Anagrammy Placegetters for August 1999
All the highly-placed anagrams from the August 1999 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Tom Myers with:
Jury selection =
Rely on justice.
2nd - Art Day with:
Athletic supporter =
The testicular prop.
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
Procrastination =
No-action trap, sir.
eq.3rd - Daniel F. Etter with:
Creationism =
So I'm a cretin...
eq.3rd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Improving immunization rates in children =
Prudent to minimizing viral ache in minors.
eq.3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
Cartoon =
No actor.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
The Three Stooges: Larry, Curly and Moe =
Actors? Lord, they're an ugly threesome!
eq.2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" =
A sardonic smile on an ol' diva.
eq.2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Sigmund Freud's "The Interpretation of Dreams" =
"Nightmares or omens? Frustrated? Fed up? I end it!"
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Tom Myers with:
Hurricane Warnings Posted =
A report: Wind, churning seas.
2nd - Daniel F. Etter with:
Creation Science =
Increase conceit.
3rd - Mike Hatton with:
Desmond Lynam leaves BBC =
Calm blandness moved. Bye!
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
Erection? Thrust it on in. =
O, insert it into her cunt!
2nd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Anal fissure =
A sinful arse.
eq.3rd - Larry Brash with:
¡¡¡LA MAS ESPECTACULAR FIESTA!!! =
SPAM ALERT! IS ACTUAL FAECES!
eq.3rd - Richard Brodie with:
Vertical genitals =
Vaginal slit? Erect!
eq.3rd - William R. Cousert with:
Mickey Mouse =
O Mike! Yes! Cum!
eq.3rd - Daniel F. Etter with:
State Fair =
A fart site.
eq.3rd - Tom Myers with:
Striptease =
Peer: tit, ass!
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Jon Gearhart with:
P.S. To be promptly removed from any future emails from us please
just "reply" to this message and type the single word
"remove" in either the subject field or in the message
text itself. It's that easy. And in most cases you will be removed
from future email lists within 24 hours!
This E-mail was sent by an independent marketing company and we
appologize for any inconvenience.
Under Bill S.1618 Title III passed by the 105th U.S. Congress
this E-mail can not be considered "spam" as long as
we offer you a no-cost way to remove your name and E-mail address
from our mailing list.
=
I wouldn't respond in if I were you, ninny; it's a pimpish way
dirty rotten 'closet' spammers in general test if they've reached
correct addresses on active e-mail accounts. Surprise!! You're
name is probably sold (fast) to umpteen master mailing lists.
Some hide behind the laws by giving you options to tell them to
delete your name. While it seems extremely logical and safe, some
superlosers (big net zeroes) make advantages of loopholes and
bombard countless men and women with juvenile, spam-type stuff.
They suffer. No fair! It's a sin!! I'm fumin' mad!!! -- Jon Gearhart
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Go to the web site, and you can earn some commission. =
Stooge, I end with no money, because its a moron scam.
3rd - Mick Tully with:
Lose thirty pounds in thirty days... guaranteed!!! =
Try polyunsaturated insanity - thighs eroded.
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with: [The lines uttered by Samuel L. Jackson in 'Pulp Fiction' whenever he had to kill a guy]
Ezekiel Twenty-five, Seventeen:
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities
of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who
in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through
the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and
the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee
with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt
to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is
the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.
=
From Tarantino's funny, violent (yet new-style) 'Pulp Fiction'.
The intense, groundbreaking hit features over-dose, rape and seinfeldish
dialogs, and presents a few well-known men as Travolta, Keitel,
Roth, Walken and Stoltz. This biblical quote is spoken by the
Bad Mother-fucker himself, Samuel L. He says it every time he
has to off new men: "Here's the scene: When I guide the needy,
the poor, the shy, you, lewd son of seventy whores, try to get
in their way. The devil worshiper, indeed! Ohhhhhhh, I AM god...
and you're heading down to hell."
2nd - Richard Brodie with: [Proverbs 10:5]
He that gathereth in summer is a wise son:
but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame.
=
So, the mom hath twins:
she hath a true enthusiastic helper-assistant;
she hath a restive teenage bum!
3rd - Jon Gearhart with:
How doth
the little crocodile
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Don P. Fortier with:
George Bush =
He bugs Gore.
2nd - Mick Tully with:
David Robert Joseph Beckham =
BBC TV joked: He married a Posh!
3rd - Tom Myers with:
Geena Davis =
Seed vagina!
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Tom Myers with:
United Parcel Service =
Accept, insure, deliver.
2nd - Dan Fortier with:
Miller Genuine Draft =
Mild flat green urine.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
The Western Wall in Jerusalem, Israel =
Shrine? All Jews treasure it well. Amen.
THE ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY
1st - Mick Tully with:
Election promises =
Come-ons - lies - tripe.
Promotes nice lies.
Politicos? Me sneer.
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Lasting relationships =
A giant penis, so thrills!
This penis is tall organ.
Align penis, harlot sits!
Roll against this penis.
His girl on penis at last.
All-nighter, it's passion!
Girl saints loath penis.
All-night penis/ass riot.
Penis nails that girl so!
eq.3rd - Wayne Baisley with:
The breaking of wind =
Be of wing in the dark...
Kithing before dawn.
Bedwarfing the "oink".
We honkin'-big farted!
Big hand for keen wit!
Baking, if "down there".
Bedarkening? How fit!
Benighted, I work fan.
Few KO'd breathing in.
Wink beforehand, git?
Handiwork been gift.
With deafening "Bork!"
I, new "Bard" of the King.
eq.3rd - Johnnie Burning Elk with:
Focusing the matrix into the light for good =
Exciting flirt, he oft got rough and moist ho'.
Go git a firm hot fox in tight clothes (or nude).
Oo! Fix tight-fitting rough leather condoms!
I forgot the condom sheath; tug on, girl! Fix it!
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Mike Keith with:
[The first sentence (in all of its purple-prose glory) of Edward
Bulwer-Lytton's novel "Paul Clifford", the first seven
words of which were later appropriated as a running gag by Charles
Schulz.]
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents,
except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent
gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that
our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating
the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
=
Tut-tut! Bulwer-Lytton's known penchant for inelegant, stagnant,
over-affected, cost-inflated prose evokes mirth a hundred years
hence. Ah-ha! A well-known comic strip talent hatches it - a textual
gag for a dog: (Snoopy wags his tail, sits at his typewriter,
fidgets, and then distills a classic theme: "It's raining,
there's no light...")
eq.2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
A
Dream by Edgar Allan Poe
eq.2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Fire and Ice
by Robert Lee Frost
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