated
anagrams for October 2013
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
November 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
nedesto with:
Top four zoo animals:
1. An elephant
2. Gorilla
3. Tiger
4. Lion
=
1. Tons o' poo
2. Amazing ape
3. Thrilling feline
4. All-out roar - 2nd place:
Ivan Andonov with:
Mafia raid =
I am afraid. - 3rd place:
Tony Crafter with:
An eighty-nine year old man =
Ah, no... I'm aged nearly ninety!
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Jason Lofts with:
Cary Grant outed =
Actor turned gay. - Topical Category:
Julian Lofts with:
Monty Python reunite to pay off their mortgages =
Sort of pithy-potty-humor-generating-money feat - People's Name Category:
Larry Brash with:
The Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford =
Moron, or dotty, or off to rehab? - Other Name Category:
Larry Brash with:
Google Earth =
Goal? Go there! - Medium Length Category:
Tony Crafter with:
The cast of Monty Python
1. John Marwood Cleese
2. Eric Idle
3. Terence Graham Jones
4. Michael Edward Palin
5. Terence Vance Gilliam
=
1. Dejected divorcee
2. Wrote Spamalot
3. Jolly Welsh actor, penman
4. English comedy-actor; fine lineage
5. Their American henchman - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
nedesto with:
"A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about." Miguel de Unamuno
=
"As a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, how a mammoth amount of knowledge is useful, you poor boob!" - Long Category:
Tony Crafter with:
THINGS TO SAY IF YOU ARE CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK
"Oh, shoot; they warned me at the blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a twenty-minute power-nap like they all raved about at the last management course you sent me on."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper bottle."
"I was not sleeping; no siree. I was merely meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
"This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
"I was testing the keyboard for dribble resistance.
"Actually I am doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory business seminar you sent me on, sir.
"I was merely doing a specific yoga-concentration exercise to relieve work-related stress."
"Darn! Why'd you interrupt me? I'd almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
"The coffee machine's broken..."
"Ok... there's been a terrible error. Someone seems to have put the decaf coffee in the wrong pot."
"Oh man, that cold-cure medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
"Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic."
"No, I was not sleeping; I was only trying to pick up a contact lens with no hands."
And the very best thing to say if you are ever caught sleeping at your desk: - "Amen"
=
REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE PERMITTED IN THE OFFICE.
It is an incentive to show up.
It reduces anxiety and stress.
It minimises unhappy complaints about low pay.
It cuts down on time off because you can be at work with a hangover.
Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
It helps save on heating costs in the wintertime.
It encourages carpooling.
It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
It makes the cafeteria's food taste that much better.
Bosses are much more likely to hand out pay rises if they're wasted.
Salary negotiations are much more profitable.
Suddenly, burping during a meeting isn't so embarrassing and there is no piqued tut-tutting, only giggling.
Employees work later since there is no longer the need to relax in a bar.
It is highly uplifting and just makes everyone more happy and open with their ideas.
Everyone agrees that work is better after they have had a couple of drinks.
It'd eliminate the need for staff to get squiffy in their lunch break.
It increases the odds of seeing your boss naked.
The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
Employees don't need to sober up on coffee.
Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be viewed as "gross." - Special Category:
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."
=
A virtual voyage in a battlefield's heart
That wealth at noon was quite a view
Here, in the field; how good to note
Each heather here prevailed and grew:
Great growth had formed a heavy coat.
Each youthful bird soared in the air,
Too smooth, too blithe and too naive.
That view may look too fine and fair,
Yet we once heard that looks deceive.
So, what faint thing can no one peep,
Beneath that view of peace and cheer,
Unheard-of, worn and wedged too deep,
Remaining faint too long, for years?
Great fear once ailed that stretch of land,
All through that time of pained contention;
Death governed it when legions grand
Did rotten things we wouldn't mention.
Respected war-gods clenched their teeth,
Each striving to maintain their might;
Steel sabers shot out of their sheaths,
So fiercely keen to clinch those fights;
But clever Earth, then scorched and dried,
Yearned to correct that dream we shattered;
A lot of troops that toiled there died,
But to that earth, it barely mattered:
Red poppies grow where brothers fought
And blades of grass where bodies fell.
Hate, pain and grievance were for naught,
Around that growth where pine trees dwell.
