Anagrammy Placegetters for July 2000
All the highly-placed anagrams from the July 2000 Anagrammy Awards.
[ Previous month ] [ Back to index ] [ Next month ]THE GENERAL CATEGORY
1st - Tom Myers with:
Famous traditional southern wedding march =
A dirt farmer with a loaded shotgun 'n' no music.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
E-mail Address =
Dread Melissa!
3rd - John Fidler with:
Do not disturb =
Odd to burst in?
THE ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Mel Gibson, "The Patriot" =
He is promoting battle!
2nd - Mick Tully with:
Last of the Mohicans =
Mash a lot of ethnics.
3rd - Tom Myers with:
Pamplona's "the running of the bulls" =
Gamble on horns? Painful stunt. Help!
THE TOPICAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
Billions are to be paid out to the victims of lung and throat cancer =
Liable to ruin the five tobacco drug companies that lost? No, darn it!
2nd - Tom Myers with:
Riots protest the Peruvian Presidential Inauguration =
It irritates Peru as earlier voting is not on the up-and-up.
3rd - Dan Fortier with:
A Concorde crashes while taking off in Paris =
Plane ages: now has risk of horrific accident?
THE RUDE CATEGORY
1st - William Tunstall-Pedoe with:
Simultaneous Orgasm =
Rogue aims: slut moans.
2nd - Richard Grantham with:
Heterosexual =
Use extra hole?
eq.3rd - Dan Fortier with:
All tastes and vices catered =
Salted anal crevices tasted.
eq.3rd - Mick Tully with:
She was only a welder's daughter, but she had acetylene tits =
Laud that cutey! Yet, has she gas in her well-endowed breasts?
THE SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Larry Brash with:
A hidden camera follows the prom queen and her date back to their
motel room. You get to see it all! =
ALERT!! (Read me!):
Abandon hope all ye who enter here! It's rot, a load of old shit
etc! Get me out quick, Mom!
2nd - Martin Rand with:
Dear: Friend
Viagra for women???
http://www.castlebound.com/love/index.htm
=
Worn-out vagina???
Oh, darn!
Comic relief at:
http://www.fondled-sex-member/vd
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
No competition, no inventory, no product hassles. =
No spam, no loony idiots, no 'Nice Hot Cunt' perverts.
THE LONG SPAM CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
---DIRECTIONS---FOR HOW TO POST TO NEWSGROUPS---
2nd - Larry Brash with:
20 YEAR OLD HEALTH, NUTRITION AND WEIGHT LOSS CONTROL COMPANY
IS LOOKING FOR 500 PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD WHO WILL GET
PAID $$$ TO LOSE UP TO 30 POUNDS IN THE NEXT 30 DAYS, GUARANTEED!!!
OUR PRODUCTS ARE ALL NATURAL, DOCTOR RECOMENDED AND GUARANTEED!!!
WE OFFER FREE SAMPLES!!
=
ALL YOU POOR FAT IDIOTS, GATHER AROUND. PREPARE TO LOSE $3,200 - $35,000 AND NOT ONE OUNCE OF LARD WITH THIS FUCKING SPAM PLAN. ITS ALL SOME SPAMMER'S GREED. DON'T GET CONNED.
TRY REGULAR EXERCISE. AVOID FATTY FOOD. ADHERE TO THE NO-ALCOHOL, NO-DOPE, LOW-LARD RULE.
URL: WWW.END-PULLER.NET
3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
|
"Smooth," Santana Featuring Rob Thomas |
= |
"Mooch," Wantanal Featuring Rob Toomuch |
THE LONG CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
ANAGRAMS
Sleep Deprivation
The Task
Our experiment was tested before Sleep Deprivation and after.
Our test involved anagrams. There were 10 anagrams each 4 letters
long that the subjects had to solve. The subjects were given one
anagram and one plain sheet of paper at a time.
Once the anagram and paper were given to the subject, they had
a maximum of 30 seconds to complete each anagram.
If the anagram was completed within the 30 second time limit,
the time was recorded in a table. If the anagram was not completed
in the 30 second time limit, not solved was written in the table.
This was treated as 30 seconds. The average time taken for each
subject before and after sleep deprivation was recorded.
The Result
The average time taken to solve the anagrams was 7.26 seconds
before sleep deprivation and 6.5 seconds after. This difference
is not significant.
Research conducted by Leanne Day, Julia Scott and Laura Hughes.
