Anagrammy Award Winners - 2012
Here are all the winners of Anagrammy Awards in 2012. All
anagrams have been checked for accuracy by the Anagrammy Checker.
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
January 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Rick Rothstein with:
A lot of sins, hence... ~
the Confessional. - 2nd place:
View with:
Absolution =
Obtain soul - 3rd place:
nedesto with:
71% of women usually do think their asses are damn big ~
but 17%, if so asked, would nonetheless marry him again!
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Mad genius Dr. No =
Dangerous mind! - Topical Category:
Ivan Andonov with:
United States Marine Corps =
Its men urinated at corpses. - Rude Category (tie):
nedesto with:
Threesomes =
Hetero mess!
Tony Crafter with:
The rectal suppository for constipation =
I post up arse
I clench
I try not to fart...
Oops! :-( - Medium Length Category:
nedesto with:
The Superior called the sisters together informing them in dismay, "And, as of now, we have a case of gonorrhea in the convent!"
=
"Yes! Praise Heaven!" sang a nun coming over to the front of the room as she cheered, "We're so tired of swilling that damn Chianti!" - Long Category:
Tony Crafter with:
THE HOTTEST WOMEN OF ALL TIME.
(As voted by 'Men's Health' magazine)
1. Jennifer Aniston
2. Raquel Welch
3. Marilyn Monroe
4. Britney Spears
5. Madonna
6. Ursula Andress
7. Bettie Page
8. Pamela Anderson
9. Jane Fonda
10. Angelina Jolie
11. Sharon Stone
12. Scarlett Johansson
13. Catherine Deneuve
14. Megan Fox
15. Jenny McCarthy
16. Christie Brinkley
17. Anna Nicole Smith
18. Shakira
19. Heather Locklear
20. Heidi Klum
=
1. Because she's worth it!
2. A caveman's moll
3. The blonde gentlemen preferred
4. A little nuts?
5. Like a virgin? Er... no
6. Left James Bond shaken and stirred
7. Oh... Huh?
8. Inane Amazon
9. aka 'Hanoi Jane'
10. "My enemy!" (Jennifer Aniston)
11. Basically horny
12. A Manhattan starlet
13. French icon
14. Comely and American
15. - ditto -
16. Joel's uptown girl
17. Late American heiress
18. Ah, sexy hips!
19. On 'T. J. Hooker'
20. 'Seal's German queen - People's Names Category):
nedesto with:
British scientist Stephen William Hawking =
Knew spacetime with his brilliant insights. - Other Names Category (tie):
nedesto with:
Stop Online Piracy Act =
Potential conspiracy? - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Rosie Perera with:
"This plot is the best I have seen all my life
For it raises the flowers and covers my wife"
=
I've always been selfish;
So I'm sad, left to rot.
I never was perfect;
My, this hellfire is hot! - Special Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with:
Inspired by the 2012 doomsday predictions, Longfellow's poem January from 'The Poet's Calendar' is anagrammed into an ominous poem with a bleak word for an acrostic:
Janus am I; oldest of potentates;
Forward I look, and backward, and below
I count, as god of avenues and gates,
The years that through my portals come and go.
I block the roads, and drift the fields with snow;
I chase the wild-fowl from the frozen fen;
My frosts congeal the rivers in their flow,
My fires light up the hearths and hearts of men.
=
From My Vantage Point
Dark fears which fouled the new year from the start
Each shall engulf our flesh and swiftly thwart
Some efforts of mad folk with golden hearts;
Past blows have made our high-born star descend,
And any other fate is moot, good friend -
It's what the knowing Zodiac portends.
Rejoice, since this is all about to end.
However, all is not lost - if the lines of this poem are shuffled, a more positive poem and acrostic emerge:
From My Vantage Point
Past blows have made our high-born star descend...
Rejoice, since this is all about to end -
And any other fate is moot, good friend;
It's what the knowing Zodiac portends:
Some efforts of mad folk with golden hearts
Each shall engulf our flesh and swiftly thwart
Dark fears which fouled the new year from the start. /li> - 2nd place:
Tony Crafter with:
A STRANGE WILD SONG
By
Lewis Carroll
He thought he saw an Elephant
That practised on a fife:
He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife.
"At length I realize," he said,
"The bitterness of life!"
He thought he saw a Buffalo
Upon the chimney-piece:
He looked again, and found it was
His Sister's Husband's Niece.
"Unless you leave this house," he said,
"I'll send for the police!"
He thought he saw a Rattlesnake
That questioned him in Greek:
He looked again, and found it was
The Middle of Next Week.
"The one thing I regret," he said,
"Is that it cannot speak!"
He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk
Descending from the bus:
He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus.
"If this should stay to dine," he said,
"There won't be much for us!"
He thought he saw a Kangaroo
That worked a Coffee-mill:
He looked again, and found it was
A Vegetable-Pill.
"Were I to swallow this," he said,
"I should be very ill!"
He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four
That stood beside his bed:
He looked again, and found it was
A Bear without a Head.
"Poor thing," he said, "poor silly thing!
It's waiting to be fed!"
=
Adieu To...
THE TITULAR IDIOTS OF MODERN TIMES
He thought he was the U.K's Choice
So suave, so debonair
He looked again to find he was
That puppet, Tony Blair.
"At least I've had last laugh," he said
"For I'm a millionaire!"
He thought he was Cock of the Walk
Then, turning with a 'swoosh'!
He looked again to see he was
Prize twit, George W. Bush.
"What dumb things did I spout?" he said,
"Hell... none! (one at a push!")
He thought he was Invincible,
For decades he could reign,
He looked again and saw he was
Despot Saddam Hussein
"At least I kept Iraq secure,"
He said, "Now it's insane."
He thought he was the God of Sex,
But it was baloney.
He looked to find he was, tut tut,
Deflated, Berlusconi
"Ok, I had affairs," he puffed,
"But, man I was not lonely!"
He thought he was top Desert King
Star of foreign affairs
He looked again to find he was
Gaddafi fleeing scared.
Though hated by his folk, he had
A lifelong friend in Blair.
He thought he was the President
Who had the keenest brain
He looked again to see he was
Bill Clinton, clear and plain.
"At least in my career," he said,
"I only left one stain."/li> - 3rd place (tie):
David Bourke with:
Happy birthday Kate! As the Duchess of Cambridge turns 30, FEMAIL brings you 30 facts about our future queen
- Eq3rd - Tony Crafter with:
THE CURRY CONTEST
(If you manage to read this story without laughing then there's absolutely no hope for you.)
For any of you who have lived in Natal, you'll know how typical this is. They actually have a Curry Cook-off around June/July. It takes up a large portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in Pietermaritzburg.
Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at the Curry Cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking them for directions to the beer garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I duly decided I would accept."
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
MADHU'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY....
Judge # 1 -- A little heavy on tomato, yet amusingly tangy.
Judge # 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. Dammit, these people are crazy.
DIPALI'S PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting flavour, needs more peppers added to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- My God! Keep this out of the reach of children! I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer on seeing the distress on my face.
PADMA'S FAMOUS "BURN DOWN THE GARAGE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent, peppery, firehouse curry. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, with good use of chilli peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call security. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I've been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back to stop me gagging; now my spine is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting decidedly pissed from all the beer.
GANDHI'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sachika, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 34-stone woman is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an aphrodisiac?
~
BABOO'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- A meaty, strong curry. Freshly ground Cayenne peppers do bestow a considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Good-to-average beef curry, could use more tomato. I must admit, the kick of the chilli makes quite a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are buzzing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The woman contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sachika saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly onto it from the pitcher. I wonder if I have burnt my lips off. It hacks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them, the jackasses.
VERISHNA'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian curry. A good balance of spices.
Judge # 2 -- Hoorah! The best yet! Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Just superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I am without doubt going to shit myself if I fart and I am worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems keen to stand behind me except that Sachika. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my arse with a snow cone ice-cream.
SHAKALAKA'S "MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE" CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Okay, but tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage that I am a bit worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably).
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I would not feel a thing. I have lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is filled with rushing water. My khaki shirt is covered with curry which dribbled unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava which matches my shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I have decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
BHAKTI'S TOENAIL-CURLING COOKBOOK CURRY...
Judge # 1 -- Ah, the perfect ending. This is a nice, enjoyable curry blend with bite. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced textbook curry. Not too mild but not too hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he is going to make it. Poor man; I wonder how he would have reacted to a really hot curry?
Judge # 3 - No Report.
/li>
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Dharam Khalsa with:
Worthiness ~
wins others.
List of all nominated
anagrams for January 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
February 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Scott Gardner with:
The supervillain =
His plan? True evil! - 2nd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
The politician's career =
Practice lies on the air. - 3rd place:
nedesto with:
When I asked my pal Fred about his ornery addiction to ~
brake fluid, he said, "Oh, don't worry, Ed. I can stop any time."
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Ivan Andonov with:
"The Satanic Verses" by Salman Rushdie =
Such essays threaten evil Arab minds. - Topical Category:
Adie Pena with:
Singer Whitney Elizabeth Houston is found dead =
Another sad showbiz life in the US ... it ended young. - Rude Category:
Tony Crafter with:
Shoot semen =
One hot mess. - Medium Length Category:
Tony Crafter with:
"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." - Albert Einstein
=
The finest intuitions or theories lie based in the dafter parts of the brain! - Long Category
Andrew Brehaut with:
I was a very happy person.
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me .. it was her beautiful, voluptuous, younger sister.
My future sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight mini-skirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly wink and then bend right down when she was near me, and I always got more than a full pleasant look at her delectable private parts.
It had to be deliberate. She never exhibited herself when she was near any other males.
One day, my cute "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check all of the wedding invitations. She was all alone when I got there, and she whispered to me that she had so many suppressed emotions and desires for me that she could not deny.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
=
Well, I was in shock, and couldn't breathe a word. She said, "I'm going to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, come and get me, sweetheart."
I was stunned and reeling in shock as I beheld the jewess travel up the stairs. When she reached the top, the vixen sleekly leant over, pulled at her shoestring bikini panties baring her flawless arse and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there mindlessly for a moment, then reversed and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and maneuvered straight towards my VW Beetle.
Lo and behold, my entire new family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law to be hugged me and uttered, "We are very happy that you have resisted our little sensory test.....we believe we couldn't ask for a sweeter man for our dearest daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of the story is:
Always keep all your condoms in your car. - People's Names Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The singer Adele =
A legend is there. - Other Names Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
Amazon's Kindle e-Reader =
Elders are amazed: "No ink?!" - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Adie Pena with:
If Planet Earth comes to an end on the morning of December twenty-first this year, what will you do the night before? =
Since I'm diabetic, I'd repent, head for town, blow all my money on the SWEET stuff, forget the horror ... then EAT ANYTHING! - Special Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with:
If the dull substance of my flesh were thought,
Injurious distance should not stop my way;
For then despite of space I would be brought,
From limits far remote where thou dost stay.
No matter then although my foot did stand
Upon the farthest earth removed from thee;
For nimble thought can jump both sea and land
As soon as think the place where he would be.
But ah! thought kills me that I am not thought,
To leap large lengths of miles when thou art gone,
But that so much of earth and water wrought
I must attend time's leisure with my moan,
Receiving nought by elements so slow
But heavy tears, badges of either's woe.
The other two, slight air and purging fire,
Are both with thee, wherever I abide;
The first my thought, the other my desire,
These present-absent with swift motion slide.
