Richard Grantham

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Original text in yellow, anagram in pink.

Lucky's monologue from "Waiting for Godot", anagrammed into a short scene in the style of the play.

LUCKY: Given the existence as uttered forth in the public works of Puncher and Wattmann of a personal God quaquaquaqua with white beard quaquaquaqua outside time without extension who from the heights of divine apathia divine athambia divine aphasia loves us dearly with some exceptions for reasons unknown but time will tell and suffers like the divine Miranda with those who for reasons unknown but time will tell are plunged in torment plunged in fire whose fire flames if that continues and who can doubt it will fire the firmament that is to say blast heaven to hell so blue still and calm so calm with a calm which even though intermittent is better than nothing but not so fast and considering what is more that as a result of the labours left unfinished crowned by the Acacacacademy of Anthropopopometry of Essy-in-Possy of Testew and Cunard it is established beyond all doubt all other doubt than that which clings to the labours of men that as a result of the labours unfinished of Testew and Cunard it is established as hereinafter but not so fast for reasons unknown that as a result of the public works of Puncher and Wattmann it is established beyond all doubt that in view of the labours of Fartov and Belcher left unfinished for reasons unknown of Testew and Cunard left unfinished it is established what many deny that man in Possy of Testew and Cunard that man in Essy that man in short that man in brief in spite of the strides of alimentation and defecation is seen to waste and pine waste and pine and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the strides of physical culture the practice of sports such as tennis football running cycling swimming flying floating riding gliding conating camogie skating tennis of all kinds dying flying sports of all sorts autumn summer winter winter tennis of all kinds hockey of all sorts penicilline and succedanea in a word I resume and concurrently simultaneously for reasons unknown to shrink and dwindle in spite of the tennis I resume flying gliding golf over nine and eighteen holes tennis of all sorts in a word for reasons unknown in Feckham Peckham Fulham Clapham namely concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown but time will tell to shrink and dwindle I resume Fulham Clapham in a word the dead loss per caput since the death of Bishop Berkeley being to the tune of one inch four ounce per caput approximately by and large more or less to the nearest decimal good measure round figures stark naked in the stockinged feet in Connemara in a word for reasons unknown no matter what matter the facts are there and considering what is more much more grave that in the light of the labours lost of Steinweg and Peterman it appears what is more much more grave that in the light the light the light of the labours lost of Steinweg and Peterman that in the plains in the mountains by the seas by the rivers running water running fire the air is the same and than the earth namely the air and then the earth in the great cold the great dark the air and the earth abode of stones in the great cold alas alas in the year of their Lord six hundred and something the air the earth the sea the earth abode of stones in the great deeps the great cold an sea on land and in the air I resume for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis the facts are there but time will tell I resume alas alas on on in short in fine on on abode of stones who can doubt it I resume but not so fast I resume the skull to shrink and waste and concurrently simultaneously what is more for reasons unknown in spite of the tennis on on the beard the flames the tears the stones so blue so calm alas alas on on the skull the skull the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the labours abandoned left unfinished graver still abode of stones in a word I resume alas alas abandoned unfinished the skull the skull in Connemara in spite of the tennis the skull alas the stones Cunard (mêlée, final vociferations) tennis... the stones... so calm... Cunard... unfinished...

A road. A tree. Evening.

Fatimir enters, tense and pacing - then halts all of a sudden.
FAT: (in a squeak) So, naturalis-
Halts. Resumes in normal tone.

So, naturalists observe, a flea
Hath smaller fleas that on him prey;
And these have smaller fleas to bite 'em,
And so proceed ad infini-
Halts, broods. Quietly:

And so proceed...