Men, blood-lust and their cannon's flare
Leave no vague trace out here, it seems,
In one vast piece of Heaven, where
No force but Nature reigned supreme.
Cool winds invade all that survived
On heavy vines that brave that chill.
Life carried on - it wants to thrive,
Now that the ground has had its fill. - 2nd place:Tony Crafter with:
GUNGA DIN
By
Rudyard Kipling
You may talk o' gin and beer
When you're quartered safe out 'ere,
An' you're sent to penny-fights an' Aldershot it;
But when it comes to slaughter
You will do your work on water,
An' you'll lick the bloomin' boots of 'im that's got it.
Now in Injia's sunny clime,
Where I used to spend my time
A-servin' of 'Er Majesty the Queen,
Of all them blackfaced crew
The finest man I knew
Was our regimental bhisti, Gunga Din.
He was "Din! Din! Din!
"You limpin' lump o' brick-dust, Gunga Din!
"Hi! Slippy hitherao!
"Water, get it! Panee lao
"You squidgy-nosed old idol, Gunga Din."
The uniform 'e wore
Was nothin' much before,
An' rather less than 'arf o' that be'ind,
For a piece o' twisty rag
An' a goatskin water-bag
Was all the field-equipment 'e could find.
When the sweatin' troop-train lay
In a sidin' through the day,
Where the 'eat would make your bloomin' eyebrows crawl,
We shouted " Harry By!"
Till our throats were bricky-dry,
Then we wopped 'im 'cause 'e couldn't serve us all.
It was "Din! Din! Din!
"You 'eathen, where the mischief 'ave you been?
"You put some juldee in it
"Or I'll marrow you this minute
"If you don't fill up my helmet, Gunga Din!"
'E would dot an' carry one
Till the longest day was done;
An' 'e didn't seem to know the use o' fear.
If we charged or broke or cut,
You could bet your bloomin' nut,
'E'd be waitin' fifty paces right flank rear.
With 'is mussick' on 'is back,
'E would skip with our attack,
An' watch us till the bugles made "Retire,"
An' for all 'is dirty 'ide
'E was white, clear white, inside
When 'e went to tend the wounded under fire!
It was "Din! Din! Din!"
With the bullets kickin' dust-spots on the green
When the cartridges ran out,
You could hear the front-ranks shout,
"Hi! ammunition-mules an' Gunga Din!"
I sha'n't forgit the night
When I dropped be'ind the fight
With a bullet where my belt-plate should 'a' been.
I was chokin' mad with thirst,
An' the man that spied me first
Was our good old grinnin', gruntin' Gunga Din.
'E lifted up my 'ead,
An' he plugged me where I bled,
An' 'e guv me 'arf-a-pint o' water green.
It was crawlin' and it stunk,
But of all the drinks I've drunk,
I'm gratefullest to one from Gunga Din.
It was "Din! Din! Din!
"'Ere's a beggar with a bullet through 'is spleen"
"'E's chawin' up the ground,
"An' 'e's kickin' all around:
"For Gawd's sake git the water, Gunga Din!
'E carried me away
To where a dooli lay,
An' a bullet come an' drilled the beggar clean.
'E put me safe inside,
An' just before 'e died,
"I 'ope you liked your drink" sez Gunga Din.
So I'll meet 'im later on
At the place where 'e is gone
Where it's always double drill and no canteen.
'E'll be squattin' on the coals
Givin' drink to poor damned souls,
An' I'll get a swig in hell from Gunga Din!
Yes, Din! Din! Din!
You Lazarushian-leather Gunga Din!
Though I've belted you and flayed you,
By the livin' Gawd that made you,
You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!
=
THE GUNGA DIN CURRY HOUSE
In a street down Wapping way
There's a greasy spoon cafe
And a shop that smells of cat's pee and pot-pourri,
An' a gaudy bistro bar,
But most popular by far,
Is the one 'n' only Gunga Din Tandoori.
It's the local restaurant
Of the Wapping bon vivants,
And fancy folk who want food 'ot 'n' spicy,
But the biggest Gunga fan
Is me best pal, 'Hungry' Dan,
Who'd eat as much grub there as 'e could cram in.
'E'd tweet: "I love the Din!
"The curry's pukka at the Gunga Din!
"Every meal's a winner,
"It's why I eat me dinner,
"Lunch and brekky right 'ere at the Gunga Din!"
Me, I don't like Indian fare
The curry curls me 'air!