For when these quicker elements are gone
In tender embassy of love to thee,
My life, being made of four, with two alone
Sinks down to death, oppress'd with melancholy;
Until life's composition be recured
By those swift messengers return'd from thee,
Who even but now come back again, assured
Of thy fair health, recounting it to me:
This told, I joy; but then no longer glad,
I send them back again and straight grow sad.
=
The Four Forces
Ferocious flames! How hurtful, at their worst,
Incinerating forests in a flash,
Reducing with those mammoth, brutal bursts
Each tree into this barren pile of ash;
But often, fires of this major scope
Just judge the budding plant's attempt to cope -
And gift the strongest bulb that second hope.
As gloomy clouds go by like puffs of smoke,
I latch onto this muse they leave behind,
Remembering the moments they evoke,
The poignant thoughts which haunt my heavy mind.
But those become unravelled as I stare;
It's truly hard to grasp the When and Where -
For memories are fluent as the air.
When Nature had enough of summer strife
And bathes this meadow with a sweeping flood,
The most unhealthy weed might come to life,
Emerging in that puddle in the mud.
Rain can erode the mountain with its flow,
But tends to wash away the numbing woe -
Like wild weeds by the road, life needs to grow.
Eternal flame or cloud or stormy gloom
Are but null things to those within the earth;
Roots won't depart the quiet of her womb -
They've been below that gorgeous ground from birth.
How good it feels, in these embattled days,
To know that even when the sky is gray,
There is one solid thing that's here to stay.
- 2nd place:
Adie Pena with: I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU If I should stay, I would only be in your way. So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you ev'ry step of the way. And I will always love you. I will always love you. You, my darling you. Hmm. Bittersweet memories that is all I'm taking with me. So, goodbye. Please, don't cry. We both know I'm not what you, you need. And I will always love you. I will always love you. I hope life treats you kind And I hope you have all you've dreamed of. And I wish to you, joy and happiness. But above all this, I wish you love. And I will always love you. I will always love you. I will always love you. I will always love you. I will always love you. I, I will always love you. You, darling, I love you. Ooh, I'll always, I'll always love you. = YOU WILL ALWAYS LIVE ON If you should fly, It would awkwardly make me cry. So you'll go, but I know I'll think of you ev'ry day 'til I die. Yes, you will always live on. You will always live on. You, my idol, you. Hmm. Visible MTVs That is all I will have with me. So, goodbye. Please, don't sigh They do see that you have to be free. Oh, you will always live on. You will always live on. "Stop," I pray, "Ease a pain." Ooh, I do gasp for joy, too, and pride. I'm awake with audios about your death, Obituaries go media-wide. But you will always live on. You will always live on. You will always live on. You will always live on. You will always live on. You, you will always live on. You, Whitney, will live on. Ooh, you'll always, you'll always live on. - eq3rd place:
Tony Crafter with:
Titanic Poem - 'The Destroyer'.
Out of the night it came, that menace of the seas,
Unmarked by sound and unobserved, its prey of souls to seize;
A pallid shape, dim in the fog, a monster, on it came.
And wallowed in the ocean path, its toll of deaths to claim.
All boasts of modern safeguards, mere affectations were;
Inventive minds it mocked and giant ships seemed dwarfs to her.
That mammoth ship, with armor plate, was but a cockle-shell,
And when its unseen hand reached out, with ease the giant fell.
And then it laughed; it closed its hand; then watched the work it wrought;
The frenzied screams of dying men, sweet music to it brought.
Unmoved it stood, with eager mien, while fifteen hundred souls
Went struggling down for evermore to rest in watery holes.
Its evil deed accomplished, it drew a conquering breath,
And all about the wreckage, a shadow cast of Death.
The mightiest of giant ships had just obeyed its nod,
And fifteen hundred souls their final voyage made to God.
=
'A Damaged Vessel' - The Unfit Leader
Into the light it came, a princess of the sea,
With silent grace it sleekly showed its might and majesty
But wait... it should not be this near! Yet nearer still it came;
The waiting rocks of Giglio prepared to stake their claim.
A crunch! resounded through the ship, the rocks tore through its side,
"Where is the captain? Find this man!" the frightened people cried.
A boss to give the signal for the lifeboats to be manned,
A stolid, steadfast man of status, someone who'd command.
A man to tell them what to do, who minded, was well versed,
Who'd activate that vital rule: 'Women and children first'!
"Where did the captain go?" demanded victims in distress;
They quizzed the crew but no one knew - all they could do was guess...
Fear and pandemonium were buffeting around,
And then that fateful shout of fear: "My God, she's going down!"
Some were doomed to be snuffed out, they'd live and laugh no more...
Meantime, Captain F. Schettino was safe and sound on shore.
- eq3rd place:
Christopher Sturdy with:
Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;
Whose misadventur'd piteous overthrows
Doth with their death bury their parents' strife.
=
I reached once more this date in February,
How vivid is the hurt of last year's farce;
I looked to well-intentioned poetry
And with poor use, to fall right on my arse.
I suffer words like 'geek', their heartbreak throw,
It's rough I suffer from this woman's scorn;
Saint Valentine himself with Cupid's bow,
Could not have saved the love that ne'er was born.
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
David Bourke with:
A "woman in comfortable shoes" ~
has common lesbian footwear.
List of all nominated anagrams for February 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
March 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Christopher Sturdy with:
Sticking to the speed limit =
This implied 'get no tickets'. - 2nd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
Nesting goose =
Sits on one egg. - 3rd place:
View with:
Egomania =
O, me, again!
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Dali's 'The Persistence of Memory' =
His masterpiece of modern style. - Topical Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Nuclear Iranis ~
can ruin Israel. - Rude Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
A dildo serviced ~
divorced ladies. - Medium Length Category:
nedesto with:
Bessy the old Guernsey told Molly the heifer, "I've been artificially inseminated; it was done only about four hours ago!"
=
"Hogwash!" Molly said acutely, "I don't believe any of it for one minute."
Bessy raised her aged hoof, "It's entirely true - no bull." - Long Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
World's Greatest Drawings
18. The Parnassus
17. Two Sisters (On The Terrace)
16. Adam and Eve
15. Les Demoiselles d'Avignon
14. Starry Night Over the Rhone
13. Allegory of Age Governed by Prudence
12. Burning of the Houses of Parliament
11. The Crucifixion of Saint Peter
10. Diana and Callisto
9. House of Stairs
8. Massacre at Chios
7. Impression, Sunrise
6. Slave Market with the Disappearing Bust of Voltaire
5. Girl With A Pearl Earring
4. Dull Gret (Mad Meg)
3. Night Watch
2. Sistine Chapel Murals
1. Mona Lisa
=
18. Raphael's homage to the poet
17. Renoir's vivid portrait
16. Durer's tale of sin
15. Picasso's astute art twist
14. Van Gogh's nature image
13. Titian's three-headed human
12. Turner's raw fire
11. Caravaggio's essential work
10. Rubens' giant women
9. Escher's visual dementia
8. Delacroix's sad figures
7. Monet's French dawn
6. Dali's optical illusion
5. Vermeer's pretty lass
4. Bruegel's hellish anarchy
3. Rembrandt's play of light and shadow
2. Michelangelo's offering to the pope
1. Leonardo's enigmatic grin. - People's Names Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
Syrian President Bashar al-Assad =
Sinister and has Arabs paralysed. - Other Names Category:
Larry Brash with:
Old Spice Aftershave =
Splashed it over face. - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
=
A tweeter: Typing a million and a half dumb posts in a week to say he has no free time. - Special Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with:
[March marks the spring migration of some birds from Africa to Europe. Below, the poem Wild Pigeon is anagrammed into 4 poems following the imaginary route of such a bird.]
Wild Pigeon
Isaac McLellan
The Autumn day is fleck'd with gold,
As slow the twilight sun declines;
The western cloud's encrimson'd fold
With a surpassing beauty shines;
And as the deep'ning shadows creep
Athwart the glimmering landscape's breast,
And o'er the purpling mountains sweep,
The drowsy breezes sink to rest.
The roe buck to his dingle goes,
Where thick the wood its covert throws;
The red stag that had paus'd to drink
Beside the rivulet's plashy brink,
Exhausted flings his dappled side
Along the clear, pellucid tide.
'Tis then the pigeons seek the wood
To roost, a swarming multitude.
Deep in Wisconsin wilderness,
Or forests vast of Michigan,
The bending boughs their bosoms press,
The air their clanging pinions fan.
So great their numbers, hunters say
They bend the bough and break the spray,
And when their frighten'd myriads rise,
'Tis like the thunder of the skies.
Years since in forests of the East
They gather'd to the harvest feast;
They swarm'd by river and by shore,
In vast flocks flew the pastures o'er;
They swept innumerable the plain,
Gleaning the corn-seed and the grain;
Then, winging to some grove their flight,
Sought roosting-places for the night.
When emigration to the West
In eager emulation press'd,
And axe and plough and farmer's toil
Open'd the treasures of new soil;
And million acres of the wheat
Ripen'd in summer's fervid heat,
And bearded rye and yellow corn
Shook their bright tresses in the morn;
Then to those fields and pastures new
These emigrants on pinions flew.
When June with rose-red cheeks aglow
O'er banks wild strawberries doth strew;
When August on the sunny hills
With sweets the luscious blueberry fills,
And o'er the heated pasture pours
The blackberries in honey'd stores,
And ripens on the swinging vine
The grapes, like amethysts that shine--
Then to this ripe, abundant fare,
So sweet, the pigeon-flocks repair,
Sharing the never-cloying feast
Our Maker offers to the guest.
=
Spring Passage of the Turtle Doves
The Temple Mount in Jerusalem, Israel
The highbrowed crowds increasing by the hour
Go by the hundreds to that shrine and gem,
Drawn to the Western Wall's enduring power -
For its sound spell expels the dread in them.
Blessed wishes fill the sky, each word afloat
Where sadness underlines awe-filled devotion;
The trusting monologues within the note
Are means to draft this hidden Hebrew notion:
The anguished theists ask, with bated breath,
If He represses sickness... even death.
Central Athens, Greece
The Zappeion and hallowed Parthenon
Are perfect for a humbled delegation -
The buses keep arriving by the ton,
Amassing as one epic winged migration;
It goes amiss as seasons shift all year
In towns where idle warmth is downright rare,
But yours, O Greece, persists so purely here,
For Athens' gift is sunshine everywhere.
Greek goddesses sit passively, in grace,
To greet the masses praising their rich place.
Cathedral in the town of Assisi, Italy
The town might not be highly known, and yet
The wisest people with a bent for art
Cross lakes and walk with the intent to get
To chaste Assisi's striking depth and heart;
The brushwork of the splendid Giotto there
Intrigues with patterns filled with veneration
And wakes the artists' sudden need of flair -
The naves' mere lushness might prompt more creation.
Above these treats, the sky won't dare to frown;
Like nobles, it shall nurture that prime town.
Luxembourg Gardens in Paris, France
The happy cuddle on one wooden bench
By fetching ponds should often yield romance;
The dusks are sluggish, while the doting French
Press on, subsiding as they end their dance.
Friends cross the paths adorned with cheerful growth
And grasp the fountain's beauty there, in twilight;
Nearby, succumbing to its hold on both,
The lovers' murmurs spur some winning highlight.
Unbroken kisses spark so suddenly
If they are kisses in this garden glee.
The twist: When all of the S's are highlighted in the poem bodies, they depict the protagonist...
The highbrowed crowds increasing by the hour
Go by the hundreds to that shrine and gem,
Drawn to the Western Wall's enduring power -
For its sound spell expels the dread in them.
Blessed wishes fill the sky, each word afloat
Where sadness underlines awe-filled devotion;
The trusting monologues within the note
Are means to draft this hidden Hebrew notion:
The anguished theists ask, with bated breath,
If He represses sickness... even death.
