|
On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
A partridge in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me:
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a milking,
Seven swans a swimming,
Six geese a laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
|
And she didn't stop there, either:
on the thirteenth she gave me a roaring lowland gorilla;
on the fourteenth, gave me an eleven-dollar bill;
on the fifteenth, gave me a fire extinguisher in a large snood;
sixteenth, gave me a dried ginseng pudding;
seventeenth, gave me irregular billiard balls;
eighteenth, gave me nine random snapdragons;
nineteenth, gave me a rare parsnip;
twentieth, gave me a narrow Mongolian gangplank;
twenty-first, gave me nine soiled red cardigans;
twenty-second, gave me burglarproof nail clippers;
twenty-third, gave me organic pepper sweets;
twenty-fourth, gave me a nice cold sarsaparilla spider;
twenty-fifth, gave me mirror-lensed wraparound swimming goggles;
twenty-sixth, gave me a carnivorous slug;
twenty-seventh, gave me weird erasers;
twenty-eighth, gave me an udderless bison;
twenty-ninth, gave me a rusted leg-muscle exerciser;
thirtieth, gave me a normal wax ringworm;
thirty-first, gave me some margarine in a cauldron;
thirty-second, gave me an unlicensed salamander;
thirty-third, gave me a box of nine diverse curries;
thirty-fourth, gave me several trillion caterpillars;
thirty-fifth, gave me an unsliced rodent;
thirty-sixth, gave me a sudden picnic;
thirty-seventh, gave me a ginger spaniel;
thirty-eighth, gave me a second ginger spaniel (no relation);
thirty-ninth, gave me classic veal porridge;
fortieth, gave me nine sane dugongs;
forty-first, gave me poisoned lollipops;
forty-second, gave me an aspirin for dinner;
forty-third, gave me an original German sundial;
forty-fourth, gave me a minced herring;
forty-fifth, gave me a carrot stuck in a swollen, overripe mango;
forty-sixth, gave me nine dried pig droppings;
forty-seventh, gave me an underwear dispenser;
forty-eighth, gave me some marvellous surrealist drawings;
forty-ninth, gave me nine depressed goslings;
fiftieth, gave me salad dressing, glorious salad dressing;
fifty-first, gave me limitless pairs of dullish scissors;
fifty-second, gave me leather suspenders and a sporran;
fifty-third, gave me a wild sow dressed as a druid;
fifty-fourth, gave me a series of sedans and lorries.
At this point I was crushed under all the weight and bled to death in seconds... and then this so-called true love of mine prodeeded to collect the insurance because she'd managed to make it look like an accident. Bitch.
|