I need cuisine to be a little weaker,
Like bully beef or walnut whips,
An' deep-fried cod 'n' chips,
No, I wouldn't know a tarka from a tikka.
And would you kindly tell me,
Where's the fun in 'Delhi belly'?
And in gobbling muck that turns yer entrails raw?
I got better things to do
Than spend all day in the loo,
I prefer to slit me wrists or go to war!
I truly wouldn't win,
Dinin' at the Gunga Din,
Unlike Dan who, if 'e could, would move right in!
One July, when I went by,
From the corner of me eye,
Through the tinted window of the Gunga Din,
I saw diners eating dishes
That looked downright suspicious,
And a pretty Indian waitress, young and slim,
With shiny, long black 'air,
An' a sari... well I swear,
I fell deep in love with 'er there on the spot!
Me 'eart urged, "Go in and see 'er!"
While me 'ead yelled, "Yes I concur,"
But me stomach begged, "Don't order nothin' hot!"
So I duly blundered in
To the deep recesses of the Gunga Din...
With a smile as bright as sun
She said, "Hi! Table for one?"
I saw Dan and quickly said, "No... I'm with 'im!"
When I went to Hungry Dan,
'E jeered, "Hey; you ain't a fan
Of curry, 'fact you hate it, bro!" 'e grinned.
"Yeah, I know," I said,
"But me 'eart 'as ruled me 'ead,
"And I got the 'ots for that girl in the sari!"
'E laughed, "Well, join the queue!
"Cause it ain't only you;
"I want 'er badly too - 'er name is Kari;
"Aw, I'm nuts about 'er, man,
"I'm 'er numero uno fan;
"Why'd you think I bleedin eat 'ere every day!"
I grunted, "Well, I'm 'ere
"So I gotta buy a beer."
Then I quizzed 'im on what 'e thought I could eat.
"Well," 'e grinned, "don't worry,
"I know a mild but truly unique curry;
"You must try a vindaloo,
"The mutton one'll do,
"Kari's coming, make yer mind up - go on, 'urry!"
Well, the food resembled gruel
With a touch o' nuclear fuel,
But it tasted what uranium would taste like,
I gurgled, glugged and coughed
While Dan laughed 'is 'ead off.
Me windpipe felt like it was set alight,
Me nose was runnin', weepin'
Dan was laughing, leapin',
'E said, "I ain't 'ad so much fun in just one night.
And there was I, poor soul,
Belly filled with red-'ot coals,
And the bleedin' diners laughin' at me plight
But Kari saw me strife
And gi' me the kiss of life,
Double-quick; whew! Made me high! I turned to goo.
And I'll tell you what ensued:
The best man won... now Kari is me wife! - 3rd place:Tony Crafter with:
THE THINGS MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME.
My Parents taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, can you do it outside... I've just finished cleaning."
My Parents taught me RELIGION.
"You'd just better pray that will come out of the carpet."
My Parents taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"I warn you; if you don't stop and sort yourself out, I am going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My Parents taught me LOGIC.
"Why? Because I said so, that's why."
My Parents taught me even MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall off that swing and end up breaking your neck, you're not coming to the store with me."
My Parents taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
My Parents taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper"
My Parents taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
My Parents taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll stay there until all your spinach is gone."
My Parents taught me about WEATHER.
"Oh, my; this room of yours looks as if a tornado just went through it."
My Parents taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Do not exaggerate!"
My Parents taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
=
My Parents taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
My Parents taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."
My Parents taught me to exercise BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
My Parents taught me all about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have extra-special parents like you do."
My Parents taught me ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait till we get home."
My Parents taught me about RECEIVING.
"Oh, you are so going to get it when we get home!"
My Parents taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way, so look out!"
My Parents taught me ESP.
"Come on, stop messing about and put that sweater on; I know you're cold!"
My Parents taught me HUMOUR.
"If that lawn mower cuts off all of your toes, don't come running to me."
My Parents taught me all about GENETICS.
"Ha! You are just like your fool of a father."
My Parents taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut the door after you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My Parents taught me about WISDOM.
"When you come to be my age, you'll understand."