Nonagon enters, unobserved.
FAT: (muses) A butterfly flaps, alters a hurricane's path... but shall this hurricane then affect the insect?
NON: What's this?
FAT: (startled} Er, nothing. Come here until I embra-
NON: (barks) Keep off!
FAT: (pained) Were you beaten, Nini?
NON: But naturally.
FAT: Worse than last time?
NON: Which time? All of them seem the same to me now... I think.
FAT: With sticks?
NON: (querulous) There were six of them. Six! (Sulks.)
FAT: Don't start blaming me!
NON: (shrill) You left me! (Hangs head.)
FAT: Look at me!
Nonagon does so, relents. Embrace, then release.
NON: What now?
FAT: We could kill ourselves.
NON: True. Might hurt a bit.
FAT: But not for long.
NON: How, then?
FAT: Extremely well, thanks for asking.
NON: No, how should we do it?
FAT: (looks around for inspiration) Leap from this tree?
NON: (inspects it) Is it quite high enough?
FAT: There is only one method of finding out. (polite) After you.
NON: No, no, ladies first.
FAT: How so, Nini?
NON: I'm shorter.
FAT: And?
NON: Come on, think about it!
FAT: (uses his intelligence. Much later) I remain in the dark.
NON: It isn't as far to the ground, darn it!
FAT: What?!
NON: (much effort) Nini leap - ground not near - Nini dead. Titi leap - ground near - Titi alone.
FAT: Ah. I understand.
NON: At last!
FAT: But am I the taller?
NON: There's half a chance. Let's check.
They stand back to back. Neither now can see who is bigger.
FAT: (twists neck) Ermm... much of a muchness, I think.
NON: And this fall wouldn't kill me.
FAT: Indeed. It's hardly a tree at all.
NON: More a shrub.
FAT: A bush.
NON: A shrub.
FAT: What shall we do, then?
NON: (suddenly inspired) Aha! Dig an immense pit underneath the tree!
FAT: Brilliant, Nini!
NON: Falling straight into this'd kill anything! Got a shovel?
FAT: I've got some spoons.
NON: Excellent! (Fatimir hands him one. Both lie down and dig furiously in the dirt.)
FAT: (suddenly rises) Look what our lives have been reduced to!
NON: (remains on the ground) Huh?
FAT: Burrowing in mud! And once upon a time we had happiness in abundance.
NON: Ah, such sweet lightheartedness!
FAT: Spirits as light as a feather.
NON: Like bubbles.
FAT: Like tissues.
NON: Like bubbles.
FAT: Happiness eludes us.
NON: I'm tired.
FAT: What a state of affairs! (Tenseness returns.) Such a dire end to Fatimir's life... (Nonagon appears drowsy.) Nahor begat Terah begat Abraham... for this? (Mourns.) I can't continue! (Paces. Nonagon falls asleep in the dirt.)
Child enters, timid.
CH: Mister... Mr Ninian...
FAT: (looks heavenwards) Once more unto the breach, dear friends... (Pauses.) What is it this time? (Child looks blank.) Wasn't it you that appeared here yesterday?
CH: No, sir.
FAT: Perhaps a brother or cousin?
CH: I don't know, sir.
FAT: Is it a message from Mr Godot?
CH: Yes, sir.
FAT: He shan't be here tonight.
CH: No, sir.
FAT: But tomorrow, without fail.
CH: Yes, sir.
FAT: What is Mr Godot... like? (Pause.) Well?
CH: I don't understand what you mean, sir.
FAT: Well, what does he do?
CH: He gives us tasks, sir.
FAT: No, what does HE do?
CH: He does nothing, sir.
FAT: Tell me... what does he look like?
CH: I think he has a beard, sir.
FAT: But you're not quite sure.
CH: No, sir.
FAT: Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani!
CH: My name isn't Eli, sir.
NON: (mumbles in his sleep) Llamasuckedarnie...
CH: What am I to tell Mr Godot, sir?
FAT: Tell him... you saw us, and that... we were here and you saw us. (Advances menacingly.) You did see us, didn't you, don't turn up here tomorrow and tell me you never saw us! (Sudden pounce. Child quickly exits, running in fear. The sun quickly sets and the stars appear. Nonagon stirs.)
NON: Titi?
FAT: Yes, Nini?
NON: Let's quit this place.
FAT: But we mustn't.
NON: Why not?
FAT: We must wait for Godot.
NON: What, he didn't turn up?
FAT: He didn't.
NON: Must we return here tomorrow?
FAT: We must, Nini.
NON: We could bring a spade.
FAT: True.
NON: It might be better if you and I parted.
FAT: We'll kill ourselves tomorrow. (Pause.) Unless Godot turns up.
NON: And if he turns up?
FAT: Then we'll be saved.
NON: Well? Shall we go?
FAT: Yes, let's go.
They do not move.


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Updated: May 10, 2016


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