=
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
Anagrams
The Stated Aim
An experiment was devised to investigate a potential correlation
between the compulsive creation of new anagrams and utter chronic
sleep deprivation.
A subject gave himself three new 300-360 letter rude spamagrams
to start and complete each night for fifteen weeks. Every second
night he also had an estimated three to five hours of fantastic
heated sex. We came and recorded the precise sleeping patterns
in fine detail.
A control was given a nice sedate massage and a sweet romance
novel, and made to lie down and get some sleep.
The Stated Result
The average (mean) time of the subject nodding off was 10:02 pm
before these anagrams, 4:37 am after.
It is conceivable that this 6:35 adjournment could perhaps in
part be attributable to anagrams. The subject, alas, doesn't see
it like that.
Research conducted by Richard James Grantham and several others who know who they are.
2nd - Dan Fortier with:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created
equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable
rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of
happiness.
=
Here the patriots had wanted to be quite clear as to why they
can no longer remain British peers, but instead must end that
life by revolt: We share faith that elected rule helped ensure
all attain higher fate.
3rd - Janet Muggeridge with:
Her Majesty's Government says it is about to seek German recruits
for the United Kingdom's Special Air Service. =
Regiment is so reduced I've Krauts in Tommy's military forces.
Be so perverse, ja? Nein, it's "hostage-takers, achtung!"
THE PEOPLE'S NAMES CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The Israeli general, Moshe Dayan =
Hail, great hairless one-eyed man!
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Mary Magdalene =
Legendary ma'am.
eq.3rd - David Bourke with:
Pete Townshend, Roger Daltrey, John Entwistle and Keith Moon =
Note: The Who... nosy wonder, little gent, Spiderman, and The Joker.
eq.3rd - Ernesto Guiraldes with:
Actor Walter Matthau dies =
A star with a moderate cult.
eq.3rd - Mick Tully with:
David Michael Iwansky =
I am devilish and wacky.
THE OTHER NAMES CATEGORY
1st - David Bourke with:
Want cleaner bowels? =
Newcastle Brown Ale.
2nd - Meyran Kraus with:
Victoria's Secret Catalogue =
Cool, cause I crave great tits.
3rd - Mick Tully with:
Cambridge University =
I'm studying beer, vicar!
THE ANAGRAM SET CATEGORY
1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Victoria's Secret Catalogue =
Got actual erotica services.
Cool, cause I crave great tits.
Our static, erotic cleavages.
It's our erotic cleavages act.
Covet a girl: "A cute, erotic ass!"
eq.2nd - David Bourke with:
The State of Israel =
Settle of this area.
Felt haste to arise.
Fate: It loses earth.
Tolerate safe hits?
Soft, eh? Retaliates!
State Hitler as foe.
eq.2nd - Janet Muggeridge with:
Golden Wedding Anniversary =
Grand loving years end wined.
Goldy award dinner's evening.
And now reliving dad's energy.
Worn diary gladdens evening.
Dad's in revel and now greying.
THE SPECIAL CATEGORY
1st - Richard Grantham with:
The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at
the University of Copenhagen:
"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied:
"Have a nice huge piece of string tied onto the end of the barometer, and lower it down from the skyscraper roof out to the ground. The true length of the bit of string plus barometer too now equals the exact true height of given skyscraper. (Nice and simple to attain, I'd admit.)" |
|
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: |
= |
The student was Niels Bohr, the only Dane to win the Nobel Prize for Physics.
2nd - Linda Garrett with:
Tiger! Tiger! Burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
-- William Blake
=
Fluffy Bunny! Roasting bright
Who the hell set him alight?
Did mere farmers aim to fry
Their carrot eating little guy?
-- Mr Bake Me Now
3rd - Tom Myers with:
A
list of Dr Seuss books.
THE AWARDSMASTER'S CHALLENGE CATEGORY
This month's challenge was to anagram the first verse of William Blake's "Tiger! Tiger! burning bright" into a poem about a different animal.
1st - Martin Rand with:
Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
=
Gerbil! Gerbil! Toasty warm
On the filthy hamster farm,
Grind thy huge symmetric teeth
On fruit of fig (or underneath).
2nd - Larry Brash with:
Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
=
Big cat, might of Asian lair.
Big feet thud; they seem so rare.
Grrr! Men hunt now, grim, deft.
Hurry, only thirty of them left.
3rd - Linda Garrett with:
Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
=
Mister Bunny, flaming bright
What from God set thee alight?
In error, for this made (oh my!)
The lettuce-eating Furry fry.
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