And my special favourite:
My Parents taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
- 1st place:Meyran Kraus with:
- Rude Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
First base, second base, third base, home run =
Share embrace, nose breasts, find bush, do it! - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Adie Pena with:
STORMY WEATHER
by Harold Arlen and Ted Koehler
Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together,
Keeps rainin' all the time
Life is bare, gloom and mis'ry everywhere
Stormy weather
Just can't get my poorself together,
I'm weary all the time
So weary all the time
When he went away the blues walked in and met me.
If he stays away old rockin' chair will get me.
All I do is pray the Lord above will let me walk in the sun once more.
Can't go on, ev'ry thing I had is gone
Stormy weather
Since my man and I ain't together,
Keeps rainin' all the time.
=
HAIYAN
Yes, how many times
Must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Wild intensity,
A gusty savage killer
Knocked down a tree.
One girl lost her weak mother.
Yes, how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
I ache, a miracle tiny,
A little meal, I hunger.
A nightmare jolts the moment, I worry.
Wretched smell, grey matter.
Yes, how many deaths
Will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
I regret the mortality,
A long torment
Altering the reality.
World's martyred end.
The answer my friend
Is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
List of all nominated
anagrams for November 2013
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
December 2013
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Rosie Perera with:
The probiotic supplement ~
helps butt emit nicer poop. - 2nd place:
Scott Gardner with:
Classified "Secret" =
Access is filtered. - 3rd place:
Tony Crafter with:
The recreational 'date-rape' sedative drug Rohypnol =
Helped a predatory rat to seduce another naive girl.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens =
Characters are sickly child, man, boss. - Topical Category:
Tony Crafter with:
The passing of Nelson Mandela =
As one man's long life path ends. - People's Name Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Mandela, the president of South Africa =
"The land of our fathers is emancipated." - Other Name Category:
Adie Pena with:
TIME Magazine's Person of the Year ~
emphasizes anyone of great merit. - Medium Length Category:
Scott Gardner with:
Seven virtues:
1. Chastity
2. Temperance
3. Charity
4. Diligence
5. Patience
6. Kindness
7. Humility
=
1. Virginity
2. Halt the undesired
3. Humanity
4. Persistence
5. Acceptance
6. Civility
7. Meekness - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
"Sometimes paranoia's just having all the facts." (William S. Burroughs)
=
Lunar triumph is just a movie, a sham of global scale! I saw the strings!!! - Long Category:
Ellie Dent with:
DOGS' LETTERS TO GOD
Dear God,
How come people smell flowers, all sorts of them, but seldom smell each other? Where are their priorities?
Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your settee, please? Or is it the same old tale?
Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, and the stingray, etc. but not a single one named after a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every dog breed cannot have its own special model, but it would be easy to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle!'
Dear God,
If a dog starts to bark his head off in the vast, deep dark forests at night-time and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, all dining room tables have on-ramps as standard?
=
Dear God,
If we dogs come back as humans, is that good... or bad?
Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God,
When we get to the famous, beautiful Pearly Gates - rejoice! - do we
need to shake hands to get in?
Dear God,
We humble dogs understand remote verbal instructions, and hand signals. Furthermore, scent IDs. What do feeble humans understand?
Dear God,
Are there really dogs on other planets? I've been howling hopelessly at the moon - hourly - or more , yet all I ever hear is that awful boxer from over the street! Hate it.
Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there is, will I have to go apologise?
Dear God,
Is it true dogs aren't allowed in restaurants 'cos they can't decide what NOT to order? Or 'cos we face the carpet thing, again?
Dear God,
May I have my testicles back? - Special Category:
- 1st place:Tony Crafter with:
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
By
Clement Clarke Moore
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight:
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
=
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE NEW YEAR
The Ballad of Hannah and Leigh
'Twas the night before New Year, when Hannah and Leigh,
Had sat, as the clock chimed, to watch the TV,
Now, in silence, they gazed at the blank TV screen,
He drank his Bass beer and she sipped Irish Cream.
"Another year over," she sighed, "glad it's done;
"'Twas all rather hellish, it hasn't been fun,
"Truth be told, it was horrid the whole time, of course,
"For you just played golf while I worked like a horse.
"You do nowt to help and sod-all to inspire me,
"I don't get affection, like my sister Ivy,
"Her Welsh husband, Dafydd, treats her like a queen,
"All I get's: 'Where's me best shirt? Hell... is it clean?'"
"Now hold hard a second!" Leigh said to his wife,
"Strewth, Hannah, you haven't had that bad a life!