The Zappeion and hallowed Parthenon
Are perfect for a humbled delegation -
The buses keep arriving by the ton,
Amassing as one epic winged migration;
It goes amiss as seasons shift all year
In towns where idle warmth is downright rare,
But yours, O Greece, persists so purely here,
For Athens' gift is sunshine everywhere.
Greek goddesses sit passively, in grace,
To greet the masses praising their rich place.
The town might not be highly known, and yet
The wisest people with a bent for art
Cross lakes and walk with the intent to get
To chaste Assisi's striking depth and heart;
The brushwork of the splendid Giotto there
Intrigues with patterns filled with veneration
And wakes the artists' sudden need of flair -
The naves' mere lushness might prompt more creation.
Above these treats, the sky won't dare to frown;
Like nobles, it shall nurture that prime town.
The happy cuddle on one wooden bench
By fetching ponds should often yield romance;
The dusks are sluggish while the doting French
Press on, subsiding, as they end their dance.
Friends cross the paths adorned with cheerful growth
And grasp the fountain's beauty there, in twilight;
Nearby, succumbing to its hold on both,
The lovers' murmurs spur some winning highlight.
Unbroken kisses spark so suddenly
If they are kisses in this garden glee.
...in motion:
- 2nd place:
Tony Crafter with:
EL PASO
By
Marty Robbins
Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
I fell in love with a Mexican girl.
Night-time would find me in Rosa's cantina;
Music would play and Felina would whirl.
Blacker than night were the eyes of Felina,
Wicked and evil while casting a spell.
My love was deep for this Mexican maiden;
I was in love but in vain, I could tell.
One night a wild young cowboy came in,
Wild as the West Texas wind.
Dashing and daring,
A drink he was sharing
With wicked Felina,
The girl that I loved.
So in anger I
Challenged his right for the love of this maiden.
Down went his hand for the gun that he wore.
My challenge was answered in less than a heart-beat;
The handsome young stranger lay dead on the floor.
Just for a moment I stood there in silence,
Shocked by the foul evil deed I had done.
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
I had but one chance and that was to run.
Out through the back door of Rosa's I ran,
Out where the horses were tied.
I caught a good one.
It looked like it could run.
Up on its back
And away I did ride,
Just as fast as I
Could from the West Texas town of El Paso
Out to the bad-lands of New Mexico.
Back in El Paso my life would be worthless.
Everything's gone in life; nothing is left.
It's been so long since I've seen the young maiden
My love is stronger than my fear of death.
I saddled up and away I did go,
Riding alone in the dark.
Maybe tomorrow
A bullet may find me.
Tonight nothing's worse than this
Pain in my heart.
And at last here I
Am on the hill overlooking El Paso;
I can see Rosa's cantina below.
My love is strong and it pushes me onward.
Down off the hill to Felina I go.
Off to my right I see five mounted cowboys;
Off to my left ride a dozen or more.
Shouting and shooting I can't let them catch me.
I have to make it to Rosa's back door.
Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel
A deep burning pain in my side.
Though I am trying
To stay in the saddle,
I'm getting weary,
Unable to ride.
But my love for
Felina is strong and I rise where I've fallen,
Though I am weary I can't stop to rest.
I see the white puff of smoke from the rifle.
I feel the bullet go deep in my chest.
From out of nowhere Felina has found me,
Kissing my cheek as she kneels by my side.
Cradled by two loving arms that I'll die for,
One little kiss and Felina,
Good-bye.
=
EL PUSO
Out in Barns Green down in Horsham, West Sussex,
I had a duel with one ornery gent,
He was the cruel, one 'n' only El Puso
I came intent on a fight to the end.
There in an inn full of hillbilly yokels,
The ale looked like gnat's pee 'n' tasted the same
I arrived early to check on the venue,
Armed, set to kill, in this 'High Noon' endgame.
All of a sudden the door opened wide,
Someone came in from the night,
It was El Puso
Arriving with gusto,
The glint in his eye
Was a knife in my heart.
So I rose from my
Chair and I challenged him: "Show what you've got man,"
Down flew his hand, moving fast as a fox,
Before I knew it he delved in his bum-bag,
Drew out, like lighting... an old Scrabble box.
Just for one moment the whole room fell silent,
All I could hear was the beat of my heart,
Many words flew through my mind as I stood there,
I chose only two and I said them: "Let's start."
Before I knew it a table was cleared,
We both got chairs and sat down,
From my bag I took
My old Scrabble Wordbook,
He snarled, "Best of one."
My reply was a frown.
Then we each chose our
Tiles from the tile-bag, set them on tile-racks,
I looked at them once and got set to attack.
He tossed a coin in the air, and I cried "Tails!"
It came down heads and he sniggered, "First blood,"
He laid his tiles and he made 'FOXED' (for forty)
All I could make with my letters was 'MUD',
As we continued the game got more mean,
Puso played out of his skin,
I was still laggin' 'n'
My brain was flaggin'
While he laid words such as
'FIZGIG' and 'DJINN'.
Then at last I
Withdrew from the tile-bag the letter I longed for,
(Suffice to say, it's the one after 'P')
This only briefly revived my ill-fortune,
I also pulled out five 'I's and a 'V'.
A crowd had gathered, I heard someone giggling,
Puso was now fifty-five points in front,
I notched sixty-four off a great double-triple,
I took the lead, and I heard Puso grunt.
He tagged an 'S' onto 'CIVIC' and made
'CIVICS' to score thirty-two,
Though I kept smilin'
Inside I was rilin',
I now held four 'I's,
Two 'O's and a 'U'.
So in anger I
Voiced my annoyance, changed my f***ing letters,
Effing 'n' blinding so uncivilly,
Then, all in a moment of insanity,
Next thing, he'd finished and beat me by three!
From out of nowhere El Puso has won it,
Funny how fortune can dive in that way
I said, "You've got me, and I have to pay," he said
"Buy me a lager," so I said,
"Okay." - 3rd place:
Mike Keith with:
[In the poem below all three stanzas are mutual anagrams. In addition, the first stanza is a word-length mnemonic for the first 22 digits of the golden ratio, phi (1.618033988749894848204...), the second stanza is a mnemonic for the first 26 digits of e (2.7182818284590452353602874...), and the third stanza gives the first 29 digits of pi (3.1415926535897932384626433832). The usual rule applies - 0 digits are represented by a 10-letter word.]
I marred a groaning silhouette,
saw dim abhorrent freedoms cemented forever,
till blackened paranoia bewitched this shadowed roof,
smashing my despondent soul.
=
In meadows I remember my orations:
a forecast of degraded love,
words cadential proceeding from Hades
to the heart now shrunk,
sublimated in helpless, binding hate.
=
You, a tree, a field overblown in summer,
words and looks gathered, solicited, chanced,
reminders now of the pleasing past
bathed in bright heat and sad memories for me.
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Ellie Dent with:
Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge =
Such a deft charm: it echoes breeding.
List of all nominated
anagrams for March 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
April 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
David Bourke with:
A security service =
Secrecy is a virtue. - 2nd place:
Christopher Sturdy with:
About three-hour set lifespan =
The usual for phone batteries. - 3rd place:
Larry Brash with:
Please Do Not Walk On The Grass =
So let's go and spare the lawn, OK?
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
nedesto with:
Top novels:
1. Anna Karenina
2. Madame Bovary
3. War and Peace =
1. Reawakened in a romance
2. A savvy mantrap
3. Bad Napoleon! - Topical Category:
Tony Crafter with:
The anniversary of the Titanic disaster =
It is the centenary of this sad narrative. - Rude Category (tie):
Larry Brash with:
The menage á trois ~
is to manage three.
Meyran Kraus with:
A french kiss is something cute, but ~
fucking in the ass is so much better! - Medium Length Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
The Top Five Most Useful College Degrees:
5. Education
4. Law
3. Computer Science
2. Business/Management
1. Medical Science
=
5. Can't do? Teach!
4. Confuse client in legalese; sue me.
3. Develop nice website.
2. Muscle success from ego.
1. I'm a patient--drug me! - Long Category:
Tony Crafter with:
A LIST OF FAMOUS LAST WORDS
1. "I am just going outside and may be some time." Captain Oates
2. "Goodnight my darlings, I'll see you tomorrow." Noel Coward
3. "You must pardon me, gentlemen, for being a most unconscionable time a-dying." Charles II
4. "It is never too late for a glass of champagne." Anton Chekhov
5. "Mother, I'm going to get my things and get out of this house. Father hates me and I'm never coming back." Marvin Gaye
6. "Aw, no one's gonna shoot at me." Lee Harvey Oswald
7. "It's all been rather lovely." John Le Mesurier
8. "The car seems OK." Ayrton Senna
9. "Leave me alone, I'm fine." Barry White
10. "Just don't leave me alone." John Belushi
11. "Love one another." George Harrison.
12. "I'm so bored with it all." Sir Winston Churchill
13. "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow." Steve Jobs
14. "Now comes the mystery." Henry Ward Beecher
15. "Go away, I'm all right." H G Wells
=
1. Hero who gave his life in Antarctica.
2. Playwright/composer orates his last monologue.
3.'The Merrie Monarch'. Jovial royal scallywag; sired a mind-boggling twelve illegitimate children. Wow!
4. Author enjoys one last bubbly.
5. "Momma, I guess I heard it through the grapevine."
6. Jack Ruby had other ideas...
7. Vague, Brit comedy-actor who was a gentleman to the last.
8. Not so. A loose steering-column seemingly let him down in San Marino motor race.
9. He gave a somewhat eggy command; then lost his first, last, and everything.
10. One lonesome Blues Brother. A major heroin overdose saw him off.
11. Beatle going to see his sweet Lord.
12. Woesome war-leader seeing no joy now, only much monotony.
13. Looks as if he may have seen a wondrous new invention in his last moments?
14. Clergyman about to meet the unknown.
15. F*** off!" - People's Names Category:
nedesto with:
The top three child prodigies:
1. Mozart
2. Picasso
3. Pascal
=
1. Greatest composer
2. Artistic lad
3. Chap philosophized - Other Names Category:
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
A prescription for Viagra =
A prop for vain geriatrics? - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
"Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see the world hath more fools in it than ever." (Charles Lamb)
=
Aha, a chance of showers--
Perfect time to
Rest on a verandah.
I shall remember
Light rain, and also hail! - Special Category:
- 1st place:
Mike Keith with:
The Two Heralds. - 2nd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
Here are 2 short poems about Fall and Spring, anagrammed into each other. - 3rd place:
Tony Crafter with:
JOKES - Two Peggies
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Dr Charles G. Waugh with:
Campus demonstration =
Commies spout and rant.
List of all nominated
anagrams for April 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
May 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Christopher Sturdy with
One with a mischievous sense of humour =
I have so much fun with someone serious! - 2nd place:
Larry Brash with:
Actions speak louder than words =
Useless pair chat and do not work. - 3rd place:
Tony Crafter with:
One's wild oats =
Sown to ladies!
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Darwin's evolutionary 'On the Origin of Species' =
It proved how our "Genesis" is one fictional yarn. - Topical Category:
Tony Crafter with:
The Diamond Jubilee anniversary celebrations =
Ever a noble icon, Her Majesty's lauded in Britain! - Rude Category:
nedesto with:
Walt Disney's Pinocchio =
I can shit woody pencils! - Medium Length Category:
nedesto with:
This man takes his cross-eyed cur to some vet who casually raised it up and peered into its eyes.
The vet heaved a hushed sigh. ~
"My god... I'll have to put this terrier down." he said.
