Anagrammy Placegetters for December 1998

All the highly-placed anagrams from the December 1998 Anagrammy Awards.

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THE GENERAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Brodie with:
The ampersand - why abolish it? =
I hate phrase with "and" symbol!

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Alzheimer's Disease =
I realized he's a mess.

eq.3rd - Kevin Hale with:
Merry Christmas =
It screams 'Myrrh'.

eq.3rd - Keith Lehman with:
Armageddon =
Goddam near.

THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY

1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Caravaggio's "The Decapitation Of Saint John The Baptist" =
An artist, he jots 'beheading of a chap'. It's too captivating!

2nd - Larry Brash with:
Handel's Messiah =
Ah, shameless din!

3rd - Keith Lehman with:
Armageddon =
Man dare God.

THE TOPICAL CATEGORY

1st - Larry Brash with:
TIME's "Men of the Year" =
They met; remain foes.

2nd - Daniel F. Etter with:
Starr's Ethics Adviser =
"Christ! I served rat-ass!"

3rd - Tom Myers with:
Bethlehem's Star =
The Lamb, he rests.

THE RUDE CATEGORY

1st - Katrina Crowell with:
Courtesan =
A sore cunt.

2nd - Richard Brodie with:
Lo children are an heritage of the Lord:
and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man;
so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that hath his quiver full
of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they
shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
=
Octuplets?! What the fuck!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
It has been hard as hell with all
my eight healthy little buggers -
all fathered in different births.
Man, I try hard. No harmony here.
Poop, wee-wee, snot -
I'm afraid it never quits!
Shit from one end of this
messy damn house to the other!

3rd - Tom Myers with:
Who has been chosen "The Girl Most Likely to Suck Seed"? =
Hot shot brushed Monica Lewinsky's cheek. Gee, so tell!

THE SPAM CATEGORY

1st - Johnnie Burning Elk with:
Make time and do this. =
Eat shit and die! OK... mm!

eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Let me show you this POWERFUL way to secure your PROSPERITY and FREEDOM. =
How low... Please don't SPAM me or you're HISTORY, you rude, creepy twit. Suffer!!!

eq.2nd - Mick Tully with:
Unlimited informasion =
Moron lies ad infinitum.

eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
"When you enjoy something, you must never let logic get too much in the way. Like the villains in all the James Bond movies. Whenever Bond breaks into the complex: 'Ah, Mr. Bond, welcome, come in. Let me show you my entire evil plan and then put you in a death machine that doesn't work'."
-- Jerry Seinfeld, "Sein Language"
=
"Double-O-Seven has sex with plenty of women, too, but he never puts on a condom. Come on, you eerie, English agent! You can't have them all. There's pregnancy, Aids. I just know love'll kill you eventually. 'I'm intelligent, I'm bright, me, me, me. The job? Her Majesty can wait!'... Chase Dr. No, not women!"
-- Mey K., in "Hide ID, Win Her Hand!"

eq.2nd - John Morahan with:
If computers are so quick, how come I spend so much time waiting for them? =
How to acquire minimum PC speed? Um, OK, the answer is: I go fetch Microsoft.

THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Kevin Hale with:
The Cerne Giant =
Hi! An erect gent.

eq.2nd - Len Richards with:
The Rolling Stones =
Hello! Snort... ingest!

eq.2nd - Earle Jones with:
Sadaam Hussein =
I'm head ass/anus.

THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY

1st - Earle Jones with:
Microsoft Corporation =
Or, Astronomic Profit Co.

2nd - Larry Brash with:
National Geographic =
Gaining a clear photo.

3rd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Spain and Portugal =
Sunlit propaganda.

2nd - Tom Myers with:
The Oldest Profession =
See troops, find hotels.
Holes fit troop's needs.

3rd - Larry Brash with:
"The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" =
Ah! Three transvestites flounced or feel piqued.
Three poofters dressed in aqua. Nut left vehicle.
Three antique poofters have dressed in full, etc....

THE SPECIAL CATEGORY

1st - Richard Brodie with:
The Gettysburg Address, anagrammed into a rebuttal by Robert E. Lee.

2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
High Crimes and Misdemeanours

3rd - Michael Maguire with:
The Gettysburg Address, anagrammed into a poem.