"I'll list all the kind, helpful things that I do,
"And tell me if one single word isn't true:
"Heck, I know I don't work, and finances are stiff,
"So you graft at McDonalds on thirteen-hour shifts.
"When I get home from golf, you're not back from work,
"And though I'm half-famished, I don't act the jerk
"When you beg to rest for a while before cookin'
"I spare time to comment on how bad you're lookin',
"And I nod: 'Hell, then take that well-earned rest, hon.,
"'And I'll take a nap, wake me up when it's done.'
"You don't wash the dishes right after the supper,
"Though a wife's supposed to be chief washer-upper,
"So I whisper: 'I know you're jaded, but hell,
"'Those dishes aren't just gonna wash up themselves.
"And when you complain to me constantly how
"You can't do all the shopping in one lunch hour,
"I take that on the chin and'll helpfully say:
"'Don't fret so, Hannah - stretch it over two days!'
"And, ok, I know that you get up at dawn,
"Which is why you're so dog-tired when mowin' the lawn,
"So I'll smile, 'Ok, stop for a second or two,
"'And you might as well get me a beer when you do.'
"I know that most agein' women like whinin',
"And I'd noticed how slapdash you'd got with the ironin',
"And I want to confess that I do realise,
"Women's hormones are hell, and I empathise.
"Hell, I've tried to keep cheerful and not criticise,
"And not be so harsh when I mention 'the thighs',
"A woman gets stroppy when she's overweight,"
"But I cope with this well. Hmm - I must be a saint!"
***
Leigh died with a split rectum that New Years Day
Up his back-end a golf club was thrust all the way,
'Twas a Calloway extra-long fifty-inch rammer,
And right next to this was a bloodied sledgehammer.
When Hannah was charged with the death of her mate,
The all-woman jury decided her fate
In three seconds, the verdict: "Not guilty, m'lud,
"The deceased sat, by accident, on his golf club!"
Now Hannah's a widow and she's rich as hell,
The insurance on Leigh's life had paid her damn well!
She has shoppers and chefs; she wears silk pajamas,
And this New Year's Eve she'll be in the Bahamas! - 2nd place:Adie Pena with:
HIS DAY IS DONE
A Tribute Poem For Nelson Mandela
by Maya Angelou
His day is done.
Is done.
The news came on the wings of a wind, reluctant to carry its burden.
Nelson Mandela’s day is done.
The news, expected and still unwelcome, reached us in the United States, and suddenly our world became somber.
Our skies were leadened.
His day is done.
We see you, South African people standing speechless at the slamming of that final door through which no traveler returns.
Our spirits reach out to you Bantu, Zulu, Xhosa, Boer.
We think of you and your son of Africa, your father, your one more wonder of the world.
We send our souls to you as you reflect upon your David armed with a mere stone, facing down the mighty Goliath.
Your man of strength, Gideon, emerging triumphant.
Although born into the brutal embrace of Apartheid, scarred by the savage atmosphere of racism, unjustly imprisoned in the bloody maws of South African dungeons.
Would the man survive? Could the man survive?
His answer strengthened men and women around the world.
In the Alamo, in San Antonio, Texas, on the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, in Chicago’s Loop, in New Orleans Mardi Gras, in New York City’s Times Square, we watched as the hope of Africa sprang through the prison’s doors.
His stupendous heart intact, his gargantuan will hale and hearty.
He had not been crippled by brutes, nor was his passion for the rights of human beings diminished by twenty-seven years of imprisonment.
Even here in America, we felt the cool, refreshing breeze of freedom.
When Nelson Mandela took the seat of Presidency in his country where formerly he was not even allowed to vote we were enlarged by tears of pride, as we saw Nelson Mandela’s former prison guards invited, courteously, by him to watch from the front rows his inauguration.
We saw him accept the world’s award in Norway with the grace and gratitude of the Solon in Ancient Roman Courts, and the confidence of African Chiefs from ancient royal stools.
No sun outlasts its sunset, but it will rise again and bring the dawn.
Yes, Mandela’s day is done, yet we, his inheritors, will open the gates wider for reconciliation, and we will respond generously to the cries of Blacks and Whites, Asians, Hispanics, the poor who live piteously on the floor of our planet.
He has offered us understanding.
We will not withhold forgiveness even from those who do not ask.
Nelson Mandela’s day is done, we confess it in tearful voices, yet we lift our own to say thank you.