" 'Cause he is cross-eyed!?" asked the upset man.
"No", said the vet, "It's 'cause he's heavy." - Long Category:
Tony Crafter with:
A guy goes into a bar. He orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Why are you drinking them so fast?"
The guy says, "Hell, man; you would be drinking fast too if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "85 cents."
=
Two rest-home seniors are chatting. The guy says, "Can you guess my age, Brenda?"
She says, "Yeah, but I've gotta feel your balls first, Frank."
With that, her hand dives down his front. She has a tug and a grab and then says, "...85."
"Darn it! How did you know that?" he asks.
"You told me yesterday."
- People's Names Category:
eq1st - View with:
Nicolas Sarkozy =
Crazy lookin' ass.
eq1st - nedesto with:
PM David Cameron =
Vapid commander. - Other Names Category (tie):
Scott Gardner with:
The Olympic Stadium =
My athletics podium - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Tony Crafter with:
God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen
God save the Queen
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us
God save the Queen
=
ANGER ON THE UNLOVED CHALLENGE
One horror so unique
Oh, I've got over-piqued
Queerest I've seen.
A plague o' U 'n' G's
A glut o' Q 'n' V's
Ever so discouraging
Sod you DB! - Special Category:
- 1st place:
nedesto with: with:
Crossword - 2nd place:
TMike Keith with:
When first the gods lie mounted on a tray
To play of idle art when summer's nigh.
The rules of his mind's order went astray
Because men rose at once with plans so high.
So on this earth the languid dream-pace flows:
A countryside, the blue romantic sea,
The god finance rebuilt, a prey that slows;
These hold the tired mountains earnestly.
To hasten faith, while printed authors leer,
Where farming thousands low resentment bore
Do paper hearts that win soon gladly sear?
The watchful starling toodles "Nevermore".
Tend to a torch as round-pitched tables hum
Let gather Fates; the icon moon sets dumb.
=
We find that soon the melodies turn gray
Our flesh an empty mold, a winter sigh.
She renders ransom first without delay
When each soon-passing truth becomes a lie.
What laid among the fields our parents chose:
A mist at noon, a cheesy cultured Brie,
The bending pile a faulty horse-cart tows;
These too shall run and meet their destiny.
With haunted hope, if lethal traitors sneer
While wrongs at men returned, as months before
Shall steady wind not propagate or shear?
The term's wrong value told the final score.
So spot that old authentic hardened crumb
The tombstone flat, the caged sensorium.
- 3rd - Meyran Kraus with:
To My Mother
Because I feel that, in the Heavens above,
The angels, whispering to one another,
Can find, among their burning terms of love,
None so devotional as that of €œMother,€
Therefore by that dear name I long have called you€”
You who are more than mother unto me,
And fill my heart of hearts, where Death installed you,
In setting my Virginia€™s spirit free.
My mother€”my own mother, who died early,
Was but the mother of myself; but you
Are mother to the one I loved so dearly,
And thus are dearer than the mother I knew
By that infinity with which my wife
Was dearer to my soul than its soul-life.
=
The Lady's Time in May
May weather often summoned memories
Of boyhood rainbows and of foolish youth;
The wealth that Nature lavished on her trees
Has made me fathom a refreshing truth -
Each of these light vignettes that come to mind
Remains a tribute to your image, Mother:
So natural with babies, so refined,
Devoted to a newborn like no other.
And when we reach the end of everything,
Your name may live forever in this earth,
Portrayed within the precious lines that sing
Of all that you have done for me from birth.
Eternally, the rhyme will show anew
My unrelenting loyalty to you.
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Rick Rothstein with:
Ignoring the facts =
A frightening cost.
List of all nominated
anagrams for May 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
June 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
nedesto with:
A documentary =
Camera on duty. - 2nd place:
Tony Crafter with:
The complete loss of hair =
Tolls of chemotherapies. - 3rd place:
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Actions speak louder than words =
Doer can outshadow talker's spin.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Aesop's fable 'The Tortoise and the Hare' =
A pedestrian hero beat the fool's haste. - Topical Category:
Rosie Perera with:
Katie Holmes divorcing Tom Cruise =
"I am much irked over Scientologist." - Rude Category:
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Inaudible farts ~
left us in bad air. - Medium Length Category:
Tony Crafter with:
Lucy was sitting on the settee, heartily drinking wine with her husband Ron. "I adore you so much," she said, "that I... I do not know
~
how I'd carry on without you."
"Nice," snorted her husband; "and is this you or the wine talking?"
She said, "It's me talking to the wine." - Long Category:
1st - nedesto with:
How to Defend Yourself Against the Velociraptor
1. You need to be sure you're fighting a velociraptor. To identify it; find something to throw at it. If it runs at you phenomenally fast, infuriated, thrashing and screaming, it probably is a velociraptor. You are now in some big danger.
2. Next, run away. It will catch you immediately.
3. Now's your big chance! Hit it behind the head. But maybe in the arm or the tail.
4. Call the police but don't say much about fighting a velociraptor because they won't believe you; say you are fighting terrorism.
Tips
* Avoid velociraptors.
* I recommend you always have a homemade phony velociraptor costume handy so you can mesmerise a velociraptor into thinking you are also a velociraptor. (Though note: this won't actually work)
Warnings
* Velociraptors have very sharp teeth and hidden claws for penetration as demonstrated in Jurassic Park, when Sam Neill shamelessly uses that raptor claw to discuss slicing that kid up into a mess of flesh confetti.
* Many velociraptors can open doors barehanded and may even have the ability to learn other simple tasks such as: gardening and listening to Country Music.
=
How to Appear Human
1. Choose a Human to imitate. Avoid world leaders; assassination may lead to your being detected.
2. Grow - or attach using adhesive - "Human like" limbs which may be artificially constructed out of ordinary raw materials (e.g. ice, duct tape, etc...) Then select dye color having visibility in the average Human's visual spectrum, applying this dye liberally to any limbs.
3. The final layer is comprised entirely of woven fabric. Depending on the age of the Human which you have chosen to imitate, rips and stretch marks may be very convincing. Finally, apply polystyrene triangles and circles to just the top of your anatomy. Do not overdo it; Humans are not Krakens.
4. You are ready to embark on your mission. To move yourself forward, push against the ground with all of your prostheses that have an orientation towards the native gravitational body.
Tips
* Attaching fibrous protein strands to the top of your outer anatomy along with geometric shapes allows for a more convincing disguise.
Warnings
* Do not eat other Humans in public; experience indicates that their culture considers this wholly unacceptable behavior. - People's Names Category:
Ellie Dent with:
Lanfranco Dettori =
Raced in front a lot! - Other Names Category:
Tony Crafter with:
The Lake District National Park, Cumbria, England =
Scenic but damp. Take the anorak, darling; it'll rain! - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Larry Brash with:
Because I could not stop for Death -
He kindly stopped for me -
The Carriage held but just Ourselves -
And Immortality.
=
"Life's a bitch then you die",
A clever old joke foretold.
That sort produce many a sigh,
and trumpets "I must be super old!" - Special Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with:[Alan Gould's 'Fifteen Statements in a Card Game' is anagrammed into four 13-line poems which imitate a 52-card deck: They each discuss a different card suit and its relation to a desired quality in poker, and also display each relevant suit visually when the letters S, U, I & T are highlighted in the poem bodies:]
You have been at this table several weeks.
And now you stare at cards that are no good.
The girl who stands behind you seldom speaks.
You would impress her if you only could.
There are no trumps, and someone lays the ace.
The girl has put her hand upon your cheek.
A scowl has passed across your partner's face.
You long for some result, some swift technique.
It scarcely matters if you win or lose.
The card you'll lay now is the vital one.
The girl will indicate which one to choose.
If it's the joker then the game is won.
You've never had the joker in your hand.
You'll win and lose, and die here. This was planned.
=
Why Lucky Charms Are Desirable
Bright planners shan't need Voodoo to take over -
They'll plot so as to yield a quick advance,
While heinous loons who'd need the four-leaf clover
Decide to wish, just hoping for that chance.
Your crooked shams have helped you win the game;
They are as sure as sin in Hollywood,
Yet luck's rich powers, random in their aim,
Would ease or end the strain, or heal the mood...
The gruesome burden must not weigh on you -
The contest is suspenseful anyway;
Rejoice, as seasons soar and flee anew,
That Fortune is so gentle while you play -
Unearthly twists still can repair your day.
=
The Players' Inner Diamonds
The jewel that players soon know very well
Reveals some qualities which seem to clash:
Clearer than usual, yet dense as hell;
So frail - but just too hard to chink or slash.
And when you're cursed with cards that aren't appealing,
Or when you're issued hands too good to throw,
Resist your normal urge to then show feelings;
Be harsh but playful like a diamond's glow.
So when a Full House somehow is received,
Spoil not your guise and keep a stony face -
They'd eat you up if they're not soon deceived;
No, only as you hide each risky trace
May it convince the room - and win the race.
=
Wisdom of the Heart
Yes, card sharps won't emote - yet secret layers
Could often show you needs, sweet joy or lack:
The bruising, livid look of doleful players
Or evil, shining smiles when they have Jacks.
The hidden hints, like arrows on the road,
Can guide your actions, even through these parts;
The brain could mine each flaw and note each code -
Yet nothing's quite as useful as your heart.
One man with primal depth would never lose
As he can intuit and read one's soul,
And see a timid glance or other clues.
Your heart will show you those who play a role;
As your opponent's breaks, yours may stay whole.
=
One Tool That We Must Surely Carry
Your luck, too scarce when in one harsher session,
Solves just the hurdle which is hardly major;
And edgy traits, like hawk-eyed self-possession,
Shall not upset one shrewd, much quicker wager.
No, in this hostile game, you have one aid:
A crafty lie, a trap dug deep and wide,
So hatch yours with one scummy hoe or spade,
And throw your loathsome rival deep inside.
Don't cheat too often, as your cunning foe
May get that at the end - and leave alone;
A purely stationary heap below
Will constitute of one sheer loser's bones
Which, if you're skilled, shall never be your own.[The 4 x 13-line poems imitate a 52 card deck; each of them not only discusses a different card suit - but also displays it visually when the letters S, U, I & T are highlighted in the poem bodies, respectively:]
Why Lucky Charms Are Desirable
Bright planners shan't need Voodoo to take over -
They'll plot so as to yield a quick advance,
While heinous loons who'd need the four-leaf clover
Decide to wish, just hoping for that chance.
Your crooked shams have helped you win the game;
They are as sure as sin in Hollywood,
Yet luck's rich powers, random in their aim,
Would ease or end the strain, or heal the mood...
The gruesome burden must not weigh on you -
The contest is suspenseful anyway;
Rejoice, as seasons soar and flee anew,
That Fortune is so gentle while you play -
Unearthly twists still can repair your day.
=
The Players' Inner Diamonds
The jewel that players soon know very well
Reveals some qualities which seem to clash:
Clearer than usual, yet dense as hell;
So frail - but just too hard to chink or slash.
And when you're cursed with cards that aren't appealing,
Or when you're issued hands too good to throw,
Resist your normal urge to then show feelings;
Be harsh but playful like a diamond's glow.
So when a Full House somehow is received,
Spoil not your guise and keep a stony face -
They'd eat you up if they're not soon deceived;
No, only as you hide each risky trace
May it convince the room - and win the race.
=
Wisdom of the Heart
Yes, card sharps won't emote - yet secret layers
Could often show you needs, sweet joy or lack:
The bruising, livid look of doleful players
Or evil, shining smiles when they have Jacks.
