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1. 'IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN'
I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.
I'd unravel ev'ry riddle
For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain.
With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln,
If you only had a brain.
Oh I could tell you why
The ocean's near the shore,
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more.
I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry
Life would be ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain.
2. 'IF I ONLY HAD A HEART'
When a man's an empty kettle
He should be on his mettle
And yet I'm torn apart,
Just because I'm presumin'
That I could be kind of human
If I only had a heart.
I'd be tender, I'd be gentle
And awful sentimental
Regarding love and art,
I'd be friends with the sparrows
And the boy that shoots the arrows
If I only had a heart.
Picture me, a balcony
Above a voice sings low,
"Wherefore art thou Romeo?"
I hear a beat how sweet!
Just to register emotion, jealousy, devotion
And really feel the part,
I could stay young and chipper
And I'd lock it with a zipper
If I only had a heart.
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1. 'WHY WHY WHY, HUH?' - G.W.BUSH
I could be another Lincoln
Or wily Willy Clinton
For ninety years I'd reign,
I would be a fine orator
And a smoother operator
If I only had a brain.
I would dance like Fred Astaire
Tell lies like Tony Blair
And act like Michael Caine.
I'd fulfill my folks' ambition,
Hunt for higher intuition
If I only had a brain.
Hah! I can't tell you why
I'm short of thought 'n' that's the truth
It could've been an injury I had in youth,
Confused? Why buddy, so am I - huh?
I would henceforth be unfuddled
Be fluent and unmuddled
Thorn-sharp 'n' not inane,
I'd be wary and defensive
Never churlish or offensive
If I only had a brain.
2. 'WHERE WHERE WHERE?' - T.BLAIR
When a man's an empty vessel
His conscience he can't wrestle
That's why I act the part,
But though I'm a liar
I could offer you desire
If I only had a heart.
I would smile and really mean it
I've a soul (I've just not seen it),
Be popular 'n' smart,
Write a lover's diction-ary
Get the hots for flirty Cherie
If I only had a heart.
I'd be grand, guitar in hand
Or maybe a hot banjo
Do a song played rather low
I get off then, to No.Ten
I'm as wooden as a puppet, look just like a muppet,
I'm deader than Mozart,
But I'd be an honest daddy
And not be the token baddie
If I only had a heart.
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