Thank you our Gideon, thank you our David, our great courageous man.
We will not forget you, we will not dishonor you, we will remember and be glad that you lived among us, that you taught us, and that you loved us all.
=
LESSONS AND SONGS
His jury of underworld cronies
Loudly expounds on an unsworn dossier;
Oddly now ignores an unsound exposé.
Heard your cry worldwide:
"Will mourning subside?"
We proudly donned
Your Nelson crown.
Winding crowds wend
Down, down, down.
Sordid wind on wrong plans,
Shoddy minds and puny hands
Drown our unanswered screams,
Handcuff our hopes, manacle our dreams.
Unsung widows ponder;
Shunned sons wonder.
Spurious wrongdoings
Cage our wishes, clip our worn wings.
Furloughs from unsown sorrows
Will now spur our sunny morrows.
Could your soul unchain our longings
Now in windowless surroundings?
TWENTY QUOTES FROM MADIBA
Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.
A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.
For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.
If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.
There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.
It always seems impossible until its done.
After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.
There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.
In my country we go to prison first and then become President.
We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right.
Never, never and never again shall it be that this beautiful land will again experience the oppression of one by another.
If the United States of America or Britain is having elections, they don't ask for observers from Africa or from Asia. But when we have elections, they want observers.
No country can really develop unless its citizens are educated.
Money won't create success, the freedom to make it will.
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
Does anybody really think that they didn't get what they had because they didn't have the talent or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?
I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself.
Let freedom reign. The sun never set on so glorious a human achievement.
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa, there are also roads that lead to their goal. Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness. - 3rd place:Tony Crafter with:
Office Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1
RE: The Gala Christmas Party
I'm happy to advise you that the Gala Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function rooms #5/6 at the Grill House Restaurant. There will be a cash bar, plus lots to drink!
We will have a small band playing traditional Christmas carols... do feel free to sing along!
Don't be surprised if Mr Parry, our CEO, shows up dressed as Santa Claus! The Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanging of gifts between employees can be done at that time; however, no gifts should be over ten pounds in value to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for our employees!
Merry Christmas to you and to your family,
Patty
***
Office Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's message meant to exclude our Jewish employees. We fully recognise that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which can often coincide with Christmas. However, from now on, we're going to call this our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who have their own traditions and those who are still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for you to enjoy (but not karaoke).
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
***
Office Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note that I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to agree to this request, but if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.
How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Oh, and sorry, but forget about the exchange of gifts; no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that ten pounds is excessive and the executives feel that ten pounds is a little tawdry .
I'll reiterate that: NO EXCHANGES OF GIFTS WILL BE ALLOWED.
***
Office Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 4
RE: Generic Holiday Party
Oh, what a diverse group of folk we are! I hadn't realised that December 20th is the start of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during the daylight hours.
~
There goes the party! Seriously, we do appreciate how a fixed luncheon at this time of year may not accommodate our Muslim employees' complex beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can postpone serving your noon meal until the end of the party or can maybe pack everything for you to take away in a foil doggy baggy. Will that do?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get a table next to the restrooms.
Gays are allowed to sit next to each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, and each group will occupy their own table.
And, yes, there will be a flower arrangement on the Gay men's table.
To the person wanting permission to cross dress, the Grill House has politely insisted that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.
Sorry.
We will have booster seats to accommodate short people.
Low-fat food will be available for people on a diet. And there will be mixed "low sugar" fruit as a dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply "nil sugar" desserts.
I am sorry to say that we cannot control or examine the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House recommends that people with high blood pressure try a small sample first.
Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!
Patty
***
Office Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: December 5
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party
Mamma mia!
I've had it with you vegetarian pricks! We are holding the Holiday Party at the Grill House this year whether you idiotic imbeciles like it or not, so you can all sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!
And the rest of you miffed weirdos can kiss my ass. I hope you all have an immensely crappy holiday!
Drive drunk and die,
The Bitch from Hell!
***
Office Memo
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 6, 2013
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I am sure I speak for us all in wishing Patty Lewis a most speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards on to her.
In the meantime, management has decided to cancel this year's Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon off, with full pay, on 23rd December.
Happy 2014!
Joan
- 1st place:Tony Crafter with:
- Rude Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The hooters of old Gran =
Those drag on the floor! - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Stained glass contains ~
stoic angels and saints.
List of all nominated anagrams for December 2013
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The Anagrammy Awards