The hidden hints, like arrows on the road,
Can guide your actions, even through these parts;
The brain could mine each flaw and note each code -
Yet nothing's quite as useful as your heart.
One man with primal depth would never lose
As he can intuit and read one's soul,
And see a timid glance or other clues.
Your heart will show you those who play a role;
As your opponent's breaks, yours may stay whole.
=
One Tool That We Must Surely Carry
Your luck, too scarce when in one harsher session,
Solves just the hurdle which is hardly major;
And edgy traits, like hawk-eyed self-possession,
Shall not upset one shrewd, much quicker wager.
No, in this hostile game, you have one aid:
A crafty lie, a trap dug deep and wide,
So hatch yours with one scummy hoe or spade,
And throw your loathsome rival deep inside.
Don't cheat too often, as your cunning foe
May get that at the end - and leave alone;
A purely stationary heap below
Will constitute of one sheer loser's bones
Which, if you're skilled, shall never be your own.
- 2nd place:
nedesto with:[This crossword contains four titles from a beloved writer and a farewell highlighted in blue. The letters in the completed crossword grid are an anagram of the combined set of "ACROSS" and "DOWN" clues.]
ACROSS
1. Coal-like
7. Reed (5,4)
12. Guard (9-2-4)
13. Review
14. Explain
15. Artifice
16. ..., Eighth, ___
17. Meat
20. Parapet
22. Pious
23. More!
25. Cave
27. Adieu! (3,3,7,8)
29. Fade-out
31. Ant-like
32. Weir (4,3)
35. A space title (1,2,3,6)
37. Raver
39. Pure
40. Gorse
41. A short (3,6)
44. Dart
45. Note (4,4,7)
46. Sauciest
47. Fair fare (8,3)DOWN
1. Got hurt
2. Tint
3. Imperator
4. Tracer (6,6)
5. Canon
6. Necessity (11,10)
7. The ___ Chronicles
8. "A... L?... A, T!"
9. Lier?
10. "Oops!" (1,5,2,7)
11. Biograph (4,7)
18. Bird (8,7)
19. Extra
21. Firm tone
24. Cut
26. Easy Street (8,4)
27. Resonant
28. Dutch enamel
30. I drop balls (4,5)
33. Irrigator (4,5)
34. Outlaw
36. Insect
38. Icon
42. Inmate, once (2-3)
43. Tame
- eq3rd place:
Tony Crafter with:
As the Queen celebrates 60 years since ascending the throne, here are 60 facts released by Buckingham Palace to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, one for each year of her rule.
1. The Queen is the second longest serving monarch after Queen Victoria who reigned for 63 years. Only six kings and queens in British history have reigned for 50 years or more
2. The Queen is the 40th monarch since William the Conqueror obtained the crown of England.
3. Since 1952 the Queen has given royal assent to more than 3,500 Acts of Parliament.
4. Over her reign the monarch has given regular audiences to 12 prime ministers:
5. Tony Blair was the first prime minister born during the Queen's reign. He was born in May 1953 - the month before the coronation.
6. The Queen has attended every opening of Parliament except those in 1959 and 1963, when she was expecting the Duke of York and the Earl of Wessex respectively.
7. There have been six archbishops of Canterbury during the Queen's reign
8. There have been six popes during the Queens reign.
9. The Queen has received two Popes on visits to the UK, John Paul II and Benedict XVI.
10. The monarch is patron of more than 600 charities and organisations, more than 400 of which she has held since 1952.
11. Since 1952, the Queen has conferred more than 404,500 honours and awards.
12. The sovereign has personally held more than 610 investitures.
13. The first investiture of the Queen's reign took place at Buckingham Palace on February 27, 1952. The first person to be presented was Private William Speakman who received the Victoria Cross for his actions during the Korean War.
14. The monarch has answered around three and a half million items of correspondence.
15. The sovereign has sent more than 175,000 telegrams to centenarians in the UK and the Commonwealth.
16. The Queen has sent almost 540,000 telegrams to couples in the UK and the Commonwealth celebrating their diamond wedding anniversary.
17. The monarch and Duke of Edinburgh have sent approximately 45,000 Christmas cards during the last sixty years.
18. The sovereign has given out approximately 90,000 Christmas puddings to staff, continuing the custom of George V and George VI.
19. During the last 60 years, the Queen has undertaken 261 official overseas visits, including 78 state visits, to 116 different countries.
20. Many of the monarch's official tours were undertaken on the Royal Yacht Britannia. It was launched by the Queen on April 16, 1953 and was commissioned for service on January 7, 1954. It was decommissioned in December 1997. During this time, Britannia has travelled more than a million miles on royal and official duties.
21. Britannia was first used by the sovereign when she embarked with Philip on May 1, 1954 at Tobruk for the final stage of their Commonwealth tour returning to the Pool of London.
22. During her reign the Queen has made many visits to her major realms - countries where she is head of state. She has visited Australia 18 times, Canada 22 times, Jamaica 6 times and New Zealand 10 times.
23. The Queen's official visits have ranged from the Cocos Islands, 5.4 square miles with a population of 596, to China, 3.7 million square miles with a population of 1.34 billion.
24. Unusual live gifts given to the monarch on foreign tours include: two tortoises presented in the Seychelles in 1972; a seven-year-old bull elephant called Jumbo from the president of Cameroon in 1972 to mark the Queen's silver wedding anniversary; and two black beavers presented after a visit to Canada.
25. The only time the sovereign has had to interrupt an overseas tour was in 1974 during a visit to Australia and Indonesia when she was called back to the UK from Australia when a general election in the UK was suddenly called. The Duke continued with the programme in Australia and the Queen rejoined the tour in Indonesia.
26. The sovereign's first Commonwealth tour as Queen began on November 24, 1953 and included visits to Canada, Bermuda, Jamaica, Panama, Fiji, Tonga, New Zealand, Australia, the Cocos Islands, Ceylon, Aden, Uganda, Libya, Malta and Gibraltar. The total distance covered was 43,618 miles.
27. The Queen made a historic visit to the Republic of Ireland in May 2011, the first visit by a British monarch since Irish independence.
28. There have been 102 inward state visits from 1952 to the end of 2011, up to and including Turkey in November 2011.
29. The first football match the Queen attended was the 1953 FA Cup Final.
30. The Queen has laid her wreath at the Cenotaph on Remembrance Sunday every year of her reign, except for 6 occasions when she was either pregnant or overseas on official visits.
31. The Queen has attended 56 Royal Maundy services in 43 cathedrals during her reign. A total of 6,710 people have received Maundy Money in recognition of their service to the church and their communities.
32. The monarch has been at the saluting base of her troops in every Trooping the Colour ceremony since the start of her reign, with the exception of 1955, when a national rail strike forced the cancellation of the parade.
33. The sovereign has attended 35 Royal Variety Performances.
34. The monarch has launched 21 ships during her reign.
35. Since it was launched to mark the Queen's golden jubilee in 2002, the Queen's Award for Voluntary Service has been awarded to more than 750 voluntary organisations across all four countries in the UK. Winners of the award have included scout groups, community radio stations, groups who care for the elderly and environmental charities.
36. During the past sixty years almost one and a half million people have attended garden parties at Buckingham Palace or the Palace of Holyroodhouse.
37. The Queen has sat for 129 portraits during her reign.
38. The first royal walkabout took place during the visit by the monarch and Philip to Australia and New Zealand in 1970. The practice was introduced to allow them to meet as many people as possible, not simply officials and dignitaries.
39. In 1969 the first television film about the family life of the Royal Family was made and shown on the eve of the investiture of Charles as Prince of Wales.
40. An important innovation during the Queen's reign was the opening in 1962 of a new gallery at Buckingham Palace to display items from the Royal Collection. The brainchild of the Duke, the new Queen's Gallery occupied the space of the palace's bomb-damaged private chapel. It was the first time that parts of the royal residence had been opened to the general public. The Queen's Gallery was redeveloped and reopened in 2002 for the golden jubilee.
41. The Queen has made a Christmas broadcast to the Commonwealth people every year of her reign except 1969, when a repeat of the film Royal Family was shown and a written message from the monarch issued. In 2002 the sovereign made her 50th Christmas broadcast and in 2004 she issued her first separate broadcast for members of the British armed forces.
42. In 1953, the monarch made the first Christmas broadcast from overseas, rather than from the UK, broadcasting live from New Zealand. The first televised broadcast was in 1957, made live. The first pre-recorded broadcast took place in 1960 to allow transmissions around the world. In 2006 the Christmas broadcast was first made available to download as a podcast.
43. The Queen launched the British monarchy's official website in 1997. In 2007 the official British Monarchy YouTube channel was unveiled, swiftly followed by a Twitter site (2009), Flickr page and Facebook page (both 2010).
44. The Queen hosts theme days and receptions to promote and celebrate aspects of British culture. Recent examples from 2011 include a reception for young people and the performing arts and for explorers. Other themes have included publishing, broadcasting, tourism, emergency services, maritime, music, young achievers, British design and pioneers.
45. In an average year, the monarch will host more than 50,000 people at banquets, lunches, dinners, receptions and garden parties at Buckingham Palace. The sovereign also hosts more than 8,000 people each year at garden parties and investitures at Holyroodhouse, during Holyrood Week.
46. The Queen was born at 17 Bruton Street, London, W1, on April 21, 1926, was christened on May 29, 1926 in the private chapel at Buckingham Palace and was confirmed on March 28, 1942 in the private chapel at Windsor Castle.
47. The monarch learnt to drive in 1945.
48. With the birth of Andrew in 1960, the Queen became the first reigning sovereign to have a child since Queen Victoria, who had her youngest child, Princess Beatrice, in 1857.
49. The monarch's real birthday is on April 21, but it is celebrated officially in June.
50. During the silver jubilee year, the Queen toured 36 counties in the UK and Northern Ireland, starting in Glasgow on May 17. During her golden jubilee year she toured 35 counties beginning in Cornwall on May 1.
51. The Queen's first foreign tour of the silver jubilee year was a visit to Western Samoa, Tonga, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia and Papua New Guinea. The first foreign tour of her golden jubilee year was to Jamaica, New Zealand and Australia.
52. The monarch has thirty godchildren.
53. The Queen has owned more than 30 corgis during her reign, starting with Susan who was a present for her 18th birthday in 1944. A good proportion of these have been direct descendants from Susan. The Queen currently has three corgis - Monty, Willow and Holly.
54. The Queen also introduced a new breed of dog known as the dorgi when one of her corgis was mated with a dachshund named Pipkin which belonged to Princess Margaret.
55. The Queen and duke have been married for 64 years. They were married on November 20, 1947 in Westminster Abbey. The Queen's wedding dress was designed by Norman Hartnell and was woven at Winterthur Silks Limited, Dunfermline, in the Canmore factory, using silk that had come from Chinese silkworms at Lullingstone Castle.
56. The monarch's wedding ring was made from a nugget of Welsh gold which came from the Clogau St David's mine near Dolgellau. The official wedding cake was made by McVitie and Price, using ingredients given as a wedding gift by Australian Girl Guides.
57. The wedding of the Queen and Philip was the first and so far the only time in British history that the heir presumptive to the throne had been married.
58. The monarch's racing colours are a purple body with gold braid, scarlet sleeves and black velvet cap with gold fringe. They were adopted from those used by Edward VII; one of his most successful horses was called Diamond Jubilee.
59. Queen Victoria was the last, and to date the only, British monarch to celebrate a diamond jubilee. The Queen, who will be 85 on Accession Day in 2012, will be the oldest monarch to celebrate a diamond jubilee. Queen Victoria was 77 when she celebrated hers in 1897.
