Anagrammy Placegetters for March 2000
All the highly-placed anagrams from the March 2000 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Wearing a toupee =
I tape a wee rug on.
2nd - Linda Garrett with:
Love and Marriage =
Real men do Viagra.
eq.3rd - Jaybur with:
Tabloid press =
A topless bird.
eq.3rd - Graham Perkins with:
Existentialism =
I exist, am silent.
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - ID Letterman with:
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? =
A wealth ambition; win or lose.
2nd - Graham Perkins with:
Come friends who plough the sea,
Truce to navigation, take another station,
Let's vary piracy, with a little burglary.
=
Hello sailors,
I fancy a valuable art nicking opportunity.
We can roger them twatty daughters too (their tits heave).
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
The Gondoliers =
Do sing the role.
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
The Pope's speech in Israel, grieving for the Holocaust dead =
The perished group? He apologised for the Vatican's silence.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
The Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras =
G'day, transgendered? By analysis, a him.
3rd - David Bourke with:
His Holiness Pope John Paul =
Hope in Polish plan, oh Jesus?
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - Ormasyna with:
More Britney Spears Pictures =
Erect boner! I spurt my praises!
2nd - Mick Tully with:
Dilatation and curettage =
Agitated an irate old cunt.
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
Toilet Brush =
Shit-trouble!
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Here's an idea... (81058)
If you think FREE PORN on the net is hard to find, think again...
We've got thousands of FREE XXX pics and FREE VIDEOS waiting for
you!
=
To (81058):
I *think* you pissed off the wrong person.
I won't visit an XXX site even if I had gonorrhea and you had
a cure.
Here's a different ending: Take off!!!
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Want some easy bucks? Without paying, or surfing? You could get
100$ just for a couple hours of work. If interested send me an
email
stimpsy@hotmail.com
=
Like a fat rhino horn up your tidy rectum? Well, pigassfucker,
spam me JUST ONCE MORE - you may soon find out how it feels.
twiggoesinbutt@sadass.com
3rd - Ormasyna with:
You Can Be Your Own Boss =
No way, you obscure snob!
THE LONG SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
TRANSYLVANIA (IT) - Two attractive young women have disappeared
while vacationing in the Transylvanian Mountains. Their garments
have been found stained with partially digested blood and bat
and human saliva. This and similar occurrences are causing international
concern. Detective Iulia Popescu of the Transylvanian Police has
concluded that the missing people are now slaves to the infamous
Count Dracula.
Does this news article frighten you?
=
TEL-AVIV, ISRAEL - An unsuspecting (and cute) twenty-year-old opened his mail, only to discover tedious spam (Aaaahhh!) about an undead pervert in a Romanian castle. Tel-Aviv PD has confirmed it's a product of "Cruel net-thieves, biting the world-wide-web's veins, feeding on the innocent and persuading others ('WEALTH! CASH!!!') that electronic harassing is a normal activity that results in an actual financial uprise."
Will this anagram convince you to not annoy me again?
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
"To be honest, the dating scene can be boring; lovers can
be disappointing; and sex less than stimulating. I want a man
who can keep up with my aroused state of mind and hot body.
You gota ckeck this out http://3519290983
I'm convinced that This may be the only way a man that wants me can get next to me."
Im so excited I just want to tell someone ! you will be to
!
http://3519290983
Thank you and have a GREAT Day
=
"The truth? I am one hideous beast. No man wanted to even take a chance dating me. That's why I've got a plan to entice men to go to my xxx-site to join with 99,999,988,553,333,221,100 naked taboo video cum shots (not actually me) and send snapshots containing them. Between my hairy back, ass, armpits, scabby cunt-patch, and generally butt-ugly self, I would send them away into hiding."
A hot tip: poke-a-twot.net
3rd - Richard Grantham with:
$10,000 PER WEEK IN SIX WEEKS!
This is truly a phenomenon in the industry.
You've NEVER seen anything like this before!
THIS IS WORLDWIDE.....63 COUNTRIES IN 12 WEEKS.
Not just some, but many people are earning "5 figures"
per week in six weeks....I assure you this is true.
As a member, you will receive:
* Your own Offshore Private Bank Account:
Includes a debit card with no daily limit (this is awesome).
* Your own private banking software:
Allows you to manage your offshore account anywhere in the world.
* Members only private access "via the web" to the latest
international investment opportunities:
Members get instant access to some incredible offshore investment
which are proven and working. This is truly a "FIRST"
in home business.
* Daily Direct Deposits into your own offshore account
All this and more combined with the most powerful compensation
plan in the world (63 countries in 12 weeks)!
To learn more point your browser to:
http://www.ultranew.com/offshore/
=
Thinking in vain about money, fame, power or women?
Wish no more, since we're sure we can make EVERY ONE OF YOUR FANTASIES
COME TRUE! Join us now, and within ONE MINUTE you will be dripping
with wide stacks of tenners or attractive women - or both! Under
our 'I Sin Now, I Pay Later' plan, we will give you $660,312,135,000
and 21 naked bints per week - FOR LIFE!