60. Only three heads of state have celebrated diamond jubilee reigns during the Queen's tenure. King Bhumibol Adulyadej of Thailand celebrated 60 years on the throne in 2006; the former Sultan of Johor, now a part of Malaysia, celebrated his in 1955; and the late Emperor Hirohito of Japan marked his in 1986.
=
60 more facts you didn't know about Queen Elizabeth II. (Some true!)
1. As a child, the Queen was a proficient swimmer and in 1934, aged 8, represented Bruton Street Primary School in a London All-Schools Gala.
2. In that gala, she won her 100m breast-stroke and 150m front-crawl events but was disqualified in butterfly after pole-axing an opponent during a race, with a vicious right hook. She claimed it was an accident but was clearly heard to snarl, 'Take that, loser!' when delivering the errant punch.
3. The Queen is very fond of Prince William's vivacious wife Catherine and has said: "At least her parents are well orf, so she won't be another Fergie."
4. After watching dancing dog Pudsey win Britain's Got Talent, 2012, the Queen instructed her Royal dog trainer to teach her corgis formation line-dancing. Progress to date is reported to be slow.
5. The Queen keeps a hip flask in her handbag, but it contains nothing stronger than a malted-milk drink. Asked about his memories of meeting the monarch at a Royal Command Performance, one particular rock-star claimed, "Man, she reeked of Horlicks."
6. 116 local Councils in Britain have banned Diamond Jubilee street parties in their communities as it could offend 1229 other cultures.
7. The Queen is still embarrassed over an incident, famously captured on camera, when her giggling husband farted on the Royal balcony. She describes it as Philip's anus horribilis.
8. During her 60-year reign, The Queen has excelled, and has acted with impeccable grace and dignity, never putting a foot wrong (unlike her errant husband and most of her errant, married children).
9. A major piece of art in the Queen's Royal Collection is the iconic 'Christ and St Mary Magdalene At The Tomb', painted by Rembrandt (1606-1669). On one occasion in 1991, Her Majesty went on TV's 'Antiques Roadshow', masquerading as a Welsh clog dancer, to ascertain a valuation for the painting and was told "�25.99, but accept �21.50."
10. 'God save our Queen' is an anagram of: 'Queue over gonads.' Remarkable!
11. The Queen is a great fan of the movie 'Dirty Dancing' and she and the Duke took secret lessons for several months in order to surprise everyone by dancing the 'I've Had The Time Of My Life' routine at his 90th birthday party. Regrettably, it had to be abandoned after her husband pulled a leg muscle chasing a chambermaid up the stairs.
12. Her Majesty has her own Facebook page under the name 'Bette Balmoral'. She has 19 Facebook Friends.
13. The Queen and her husband have an ongoing secret competition between them to see who can last longest at public functions without having a wee. She is winning so far with a personal best of 481 minutes 25 seconds. The Duke does well to last 30 minutes now.
14. During her reign, the Queen's had 12 Prime Ministers. (Not 'had' them in the sexual sense of course. Come on... Winston Churchill? Would you?)
15. Some 559 civic Councils in Britain have banned flag-waving during the Jubilee celebrations in case someone gets poked in the eye or the privates.
16. The Queen's husband is worshipped as a god by the Yaohnanen tribe on the island of Tanna in Vanuatu. When the Duke was informed of this, he sent them a photo of himself. The tribe responded by sending him a traditional pig-killing club called a 'nal-nal'. The Duke in turn responded by sending them a photo of himself wielding the nal-nal while clad only in a loin-cloth.
17. The Queen loves Dixieland music and does a very impressive Louis Armstrong (1901-1971) impersonation.
18. 852 local Councils in Britain have banned cheering during the Diamond Jubilee celebrations as it is considered a noise nuisance.
19. Her Majesty has read every novel Barbara Cartland (1901-2000) ever wrote.
20. Over the years, the Queen has turned down 1000 requests from art clubs (and one from Playboy) to pose for them.
21. In private, the Queen is known as an inveterate giggler with a sharp sense of humour. When Michael Fagin famously broke into her bedroom in 1982, she was not only unfazed but proceeded to entertain him with vaudevillian Tommy Cooper (1921-1984) impressions for 2 hours until he pleaded to be arrested.
22. The Duke calls his wife by the nick-names of 'Cabbage' and 'Sausage', for reasons unknown. She in turn calls him 'Peanut' for reasons known to a select inner circle.
23. Her Majesty loves nothing more than having food fights at the banqueting table. The kitchen staff have to be given 2 days notice of her intentions in this respect as they have to make 155 extra custard pies each time.
24. The Queen's favourite hat is a vivid turquoise fascinator. It cost �1.99 in an Oxfam charity store in Gravesend.
25. The multimillionaire Queen receives 600-700 begging letters a week. 200 of them are sent by Fergie.
26. In 2003, The Queen made an unprecedented visit to Annabel's nightclub for a friend's 70th birthday party. According to a report she was heard asking a server, "Is this the corner where Harry threw up the other night?"
27. The Queen is reputed to have a soft spot for Prince Harry in particular. "He's so handsome," she once said to Charles; "just like that nice Mr James Hewitt."
28. 221 local Councils in Britain have banned consumption of alcohol at street parties for fear of rowdiness. Uniformed police officers will carry out spot-checks with breathalysers and have said they will exercise a zero-tolerance policy.
29. 'Her Majesty' is an anagram of 'Ah, my jester.' How incredible is that?
30. When Prince Philip grew a full set of whiskers for a 4-month Commonwealth tour, he was greeted on his return in February 1957 by the Queen, who was wearing a false ginger beard.
31. The Queen prefers a simple cheese sandwich to the cucumber sandwiches that are normally served at her garden parties, explaining that the latter 'give one the gripes something chronic.'
32. The Queen's 2 favourite Olympic events are Showjumping and Swimming. It is reported that she prefers to watch these activities while wearing riding boots, jodhpurs and bathing cap.
33. Her Majesty loves a tomato ketchup sandwich, much to her husband's chagrin, who complains, "I don't know why you indulge in those damned things; you end up wearing more of the sodding stuff than you eat!"
34. When the Queen acceded the throne in 1952, there were 3,000,000 vehicles on the roads in Britain. Today, there are more than 30,000,000. Of these 6,500,000 aren't in use as their owners can't afford the fuel. Another 5,500,000 are stuck in horrific traffic jams at any given time on Britain's inadequate roads.
35. In 1952, more than half the over-30s in Britain had false teeth!
36. The Queen's wealth is estimated at approximately �350,000,000, plus 150 drachma (thrown into the Royal coffers by her husband when Greece converted to the euro).
37. The Queen is a great aficionado of aeroplanes and can tell, just by its engine note, the identity of any 'plane passing over Windsor Castle, going to and from Heathrow. At such times, she will make comments such as, "My Gawd, Peanut, that Boeing 747 is fair rattling me dentures."
38. The Queen's favourite dance record is the 12" version of 'Oops Upside Your Head'. Whenever she hears the song on the radio, she will gather together as many palace staff as she can to do the rowing-action dancing with her. Sometimes, the assembled 'rowers' stretch the whole length of the East Wing corridor of Windsor Castle.
39. The Queen has about 1200 staff in the Royal Household. 142 of them are in service just to be available for 'Oops Upside Your Head' duties.
40. For many years, the satirical periodical 'Private Eye' has referred to the Queen as 'Brenda' and referred to Princess Margaret as 'Yvonne.' The reasons are unclear. The Queen is one of the few VIPs not to have sued them for libel.
41. Britain is unusual in being the only country in the world to have 2 Queens: Elizabeth II and Sir Elton John 1 (1947-).
42. In December 1981, the Queen was driving home from visiting Anne when a sudden snowstorm caused her car to be stranded. She found refuge in a local pub, where she downed 6 gin and tonics and 2 Cornish pasties during the evening, which the landlord provided gratis as she had no cash on her. She claimed afterwards to have had 'a very nice time.'
43. The monarch has seen the movie 'The Queen' 29 times and is an ardent Helen Mirren fan.
44. The Jubilee flotilla down the Thames will be 7.5 miles long and 1,125,000 people are expected to attend. If you are caught in the middle of them and needing a pee then your chances of survival are slim.
45. The Queen is a dedicated fan of TV soap 'Emmerdale' and was delighted to be invited to appear as an extra in an episode in 1991. (She is the elderly female dancing in a head-scarf to 'La Vida Loca' with Eric Pollard at a wedding reception').
46. At the age of 19, the Queen wrote a romantic novel and sent it to Mills and Boon under a pen-name: Zelda White-Robins (an anagram of Elizabeth Windsor). It was rejected because its plot about a girl marrying a Greek prince, becoming Queen and having 4 dysfunctional children was considered 'too fanciful'.
47. The Queen has an IQ of 104
48. The Council at Burnham-on-Sea in Somerset have banned the hanging of bunting from lamp-posts in case the lamp-posts fall over.
49. American anti-royalist Alex Jones (1974-) claimed on YouTube that the Royal Family have an appointed 'Groom of the Stool', a Lord employed to wipe the Royal derrieres. (Warning, the video clip is extremely offensive, vile and defamatory - view it with extreme care). This is one of several lies voiced by the vitriolic and quarrelsome Mr Jones (the practice described actually died out on the demise of King Henry VIII in 1547).
50. The monarch loves Cliff Richard (1940-) and whenever she can, will travel in secret with Camilla to see him in concert.
51. The Queen learned to drive in 1945. Her first car was a 1948 Morris Minor Traveller, which she still drives to the corner shop for her weekly cigars.
52. The Queen has owned more than 30 corgis during her reign and now owns a mere 3. Latest reports say the dogs are still not mastering their line-dancing.
53. In April 2011, the corgis accidentally ate a box of Prince Philip's laxatives. The result is too horrific to describe.
54. The place the Queen was born at is now an Indian restaurant called 'Madras Dream', where Prince Harry often visits for a curry.
55. The Queen should be addressed as 'Ma'am'. She is not a 'Madam'. Remember that!
56. The Queen and Margaret harboured a secret, daredevil desire to appear in vaudeville, singing as 'Lili and Mimi '. Mad tarts!
57. The Queen is 5'4" tall (1,630mm)
58. Former Prime Minister, Edward Heath (1916-2005) was often the butt of Her Majesty's humour. On one occasion, as the music-loving Heath was boarding the Royal yacht Britannia, he was greeted by the monarch mimicking a conductor. "Are you still waving your stick around?" she asked him, poker-faced (true!)
59. When asked her favourite 3 performers of all time, the monarch replied: "Pavarotti, Caruso and Jedward."
60. On her Coronation in 1953, our monarch said: "I have in sincerity pledged myself to your service as so many of you are pledged to mine. Throughout all my life and with all my heart, I shall strive to be worthy of your trust."
She's kept her pledge in an impeccable manner.
God Save The Queen!
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Shane with:
Diamond =
Damn, I do!
List of all nominated
anagrams for June 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
July 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Scott Gardner with:
A silver medal =
Rival leads me. - 2nd place:
Adie Pena with:
The divorce lawyers ~
declare why it's over. - 3rd place:
Rosie Perera with:
The equestrian competition =
Quite a competent horse in it.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Christopher Sturdy with:
'Smile, you're on Candid Camera' =
Comedy ruse and malice on air. - Topical Category:
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
The Olympic Games in London =
Home city plans on gold mine. - Rude Category:
Adie Pena with:
An arse licker ~
can like rears. - Medium Length Category:
Tony Crafter with:
I answered a knock at the front door today and found a young Jehovah's Witness standing there with a bible.
I said, "Ah, come in!"
~
Once in, he said, "I'm Danny Letts Jr.!"
"What do you wanna chat about, Dan?" I asked.
"Gosh, I don't know," he said, "I never got this far before!" - Long Category:
Tony Crafter with:
The board of a very large international company, feeling it was time for a streamlining exercise, hired a new Chief Executive Officer, John Whyatt. The new boss was hell-bent on ridding the company of all its slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, he noticed a young man lounging against a wall. The room was full of workers and Whyatt wanted them to realise that he meant business. So, he asked the man: "Hey, you; what is your salary, exactly?"
A little surprised, the young man replied warily: "My salary's about four hundred pounds a week. Why?"
The CEO said, "Just you wait right there, whippersnapper."
He swaggered away to his office, came back 4-5 minutes later, gave the man sixteen-hundred pounds in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now get the hell out and never come back."
Feeling pretty pleased with himself, Whyatt looked around the room and snarled, "Right now; does anyone want to tell me just what that idle yob did here?"
From across the room, a voice replied, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."
=
A female CNN journalist heard about a devout old Jewish man who'd been commuting to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long time and she decided she must seize the chance to check him out.
Next day, she went out to the Western Wall and there he was, shuffling slowly, using a walking-stick, up to the holy site.
She looked on as he prayed and after about 45 minutes, when he'd turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Stein from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinstein," he replied.
"How long have you been coming out here to pray at the Western Wall?"
"Ages! About, um... sixty years."
"Sixty years! Gee, that is amazing! And what do you pray for?"
"Me? Heck, I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to cease.
"I pray for our children to grow up safely as responsible, dignified adults, and to love their fellow man."
"Okay, and how do you feel after doing this for sixty years?"
"Like I'm talking to a frigging wall." - People's Names Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
Actress Natalie Wood =
Dies on coastal water. - Other Names Category:
View with:
Bethlehem Nativity =
Believe in that myth. - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
"God has seen your tears and heard your prayers. Do not grieve. The Little One will not die. Do not allow the doctors to bother him too much."
=
Oh, you have got to locate:
* Moldy yew
* Boar's leg (old or dried)
* Rodent urine (not sweat!)
* Iron Nitrate
* Horned Io Moths
That secret should help. - Special Category:
Click here- 1st place:
nedesto with:
This crossword includes two revolutionary scientific theories and the scientist's name highlighted in blue. The letters in the completed 17x17 crossword grid are an anagram of both the 17 "ACROSS" and 17 "DOWN" clues which are anagrams of each other. - 2nd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
Shakespeare's star-themed sonnet anagrammed into a poetic model of the solar system, which is also illustruated. - 3rd place:
Tony Crafter with: Never trust a dwarf who says your wife€™s hair smells lovely! >
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
David Bourke with:
The "Fifty Shades" trilogy =
"God yes, Father! It's filthy!"
List of all nominated
anagrams for July 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
August 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Rick Rothstein with:
A nymphomaniac =
I'm on many a chap. - 2nd place:
Mike Mesterton-Gibbons with:
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder =
There I see thin body, you see the flab. - 3rd place:
Dharam Khalsa with:
Ultraconservative =
An overstrict value.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
nedesto with:
The Olympic medals:
1. Gold
2. Silver
3. Bronze
=
1. Lovely gloss!
2. Commendable
3. Third prize - Topical Category:
David Bourke with:
The late Neil Armstrong =
Among the interstellar. - Rude Category:
nedesto with:
Airplane stewardesses =
Pert asses wander aisle. - Medium Length Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
The twelve months in a year:
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
=
New Year
Love theme
Spring fever
Berry jam
My birthday
Summer tan
Barbecue
A jaunt
School
Autumn
Celebrate
Pure joy - Long Category:
Ellie Dent with:
SOME REASONS WHY MEN ARE HAPPIER
Men can (and do) play with toys all their life.
Men - damn them - can wear shorts, no matter what their legs look like in them.
Men have just one wallet and one paltry pair of shoes which are good for every occasion.
Men can choose whether or not to grow a moustache.
Men can 'do' their fingernails with a pocket knife.
Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.
Chocolate is just another snack.
The whole garage belongs to them.
Weddings take care of themselves.
Men's last name never changes.
Everything on a man's face stays its original colour.
Men only have to shave their faces and necks.
=
Also, if a gentleman has grey hairs, or wrinkles show, it somehow merely adds character.
Men, unlike women, can keep the same hairstyle for ages, decades even.
Men can complete their Christmas shopping for mates, relatives, whoever - on Christmas Eve - in all of half-an-hour.
Men can go on a week's vacation, or jolly hitchhiking holiday, and pack the one suitcase.
A male's neat new shoes or boots don't then generally cause heartache, toe blisters, or cut or mangle his feet.
Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.
Men, engagingly, have the one mood all the time.
Men can open their own jars effortlessly.
Sigh...
- Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
"Good girls go to Heaven. Bad girls go everywhere." - the late Helen Gurley Brown, international editor of Cosmopolitan.
="Retain*a*tone:
That*rosy*giggle...
Not*edgy*banter,
Then*a*wiggle!"
"No,*be*no*fool!
Lord*-*I*implore!
Heroic*lovers
Valued*whores! - Special Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with: As a tribute to the London Olympics that started in July, Amy Levy's poem 'London in July' is anagrammed into 5 poems about 5 of the most decorated Olympic athletes of all time, each from a different sport and continent (and as a point of interest, each poem also uses a different animal metaphor). As an extra twist, The anagrams also contain a visual Olympic tribute, detailed below.]
Aoi Sorawa - 2nd place:
Tony Crafter with:
Curtain Rods - 3rd place:
Harshal M. with:
The Grave of Shelley - Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Paul Lusch with:
Political discourse ~
still occupies radio.
List of all nominated
anagrams for August 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
September 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with:
A discount department store chain =
Rotten products made in East China. - 2nd place:
Rosie Perera with:
Dysfunctional family =
So I find my clan faulty. - 3rd place:
Adie Pena with:
Froze =
Zero °F.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Ellie Dent with:
Claude Monet: The Houses of Parliament at Sunset =
Thames shade seen in soft Autumn colour palette - Topical Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The pictures of duchess Kate Middleton =
Did France disclose them to upset the UK? - Rude Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The anti-impotence drugs =
Get this damn erection up! - Medium Length Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The group Spice Girls in their good old days:
- Sporty
- Posh
- Baby
- Scary
- Ginger
=
The Spice Girls today:
- Sloppy
- Bony
- Pre-Geriatric
- A Gross Body
- High On Drugs. - Long Category: (tie)
eq1st - Ellie with:
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman, two men from Wales, a Latvian, a Turk, an Indian,
an American, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian bushman, an Egyptian, a Slovak, German, Moroccan, New Zealander, Spaniard, Russian, Guatemalan, Colombian, three Pakistanis, a Croatian, Cypriot, Pole, Lithuanian, umpteen Chinese, a Sri Lankan, three Lebanese, one Cayman Islander, two Vietnamese, a North Korean, Uruguayan, Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, Honduran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, an Estonian, a Syrian, fourteen or so Portuguese fishermen, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, one Hungarian, a Canadian, three Haitians, two Bolivians, three Serbs, a Belgian
~
seven Japanese seamen, an Amazonian, a Romanian, an Asian, an Inuit, a Macedonian missionary, a Cook Island surfer, a Samoan, an Armenian, a burly Zulu, a Greenlander, a Virgin Islander, an Alaskan teacher, a huge Tongan, a Cambodian, a Lapp, a Romanian farmer, thirteen Chilean heroes, a Ukrainian, a Dutch lecturer, even a Costa Rican dancer, a Swede, three Sicilian thespians, a penniless Greek salesman, an Italian newsman, an Albanian on honeymoon, a Norwegian seaman and an African walk into an expensive hotel bar.
After scrutinizing the group, the barman then announces: 'Listen, I am sorry, gentlemen, but I have got rules. I cannot let you in without a Thai.'
eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
A woman goes into a fishing shop to buy a rod and reel for her son's birthday.
She doesn't know what to get, so she just picks one and goes to the counter, where a salesman is standing, wearing dark shades.
She says, "Can you tell me anything about this rod?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you what you want to know from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it down anyway.
He says, "That is a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb line. It's a good all-round combination, and it's actually on sale this week at £42.00."
She says, "Amazing! You can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter? I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Hey, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, a rogue fart slips out.
At first she is very embarrassed, but then realises there is no way the blind salesman would know exactly who'd farted.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That will be £58.50."
The woman is totally confused by this and says, "Didn't you say it was on sale for £42.00? How did you get £58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is £14.00, and the Fish Bait is £2.50."
=
Irish tourists Paddy and Murphy are walking down London's Carnaby Street when they see a notice in a shop window stating:
'Suits £15.00, shirts £2.40, trousers £2.80.'
Paddy says, "Hell, would ya just look at dat now, Murphy! We could buy lots and lots of dis English gear, and when we get back to Ireland we could offload it at a massive profit and make ourselves a feckin' fortune!"
"To be sure!" exclaims Murphy, "We could be real business typhoons so we could!"
"Ok, so here's what we'll do," says Paddy. "When we go into da shop don't say anythin' at all, just let me do all da talkin', because if the ladies and fellers there hear you babblin' away in that Irish accent they might not serve us, so oi'll talk to them in me best snobby English accent."
They both go into the shop and, in his finest English accent, Paddy says to the shop assistant, "Good afternoon, old bean. I'd like to order 50 suits at £15.00, 150 shirts at £2.40 and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.80, if you'd be kind enough to arrange that. Thank you so much."
The assistant hesitates for a moment, then says, "Er, are you Irish, sir?"
"Ah begorra... that oi am, lad!" exclaims the puzzled Paddy. "Now, how the hell did ya know that?"
"Because," says the man, "this is a dry cleaners..." - People's Names Category:
Ellie Dent with:
The American astronaut Neil Armstrong =
One star sharing an immortal utterance. - Other Names Category:
Scott Gardner with: - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
"There are some things that are so serious you have to laugh at them." - Niels Bohr, Danish physicist.
=
Islam is never hilarious, though. One cheap shot at their history, and there goes that US embassy. - Special Category:
Click here- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with:
[Last year, during the 10th anniversary of the 9\11 attacks at the newly completed memorial site in NYC, one of the poems recited at the ceremony was "Turn Again To Life". Below is a poetic anagram of it inspired by a Biblical quote; the anagram also contains a visual tribute.] - 2nd place:
nedesto with:
Crossword> - 3rd place:
Tony Crafter with:
Jokes
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Shane with:
The crime lord Al Capone ~
helped control America.
The Daily Star tabloid =
That's editorially bad.
List of all nominated
anagrams for September 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
October 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with:
Pirate costume for a Halloween party =
A parrot or eyepatch will often amuse! - 2nd place:
nedesto with:
Two fat blokes are at the pub. "Your round," says the one.
~ The other bloke spun, went: "So are you, you fat bastard!" - 3rd place:
View with:
The war correspondent =
Can report red-hot news.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Tour de France =
Center o' fraud. - Topical Category:
Ellie Dent with:
Romney and Obama ~
do bore many a man. - Rude Category:
Rick Rothstein with:
A nice, tight pussy =
It isn't cheap guys. - Medium Length Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The first edition of the Voyageur Press publication "How to Shovel Manure" by Gwen Petersen
=
We're supposed to believe that the useful hit is in fact NOT governor Romney's new biography? - Long Category:
Ellie Dent with:
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN: The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women:
1. FINE - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
2. THAT'S OKAY - One of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. 'That's okay' means she wants to think long and hard before deciding quite how and when you will be paying for your mistake.