So where is the catch? NONE EXISTS!
(for now, that is)
So when you want endless sums of money and all the sex you can
eat simply sign below (in blood), live it up then wait for the
bill (all it costs is your immortal soul, plus those of your kids,
wise ancestors, sisters, in-laws, every pet mutt, cat, fish, mouse,
budgie, hamster, turtle, toad or chimp you've ever owned (even
the cockroaches in your kitchen), the milkman, the postman, every
priest or rabbi in the district, the poor sick young boy across
the street, Pat Robertson, Ernie and Bert. No refunds.).
Lucifer Enterprises, Inc.
www.itiswisetoworshipsatansimageinfire.net/fearhim
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Linda Garrett with:
To spell out "Two Mormons came to Bill's door" in logiceeze,
you have to say, "There exists x and there exists y such
that x is a Mormon and y is a Mormon and x is not the same as
y, and there exists z such that z is a door and z belongs to Bill
and x came to z and y came to z, and for all w such that if w
is a Mormon and w came to z then w is the same as x or w is the
same as y". Though even that doesn't take into account whether
or not Bill has more than one door.
=
Let's say that x is a Mormon and that x isn't a Mormon (each
x has a related door, z (and z isn't z)) - then nothing exists...
or everything exists... maybe. There. Obvious. Anyway, that said
- y is a doormat such that z thinks it could be too, unless of
course it doesn't. Now, x came to z, and z came to z, then came
to w which doesn't exist here at all; hence, a Mormon's not the
same as a door - except for the wood - unless the wood's also
a Mormon. Really! Umm... who's Bill again?
2nd - Jon Gearhart with:
Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam
And the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day
Home Home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day
=
Oh show me a land where there's animals grand
And I'm sure to be one happy lad
Where every herd has this laddy allured
When goats start to lick the gonad
Moaned moaned and arranged
One goat to lick me all day-eee
While I'd much prefer a piece o' gal fur
Oh, I do see there's truly no way-eee!
(ho-dee-doh-doh)
3rd - David Bourke with:
Won't
Get Fooled Again
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
Madonna Louise Ciccone =
One cool dance musician.
2nd - Mick Tully with:
Leni Riefenstahl =
Senile Hitler fan.
3rd - Jaybur with:
Heather Mills and Sir Paul McCartney =
She'll capture a lyric man's heart; mind.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Tom Myers with:
Museum of Modern Art, New York (The MOMA) =
To humour Tom Myers, frame naked women.
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Bayerische Motoren Werke =
Yes, newer car, motorbike, eh?
3rd - Graham Perkins with:
Pure Mathematics =
I tame the crap sum.
THE ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY
1st - Ormasyna with:
Vegetarianism =
Starve? Imagine!
Serving meat? Ai!!!
Save grain item.
2nd - Daniel F. Etter with:
Make a run for the border =
Hark! Entre made of burro!
Adore heartburn? Fork me!
Oh, run! More bad fart reek!
RE: heartburn food maker.
Make heartburn of order.
Bathroom rerun. Freaked!
Another bum order faker.
3rd - Larry Brash with:
An erection =
No nicer eat.
One certain.
Neater icon.
Nice, ornate.
Onan recite.
Are not nice.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Isn't
it awfully nice to have a penis!
2nd - Richard Brodie with:
Psalm
136
3rd - Linda Garrett with:
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous =
Love These Con Steps - Fun Way to Alcoholism.
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives
had become unmanageable. =
We, who love rum, believe that a warm beer each second is good.
(Er... and we all must pee a lot.)
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could
restore us to sanity. =
Trusted another to casually revive us with someone's large beer
(or a teapot, etc...).
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the
care of God as we understood Him. =
Made vintage rum under the house (raw cocaine too) - sold vials
to our weird old "friends" too!
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
=
So far, met Allah, Elvis, a confessed nun, very rare moose (in
drag)...
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being
the exact nature of our wrongs. =
Denied, hung over, that we burnt/set on fire our cat. (...must
go gas the old A.A. man next door too!)
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects
of character. =
We devotedly retch far each day to retrieve free alcohol (seem
strange?).
7. Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings. =
Lost his memory shooting much vodka/rum/beer.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing
to make amends to them all. =
We fight with (also pick on) small, lame, male bartenders and
demand home-made ales a lot!
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except
when to do so would injure them or others. =
Supplied more rum to other poor dejected pest bums (who snorted
it) when we had excess alcohol (i.e. - never).
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong
promptly admitted it. =
We men skull down vintage red wine (ten or twenty a time - don't
try) propped onto a chair.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious
contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge
of His will for us and the power to carry that out. =
We, who try through good, constant hurling, to stay conscious,
out of gutters and to avoid dim pink elephants and cheery rum
fairies, do pray for power to crawl home without drooling.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these
steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice
these principles in all our affairs. =
Having had our last drink (what sarcasm?), we total failed piss
pots are all eager to apply these strictures to incipient (flourishing)
cocaine fetishes.
Cheers,
A.A!
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