3. NOTHING - This is the calm before the storm. It means 'Something' and you'd better be on your toes. Arguments that start with 'Nothing' usually end with 'Fine.' (See One).
4. FIVE MINUTES - If getting dressed, this means it will take anything up to half-an-hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some really boring chores around the house.)
=
5. THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Don't question why, even if you are confused. But say, 'You're welcome.' Then let it go.
6. LOUD, SOULFUL SIGH - Huffy, non-verbal comment often misunderstood by a mere man. It means that she thinks you're an impudent idiot - feeble, to boot - and furthermore, is wondering why she has been standing here wasting time debating 'nothing.' (Refer to Three)
7. GO AHEAD - This is often a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
8. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. This means she has asked a man umpteen times to do something, but, now infuriated, is finally doing it for herself. But wait, that means you will then ask her, in the future, 'Why, honey, what is wrong ?' (See Three.) - People's Names Category:
Ellie Dent with:
Daniel Craig, the Bond star =
Actor, and a British legend. - Other Names Category:
Ivan Andonov with:
Recent Serbian history =
The story in Srebrenica. - Anagrammy Challenge Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
"Once and for all, can you give me an educated answer to the question - what comes first, the chicken or the egg?"
=The egg.
Whatever a
hen's made out
of was not normal
chicken DNA quite
yet, according
to the rules
of science. - Special Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with: Spirits of the Dead
A poem by Edgar Allan Poe
Thy soul shall find itself alone
Mid dark thoughts of the grey tombstone -
Not one of all the crowd to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy:
Be silent in that solitude
Which is not loneliness - for then
The spirits of the dead who stood
In life before thee are again
In death around thee - and their will
Shall then overshadow thee: be still
For the night - tho clear - shall frown
And the stars shall look not down
From their high thrones in the Heaven
With light like Hope to mortals given -
But their red orbs without beam
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee for ever:
Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish -
Now are visions neer to vanish -
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more - like dew-drop from the grass:
The breeze - the breath of God - is still
And the mist upon the hill
Shadowy - shadowy - yet unbroken
Is a symbol and a token -
How it hangs upon the trees
A mystery of mysteries!
=
The Horrors of Halloween
How truly happy are those boys and girls
That all receive bright mints in spooky shapes
Or zany lollipops with rainbow swirls
To hold or eat in hokey hats or capes
Yes it is fun to do that to forget
But I am hapless as a half-believer -
Yet in a fashion I do not regret
For all that feel the bitter truth will shiver
That shadow on those homes then overwhelms -
Death tensely keeps its hold on those limp minds
For an indifferent tone spreads through that realm
As each forgetful fool in there turns blind
And that inhuman hush I felt each night
Amid the shadows and on filthy streets
It might foretell a raw and sober fright
When Id encounter some vile ghosts in sheets:
The shy distinguished harbingers of sorrow
They look attentively then scheme to end
The human infestation in their borough
With moody Halloween around the bend
A darkness overtook this hollow globe
And when we choose to yield well be enrobed
[In the spirit of the holiday the anagram really is haunted by a ghost No need to highlight any letters though if youre not seeing it just yet simply squint hard (or unfocus your eyes and stare at the word hapless for a few seconds)]
Happy Halloween! - 2nd place:
Tony Crafter with:
ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL (PART II)
By
Pink Floyd
We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! teachers! leave them kids alone!
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.
We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! teachers! leave us kids alone!
All in all you're just a another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just a another brick in the wall.
"Wrong, do it again!"
"Wrong, do it again!"
"If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. how can you
Have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"
"You! yes, you behind the bikesheds, stand still laddy!"
=
LEAVE OUR KATE ALONE
By
Her Majesty
One don't want no degradation
No camera-hounders on the prowl
No vulgar pics in a bad French mag
Stalkers, leave our Kate alone
Hey! stalker! leave our Kate alone
Bloody hell, you know she's just an innocent girl.
She don't need continual hounding
Like they did with Lady Di
Robbed of liberty and life, oh
Stalkers, leave our Kate alone
Hey! stalker! leave our Kate alone
Bloody hell, you know she's just an innocent girl.
(rap)
You did do wrong
Now, let her be
The juicy pics
God, they ain't chic
That's rude and sick
And cynical, we ain't amused
With all that clinical attitude
A timid, newly-married woman
Needs a chance, she's only human
Y'all show some dedication
Not that uncouth titillation
She ain't no Harry
Let her tarry! - 3rd place:
nedesto with:
1. A trap
5. "Arr"
10. Fly! (3,4)
11. A wind instrument
12. Bruce Wayne
15. Baboon
16. Eerie gourd
17. EU's cash
18. Taint
19. A team player
20. ___line
22. A pre-Soviet-era head
25. Zealously keener
27. Prelate
28. Make hot once more
30. I eat aphids
31. A biter
32. Meet
33. Limp
=
2. Mutant
3. Unweave; unknit
4. Mule feed
5. Drop
6. Wits
7. A toy
8. Triple
9. Attorney
13. Crazier
14. Peel area's hair
15. Cooler
20. An inebriate
21. Hid
23. Bespoke
24. Laces a shoe again
25. A yummy brain tempts me
26. Bored area
29. Leer
31. A pet healer
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Adie Pena with:
The Sun tabloid =
Let shit abound!
List of all nominated
anagrams for October 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
November 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Adie Pena with:
The fast food restaurant =
Throne of saturated fats. - 2nd place:
Dharam Khalsa with:
Advertisements ~
drive men's taste. - 3rd place:
Ellie Dent with:
Men lost on world's battlefields = We listed toll on Flanders tombs. /li>
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Monet's series of Water Lily drawings =
My art is sweet garden flowers, in oils. - Topical Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
Barack Obama is re-elected =
Back to be America's leader. - Rude Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
A ten-inch steel vibrator =
Bet it's nicer than a lover! - Medium Length Category:
eq1st - nedesto with:
A nosy old woman sees Donald in the park eating three candy bars and then tells him, "Eating so much junk is very bad for you!"
=
"Lady, my grampa Jack lived to be a hunnert."
"And so, naturally he ate candy?" she retorts.
"No, he minded his own fooking business."
eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
Five of the species that face extinction:
1. Luristan newts
2. Pygmy sloths
3. Liben larks
4. Edwards's pheasants
5. Sumatran rhinos.
=
Five species that truly SHOULD be extinct:
1. Spammers
2. Phonies
3. Wrestling fans
4. Kardashian fans
5. Reality show contestants. - Long Category:
nedesto with:
Goofy Definitions:
ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.
HEROES: What that guy in a boat has to do.
PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
PARADOX: Are two physicians.
BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.
COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put cabinets together.
EYEDROPPER: A very clumsy ophthalmologist.
LEFTBANK: What that robber did when his bag was too full of money.
SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store has to do.
BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees police with.
=
RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.
MISTY: How some golfer types create divots.
PARASITES: French things you see from high on top of the Eiffel Tower.
POLARIZE: What penguins see snowdrifts with.
PHARMACIST: Boy who ran off to be a helper on the farm.
ARBITRATOR: Cook that chooses to leave Arby's to work at McDonalds.
AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter or cowboy hopes to do.
SUDAFED: Brought harassing litigation against a government agent.
RELIEF: What each tree hopes to do in the Spring. - People's Names Category:
View with:
Holly Petraeus =
Oh, really upset! - Other Names Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The American elections =
I see no real chance, Mitt! - Anagrammy Challenge Category (tie):
eq1st - Meyran Kraus with:
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson
=
"Not coke." Whitney Houston
"So forget that." Amy Winehouse
"Overrated." Truman Capote
"Very bad." Elvis
"Cool!" Lindsay Lohan
eq1st - Tony Crafter with:
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson
=
Baloney! This vacuous American casually went on to shoot himself dead, proving to everyone that they, er... do not work?
- Special Category:
- 1st place:
nedesto with:
Crossword - 2nd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
These 4 poems each depict a different stage in life - In utero, young love, parenthood and old age. In addition, there's also a gradual progression in the way they're anagrammed into one another: The 2nd poem is a sentence anagram of the 1st, the 3rd is a word anagram of it and the 4th is a standard letter anagram - 3rd place:
Tony Crafter with:
OH I WISH I'D LOOKED AFTER ME TEETH
By Pam Ayres
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Dean Mayer with:
A fool and his money are soon parted =
Reason one has damn poor life today.
List of all nominated
anagrams for November 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
December 2012
- General Category:
- 1st place:
Meyran Kraus with:
The professional waitress =
Tip was so essential for her. - 2nd place:
Christopher Sturdy with:
Her fault =
Half true. - 3rd place:
Ljubica Bilalovic with:
3, 2, 1... 0! =
2013.
- 1st place:
- Entertainment Category:
Dharam Khalsa with:
I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas ~
in this time of warm shared magic. - Topical Category:
Rosie Perera with:
Advent carols =
Ardent vocals. - Rude Category:
Dean Mayer with:
The folk musicians =
Same ol' fuckin' shit.! - Medium Length Category:
nedesto with:
The world's five all-time most noteworthy people:
1. Leonardo da Vinci
2. Isaac Newton
3. Albert Einstein
4. Plato
5. Galileo Galilei
=
1. Mona Lisa painter
2. "I'll follow gravity down."
3. "I have entwined spacetime."
4. Rational theologist
5. A telescope led to rebellion - Long Category:
Tony Crafter with:
One by one, the managers of a company were called into the CEO€™s office until only the newest, most junior manager was left sitting nervously outside. Finally, it was his turn to be summoned. He walked into the office to find the CEO and the twelve senior managers seated solemnly around a polished oak table.
Addressing the junior manager, the CEO asked: "Young man, have you ever slept with Miss Whittock, the company secretary?"
"What? Certainly not! "
"Are you absolutely sure?" the CEO persisted.
"Absolutely. I swear I have never laid one finger on her."
"And you would swear that on the Bible?"
"Yes, I would swear on the Bible that I have never had a sexual relationship with Miss Whittock."
"Good," nodded the CEO. "Then you can fire her."
=
The CEO of an international company was due to speak at a major convention, so he nominated Robertson, one of his junior managers, to write him a really dynamic twenty-minute oration.
Totally obsessed, the young man slaved relentlessly at his task and eventually created a dynamic, innovative speech which he thought would be well received. Yes, he felt sure his boss would really like this one!
Later, on returning from the convention, the CEO was seething.
"Why the hell did you write me a one-hour speech?" he raged. "Half the audience began to walk out long before I'd finished. What a mess!"
Robertson was baffled. "But I did write you a twenty-minute speech, sir!" he asserted. - People's Names Category:
Meyran Kraus with:
The sprinter Oscar Pistorius =
Superior star in prosthetics. . - Other Names Category:
Meyran Kraus with
The National Rifle Association of America =
I note it's fatal if in a school area or cinema. - Anagrammy Challenge Category (tie):
Meyran Kraus with:
"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"
(Yeats, 'The Second Coming')
=
December brought no messy deaths,
Eternal sobs or clash -
But one thing did outmatch us...
That we are too low on cash. . - Special Category:
- 1st place:
nedesto with:
#909 [A three-way Christmas crossword] - 2nd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
#911: For the year's end, Longfellow's poem December from 'The Poet's Calendar' is anagrammed into a bleak poem with a word-acrostic - 3rd place:
Meyran Kraus with:
'All Saints' by Christina G. Rossetti
- 1st place:
- Awardsmaster's Choice Award for a non-winning anagram:
Ed Pegg Jr with:
Republicans =
I curse Plan B.
List of all nominated
anagrams for December 2012
[January] [February] [March]
[April] [May] [June]
[July] [August] [September]
[October] [November] [December]
The Anagrammy Awards